*Camila's P.O.V*
I groaned in irritation as I crumpled up yet another piece of paper, throwing it towards the overflowing trash can. I replayed the simple melody line on the piano, trying to find the right words to express how I feel. I normally have no problem with this. Everything with Lauren has gotten me in a funk. I can't even play without getting stuck and my fingers smashing together.
I pulled out another piece of paper and bit on my worn down eraser, racking my brain through last nights scene and all the words Lauren said.
'I love you.' I wrote in loose cursive on the first line. 'But you really never said you loved me' I wrote next to it, spit balling ideas.
Remembering Lauren's husky voice murmur those three words was enough to bring tears to my eyes. One trailed down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly with the bottom of Lauren's shirt that I was still wearing.
A small knock on the door forced me to compose myself, "Come in."
My mother pushed open the door to our music room I'd been locked inside of all day since Lauren left.
"Karla, Es la hora de la cena." (Karla, it's time for dinner)
I shook my head, "No tengo hambre." (I'm not hungry)
My mother crossed her arms, "Usted ha estado en esta habitación todo el día, venir a visitarnos." (You've been up in this room all day, come visit)
I gestured around the room at all the paper, "Mamá, estoy un poco en el medio de algo." (Mom, I'm kind of in the middle of something)
Her face softened, "Okay." she said simply, giving me a little nod before leaving the room. I knew she wouldn't want to fight with me, especially if it means coming in between me and my music.
I resumed writing, finally getting a few things I liked down on paper. I was interrupted yet again by another knock.
"Mami! I said I was-" I started angrily, before turning around to see Dinah standing there with coffee in her hand.
She smirked at me, "Sorry, I didn't realize this was a bad time. Your mom let me in." She said sheepishly.
I just nodded, "What are you doing here?" I didn't mean to be so cold to Dinah I just had so much going on right now.
She handed me the coffee and sat down on the sofa in the corner, across from the piano. "We hadn't talked since I told you about Lauren and Luis and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Plus you AND Lauren weren't at school today."
A small smile grew on my face, "I'm sorry, I woke up in a bad mood. Thank you so much for caring." I took a sip of the coffee, the warm liquid soothing my throat which was rough from singing so loud and gut wrenching sobs.
Dinah patted the spot next to her, which I reluctantly took. "So how are you?" She pressed.
I shrugged, I couldn't find the right to even begin to express what I was feeling. Broken, empty, and upset were just surface words to describe me. I felt all those things and so much worse but also so much better because I did in fact feel loved, even if it was just a short moment.
Dinah looked at me skeptically, when her eyes focused on my shirt, Her eyebrow quirked up, "Since when do you listen to Nirvana?"
I shook my head, ashamed. "I don't. It's Lauren's shirt."
She looked at me with sad eyes, "Mila, torturing yourself by wearing her clothes isn't going to hel- wait." She cut herself off. "Didn't Lauren wear that shirt to school yesterday?"
I nodded slowly as a smile crept onto Dinah's face. "So you saw her yesterday?" I nodded again. "Wait, did she come over after I left?" I nodded yet again.
"Mila! Words! Why weren't you at school today if you saw Lauren yesterday? Did something happen? Are you avoiding her?"
Dinah asks to many questions, my head started spinning as a flash of everything went through my head for the millionth time today.
"I saw her this morning too." I whispered.
Dinah's face morphed into a confused expression. "Why weren't you at school today?"
My eyes finally met Dinah's. "Do you want the truth, or what I told my mom?" I hesitated.
"Truth." She claimed firmly.
I stood and began to lift Lauren's shirt, revealing the bite marks and hickeys that started at my rib cage and trailed down to my waist. Dinah gasped, "Did you.."
I moved my head to indicate that it was true. I collapsed back onto the couch in hysterical cries.
*Lauren's P.O.V*
I sat on my bathroom floor, letting sobs control my body. I can't believe that happened. Actually I don't even know what happened. It's not like I can just ask her. Fuck.
My phone ringing, broke me from my self loathing thoughts. I answered without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello?" I tried really hard to make it sound like I had not been crying.
"Lauren!" Normani screamed on the other end of the phone. "Why weren't you at school, jerk?"
"I didn't feel good." I lied as tears began to flow down my cheeks again.
"Mila wasn't at school either, it was lonely without you two."
I shot up, "Wait, Camila wasn't at school either?"
"No..?" Normani sounded confused. "Wait, Laur, are you crying?"
"No." I lied as a sob escaped my lips.
Normani sighed, "Don't lie to me. What's wrong?"
"I fucked up Normani. I fucked up." I said as I began to divulge everything I remembered about last night and this morning.
*Camila's P.O.V*
I started to explain to Dinah about what I did after she left my house last night, when Normani came storming into the music room.
"What the FUCK happened with Lauren?!" she sounded angry but also very curious.
Dinah stood, "Normani, chill. She's explaining right now. Just listen."
I froze, Normani didn't know I was in love with Lauren, Dinah is the only one who knows. I didn't know how she would react, especially because they are so close.
I sighed, "Well last night I got woken up by this obnoxious pounding on the door and it was Lauren, drunk out of her mind."
Both the girls nodded. waiting for me to continue.
"She pretty much threw herself at me. On impulse and due to my feelings for Lauren-"
Normani stopped me, "Wait! You have feelings for Lauren?"
Dinah started laughing, "Oh my god. Mila's been head over heels in love with her since they like met."
Normani smirked and motioned me to go on.
"Well I obviously kissed her back. It escalated when we go to my room and before I knew it she was telling me she loves me and we did.. well.. it!" I said horrified. "I did try not to do it at first. I knew she was drunk and that it wouldn't end well but the minute she told me I was beautiful and that my kisses make her heart beat faster, I was putty in her hands."
"What happened this morning?" Dinah questioned, carefully.
I looked down at my feet sadly. "She said she was sorry." I paused as tears ran down my face. "Then she left."
"Mila I'm sorry." Dinah started, Normani sat there with an emotionless expression on her face.
"Don't be." I said barely above a whisper. "It's my own fault really. I could have completely turned her down or at least not let it escalate but I let my heart take over my mind and all my heart wants is Lauren. It wants love from Lauren and for a breif moment, I felt the love." I confessed, my throat starting to get tighter.
"She told you she loved you? And that you make her heart beat faster?" Normani questioned.
"Yeah, but I know she didn't mean it, she was drunk, she couldn't have possibly meant it." I reminded them but also reminded myself.
Normani shrugged, "Maybe, drunk actions are sober thoughts." With that she stood up and walked to the door. "I'll see you around guys. Don't beat yourself up Mila, I gotta go talk to Lauren."
Before I could argue with her, to tell her not to tell Lauren the truth of the matter, she disappeared out the door. My feet felt like lead and my mouth felt wired shut. I was stuck in that exact spot, not being able to run after Normani.
My teary eyes turned to Dinah, "What could Lauren be searching for? Is she afraid to show her heart and true feelings or am I just an easy drunken hook up?"
Dinah shook her head sadly. "I don't know, Mila. I'm so sorry." she kissed my forehead.
"I just want to know all the words she'll never say when we're together." I murmured.
Then it hit me like a load of bricks, the perfect song to finally get my emotions out of my system. I sat back down at the piano and quickly writing down all the words that flew to my head.
Dinah chuckled, knowing not to ruin my music moment, "I love you, Mila. Call me if you need me." With that she left the room with one final apologetic look in my direction.
I ran my fingers across the keys, letting my subconscious take over, my voice taking every thought and feeling I have ever had about Lauren and projecting the hurt around the room.
"You've been searching
Have you found many things?
Time for learning
Why have I not learnt a thing?
Words with no meaning
Have kept me dreaming
But they don't tell me anything
All you never say is that you love me so
All I'll never know is if you want me oh
If only I could look into your mind
Maybe then I'd find a sign
Of all I want to hear you say to me
Are you uncertain?
Or just scared to drop your guard?
Have you been broken?
Are you afraid to show your heart?
Life can be unkind
But only sometimes
You're giving up before you start
All you never say is that you love me so
All I'll never know is if you want me oh
If only I could look into your mind
Maybe then I'd find a sign
Of all I want to hear you say to me
To me
All you never say is that you love me so
All I'll never know is if you want me oh
If only I could look into your mind
Maybe then I'd find a sign
Of all I want to hear you say to me
To me"
I finished the last word and my inner self turned to mush once more. I didn't care about the tears running down my face anymore.
*Lauren's P.O.V*
I listened carefully as Normani explained what Camila had told her. All the empty puzzle pieces finally being put together.
I feel like shit. I took advantage of my best friend and she blames herself.
"Mani, did Mila mentioned if she.." I hesitated to find the right words. "you know.. liked me?" I asked quietly.
Normani shook her head quickly, "No, she didn't. She just told me what happened, I'm sorry Laur,"
My heart dropped, "It's okay." I mumbled, trying to act like I didn't care. "I was just curious. I don't want to hurt her anymore. I mean, I already took her virginity." I scowled to myself at the idea of what happened and not knowing how it happened. I'm so upset I couldn't make it special for her.
Normani sighed, "Lauren? I know I asked you this a while ago and you told me no, but Camila mentioned something about yesterday so I have to ask again."
"What is it?" I questioned, my teary eyes looking at her.
"Mila said you drunkenly told her you loved her." Normani started. "Lauren, do you..." she trailed off.
I bit my lip and nodded slowly, the salty water that was once brimming my eyes finally ran down my face. I finally choked out the truth that I had been holding in for so long,
"I love her Mani. I love her."
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The song is "All You Never Say by Birdy. The song is beautiful and all things wonderful (especially the piano version on Spotify) so I HIGHLY recommend you go listen to it.