Important Note - Chapter 15 & 16 were very hard chapters for me to write.
Rape is not something I would like to glamorize or promote in a romantic way. I hope none of you feel like I've done this. It is by far the worst kind of violence towards women and a very real reality.
If this was real life, there would have been no knight in shining armor coming to Layla's rescue. She would have ended up as another date-rape statistic, having to pick up the pieces after being violated.
Why such violence against women exists is something I still struggle with. It can only change when attitudes change.
Nobody asks for it. Period.
***Sending loads of virtual hugs to anyone who has felt unsafe and has had to deal with this kind of violence.
Remember-
Always be safe and think clearly in all situations that have the potential to turn ugly...and remember, if it does happen, nobody blames you. Your body is your own and NOBODY has the right to violate your personal space.
Remember that always, my lovelies xxx
Anyway, my story is fiction and I've used this real life situation to drive it. So, on with it! ...
~~~
Chapter 17
I wake up with a headache. It feels like my head is in the jaws of a vice grip and someone is turning the handle, slowly and meticulously, forcing the metal clamps shut around my head. My skull is about to explode like a melon under pressure.
I'm in a room that's not familiar to me. It smells different. Like fresh sea salt and clean linen. At the far end there are curtains bellowing in a breeze. It's movement somehow calms me. Muted light surrounds me.
Then the smell of cherry tobacco and orange citrus fills my nostrils and a wave of nausea hits me. It is rancid and overbearing. Memories come flooding back to me. Muddled bits and pieces that grips me with fear, rage, anger, hurt...
What has happened? Why do I feel so awful. I try and lift my arms but am at the mercy of gravity that pulls my arms to my sides as if there is a giant magnet pulling them down.
I need to wake up. No, I need to sleep. My eyes are too heavy. I can't move. I close my eyes as darkness engulfs me once more...
I do not sleep well. My thoughts move rapidly between dream and reality, lies and truths. Lucid dreams that flow from feelings of safety and calm to petrifying nightmares that shake my body and makes my skin prickle.
I'm swimming in the ocean. It's a clear warm day. I'm alone surrounded by the love of so many people. I can feel their presence but I cannot see them. Rahul. Tina. My mother. Kumari Devi. Riaan. Yes, he's here too. My father...my father is here...Dad, you came. Their love is blinding. I feel safe...so loved. The sea changes to a bed in a darkened room. It's floaty like I'm in water. I struggle to get off it. But the more I try the further I sink in...like quicksand it pulls me in further into its dark depths.
I can feel an ominous presence in the room. It's all consuming and I know it's there but I can't see it...I need to get away...Need to leave. It means me harm.
I scream but nothing comes out from my mouth. I feel hands touch me. Everywhere. They rake over my body with cold and meticulous probing.
Please, no. Don't touch me. My skin tightens at the cold hands that slither over my body.
Piercing blue eyes fueled with lust and hatred. I know those eyes. They belong to Jack.
Jack.
Oh my God. Jack, Why? I want to ask him but I can't. I can't move. Silent tears slide down my face.
I need to get off the bed. But the more I stuggle the more I am pulled into the bed that is water...I'm tired, my arms are weak, my body sore.
I stop struggling. I feel myself sink further and further into the confines of the bed, it's icy fingers drawing me into it's softness. It covers me completely and I am no more....
***
I wake up gasping for air. My body is soaked from head to toe. Rivulet of sweat run down my neck and pool between my breasts.
I don't think I've ever had such frightening dreams before. I'm shaking and my breath comes in harsh rasps that surprise me. It's like I've run a mile. I need to calm down.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead. My arms.... My arms...They work. They feel like pieces of metal are bound to them, but they work! I can move them.
That was one scary dream..., F#ck was it scary.
I need to gather myself and wake up. It's only then that I realize I'm not in my bed in my cabin aboard the ship. I look to my left and realize there is no Tina in the bunk across from me.
...And then it all comes back to me. Like a flood of angry water it washes over me. Unrelenting and punishing.
I fall back into the bed as sobs wrack through me.
The party. Tina. Jack...Oh. My. God...Jack.
It was all real. It happened.
Fear. Anger. Shame. Revulsion, fills me and spills out of every pore in my body. I start to shake. I need to get out of here. I need to find Tina. I need to leave.
I struggle out of the bed I'm in. It takes effort but I finally manage to kick off the bed covers and stand. My legs are shaky. I'm going to collapse. Why does it feel like I'm wading through water? My body feels heavy, weighted down. My eyes are droopy. I want to shut them and sleep some more.
No. I mustn't. I need to get out of here. Find Tina and leave.
I clutch onto furniture as I try and find a door. I grab onto a night stand, a chair, a wall, until I finally find a door. I scratch at it searching for the doorknob.
Please be open, please be open, please be open...
The silent prayer fills my head as I turn the knob and it pushes open.
Blinding light slams into me and I stumble back. A moan escapes me. The light is too bright. It hurts my eyes. But my survival instinct has kicked in. I clutch at the door and steady myself. I'm in a passageway. I have no idea which way to turn.
Left or right?
Confusion courses through me. I am neither in Jack's suite, nor am I in my cabin. Am I even on the ship? Wooden floor boards echo emptily as I tread lightly. I'm dizzy. I have sea legs.
I look down and see that I am dressed in a pair of pajamas. Warm fluffy pjs with little bunnies on them. Pink bunnies with wide grinning teeth... What the f#ck? What madness is this? Is this some kind of sick joke? Where am I, and more importantly who changed my clothes?
Jack...he undressed me. I remember him undoing the zip on my dress. Remember him pulling it off...
A sob escapes me.
My shame turns to anger. It courses through me.
I try to remember more but I hear footsteps coming up some stairs. There's probably a staircase further down this passage.
Before I can think of what to do next the person materializes and heads towards me.
"Layla, you're up. Thank God. You had us all so worried."
"You...it's you...I remember now. You were there before I blacked out."
It was him. The man in the fisherman's cap. Black, grey, dark grey...I can't remember the cap but I remember him bursting into the room.
He saved me. At least I think he did. Didn't he?