...he stands alone in the wide world; he has no contemporaries to whom he can attach himself, no past he can long for... no future he can hope for, because his future is already past.
Søren Kierkegaard, «The Unhappiest Man»
Daphne was enraged beyond the point of return. She was barely holding on till the end of the meeting. She struggled not to scream, not to cry, not to jump to her feet and run off while Naaek was giving another of his scientific speeches.
It wasn't her goal-to piss everybody around her off. Though that's what Daphne learned to do best. She simply couldn't help it.
All those comments of the others? Like the war was just a game. Rill bringing the earthling along. Nikk defending her... Ugh. It was infuriating. They all acted like children who saw no danger in being struck by a lightning bolt!
But Daphne knew that was no game. She knew it since the day long ago. Or was it just yesterday? So it seemed...
The battle on Da'Ariya. The bleeding daitias and the bloodthirsty fomoires. The battle that took him away from her. The battle that left her alone.
Forever.
When Eleutheray died, every single person was so commiserative, so sorry for Daphne's loss. She hardly had a minute to stay by herself, to think of what had happened, to get used to the idea of him being gone. Then, they forgot. They forgot and went on with their lives, as if nothing had changed. As if the guy named Ther had never even walked among them, had never even been one of them.
Was death a part of the game?
Was it really that simple for others to say goodbye? Or they didn't say anything only when Daph was around in order-as they say-not to hurt her feelings. But Daphne wished none of that customary pity.
She desired justice.
Vengeance.
That was the reason Daph burst out of the meeting room once everything was decided. She felt her temper burning close to the surface, sucking air out of her lungs. She hurried to her friends. New friends. Who shared her unpopular opinion.
The fomoires has to pay.
Now, Daphne and the two other daitias settled in the recreation, hidden from the hallway behind the wall of convolvuluses. Here were a few wickerwork chairs and a small artificial pond with white lilies. This atmosphere, meant to calm you mind and help find peace within your inner self, supposedly, only made Daphne more wrought up. The pond looked pathetic in her eyes, and resembled a big muddy puddle.
It was comforting to talk about the fomoires' execution though. It was one of few things worth living for.
"What are you saying, Toai?" Daph frowned at the guy sitting opposite her. His close-cropped dark hair made his roundish face seem even larger, the same dark eyes bold and determined, but rather witless. And his huge biceps indicated that the lack of brains was quite substituted with physical strength. But who needs to think while beating their enemy up, right? "Since when the fomoires can hide better than us, uh?"
"I don't know, Daphne," Toai rubbed his forehead, frustrated. "I'm just saying that during the last couple days I've checked about a hundred locations the fomoires previously visited. I found not a single clue, none of their faces on surveillance cameras. Nothing. As though they vanished into thin air."
"Perhaps we should go to the apartment of that earthling," the girl next to Daphne suggested, Jayanta. "They could return looking for the map."
Toai shook his massive head. "I've checked that place, too. Empty. Leir and his friends know how to cover their tracks. Everything looks like these scoundrels have never been there."
"Our apartment?" Daph raised an eyebrow in question. She remembered very well as cranky Charna had once managed to find Nikk somehow and followed him. Afterward, the flame-hair fomorian spent almost two days in the neighboring street, probably hoping to sniff something out.
"Avalos's been there," Jayanta nodded, tucking a strand of her black hair behind the ear. Her short haircut revealed the tattoo of a shooting arrow curled around her neck like a necklace. "He sorted out the books you had no time to look through. Said he saw nobody even a bit suspicions nearby."
Daphne hissed, gritting her teeth. "They're cowards. They know if they stop hiding like rats, we'll instantly put them down!"
Anger was flaring in Daph's chest, turning her blood to fire and ice at the same time. She'd imagined Leir dying by her sword so many times she could practically see his last breath deserting his body. It was the only thing keeping Daph composed sometimes.
"Maybe they're waiting for our next move," Jayanta shrugged. She seemed calm, but a malicious glint flashed in her eyes from time to time. "Thinking that we'd lead them to the book ourselves."
"In this case, we have one more reason to deal with them right away," Toai challengingly rolled his shoulders. For a moment, Daphne thought his tight blue t-shirt would tear apart. "Except for that I'm tired of wasting my time here while they freely walk the Earth."
"Year. I can't listen to Astarta's tales any longer either." Jayanta cleared her throat, mimicking Asta's flat tone, "Earth is neutral ground, you can't turn it into a warzone, blah-blah-blah..." She parted her lips in spiteful grin, demonstrating her snow-white teeth. Her face flickered with danger. "Once the fomoires do show up, they won't get away from us. Everyone will thank us when-"
"Shut up." Daphne muttered without parting her lips, and nodded toward the approaching figure.
At a leisurely pace, Anya was walking along the hallway. In her hands, she was carrying a giant colorful backpack full of stuff that Daphne couldn't clearly see because of the convolvulus curtains. Why wouldn't Anya simply sling the backpack over her shoulder? What an irrational human being... Daph leaned back in her chair, trying to stay unnoticed, but Toai saw Anya too.
He raised his hand and exclaimed with an idiotic smile, "Hey, Tanya!"
"I bet her name's Anya," Jayanta whispered to him, whinnying.
"Really?" Confusion crossed his face for a second. "Oh, whatever..."
Although Anya didn't hear the mistake in her name's pronunciation-or just wanted to be polite-so she smiled back and walked over to the daitias.
"Hi." Her black expression suggested she had no idea who the two of Daphne's friends were.
"Going back home?" Toai stabbed his finger at the backpack.
"No, these are... a few things for the mission."
Toai goggled at her in surprise, but he proved to be clever enough not to say anything.
Anya glanced at Daphne, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. Daph deliberately looked away. Go away! she wanted to grunt. Every time she saw the earthling, the image of Leir's face emerged from her memory, his vicious black eyes and sickening smirk. And with the image, the desire to reach out for his throat returned, and to... Not now.
Jayanta was mute, too, running her curious eyes up and down Anya.
At last, Anya cleared her throat, shouldered her bag and was gone without saying another word.
"Is it so that the earthling's coming with you?!" Jayanta cocked her head at Daphne as Anya disappeared around the corner.
"Yes, Jay, it is," Daph nodded with a ghost of a sour smile. "I have no idea how I'm going to live through this mission. I see this girl and immediately remember the first day we met her in the theatre. And Leir who was there, too, and then Leir's father, who-" Her voice broke off. Daph couldn't bring her to say it out loud.
"Now that's totally insane," Jayanta went on sneeringly. "What was Astarta thinking about, when she agreed to take Anya in? The girl will only be a burden. You'd better take me."
"I wanted to go, too," Toai let out a growl of annoyance. "But Asta refused, saying many people would draw unwanted attention."
"And Anya is supposed not to draw attention?"
"I didn't say that, Jay. I think our chief just doesn't want to leave the earthling in here. And after the last power failure, Kelas doesn't seem so safe, does it?"
"I don't feel any better though," Daph felt another wave of irritation arise in her stomach. "The prospect of keeping an eye on Anya and watching her not to get lost in the jungles doesn't cheer me up."
"No worries, sis," Jayanta gave Daphne a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "We will cheer you up once we find the fomoires."
Daph sighed. "I hope so. If we can't find Leir on Earth, he'll be twice harder to get to on Da'Ariya. And I need to be the one who makes him suffer."
Therefore, the conversation died out. It didn't give Daphne much food for thought, so she returned to her room even more devastated. She dropped on her bed, ran her hand over the wall, and the city landscape faded, revealing the colorless matt panels.
Motionless, lying in the darkness, Daphne was again mulling over the day in the theatre, where Nikk and she came to kill a few hours and suddenly were forced to protect a girl from Leir's penetrating gaze.
What made Anya so special in his eyes? He couldn't possibly know about Nikk's vision of her? Yes, Daph hated the way her brother looked at Anya, hated his growing interest in this earthling, and hated this girl herself for making Nikk vulnerable to the fomoires.
The fomoires.
Where the hell had they been all those ten years? Why were they here now? When Daphne had almost forgotten the past. When she had almost learned how to live without waking up with the thought of what Leir's father had done. Almost... Now her heart was in ruins again.
The buried pain was awakening in her soul.
Daphne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt bitter tears threatening the back of her throat. The memory of that day came alive. The fateful day, when she saw the lifeless body of Eleutheray...
No, she couldn't let the memory overtake her. Daphne had enough hatred for the murderer. Right now, all she needed was some warm evocation, some lighthearted dream...
*
...The dusk sun was slowly sinking into the horizon, illuminating white marble pavements with its scarlet light. Festive lanterns were scattered over the trees of an alley, their blazing flames reflecting in the windows of the nearby mirror-like houses.
It seemed as though thousands of Sutālian citizens came here tonight, to the AmaraVrāti castle, to celebrate and enjoy their lifetime.
"We're welcoming the beginning of New Year, the thirty one thousand one hundred sixty fourth cycle of the Three Moons era..." an Elder was speaking in his mighty, but generous voice, holding an elegant glass of wine in his hand. His emerald cloak billowed in the wind behind his broad shoulders.
Daphne raised her head, inhaling the fresh air filled with aroma of heady punch and tangy food. One by one, the stars in the sky lit up, framing two crescents and one full moon. A few more touches... A distant music and a cacophony of people's jolly laughs enveloped the square. Yes, that was how this day stayed in her memory.
"...Let us drink to peace and to our unity!" the Elder went on. His auburn beard, clipped and short, was touched by gray, but it didn't make his eyes less vivid or his figure less majestic. "For no war can break us or tear us apart!.."
The last words echoed with a sting of pain in Daphne's heart. She flinched and lost the clarity of her mind for a split second. The tenuous dream she was so thoroughly recreating piece by piece threatened to fade away.
"Hold on a little longer, the official part is almost over," a familiar voice whispered in her ear, and a hot hand squeezed Daph's trembling fingers.
"...Also, we have to express our gratitude to the man we all respect and admire, to our Eleutheray!" Uh, the toast would never stop. "For he is the reason we are having this Celebration of Light today, and no fight, and no battle!.."
"Oops, I didn't see that coming," the voice added, amused.
The Elder walked over to Daphne, put his arm around her shoulder and lifted his glass higher, addressing to people. "...Ther has always been like a son to me, and I am glad my daughter chose him to be her partner in life. Thus, let us embrace the coming new year that will bring us new happiness and new victories!"
The timing couldn't be more perfect. The last ray of the setting sun dissolved into the dark, and the pellucid walls of the castle illumed with the flames of a myriad of crystals. Everything around sparkled and shimmered and shone like million fireflies let out in the sky at once.
The crowd roared in applause. The feast began.
"We're screwed," Ther chuckled. His voice was drowning in the bustle of the party. "After such words people won't leave us alone easily."
"Father, why would you mention us in your speech?" Daphne asked reproachfully, tilting her head to the Elder, but her pleased expression obviously exposed the mood.
Her father smiled, his eyes-the same blue as his daughter's-crinkling around the edges. "Our country must know its heroes in person. And besides, I am proud of my family. Let my happiness be an inspiration for the others."
"We're no heroes yet, Svarg," Ther shook his head, and squeezed Daph's hand harder. "But whatever may happen, we are family. Nothing will ever separate us."
"No heroes yet," Daph's father shifted his gaze to Ther and winked. Then he looked at both of them, smiling. "Well, enjoy your time, my children. And I will go find the rest of our family." He furrowed his forehead, pretending to be angry. "Before Nikk convinced his mother to make some adri show or something... Last time, this little troublemaker killed power in the half of the castle."
Daphne and Eleutheray watched Svarg disappear in the throng, as he joyfully moved to the sounds of music, finishing his drink on his way.
"Do you want to dance?" Ther asked, turning to Daph. His hand slid around her waist covered with thin fabric of her light dress. She could feel the warmth of his hand on her skin.
She smiled weary, looking into Eleutheray's dark blue eyes, the eyes deeper than the bottom of the ocean, clearer than the cloudless sky. "Not now. Come."
Before Ther could say anything, she slipped among the dancing figures, drawing him along with her, away from the bright lights and the illuminated streets.
Away from the people, away from the crowded world.
They reached the forest, and here Daphne was nervous again. Her memory of that day was ending. From now on, the dream was off the scenario. She had to be extremely careful with her thoughts, so as not to scare the fragile astral projection off.
"Daph," Ther's disoriented voice called from behind, but Daph didn't reply. She quickened her pace.
The branches were clinging to her dress, making it difficult to walk; her silk cape fell off her shoulders, revealing arm to the cold gusts of wind chilling her skin. Daphne shut her eyes, concentrating. She knew exactly where the forest path should bring her.
A high cliff. A storming sea far below.
A tree. A lonely grave mourning under it.
No. The grave wasn't there yet. Or the grave wasn't there already? Doesn't matter.
"Daphne," Ther's tone was more insistent, but still tender.
She stayed silent.
Raging waves crashing on the sharp rocks underneath. The tree leaves evenly swaying in the wind. The soft grass tinkling the ankles. Every detail had to be the exact same as it used to be in the reality.
The cliff. The sea. The lonely tree.
And him. The exact same as he used to be in the reality.
"Daphne!" Ther's voice had changed, became confident, imperious.
Daphne winced and opened her eyes.
Ther was standing right in front of her and watching her intently. His gaze had changed, too. The airy, arch spark in it had vanished and didn't reflect the mood of that merry day any longer. Now, not Eleutheray of the memories of the past was standing before her-but Eleutheray of the consciousness of the present.
"Is everything alright?" His eyes still held his love for her. Yet, they also gained some elusive longing, grief.
"I miss you," Daph said with her mere lips, scared to move, scared to breath, scared to wake up in her room and return to the eternal loneliness of hers. Stay alone with her sorrow and hatred forevermore.
"You don't need to, I'm right here."
"Are you?"
"Yes, I am." Ther stepped closer, and his fingers brushed down her cheek gently. "I have been and I always will be."
Daphne pressed against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat. The heart that had stopped beating one day. "But you can be with me only in here."
Eleutheray didn't answer, just wrapped his arms around her, protecting her shoulders from the blistering wind. Just as she wished, they were on the cliff, and just as she wished, the black sea concealed in the night's dark was storming below.
"Do you remember what you once said, Daph?" he asked, gazing upon the horizon. Under the midnight blackness, the faint lights of fomorish Pateal were beaming. "Here we are like on the edge of the world."
"I do," she sucked on her lip for a moment, savoring the memory. "And you said it's not the edge, it's merely the border between the worlds. You dreamed that one day after the victory in the war, this border will be no longer." She shook her head, pushing the tears away. "But those worlds turned out to be different from what we'd expected."
Still staring in the distance, Ther smiled, but his eyes remained sad. "Expectations are tricky."
"Ruthless."
"Mysterious."
"Evil." Daphne glanced at the tree by the very verge of the cliff. Under the braches was a smooth stone, slightly shimmering gray-blue in the night.
The inscription carved in it read:
Here Eleutheray Moonward stays forever.
He saved many-none could save him.
"Don't you think it's a little too much?" Ther made a noise of amusement. "Making me look at my own grave?"
The wind blew his hair wildly. Ther was repeatedly trying to smooth his honey blond locks, as though the battle with the weather was the most important thing in the universe.
Daphne knew Ther her entire life-even more, so she often thought-and never, not even once, she saw him accept a defeat. Yes, that made the two of them similar.
Yet, Eleutheray always considered a defeat as a motivation to move forward, to strive harder, to work more and more in order to reach his goal. And Daphne? She simply didn't accept, didn't believe. A stupid, stubborn girl.
Ther never gave up. Never. Until his last breath.
"You know how to spoil the moment," Daph laughed through sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'll change it."
She was about to picture the cliff without the stone, just like before when she and Ther used to run away here, from the problems and concerns of the city life. But he stopped her.
"Don't," he quietly said in her ear. "You need to remember, Daphne, it will never be as it was. And you have to learn to live with it."
"Learn to live with it?" she raised her head to peer into his eyes. Now, in the gloom, his eyes seemed to be of a darker color. Apparently, because she herself was consumed with emotions.
"Learn to live with it?" Daph repeated, her voice shuddering. "I tried to live with it, Ther. I really tried. Saint Ariy, twenty seven years four month and twenty two days spent on Earth I tried to forget, to devote my life to the searching of the book, to bringing the fomoires down..."
His expression darkened. "Daph-"
"I tried!" She pushed Ther away, ruining his attempts to pull her closer and hold her. "Over the last twenty seven years I couldn't sleep! I struggled not to think, not to remember. I fought to forget. And then, all of a sudden, this earthling with her map appears out of nowhere! And then Leir. With his poisonous, self-confident smile, the copy of his father who murdered you!"
Putting all her anger in these words, Daphne fell silent. A sickening feeling of exhaustion and desperation overwhelmed her. Ther finally managed to hold her in his arms. And she sagged, dropping her head on his shoulder.
"I will make Kraine pay," she said under her breath, her eyes fixed on the grave. "He will pay, and only then my heart shall be at peace."
"Are you going to go after the fomoires' tsar, Daph?" Ther asked, his calming hand running through her hair. "You're one of the best warriors I know, but hundreds of warriors of no less skill guard him around the clock. You wouldn't be able to get to him."
"I don't need Kraine. Death would be too much of a luxury for him," Daph lowered her voice. She felt her fury kindling in her chest again. "I'll make him feel what I feel. I'll take from him what he took from me. The one who he loves. His family. His precious son."
"Revenge won't make you feel better."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
Daphne didn't respond, still glancing at the grave. If only she could prevent it! If only she could go back in time... She would give up everything in order to change the past, in order to break the chain of events that led to this.
She would make it right.
"And don't blame Eirney for anything," Ther said like he could read her mind. He gently seized her by the chin, forcing her look into his eyes. Daph averted her gaze, pursing her lips. "It's not his fault I went alone at the border that day. He's not responsible for my death."
The wind was dreadfully howling above and beyond, tearing Daphne away from her love. The whole dream world seemed to be against them meeting here.
She pressed tight to Ther's side, hoping their bodies and souls could be inseparable. She will never let him go. She'll cross Heaven and Hell if needed, to find him again and again. But first she had to...
"You cannot do this, Daphne. You cannot spend the rest of your life holding on to the past, looking for the guilty ones," he went on with more persistent tone, and changed the subject. "You'd better look out for your little brother. How is he, by the way? Not much of a naughty boy burning crystals who I remember?"
"Grew up a bit," Daphne sniffed and gave Ther a wan smile. "He learned how to transpassage without bumping into walls."
Ther chuckled. "And that Earth girl you told me about last time? Anya, right? Have you found out where her map leads?"
"Yes. Klliss and Naaek discovered the route. We're leaving first thing in the morning."
"Good," he nodded in approval. "You see? You have plenty of things to take care of without me."
Eleutheray took her hand in his, and stretched their arms, as though they were dancing to the rhythm of the thundering sea singing its song for them alone. Daphne closed her eyes, imagining this moment was real, he was real.
"You left it here, remember?" Ther suddenly asked. He touched the bracelet on Daphne's wrist. The black lace with two infinity symbols tangled together. "When you've last been here... in the real world."
"How do you know that? That was after you-"
"I know. I just know." A rueful smile tugged on his lips. Endless sorrow gleamed in his eyes as he looked at her, bottomless and unfathomable as the waters below. "I know everything, Daphne. For I am your dream from now on."
The next moment Daph found herself back in the empty room of the headquarters, drowned into the night blackness and dead stillness. Only a thin line of the dim light was leaking from the hall through under the door.
Not a single whiff of the sea air, not a single swish of the leaves.
Nothing that could make Daphne believe that the world he didn't walk any longer was real.