Swish and Flick

By eatsoulsforbreakfast

43K 2.2K 4.1K

Highest Ranking #3 in satire #34 in hp #153 in harrypotter 5H in Hogwarts, but a lot gayer. (Check out the s... More

Synopsis
Prologue
Chapter 1: The Girl Who Lived
Chapter 2: The Fantabulous Sorting Hat
Chapter 3: Ollivanders
Chapter 4: The Humping Willow
Chapter 5: Queerditch
Chapter 6: Swish and Flick... And Flick Some More
Chapter 7: The Order of the...Phoenix?

Chapter 8: Nine and Three Quarters

3.7K 161 321
By eatsoulsforbreakfast

AN: this is 8.4k words, forgive me if there are typos, my lazy ass doesn't care about errors atm.

Also, I want to remind you guys that just because they're in their third year doesn't mean they're only thirteen years old. In this AU, they're seventeen y/o in their third year. Don't ask me why, I just think it's a cool number lol. I'm not following real life college age, this is fantasy.

Anyway, this is a continuation of ch 7... I'm sure not all of you will like it, you can skip if you don't want to read it.

• •

Lauren

I still couldn't find Camila.

I have searched everywhere; our favorite spot by the window at the end of the forbidden corridor, in Moaning Myrtle's creepy bathroom, behind the statue of Carmen the Charming Merman where Camila first told me she likes me, up by the Astronomy Tower where she loves to hang out and stare at the moon at nighttime, under the shade of the giant oak tree near the edge of the Forbidden Forest where she magically engraved our initials into the bark of the tree and said that it would never fade away just like her love (in a bestfriend way) for me.

Still, nothing.

With a heavy heart, I go to my classes, half-expecting her to barge in with that self-assured smirk of hers and her sometimes annoying winks and hair flips, but nothing.

By the end of our school day, I'm in such a terrible state, my anxiety is sky-rocketing and I'm in a very irritable mood which probably shocked my friends because I'm not normally unpleasant. Even Lucy doesn't bother me in Potions class -- that's how much I have been emanating negative energy.

I stomp across the hallway, barely noticing the students giving me a wide berth, but that's better because one tiny trigger would probably set me off and I'm so ready to fire spell after spell -- oh how I wish I bump into Taylor just now, I could kill a --

"EEP!" I screech loudly as I feel myself being dragged backwards, then my mouth covered by a sweaty palm as I am pulled into a dark corner behind a suit of armor.

I try to bite the unknown hand, but all I manage to do is accidentally lick the sweaty salty palm.

"Ew, disgusting!" says a familiar voice.

The hand vanishes out of my face and I turn around and I see Camila -- thankfully not a mouse or a ferret -- and I jump happily, hugging her excitedly and already forgetting that she scared the shit out of me.

She chuckles when I tell her how worried I was, her hands rubbing my back as I refuse to let go of her, and as if I wasn't stressed since last night I immediately relax into her arms.

"I'm sorry I made you worry, Lo-Lo, but --"

"Wait, what's that?" I shift, but still not disentangling myself from her -- she smells freshly-showered and I like it. "Your wand is poking me, Camz."

Camila grimaces and quickly steps away, turning slightly away from me.

"What happened to you last night and today? Are you feeling okay? Did you get yourself checked up?"

"No... I'm fine," Camila is obviously hesitating. She looks like she's dying to tell me something, but it must be too hard for her to do so. "I mean, I do have a huge problem... But..." Camila stops talking when a bunch of footsteps and giggling echo in the hallway, and she waits until they're gone before she speaks again. "Look, I can't explain it to you here, follow me..."

Camila pushes me into an unused room, and I watch her as she anxiously peers at the hallway before closing the door, then checking every nook inside the room as if to make sure no one's lurking. Once satisfied that nobody's inside other than us, she leans back against the door and lets out a shaky breath.

"Camz? What's up?" I take a small step forward, gazing at her face.

"What's up? Ha! You're asking me what's up?" She starts laughing hysterically, and I don't even think what I said was funny, but there she is, almost doubled up from her half-squeals half-guffaws, then her weird laughter suddenly turning into choking sounds and she looks at me helplessly -- her face a mix of sadness, confusion, and crazed wildness. "I'm up, that's what!"

In short, she looks desperate -- the kind of desperation you see from a hungry person and about to do anything for a piece of steak.

"You're up?" I ask. "I don't understand.... Like, you're high? Is that what you mean?"

"No! Forget it, I need to go..." Camila turns around, her hand already clutching the door knob, but I quickly tug at her robe and force her to face me.

"You know you can tell me anything, Camz. I won't judge," I say soothingly.

I rub her arm to calm her down, and I see her visibly shudder and close her eyes. When she opens them again, her dark brown eyes seem to be blazing with such intensity that my mind almost convinces me to look away or I'll be scorched.

When she speaks, her voice sounds a lot firmer, huskier than usual, there's still a nervous tone to it but it's better than her squeaky pitch a minute ago.

"Promise you won't laugh?" She asks me.

I continue to stroke her arm, up and down, up and down, lightly squeezing her flesh in between my rubbing. I nod.

"O-okay... So I got hit, right? By your spells?"

"Yes, I hope we didn't do any real damage," I say.

"Well, define real damage..." Camila grimaces. "I... Um, I grew -- I have --"

"Yes?"

Camila sighs, and scratches the side of her head in frustration. "I think I can show you better than I can tell you... I feel like if I say the word, it'll become permanent."

"Show me what?" I tilt my head sideways, still confused.

Camila grimaces, then point downwards with her lips, as if she's blowing kisses at her feet. Naturally, I look down and I see her hands clutching the fabric of her robe near her hips... then I see something weird.

"Uh, Camz?" I say, still looking below her waist. "Why is your wand pointed at me? Is this a stick-up? Coz you know I have no galleons to spare," I joke, but she doesn't laugh.

"Lauren! This is serious!"

"I know! It's impolite to point your wand at someone unless you're ready to duel! Put it away!" I frown.

"That's the problem! I can't put it away -- I can't make it go away!!"

"Oh my god! Is that what our hexes did to you? It magically glued your wand to your skin!?" I panic.

"No! Jeez, Lauren!" Camila scoffs irritably. "Look, I have a dick, okay!? There I said it!"

"A -- A dick?" I look down again, then back at Camila's face. "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure what? That it's a dick?! Of course I am! I may be gay, but I know what a dick looks like! -- remember, we saw Dumbledore and Grindelwald up close -- too close."

I feel winded. Like, wow, Camila has a dick... Okay, so I guess wow isn't the proper word, considering how agitated she is about her current situation... But still... Camila has a dick. I stare at her, then down at her boner, and I'm suddenly imagining how it looks like -- I bet it's --

"Did you measure it?" The question flies out of my mouth before my mind can even filter myself.

I almost apologize, but Camila's anxious face suddenly turn into her usual cocky (pun not intended) smirk, and says, "First thing I did after I got over my initial shock. Compared it to my eleven-inch wand. So this is approximately nine and three quarters, not bad huh?"

For someone who has been worried about suddenly growing a dick, she sure looks proud of it.

"N-nine and thr-- oh my. Really!?" I gasp.

Well, I mean, it is quite impressive.

"Wanna see it?" Camila wiggles her eyebrows.

Where has all the nervousness gone? Has it all been an act? But then again, who cares? Camila has a dick. Almost ten inches... I glance downwards again.

Do I wanna see it?

Of course I do. I love dicks; big dicks, small dicks, bent dicks, thick dicks. And I love Camila (coz she's my best friend). So, Camila with a dick? That's like strawberries and cream -- a perfect combination. That's why I can't help but feel curious. Yes, I totally wanna see it.

So, I nod, and Camila grins, and I gulp, and she starts to lift her robe up, and I close my eyes, but then I open them again... I'm so ready to see some dick that's not wrinkly and unwanted (my mind flashing images of that traumatic night at the forbidden corridor -- I guess that's why it's still out-of-bounds, even after the Sorcerer's Stone has been destroyed).

But before Camila could reveal her magical penis, a loud obnoxious squelching noise explodes above us and both of us jump up in surprise.

It's Peeves, the damn Poltergeist.

"Peeves! Get outta here!" Camila snaps, trying to swat at the short man flying round and round above her heads and cackling in between making crude noises.

To our great horror, he starts singing.

"Cabello has a WEENIE
Her weenie's itsy-bitsy
It's ugly, it's hairy
CABELLO HAS A PEEPEE!"

"Hey! It's not hairy! I shaved it when I showered this morning!" Camila scowls.

"Oh, Peevesy knows all about your shower hour! Myrtle has been spying on Cannoli Cablooey, and she blabbed to me about it! Ooh, Camzi, you naughty naughty, palmy palmy!" He wags his transparent finger, and obnoxiously sticks out his tongue.

"Shut up, Peeves! Please!" Camila pleads, looking dreadfully pale and panicked.

"Handsy Camzi wants her icky-dicky sucked like candy!" Peeves says in a sing-song voice as he zooms round and round the room like a deflating balloon. "She wants Jauregay's mouthy on --"

"Excuse me, I'm not --" I start to protest, but Peeves cuts me off by another round of his singing.

"JAUREGAY IS OUR QUEEN
JAUREGAY IS OUR QUEEN
SHE'S QUEER, DID'YA HEAR?
YA, SHE'S OUR LESBIAN QUEEN!

"Petrificus Totalus!" I yell and flick my wand, but Peeves dodges my spell, cackling like mad, and starts to sing in a pitch I never thought was possible.

"CABELLO HAS A PEEPEE
JAUREGUI WANNA SUCK IT!
HER WIENER
IS EAGER
TO STICK IT IN LERN'S BEAVER!"

He's belting out the lyrics so loudly I'm pretty sure the entire floor has heard his off-key singing -- if you can call that ear-splitting disturbance as singing.

"Shut up, you pathetic old man, or I'll call The Bloody Baron!" Camila threatens seriously, knowing that the Slytherin ghost is the only thing that Peeves is scared of.

As expected, he rockets out of the room through the stone wall but not before turning back around and pelting us with pieces of chalk, then continues chanting the words "sucky sucky" and "little peepee" and "Jauregay and Gaybello, kissing on a tree -- F-U-C-K-I-N-G" as he zooms away.

Sagging into a chair, I glance up at Camila who's still standing by the door, looking uncertain and awkward again. I peek downwards and I see her -- yep -- it's still there.

Oh my god. How is it still there after everything that has happened? Camila must have seen me staring, and she looks down to where I'm looking, and she rubs the back of her neck as she tries to hide her wood by shifting her robe. But it's no use. Her boner is massive, and I'm seriously impressed -- because as a straight girl and having had my fair share of disappointing dicks, this is like a dream come true -- but then, I suddenly think that what if Peeves is like Camila's secret kink? Oh god, no, ew, I don't even wanna think about that! I can't imagine Camila wanting to get it on with an older man.

"Hello!! Lo-Lo!"

Fingers snap in front of my face and blink a couple of times before realizing that Camila is staring at me.

"Huh? What?" I ask.

"I said... Let's get outta here." Camila offers me her hand, and I take it. She pulls me out of the room, her other hand holding her robe in a way that it doesn't touch her skin so her boner wouldn't be as obvious.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm not sure yet... Somewhere more private? I mean, you still wanna see it, right?"

My eyes drift downwards again, it's like I'm hypnotized and I can't look away for long periods of time. "Yeah, I wanna see it."

The smile she gives me has quite a weird effect on my knees -- they seem to have turned jelly, and I briefly wonder if I've been hit by a jelly-legs curse that night? Because why are my knees wobbly now? And my heart is beating so fast, and my throat feels dry and I have to keep licking my lips, irrationally fearing that they will close up if I didn't lick them.

"How about the Room of Requirement?" I suggest. "That's private enough..."

"No, I don't want anyone walking in on us..." Camila walks ahead, turning left and climbing up the stairs, pulling me into a half-jog to reach the top stairs before it changes direction.

"What do you mean? Can't we lock the door? Is it possible for anyone else to enter the room when someone's already inside?"

"Yes, very. If they have the same specific need. It happened to me before. And considering how hormonal the students are -- it's not unthinkable for somebody else to be looking for a place to --"

"A place to show their best friend her magical dick? I doubt that's something common."

"You'd be amazed how many dicks are shown -- with or without permission -- in this school on a daily basis. If you pay enough attention, you'll notice people suspiciously coming out from dark corners all over the castle." Camila smirks. "It's called the Come and Go Room for a reason, a motel in Hogwarts, Lo -- literally come and go."

"Ugh. Your mind, Camila -- it's too -- wait, why are you thinking of doing that!?" I squint my eyes at her, watching her expression. "You said you just wanted to show me."

"I can't control my thoughts, Lauren," she chuckles.

"Shut up," I stick my tongue out at her. "Well, how about the prefects' bathroom since you're so fond of using it?"

Camila makes a face. "What, and have Moaning Myrtle spy on us? Plus, there's a mermaid painting in there, she gets a little too chatty when she's awake. She doesn't care if you're naked and feeling invaded in your personal space because she thinks it's normal -- the not wearing clothes, I mean."

"Maybe this is a sign? You don't have to show it to me," I say.

"No, wait, I have an idea... Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"To the Astronomy Tower," she says.

"Are you kidding me? You think that's more private than the Room of Requirement or the bathroom?"

"Nobody goes there at this hour because it gets too windy.. And it's too early to be stargazing. Nobody will walk in on us..."

Even if I'm unconvinced, I still let her guide me through the maze-like hallways and staircases, ducking behind suits of armor or tapestries or stone statues every now and then whenever we hear someone walking by (Camila isn't keen on explaining to anybody why her robes are suddenly tenting as if she has a machine gun under it).

As we weave through corners, I keep looking at Camila's boner, wondering how it happened, how it looks like, how it will feel like in my hands, or taste like -- okay, bitch, stop.

I replay last night's event in my head, barely aware of where I'm walking, only relying on Camila's hand guiding me. I try to recall who casted which spells. I did the Sex Change Spell (Expecto Cocktronum/Expecto Twatronum), and I know that this spell is only temporary (For people who want to permanently have their sex organs replaced, they needed to drink a potion regularly to maintain the effects of the spell). So, I'm pretty sure that Camila's magical dick will be gone soon -- probably a few days.

But the thing is, she's been hit by other spells, too. So I'm not sure how that could affect its duration or severity. I heard Dinah use the Engorgement Charm -- which explains why Camila's dick is allegedly ginormous, while Taylor used a Hardening Charm, which is supposed to turn its target into stone.

But like I said before, Taylor may be widely popular, but she's really not too talented in the spell-casting aspect. Sure, she knows the basic stuff, but that's about it. I guess I could call her a basic witch if I want to. So, her spell may not have turned Camila into stone (thank god!), but it obviously has caused her magical dick to be in a constant state of hardness.

"Hello? Jauregui? Were you even listening?"

"Huh? Yeah..."

Camila looks unconvinced.

"What has gotten into you? Why are you so distracted?"

"I'm not. I'm totally focused and not thinking about anything else. Like at all." I say defensively.

"So... Do you agree? Are you in?"

"Umm..." I try to figure out what Camila has been saying, but I haven't heard a single word. But I don't wanna admit I haven't been listening at all because that would make me a sucky friend. "Yeah, sure," I casually shrug, as if I know what she's been talking about.

Camila's eyes widen in apparent excitement and she starts dragging me towards the last stairway that would lead us to the seventh floor.

Finally, a few minutes later, we're at the top part of the Astronomy tower. Camila is right, it's a lot windy, but it's also very scenic. I'm usually here during midnight during our classes, and sometimes early in the evening sneaking with Camila to stargaze, but I have never been here during late afternoons (especially since it's generally out-of-bounds except for classes) and I regret that now.

Because the view is amazing. I see everything, and it's like we're on top of the world, like nobody can touch us, like we're alone (together) in this paradise. It's a very freeing feeling, being somewhere this high makes me realize how small we are, yet it also gives me a rush of adrenaline that makes me feel so alive.

I hear the lock click again, Camila obviously making sure no one walks in on us. And when she walks towards me, that comforting smile on her face, the wind blowing against her hair and robes making her look like an angel descending from the heavens, her hand reaching for mine as we stare at the reddish orange sun setting behind the lush green-colored mountains partly covered in clouds, the hypnotic sway of the trees in the Forbidden Forest, the soft billowing of smoke out of Hagrid's chimney a little to the left, and the glassy surface of lake below, it's all so serene, and I think to myself that this moment right here is perfect.

But then I remember what we're here for -- because Camila has a dick she wants me to see -- and the calm otherworldly vibe of this place shatters like glass. Once again, I find myself in a flurry of nerves and excitement. I don't even get it -- it's just Camila, it's just a dick, it's nothing I haven't seen before.

This place is gonna be shrouded in darkness soon, so, with a few flicks of my wand, I conjure up three tiny blue flames inside floating bubbles, and the effect of the blue orange light above our heads is enchanting. Well, it made Camila's face even more beautiful; I'm not sure how my face looks like.

"I know what you're doing," Camila grins. "Setting the mood, I see. I mean, it's kinda romantic, I love the lights," Camila giggles.

"Setting what mood for?" I ask, confused.

"For... Well, for when you're gonna help me out... with this," she looks down below her waist for emphasis -- as if it needs any pointing to.  "You did promise me," Camila looks at me sadly, as if half expecting that I was gonna let her down.

"Help you? How? I don't know any spells to fix that thing," I say. "Best thing to do is go to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey will know what to do."

"What, do you expect me to just walk in there and say 'Oh, hi, Madam Pomfrey, see I have a little problem...' and she'll be like oh sure let me fix that... Without interrogating me?"

"I won't exactly call it a little problem." I smirk, glancing down at the huge tent on her robe. "C'mon... You can't even hide that thing... People will think you're carrying a huge wand and you're about to hex people."

"And that's why you're gonna help me. You promised me!"

"When did I promise?" I honestly can't remember.

"While we were walking!"

"What did I agree to?"

"You promised to suck me off!"

"WHAT!?" My hands start to tremble. "Oh, hell no, Cabello! Go suck your own dick!"

"I can't! I'm not that flexible!"

"Stop playing around, Camila! You're asking me for -- for a b-blow job?!" I feel like my eyes are about to pop out of their sockets, but I refuse to blink or else I might miss the joke. Because this must be a prank. "Are you kidding me? I don't even share my utensils, and you expect me to put your magical dick in my mouth?"

"I bet it is magical," Camila smirks, her shyness and hesitations gone with the wind and into the mountain tops. "You have to try it. Consider it practice or something for your future boyfriends..."

Her gaze hardens as she spits the word 'boyfriends', or maybe I have just imagined it, probably a trick of the light.

"You're a jerk." I scoff.

"At least jerk it off." She grins.

"You're so crude."

"I'm cute."

"I still won't do it." I cross my arms, acting like I haven't considered it a while ago.

"Pretty please? Won't you do it for your best friend?"

"For Normani? Yes." I feel a sense of petty satisfaction at the sight of Camila's face slightly falling upon hearing my words. "For you? Nah."

"Ouch." Camila puts her hands on her chest as if she was just shot. "I thought we were real friends. Oh, how you let me down."

Of course, I can't bear to see Camila look so sad. So, I step forward and grab her hands.

"I'm sorry, Camz," I say. "You know you're my best friend. It's just that, I don't think I can do it. There must be another way... We can go to the library and do some research... Or maybe we can just wait for the spell to lose its effect."

"What, wait for like a week? I don't think I can even last another day with this thing constantly trying to peek out of my robe. It's annoying. And a constant erection is kind of hard to ignore, Lo."

I blush, and I don't know why. I mean, it's not like I haven't seen a dick before. It's not like I haven't put one in my mouth. But somehow, because it's Camila, it makes me feel -- I don't know... nervous, perhaps? Like, it's awkward because duh she's Camila -- we're friends -- but also, a part of me is curious what her dick would look like... or feel like... Oh gosh, shut up, perv.

"Believe me, I tried jerking off several times, it won't subside! That's why I didn't go to class today -- I stayed in the prefects' bathroom and -- well -- you know how it is." Camila blushes.

"Wait..." I just realized something. "Oh my god! I licked your palm a while ago! Did you even wash your hands after you -- you touched your thingie!? Is that why it's salty?"

Camila's silence is confirmation enough.

"How could you put your unsanitary hand on my mouth?!" I push her, which causes her to step backwards and hit her head against the tall window.

"Would you rather I put something else in there?" Camila smirks while rubbing the back of her head.

"Ugh! You're so annoying! I'm leaving!"

"Wait, no, please don't leave me..."

Her voice, small, shaky, and totally my weakness, stops me from walking out. I sigh and turn around.

She speaks again.

"I've read up a couple of books, and there's no previous history of this situation -- especially a mix of those particular spells you guys hit me with -- since Expecto Cocktronum hasn't been in any published books --"

"It's in one of those banned books -- found in the Restricted Section."

"Yeah, well I can't exactly borrow that without permission. So, I tried Reducio -- to counteract Engorgio, but nothing. I don't wanna try any other spell because I don't want to make it worse. And I've read that sometimes, a spell-caused swollen limb could subside naturally by simply massaging it non-stop or like get the blood pumping. Since jerking myself off didn't work -- it only relieved discomfort for a few minutes until it swelled again -- I figured I needed something more intense. Using Peeves' words, I need some sucky sucky." Camila grins.

"You are unbelievable."

"Wait till you see my dick do tricks."

"I won't promise you anything --"

"You already did," she playfully pouts.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening then..." I admit. "But let me see it first, and maybe I'll figure a spell out."

"You won't. But sure," Camila starts to lift her robe up."

"Wait, oh my god just slow down! Jeez!" I try to cover my eyes in panic. But then I peek through my fingers.

"Do you want me to light some candles too and put on some slow music?" She rolls her eyes, but proceeds to slowly lift her robe up so as not to startle or creep me out.

When she finally frees it out of her shorts, I swear my jaw drops to the floor (it's probably what's gonna happen to me anyway if I do decide to put that monster inside my mouth like oh my god it's like an entire baby's leg!) as I gasp loudly.

Camila twirls her wand ostentatiously before whispering "Lumos" and creates a glowing light at the tip of her wand, explaining that the blue lights aren't enough, she wants me to see her dick clearly. I'm pretty sure she just wants to show off, more than anything.

"Holy Fuckballs," I say, my throat feels dry and raspy, while I stare at Camila's dick which is now giving off the impression that it's glowing, and even throbbing because of the moving light above... Unless it's really throbbing?

"Well?" Camila asks nervously.

I can't even speak. I'm seriously speechless at this point. Because damn, it's just -- wow. I know I'm romanticizing this, but I've never seen a cock so jaw-droppingly beautiful; it's so pretty and cute, it's sexy and sophisticated -- like, can a dick even be sophisticated, what even am I saying? Well, guess what, Camila's cock obviously can. While it's basically just a meat stick (if you wanna be crude and unappreciative) with surprisingly clean-shaven balls (she's not lying when she told Peeves she shaved her junk) but it feels like I'm witnessing the eighth wonder of the world.

This cock is like the best of the best , it's the fucking Beyoncé of dickdom. Can a penis even look proud? Because that's what it gives off -- it seems proud, the way it's standing up so erect and hard, thickest around the middle, a shade darker than Camila's tan skin, it's so fucking hypnotic. I can't help but touch it, just a fingertip on its already leaking head, and it literally twitches, as if it's pissed that somebody dares to touch a valuable artifact, like I need to ask permission first before I place my dirty ass hands on it. It's like it's eternally scoffing at the other lowly dicks out there, it knows it's on top of the hierarchy, and I bet that if it had a nose, it would be upturned like some prissy ass bitch ready to slap a ho just for daring to breathe in the same air.

"So?" Camila asks me, snapping me out of my thoughts. Her right hand is slowly rubbing her lower abdomen, as if trying to relieve pressure, then she grips the base of her shaft, then back to her abdomen.

I can't even pretend to be clueless anymore. I keep staring at it, already knowing that I would wanna do whatever Camila is doing myself. And a lot more.

"Will you help me?" She asks again, this time, her voice has a hint of urgent desperation and without humor.

It doesn't mean I wouldn't drag it out.

"Why don't you ask other girls? I'm sure they'll be willing to do anything for Gaymila "Finger Lickin' Good" Cabello." I roll my eyes at the corny ass nickname I heard some lower years use when talking about her, in reference to what some girl, who claims to have hooked up with Camila, said about what Camila supposedly did to her which earned her that nickname.

After that story circulated (I refused to stoop down to gossip level and I chose not to know the story -- but from pieces I have heard, it involved a lot of tongue acrobatics and some complex finger techniques that I couldn't even imagine) I recall Camila having to fend off girls even during lunch time who are trying to throw themselves at her feet -- sometimes, they literally throw themselves when they fall down the stairs as they try to follow Camila wherever she goes. Those thirsty hoes.

"You jealous?" Camila smirks, extending her hand (the same one she's been using to touch herself oh my god) to tuck the hair that's been blowing across my face behind my ear.

"Hell no," I scoff. "I'm just saying... A lot of people -- guys or girls I bet -- would do it for you, and more, if you ask for it."

"You're the only one I trust with this," Camila says seriously. The sincerity in her voice catches me off-guard. "And you're the only one I really like to do this with."

Okay why am I touched? Is it really possible that Camila asking me to suck her off is actually the most romantic thing ever? I think I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm just horny? Coz dick, duh.

"Okay."

"Wait, what?" Camila squeals.

"I said okay."

"Oh my god!" Camila jumps and hugs me tightly and I can't help but smile. "Thank you, Lo!"

I'm helping a friend, I tell myself, and it feels good to do a good thing for other people, especially my best friend.

But then I feel another good thing poking me, and I swallow nervously, "Umm... Camz?"

"Yeah?" Still hugging me tightly.

"Um, your thing is poking me."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She quickly steps away and pats at her robe repeatedly as if she was a petting a dog.

"It's fine. I mean, it's not like I won't be having you in my mouth soon." I smile, any air of awkwardness on my part quickly vanishing the second I've agreed to help her out. My inner hoe is taking over, I'm not fighting it, and it's ready to impress the hell out of Camila.

She gulps. But her eyes say otherwise -- they're dark and they're blazing at the same time. She's definitely excited.

Damn, now I'm excited, too.

"Are you ready?" I ask her in a quiet voice. Suddenly, the air around us feels warmer, and everything feels a lot more intimate and sacred. Speaking loudly seems sacrilegious.

"Are you?" She asks, almost whispering as if feeling the same way. Damn that husky voice.

I step forward and I am about to kneel when Camila grabs my arm.

"Wait!"

"What?" I stare at her face, just a couple of inches away from mine.

"I mean, shouldn't we kiss first or something?" she asks me shyly, her hand raking her wind blown hair -- a sign of genuine nervousness.

"Ew!" I blurt out, stepping a foot backwards, a little panicked at her suggestion.

"Seriously?!" She glares at me, but her voice sounds a little hurt. "You're willing to go down on me, yet the idea of kissing me is 'ew!'?!

She lets go of my arm, and now I feel bad. It's not that I find the idea of kissing Camila gross... It's just weird... And too romantic for two friends to be sharing. I'm straight!

"It feels personal," I admit to her.

"More personal than my dick in your mouth?" Camila asks incredulously.

A dick doesn't make me gay, I think to myself, a kiss with a girl is a lot more complicated. But I say nothing, and she shrugs.

"It's okay, I just thought it'll ease the tension, but I'll let you do your thing, Lo." Camila says softly.

I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know why... I'm just not ready to kiss Camila.

She points at the stone floor with her wand.

"Molliare," She says, then gently guides me in front of her, I see her look at my mouth but it's just a fleeting glance, as if she's considering kissing me but remembering we're not supposed to do it.

She nods, and I smile, then I sink to my knees where they softly land into an invisible cushion. How thoughtful, I think.

With trembling hands, I lift her robe up, ordering Camila to either hold it up or remove it completely. But since it's a lot chilly up here (we decide to do it outside the circular room, where the telescopes are. We choose a spot where we're hidden from the door, but Camila has the perfect view of the night sky), she just bunches it up in her hand.

I stare at her cock for a few seconds, not doing anything else. My mouth is gonna be so full.

The second I wrap my fingers around her it's like something possessed me. My inner hoe has tied her hair up in a messy bun, about to give the best suck of her life, and my less wild other self sits silently in the corner of my mind, letting us do our thing.

I playfully squeeze Camila, and she gasps. I lightly lick the precum steadily leaking out of her, and I see her inhale sharply. I love this. I love how powerless Camila is under every flick of my tongue or every grip of my hands; I feel empowered, I love the feeling of being able to manipulate her like a puppet, watching every reaction I could elicit, playing her like an instrument and listening to her moans like my very own composed melody.

Everything has become more intense, some a bit of a blur. All I know is once I tasted her, nothing is important anymore other than the fact that my mouth doesn't want to get separated from her again. I lick and I suck and she moans and I smile; my inner hoe is beaming with pride when I successfully take every inch of her -- because duh, non-existent gag reflex, bitches! I do it slow to savor her, smirking when she tries to push herself on me, always the impatient one.

But I give her what she wants eventually. I quicken my pace, because I love her taste, my tongue keep on flicking the tip for more.

When her fingernails dig so hard against my scalp, I take that as something to be proud of. When she grabs my hair and loses her control for a few seconds as she tries to fuck my mouth relentlessly -- I don't even take that as an insult. She realizes what she's doing seconds later, and her grip loosens a little bit, her hand caressing my cheek as she tries to apologize for what she says are thoughtless actions. I accept her apology (even though I enjoyed her momentary roughness -- just a little bit!) by sucking harder and taking her deeper. When her knees buckle after one particularly intense tongue flick, I giggle, which also make her giggle breathlessly.

I never realized how much I love hearing Camila say my name over and over -- like a chant, or a prayer. It's like she's the one being possessed now, forgetting everything except my name. I love it. I love making her that way. I wish my name would stay in her lips, and maybe I could seal it with a kiss -- um, no, focus, ho.

"Swirl your tongue round the head, Lo... Yes, yes just like that... Oh shit," Camila's eyes are on me -- wide and deliciously dark; both of her hands are gripping my hair -- she says she hates it when my hair covers my face.

She says she wants to watch me while she's inside my mouth. And I love watching her while she's inside my mouth. The way her jawline looks even more pronounced, her tongue snaking in and out of her mouth as she licks her lips, her teeth biting her lips as she tries to keep her moans to a decent volume.

"Thanks for the tip," I smirk as I quickly let her go, my lips ghosting her engorged dark pink head, smirking as I see her bite her bottom lip so hard it's almost red.

For one tiny second, I think of sucking the shit out of that bottom lip. It's wet and swollen and it's begging to be kissed. But, no.

I focus on my task instead, and I continue licking her head as requested as if it's my favorite double scoop ice cream cone, lifting and shifting her warm shaft closer to her taut stomach to give special attention to the underside of her cock. The effect is instantaneous -- her head falls backwards, her hair swaying out her face, her hips pushing forward, her moans becoming more scandalous. I want to shush her, afraid that the noises she's making might be heard outside, but since my mouth is busy leaving wet trails of open-mouthed kisses down the base of her shaft, then stuffing it with something that prevents me from speaking, what I do is tug the front of her robe with my other hand, and she looks down and sees me trying to reach her face. She lowers her head and puts two of my fingers in her mouth and playfully sucks them (well, that'll shut her up for now). The warmth and softness of her tongue makes me all warm and gooey inside, my eyes almost roll backwards as I put her hard cock in my mouth again.

The soft flutter of wings and the sound of doleful hooting of an owl nearby reminds me where we are, and while I'm sure that it's way too early for an Astronomy class, a part of me wouldn't want to get exposed by a stray student, or worse, Mrs. Norris.

So, I suck harder, intent on making her come already, my head bobbing up and down, both my hands busy (she reluctantly releases my fingers from her own sucking), my nose pressing against her abdomen as I take her deeply, my tongue swirling as much as it can while my lips work her like a pro. It's a lot of work -- I'm not sure if it's because it's a magical dick, or Camila simply has a lot of self-control and doesn't want this to end -- but it takes every trick I know before I feel herself getting there.

It's all the typical tell-tale signs that I won't bother mentioning here -- you're all grown adults (I hope!) and you should know how it is. But I'm pretty sure she's close. So I hum and I coax her, and for a second I release her just to tease her, and she looks at me with a frighteningly intense gaze, her expression screaming "what the fuck!?", then I take her again.

Everything is faster, sloppier, less gentle; at this moment, I let our primal desire take over; this isn't just about me helping my best friend out, anymore. It's just two people succumbing to sexual pleasure -- a mutually beneficial act. Me, being fulfilled for being able to give pleasure to someone I love; her, surrendering herself -- her climax and her vulnerability -- to me. This is pure unadulterated sexual release; it transcends friendships or names or logic.

But as I keep pumping her fast and hard with my hand, and sucking her with my mouth, something else happens. Camila looks down and opens her eyes, and she stares at me as I stare right back, and it's like something deep inside of me connects to her. More than my mouth or my tongue or my slick hands on her private parts, I'm now aware of my heart thudding loudly against my chest. My mind is fogging up, but her face is clear, her eyes dark and bright at the same time, and I watch her expression change into something darker as I let her fuck my face, allowing whatever pace she needs. Her eyebrows meeting in the middle, her jaw slackening as her mouth stays slightly open, her eyes threatening to close -- but they don't. She keeps on staring at me with the same intensity I saw when I first take her in my mouth.

There's a slight tilt of her eyebrow, a questioning glance, while her hips move faster and faster it's unbelievable how frenzied her movements are, and her silent question is loud and clear. I answer wordlessly; my hands running towards the back of her thighs, then upwards, grabbing her luscious ass; I squeeze her cheeks, and pull her towards me; my hand sneak towards a spot I know she'll like, my finger slowly pushing in, and Camila comically saying 'Oh!', while my other hand makes sure she's as close to my face as possible. My mouth giving the most intense suction it's capable of, refusing to let her go.

Her eyes twinkle gratefully -- it's me saying that I want her to come in my mouth.

And she did. Intensely and unapologetically.

She comes in my mouth so hard I would have choked if I wasn't prepared for it. I swallowed spurt after spurt, as much as I can, delighting on how much she's giving me, thinking that I did this. I made her this way. Both my inner ho and prude self are clapping and yelling 'That's my girl!" in the background.

I keep her in, my lips firmly wrapped around her, trying to swallow every bit of her essence, but her magical dick poured so much that some of it leaked out of my mouth, dripping down my chin. Camila is a damn machine. Must be all that bouncy energy she has.

Her knees tremble as her body convulses, her hand grabbing me harshly as she tries to stay upright, while her other hand is trying to pump herself dry. She's still coming in tiny spurts. Jesus. This dick is truly something else.

When she finally pulls out (her hand still gripping her shaft, and slowly rubbing her slick head around my lips as if it's Chapstick. I stick my tongue out, silently asking to rub any residue on my flattened tongue -- she's so fucking addictive) we both whimper. I already miss her (Damn, what have I become?) and my mouth feels empty.

She helps me get up, smiling at me, grabbing the hem of her robe and gently wiping my lips and chin. I giggle and let her pull me into a hug.

Her body feels so warm as I crash into her. This feels so comfortable.

"I want to return the favor," she whispers. "I want to eat your pussy, Lo-Lo. Let me taste you," she's almost begging, her breath is hot and heavy against my ear. "I wanna make you come all over my face so hard." She's almost kissing my ear, that's how close her mouth is, and I feel like my soul has left my body. "Please, fucking ride my face."

Goosebumps crawl all over my skin, and I bury my face into her neck. A part of me wants that. A lot. I can feel myself leaking, the image of her cute mouth on me is enough to make my clit throb relentlessly. And her tongue, oh god her abnormally long tongue!

But I say no. Don't ask me why I said no -- obviously, I'm afraid and stupid.

Before either of us can say anything else, I realize that something is still poking me hard.

Uh-oh.

I gulp. "Um, Camz? It didn't work... You still have a dick."

"And still hard," she sighs.

I grin at her, my tongue licking my lips, her taste still in my mouth. "I can do it again if you want."

"I think I'm drained, Lo." She groans loudly, her hands pulling my body against her again, slightly grinding herself on me -- I think she's not even aware of what she's doing. "You might kill me if you did that again so soon."

"Well, I'm sorry it didn't work, Camz. I did my best."

"Oh, you definitely did, Lo-Lo." Camila smiles, "it makes me want to keep this -- maybe I should ask Ally to brew me the maintenance potion."

I slap her shoulder playfully.

"I guess all we can do now is wait..." I say while I try to make myself look decent.

Camila helps me by finger-combing my hair.

"Unless..." She clears her throat. "I mean, maybe the spell will be broken if you have -- you know -- sex with me..."

My eyebrows fly all the way up to my hairline at her suggestion. "Oh, now you're pushing it, Camila." I say in a warning tone.

Grinning, she says, "I bet I can push it real good."

"Ha! I'm not that good of a friend, Cabello. Besides, what if you get me pregnant?" No, I'm totally not considering it.

"Can't you, like, use an Impervius Charm on your cervix or something?"

"Are you kidding me!? What, you expect me to insert my wand inside me and cast a spell just so you could insert your dick inside me? What if I mess up my girly parts? I'm quite fond of my uterus, thanks." I scoff loudly. "Why don't you Impervius your own dick?"

"Do you seriously want me to hex my dick again? A mix of three spells on me isn't enough?"

Our staring contest is testament enough that neither of us is willing to subject ourselves to that risky situation.

"Makes me wonder what wizards use for contraceptives. I mean, it's not like everybody is accepting towards too much muggle artifacts -- I doubt they use condoms," I say, making a mental note to make a trip to the library this weekend.

"I'm pretty sure they have potions for that. Or maybe some spells, too. I don't know. It's not like we have sex ed here," Camila shrugs.

My stomach rumbles loudly. We laugh.

Camila suggests that I should go down the Great Hall for dinner. "Wouldn't want my princess to starve," she playfully adds. "I just love feeding you."

"What are you gonna do about it?" I tilt my head towards her still-very-evident problem.

She sighs. "I guess, I'm going back to the prefects' bathroom and soak in bubbly bath."

"I'll bring you food later." I say.

Just before going down the stairs, I fuss about Camila's hair and robes, making sure she looks presentable just like she did with mine. Then, as we reach the fifth floor, Camila gives me the password to the prefects' bathroom, so I could meet her there in an hour.

As I walk alone the silent corridors, my mind is buzzing with memories of today's events. How easy it is to lose myself in Camila, how natural it is, how I loved pleasing her, how much I enjoyed her taste. But I tell myself that the only reason for that is because she's my bestfriend. I enjoyed what I did because of her dick (coz of I love dicks due to my straightness). Our deep connection is also a part of it. But it doesn't mean anything.

I reach the great hall, which is buzzing with activity, and I sit beside Lucy feeling reassured of my own self. Justifying once again my intense attachment to Camila as something that's pure friendship and innocent adoration.

And just like that, I happily gorge myself with German sausages and mashed potato and grilled chicken as I chat with my fellow Ravenclaws.

A part of me wants to hold on to Camila's sweet-salty taste on my tongue, but I shake those fleeting thoughts off, and gulp down my glass of pineapple juice instead.

Next thing I know, I'm wolfing down my remaining food as my inner ho whispers to me and tells me how nice it would be to feel Camila in my mouth again. This German sausage could never be as satisfying as Camila's.

Minutes later, I'm half-running towards the fifth floor, food bag under my arm, as I tie my hair up in a tight ponytail, ready for another round of sucky sucky. I don't give a damn about Myrtle or that damn mermaid.

• •

AN: I apologize for this chapter, I know majority of you don't like g!p lol. But, sometimes, this bish has to indulge in some sucky sucky. 😂

This is just comedy, it's not meant to be taken seriously. I purposely made parts of it goofy.

Anyway, what's your favorite chapter so far? And what do you like about this story? I wanna know so I could keep adding what you like best in future chapters.

Please don't forget to vote or comment! Thanks for reading! 😘

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