I never realized just how long a day really was. Twenty four hours. A thousand four hundred and forty minutes. Eighty six thousand four hundred seconds.
Sure when you’re busy time seems to fly. When you sleep almost half your day has already disappeared. When you have no cares in the world the days pass by in the blink of an eye.
But when you’re stuck, waiting in a hospital all night, too scared to even sleep, with nothing to do to keep yourself occupied…each second crawled past.
I’d been sitting at this damn hospital, on the floor in the hallway, since last night. Since that disastrous evening at the pizzeria.
Maybe I should stop going there. So many bad things always happened there. Or maybe I should just stop caring; people I loved tended to get hurt a lot.
I hadn’t slept, not even when they announced a few hours ago that Jake was out of surgery but still in intensive care. How could I rest when I knew that Jake was lying there because of me? That he still wasn’t out of the woods yet? That any damage done to him was my fault? That Chad was still out there somewhere, probably feeling utterly victorious at the thought of having ruined us once again?
No. I couldn’t sleep.
I wasn’t the only one. His parents were here, sitting in the waiting room further down on chairs. Tyler and Leena were on either side of me while Jo sat across the hall from us, Nick and Sabrina by her side. It was Saturday night and we were all waiting for news. Even though they said things probably wouldn’t change for a few days, we had decided to stay around for as long as we possibly could until we knew he was alright.
None of us really talked much. It was like an unspoken agreement not to talk until we heard news, or until something happened.
And by the next day something did happen. We were all still sitting there, quiet as graves until a tall girl with long black hair and bright green eyes came down the hall in front of us. She took a look at me and let out a gasp.
“Ivy!” she exclaimed, falling to the ground in front of me before she took me in her arms and hugged me tightly.
“Sandra?” I asked after a long moment, completely stunned. Sandra was Jake’s older sister. She had moved away a long time ago after she got married to her college boyfriend. No one had seen her since then, mainly since it was far too expensive for her to come visit often, and she couldn’t take time off work anyways.
Not to mention, her parents hadn’t really approved of getting married at such a young age, especially to Sam.
“What happened?” she pulled away, holding me at arm’s length while I studied her. She looked different. She was older now, in her later twenties. Last I saw her she was only nineteen and full of life, she looked young. Now she seemed…older. More serious.
“Ivy?” she asked again, waiting for an answer, and I struggled to pull my eyes away from her red rimmed ones.
I hadn’t told anyone the full story of what had happened, that Chad was involved and that he kissed me, that I was the reason Jake took off and got into an accident. But I couldn’t keep it from Sandra. She used to be like the big sister I always wanted but never got. The four of us, Tyler, Jake, Sandra and myself, had all been like a big family. We were so close until Sandra started going to college, then it became the three of us.
I stood up and took her hand, helping her to her feet before I led her down the hall to talk in quiet. Sandra had always been the one I could talk to about things. I knew I could trust her.
As soon as we were far enough I explained everything. Right from the start of this whole mess, not just the restaurant trick but from the very first time we started dating.
She listened patiently, shaking her head at some parts, but waiting till I was done before speaking.
“He believed you cheated on him?” she asked incredulously.
“That’s my guess, since he stormed out without giving me a chance to explain,” I wiped my eyes and sniffed, feeling pathetic.
“Ivy, this is not your fault. It’s that creep’s fault. Jake would never blame you for that,” she gave me a tight hug.
“Then why did he just leave? Why didn’t he come talk to me?” tears were starting to fall. I hadn’t cried since I came to the hospital. I had turned off, forcing myself to be numb. But now it was all starting to come out.
“When you thought Jake cheated on you, did you stick around to interrogate him? Sometimes leaving it alone is better than approaching the situation head on,” she rubbed my back comfortingly.
“But I feel so guilty! If I had just pushed Chad away—”
“Ivy don’t even bother thinking like that. You can’t undo what’s been done, the most you can do is sit and pray for the best,” she soothed. “You know Jake, he’s a fighter. And you know he’s fighting really hard right now.”
I felt a hand touch my arm and I pulled away from Sandra to see Tyler standing there, looking awkward and anxious. “Jake’s parents just got news from the doctor.”
I looked down the hall, seeing the Lewis’ standing there, waiting. Sandra took my hand and Tyler ruffled my hair with a small smile. “Everything’s going to be okay, you’ll see,” he assured me quietly. But I didn’t really believe him.
Every step I took down that hallway brought me that much closer to knowing what had happened. Did I really want to know? What if it was something terrible?
I suddenly had the urge to run away.
But I just tightened my grip on Sandra as we stopped in front of her parents.
Jake’s father cleared his throat, took a breath, looking around at all of us. “Jake’s out of intensive care,” he began and I felt my whole body relax.
“Yes!” Nick cheered, high fiving Tyler. Suddenly, my dark cloud had a silver lining.
“It’ll take a while before everything is healed, he’s stable now though,” he continued and I got a sudden bad feeling. He wasn’t finished yet.
“But?” Sandra prodded after a moment of silence, asking the question I didn’t want an answer too.
“He’s…” Mrs. Lewis was crumpled against his side, and her body shook with fresh sobs. Mr. Lewis swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing as he rubbed his tired eyes. “He’s in a coma.”
“A coma?” we all cried out together.
“They don’t know how long he’ll be in a coma for, or if he’ll wake up, or if he’ll even remember anything if he does wake up,” he ended quietly.
Sandra suddenly let go of me and stood right by her parents. They just stood there, looking at each other. Sandra’s eyes were getting wet with tears with every second, standing all alone until her dad pulled her into a hug with her mom.
After the fall out they had when she married Sam and moved away, it was a good thing that they seemed to still love each other. It was just dreadful that it took something like this for it to happen.
“When can we see him?” I whispered, swaying on my feet. Exhaustion was getting to me and so was all this stress of worrying. Tyler held me steady and I clung to him for all I was worth.
“Tomorrow. So I suggest you all go home and get some rest, we’ll stay the night with him,” Mr. Lewis replied, seeming to be the only one of his family to keep it together enough to function.
“He’s right,” Tyler said, cutting me short before I could even protest. “You need sleep. And if you don’t come home tonight you’re not coming back tomorrow to see him.”
“Tyler!” I wanted to be here the whole time; I wanted to see him as soon as I possibly could.
“He’ll still be here tomorrow and right now you need to get some sleep. I’m serious Ivy, you’re coming home tonight,” he said sternly, “You can come back just in time for a visit. But until then, there’s no point to you being here. You need to relax, okay?”
“Fine,” I gave in, not like I had a choice. Besides, I was far too tired to argue.
I let Tyler lead me out of the hospital and I looked down at the ground the whole time, seeing the dirty toes of my boots. I hadn’t even gone home to change or anything. I went straight from the sidewalk where Mrs. Lewis had called me to the hospital.
I got home and went straight to my room, hearing my parents talking to Tyler about Jake. I didn’t want to hear it.
A coma.
He was so close, yet still a million miles away from me. Any second he could wake up. What if he woke up alone? What if he woke up and couldn’t remember anything? What if he never woke up?
I got into the shower and turned up the hot water, burning my flesh as I did so. But I didn’t pay much attention. I showered like a robot; movements stiff and mechanical, going through the motions like I was used to but not really registering any of it. Before I knew it I was done and stepping into fresh clothes. I braided my hair, seeing my blank expression in the mirror.
I went straight to bed. It was late after all, and I hadn’t slept since Thursday and it was already Saturday night, almost Sunday.
I found myself thinking of Jake again. It was like my mind was a broken record, skipping over the same thing time and time again, unable to move forward or back. I wished he could be here with me, right here next to me under the covers, warm and comforting and just there.
As tired as I was, soon my pillow was soaking up tears. I lay there for an eternity, wishing I could turn back time right to the day I found Shannon kissing Jake. I could have avoided all of this had I just confronted him, confronted her. All of this would have turned out differently.
Floorboards creaked and my door cracked open slightly. I heard his familiar shuffle across the floor once the door clicked shut softly. Silently, Tyler crawled into bed with me, holding me just like when I was little and someone had picked on me. He didn’t make a sound, I’m sure he didn’t know what to say, he just stayed there with me until my sobs edged off into small whimpers, and finally I dropped off into sleep.
********
“Hey, any change?” Tyler asked once we came back the next day.
Sandra shook her head, “You can go see him if you want.”
Tyler took my hand and squeezed it, “You want to see him?” he asked cautiously.
I nodded furiously, wincing as my head throbbed with pain. I hadn’t gotten much sleep.
He walked me to Jake’s room and he opened the door for me. But I balked. “You go first.” I blurted. “I’ll wait out here.”
He didn’t argue, he just went inside while I sat on the floor to wait. I don’t know how long he was in there, but it felt like a short time. Minutes seemed to be flying now that I was going to see him. But I didn’t want to see him. I wanted to keep believing this was all a nightmare, that he was alright. But as soon as I walked in there and saw him, I knew it’d be true. That he was hurt and in a coma. That he wasn’t just sleeping.
“Your turn,” Tyler said weakly, and for once he seemed a little shaky. He’d been strong throughout the past few days, but now even he looked vulnerable.
It took a lot of effort to pick myself up off the floor, and even more to walk to that damn white door. I kept my eyes down as I walked through and Tyler closed the door to give me some privacy. I took a seat by the bed and only then did I look at him.
It was awful.
Bandages covering his forehead, his cheek, his arm in a sling and cast, bruises up and down his bare left arm made me wonder just how bad his other one had looked. His lip had split, and he had a black eye with a scratch involving stitches right under it.
I wondered just how bad the rest of him looked. He did hit a tree after all; his car was completely totaled with no hope for rescue.
Hopefully Jake wouldn’t end up like his car, destroyed beyond repair.
“Hey Jake,” I slipped my hand into his good one, feeling the rough skin of his palm against mine. I took it in both hands and held it to my lips, closing my eyes. “I’m so sorry Jake. Chad tricked me again and I fell for it. But you had to pay the price, like usual. I’m so, so sorry.”
Tears fell from my eyes, and I was mildly surprised, figuring out of all the time I’d cried, I would have run out of tears by now.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that. I can’t believe he could do that to us again. But I promise you I love you, okay? Don’t you ever believe that for a moment I don’t. I know the situation might have looked bad, but I didn’t kiss him, okay? He just wanted to hurt us.”
I took a breath and shook my head. Chad wasn’t worth talking about.
“As soon as you get out of here, we’re going to go out to a nice dinner together. You know what? It doesn’t even have to be a ‘nice’ place. I’ll be happy even with McDonalds.” I drew my fingers up his arm gently, watching his face but he had no reaction. He just stayed completely peaceful, face completely relaxed.
“You’re kind of lucky you know, you get all this extra sleep and rest. And you get to miss school and all,” I let out a small chuckle, just imagining his playful glare if he’d heard me. “No more math or anything for you. No more Shannon or Chad either…”
“I’m going to miss you,” I whispered, touching his cheek, his hair, despite the fact that it looked goofy having been combed back now. I fluffed it out to look more like his usual mess. “But you can take all the time you need, okay? I’m going to wait for you, no matter how long it takes. I just want you to be better, so you better fight hard, okay?”
I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Come back soon,” I whispered.
********
The Monday morning at school was long. Every day felt long. Especially since everyone was talking about me, whispering in the halls and classes, looking at me as I walked. I put in my earphones and ignored them all.
But then an arm dropped around my shoulders. I shook them off and stalked off, not in the mood to deal with anyone at all.
They caught up though, putting an arm around my waist before they pulled out an earphone and kissed me on the cheek. Anger blazed up in me like a nuclear explosion.
“Chad get the fuck off of me!” I shoved him off of me so hard he fell to the ground and all traffic in the halls heading to second period screeched to a halt.
“But baby, I thought—” he sputtered, completely shocked.
“Well you thought wrong! Don’t you dare call me baby, you disgusting excuse for a human being!” I nearly shouted, “What in the world is wrong with you? Did your mom throw you at a wall when you were a baby or something? Just leave me and Jake alone!”
“Jake doesn’t want you anymore, that’s why he ran out when he saw us together,” he picked himself up and dusted his hands off, completely relaxed looking. “I can understand that you might be stressed, but honestly Ivy I’m not mad.”
“You’re not mad? You’re not mad? Well congrats Chad! Because I’m furious! So furious that I could probably torture you right now and not even flinch! Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” I shrieked, shoving him again. But this time he only stumbled back a few steps.
“I got my girl back,” he smiled.
“I am not your girl! And I never will be! Get that through your psychotic head this instant or I swear to God you’ll be the one lying in a hospital bed next!”
“Next?” his brow furrowed.
“Oh so you haven’t heard?” I retorted bitterly, “Jake’s in the hospital right now, has been since Friday night after he got into a car accident. He’s in a coma thanks to you.”
“Well that’s not my fault. He’s the one who was driving,” he shrugged.
“How can you not even care that he’s in the hospital? It was your fault Chad, every bit of it. If you hadn’t tricked me again, if you hadn’t kissed me he never would have ran off, gotten into that car and driven home. Everything would have been fine! But no, you had to go and be a complete psycho and not leave me alone.”
The crowd of students started whispering, looking at us fight.
“Again, he was the one driving,” he said, not at all effected by it. “Besides, he deserved it for treating you like shit and getting in the way of our relationship. Now we can be together.” He smiled at me and went to hug me or something. But I was done playing his crazy games.
I brought my foot up and nailed him right in the crotch with it so hard he nearly screamed. He fell to the ground, clutching his crotch for dear life in a tiny little ball. The students exploded into laughter.
“No! Don’t you dare laugh,” I snapped, looking at everyone. “This is not funny at all. This guy has ruined my life,” I pointed an accusing finger at Chad, writhing on the ground in agony, whimpering and whining.
“Do not for a second think that you can trust this slime ball. He blackmailed Shannon into kissing my boyfriend to make it look like he was cheating so I dumped him. And I did. Then Chad asked me out, and he was being so damn nice I thought ‘why not’? and did. Then I found out what happened. I dumped him and went back to Jake, the guy who didn’t trick me, the guy who still fought to keep me around even when I wouldn’t listen.” I kicked Chad hard enough to make him roll over. “This guy right here has been lying and manipulating everyone from the start. He’s done it to every single one of you. And just Friday night, he did it again.”
“He gave me a note, and Jake one too, saying to meet up at the pizzeria, signing it as if we’d written it to each other. But it was a trick. Chad kissed me when Jake got there to make it look like I was back with him. He got mad and drove off.” I stared solemnly at the crowd. “Right into a ditch.”
“And the blame can fall mostly on the one and only, Chad James.” I met the eyes of everyone I looked at. “Do not trust a snake. If I were you, I’d avoid him all together. He’ll try tricks on you, he’ll try to manipulate you. Don’t give him the chance. Don’t end up like I did.”
“Ivy,” he gasped, “Why?”
“Why? Because everyone deserves to know how absolutely spineless and sick you are. I don’t want anyone else going through the hell you caused me. You needed someone to teach you a lesson.” I crouched down and grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to look at me. He whimpered. “You’re a spineless coward, Chad. You’re the one who deserved to end up in that coma. Not Jake. I hope everything you did haunts you and that you’ve learned your lesson. Because next time, I won’t be so nice.” I let him drop and stomped off. I put my earphone back in, blasted my music and left the scene through a part in the crowd they made as I walked.
Instead of feeling better about having gotten all that out, I just felt worse. I felt empty. I slowed my pace, not finding the energy to go much faster. I ended up being late, but by now even some of the teachers had heard about the whole thing. So they just let me take my seat without even punishing me for being tardy.
It was hard to concentrate on class. I just kept thinking about Jake and how much I wanted to be with him. I told him to take his time, but I sincerely hoped he would wake up soon.
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I know I said I wouldn't update for a bit BUT IM IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD I JUST WATCHED HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 AGAIN AND I CRIED AND LAUGHED AND DROOLED OVER HICCUP AND THE ANIMATION AND EVERYTHING AND OH GOD ITS SUCH A PERFECT MOVIE I FEEL LIKE SINGING FROM ROOFTOPS AND DANCING AND BLASTING MUSIC SUPER LOUD AND PARTYING REALLY HARD WITH FRIENDS OR STRANGERS I DONT REALLY CARE I JUT WANNA LIVE AND FEEL AND OH GOD I HAVENT FELT SO ALIVE IN AGES AND MY PICTURES FINALLY CAME BACK FROM BEING DEVELOPED FOR MY PHOTO CLASS AND OH GOD SOME ACTUALLY CAME OUT PRETTY NICE IM SO PLEASED YAY
"WHERE NO ONE GOES" BY JONSI IS MY JAM YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND ITS SUCH A WONDERFUL PERFECT SONG LIKE YOU KNOW IN PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER WHERE THEY DRIVE DOWN THE TUNNEL IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK AND FEEL INFINITE? THIS IS ONE OF THE SONGS THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE THAT OH GOD I FEEL LIKE FLYING AND BEING IN LOVE AND i JUST CANT GUYS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GREAT I FEEL RIGHT NOW
MUCH LOVE AND GOOD VIBES MY LOVELY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS, I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING AS AWESOME OF A NIGHT AS I AM AND SERIOUSLY CHECK OUT THE SONG IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY AND WATCH THE HTTYD MOVIES TOO EVEN IF YOU DONT LIKE ANIMATED FILMS OR ANYTHING OH GOD THEY'RE SO MAGNIFICENT THE SEQUEL IS TO DIE FOR
XXLAURA <3 <3 <3 <3