“Yo, Ivy!” someone called. I cursed under my breath as I felt an arm being slung around my shoulders. Chad looked down at me, his blonde hair messy and blue eyes bright.
“Hey, Chad,” I mumbled, too tired to even bother brushing his arm off of me. I hadn’t slept at all last night; I kept thinking about Java’s, thinking of what I was going to say to Jake.
“Jeez, what happened to you?” he asked, arching an eyebrow at me.
“Nothing.”
He stopped walking and grabbed my arm to stop me. “Something’s wrong,” he said, searching my face, “What happened?”
I looked away, pulling gently out of his grasp as I stepped away. “Nothing,” I repeated as I took off down the hallway, weaving between all the teenagers in a rush to get to first period on time. I lost Chad within seconds, and made it to first period several minutes before him. I chewed anxiously on my lip, wishing the bell would ring as soon as possibly so Chad couldn’t continue to question me.
Chad walked in, his eyes landing me on immediately. He strode towards me with a determined look on his face as he took his seat next to me.
“Ivy-” he started, but the bell rang and the teacher called the class’ attention.
I exhaled in relief, relaxing slightly in my seat when the teacher said we’d be writing a reflection that, fortunately for me, was going to take all period.
I threw myself into my work, focusing all my energy into my school work for the entire morning. I ignored Chad to the best of my abilities and when the bell rang for the end of class I leapt to my feet and all but sprinted out the door. Second period was much the same thing, ignoring Chad as well as Jolene and Leena. When the bell rang, once again I hurried to my feet and out the door before any of them could react. On my way out the door, I saw Chad talking to Jo and Leena. I was curious, but I wasn’t ready to tell them. Telling Sabrina, Nick and Tyler was one thing. Chad, Jo and Leena was another. It was like admitting defeat. Making our break up final.
God, I’m an idiot, I thought bitterly. Why did I break up with Jake? How could I have been so stupid? For the first time in my life I actually regretted breaking up with someone.
I threw my books into my locker with more force than necessary before snatching my lunch of one of the shelves and hurrying to the cafeteria. I had brought my Ipod along with me and I plugged it in as I walked, putting in my earphones as I started to blast some loud, rock music.
Godsmack was the band of the day it appeared, simply because it suited my mood. 'I Stand Alone'. It was perfect for today, so I put the setting on repeat before I entered the cafeteria. I saw Tyler and Jake already sitting at our table, and I took a deep breath before I walked slowly to the table.
Tyler spotted me first since he was sitting facing me, and he shot me an apologetic look as I took my usual seat next to Jake. I swallowed hard as I scooted sideways, further away from him.
He looked up at me once, his expression so filled with different emotions that I couldn’t even distinguish them before he looked away again. I took out my cookies, skipping out on my sandwich since I was in desperate need of comfort food. But even chocolate chip cookies didn’t make me feel better. I wasn't sure whether or not anyone was talking since my music was so loud I couldn’t even hear the usual loud hum of the hundreds of teenagers talking in the cafeteria. A few moments later, I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
I looked up with my eyes, keeping my head bent down, and saw Chad sitting next to me. He looked at me, frowning before I looked down again.
If I thought it was awkward before, now it was worse. The few times I looked up, everyone looked slightly uncomfortable and confused. Not to mention, I was stuck in between my ex-boyfriend and new best friend Chad, whom my brother appeared to hate.
I chewed anxiously on my lip until I suddenly saw everyone start to pack up their things. I paused my music just in time to hear the bell ringing. I sighed, grabbing my left over lunch in my hands before I walked off without a word. I felt someone walking beside me, and I knew it was Chad.
When I stopped at my locker, he suddenly yanked my earphones out.
“What the hell!” I snapped, glaring at Chad.
“I’ve had enough of the silent treatment, Ivy. If I’ve done something wrong tell me, if I haven’t then talk to me dammit,” he said, glaring right back at me.
“Hello, how are you? It’s frightfully cold outside today, don’t you think? I’m so glad it’s Friday, it’s finally the weekend which means I get to stay home and wallow in misery for two whole days! Yippee!” I said bitterly, “There. Happy? We talked. Now leave me alone," I said, slamming my locker shut and taking off down the hall.
He sprinted ahead of me, screeching to a halt in front of me as he blocked my way, “Not good enough, Ivy. You said we’re friends now,” he said, his blue eyes hard, “So start acting like it.”
I glared at him for a moment before I felt myself soften, looking away. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out and need some space to myself okay?”
He narrowed his eyes at me for a moment before he relaxed slightly, “Fine. But what ever is bothering you…” he trailed off, “You know you can talk to me, Ivy.”
I nodded, “Thanks, Chad. But I just need to…to figure things out.”
He nodded mutely, and I was glad, but also surprised, that he dropped the subject so quickly. Not that I was complaining or anything.
********
“Alright everybody,” Jake said, grinning at the crowd gathered at Java’s. There was even more people than last time; probably because everyone had talked about them and had brought more people to see Jake and Nick’s band.
“This first song we’re going to sing,” Jake started before he turned and pointed behind him at Nick, “My friend Nick over there,” Nick waved at the crowd and there were a few cheers and shouts of ‘Hey baby!’ and stuff. Other people laughed and Jake chuckled.
“My friend Nick wanted to dedicate this song to his special girl, Sabrina,” Jake said, his eyes scanning the room. He waved at Sabrina, who was sitting next to me at a small round table on high chairs. She flushed slightly when everyone turned to look at her.
“So this songs for you Sabrina,” Jake grinned, and I saw his eyes look over me, his grin fading slightly as one of the guitarists and Jake started strumming their guitars, playing the short opening of a familiar song.
“I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold,” Jake sang, closing his eyes, “I don't want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. You're the one I wanna chase, you're the one I wanna hold. I won’t let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.”
There were a few cheers and whistles from the crowd and Jake smiled, opening his green eyes to look around the room.
“I love this song!” Sabrina cried, grinning broadly as she looked at Nick, who looked like he was having a great time drumming away. I smiled a little too; I loved this song as well.
“I know that you are something special,” Jake looked in my direction, “To you I'd be always faithful.”
I looked down at my hands, feeling guilt shoot through me.
“I want to be what you always needed, then I hope you'll see the heart in me,” he sang softly before singing the chorus again.
“Your beautiful soul, yeah. You might need time to think it over, but I’m just fine moving forward. I'll ease your mind, if you give me the chance I will never make you cry c’mon lets try,” he sang, another smile lighting across his face while there were a few more cheers and whistles from the crowd.
“I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul. You're the one I wanna chase; you're the one I wanna hold. I wont let another minute go to waste; I want you and your beautiful soul,” he held the word ‘soul’ longer, gradually bringing the notes down, until he stopped altogether, his eyes closed as he hit each note perfectly.
“Am I crazy for wanting you? Baby, do you think you could want me too? I don't wanna waste your time. Do you see things the way I do? I just wanna know if you feel it too? There is nothing left to hide,” he sang, his voice deeper than usual while girls hooted and shouted.
One girl even shouted, ‘I want you too!’ and everyone laughed. Even I chuckled a little bit. I mean come on, we were in a coffee shop not a concert.
“I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold, I don't want my love to go to waste; I want you and your beautiful soul,” he sang softly, just him strumming his guitar with Nick drumming quietly in the background. My eyes were glued to Jake, watching him as he looked so happy up there, singing and smiling.
“You’re the one I wanna chase, you're the one I wanna hold. I won’t let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul,” he sang, opening his eyes as he re-sang the chorus, faster and happier, drawing out certain notes, going higher and lower until everyone was clapping and cheering for them.
Once everyone quieted down, they played Acadia by Marianas Trench. Song after song they played until they finally got to the last song.
When the opening chords started, I didn’t recognize the song. But it was kind of obvious why, the original version of the song had different noises in it, not guitar.
But when Jake started singing, I recognized the song.
“I'm wondering…aimlessly to get you off of my mind. The city lights shine so bright, brings back the look in your eyes,” he sang slowly.
I felt guilt shoot through me as I saw the hurt on his face and heard the sad tone of his voice.
“Speechless. Motionless. Can you hear me?” he sang, while the two other guys echoed ‘Can you hear me?’
Yes, I did hear him. Loud and clear. I hurt him. I knew that. And I’ve regretted it since I did it. But hr had hurt me too.
“So here's your song,” he said, looking at me, “For what I've done wrong. How could this happen?”
“Singing; we were dreamers every single day. Singing; we were believers in every single way,” he sang softly.
“And I'm running out, just to try and catch you; out of breath, hopelessness. I'm running out of clever words to keep you here with me, smiling. I'm keeping out the thousands of emotions in my head, on the bed. So here's your song, for what I've done wrong,” he sang strongly, his voice taking on a whole new level that was so full of emotion that it almost made me want to cry.
I didn’t understand. It had been a day that we’d been broken up and I was so mushy about it. I’d never cried over a guy, and I’d never felt so bad about breaking up with someone before. Jake was different than the others.
I watched Jake as he sang, unable to take my eyes off him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sabrina cast me a sympathetic glance, patting my hand comfortingly.
The song drifted to its final chords and everyone in the coffee shop exploded in applause. I blinked my tears away and applauded as well, feeling a knot grow in my stomach as I realized I had to talk to Jake now.
The band said their goodbyes before they headed off-stage to put away their instruments, and a hum of conversation from the audience replaced the music.
“You ready, Ivy?” Sabrina asked, her blue eyes bright.
“Ready to throw up,” I admitted, tugging anxiously on my hair again.
“Perfect,” Sabrina said, sliding off the high-chair, “Let’s go.”
I took a deep breath before I followed her to where the band was finishing putting things away.
“Nick!” she called, rushing up to him. She tackled him, locking her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck before she kissed him, “That was so sweet of you!”
Nick flushed slightly and I felt the corner of my mouth tug upwards in a half-smile. And then I spotted Jake.
Yikes.
I swallowed hard, walking towards him as he put his guitar in its case.
“Um….hi Jake,” I said quietly, tugging even harder on my hair. Damn, if this kept up I wasn't going to have any hair left.
He turned his head to look at me a moment, and I could see he was slightly shocked, “Uh…hello?” he said uncertainly.
“Can we talk?” I asked, keeping my eyes glued to the floor.
“What’s the point?” he sighed, “We’re not dating anymore.”
“But Jake, you weren’t just my boyfriend,” I said as he zipped up the case. “You were my best friend.”
“Things change, I guess,” he said, slinging his guitar case over his shoulder. He adjusted the strap before staring at me long and hard.
“Look, I don’t know why you want to talk to me, Ivy. You’re the one who dumped me,” he said, his green eyes were as hard as emeralds.
I shook my head, “I know that, but what if I regretted it? What if I thought I made a mistake?”
His face sudden slipped from that perfect mask of his, and I saw it, there right beneath the surface, barely there.
Hope.
It was gone in a flash. “No, Ivy. You can’t just change your mind and decide you want to date me one day and change your mind the next.”
“I’m sorry, Jake. I really, really am. And I know you probably hate me right now, but I don’t want to lose you Jake,” I said, shifting my weight from foot to foot, “You’re too big a part of my life.”
“Well, maybe you should have thought of that before,” he said, starting to step around me.
“So what? Now we can’t even be friends?” I asked, “Wow, I guess almost a decade of friendship meant nothing to you."
He froze, his back to me, before he turned around completely, marching right up to my face.
“It meant a lot to me, Ivy,” he said, grinding his teeth, “I just thought it meant something to you.”
“It does mean something to me! Why the hell do you think I’m here for?” I snapped, glaring at him for a moment before I exhaled slowly, trying to calm myself down. “Look, Jake. I’m trying to fix this, it may not look like it but I am.”
He said nothing.
“I know I hurt you when I said those things and we broke up, but I just…I wasn’t thinking and I’m sorry,” I said, looking up into his hard eyes. “I’m sorry for shouting, for not letting you explain, and for breaking up with you.” I took a deep breath, “Can we at least still be friends?”
“I don’t think you can be friends with someone you can’t trust,” he said roughly.
“God dammit, Jake!” I exclaimed, glaring at him, “The whole reason I want to be friends with you again is so that I can trust you again.”
He shook his head, taking a step back, “Just for you to break my heart again? Forget it.” He turned and started to walk away.
“You’re not the only one with a broken heart,” I said softly. But I knew he heard me. His whole body stiffened and he stopped walking. For a moment he started to turn around, but then he shook his head and walked out of the coffee shop.
And out of my life.
“Ivy?” I heard Sabrina ask softly.
I noted that everyone in the coffee shop was dead quiet and looking at me.
I shook my head, “I’m fine…I think I’m going to head home, okay guys?”
Nick and Sabrina exchanged a glance before looking at me and nodding, “I’ll drive you home,” Nick said.
“No, it’s okay. I…I think I’ll walk,” I said, stumbling away before he could protest. I grabbed my coat, zipping it up all the way as I hurried outside.
As soon as I got outside I inhaled deeply, before I set off down the street. My phone rang when I was about halfway home and I grudgingly took my hands out of my warm coat pockets to answer it.
“Ivy!” someone cried happily.
“Chad,” I said, monotone.
“Whoa, what’s wrong with you?” he asked, then paused, “Is the same thing that was bothering you this morning bothering you now?”
“Yes,” I said, my voice still deadpan.
“Want me to come over or something?” he asked uncertainly.
“No, I want to go out tonight,” I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me, “Got any good movies in mind?”
I could tell Chad was surprised and uncertainly began to tell me names of movies that were in theaters that looked good. We agreed to meet at eight thirtyish, which meant I really had to run since it was eight. Fortunately for me, the movie theater wasn’t that far away.
When I arrived, Chad was already there. I was absolutely frozen from head to foot and my teeth were chattering so badly I couldn’t even speak. So for the remaining half an hour before the movie started, we took our seats and Chad started to warm me up by rubbing his hands on my arms and hands until I was sufficiently warmed up.
I enjoyed the movie, it took my mind off things for about two hours before we headed back to my place. Chad refused to let me walk home after I had practically frozen my ass off just to walk to the theater, so he drove me home.
I invited Chad in since it didn’t seem like my parents or anyone was around, so we went upstairs to my room. I flopped on my bed while Chad took my computer chair like last time.
“What happened?” Chad asked quietly after a moment of silence.
“Jake and I broke up,” I said softly.
“What?!” Chad exclaimed, jumping off the chair to sit with me on my bed, “Why the hell did that happen?”
I shrugged, “I caught him…cheating and we just…broke up.” I looked up at Chad’s face, “But now that I think about it I don’t think Jake did cheat on me.”
“Was he kissing another girl?” Chad asked, his expression serious.
“Well, yeah,” I admitted, “But he said that she kissed him and he pushed her away after I ran off.”
Chad snorted, “Convenient.”
I frowned, “How would you know if its true or not?”
“Who was he kissing?”
“Shannon,” I replied, suspicious.
“Shannon?” he questioned and then a spark of recognition flashed through his blue eyes, “Oh, I know her. She’s pretty good in b- I mean, she’s a pretty good kisser.’
I clapped my hands over my ears, “I don’t even want to know.”
There was a pause before he hesitated and touched my hand, “How do you feel about the whole situation?”
I exhaled slowly, closing my eyes, “I don’t know," I admitted, “I mean, I love Jake. I know that, but at the same time I don’t want to be with him because I’m afraid he’ll hurt me again. But then I remember how I hurt him, and how breaking up was my idea, and then I feel guilty for hurting him and-” I cut myself off when I realized I was rambling.
“I’m a bit of a mess,” I ended, feeling horrible.
Chad suddenly cupped my cheek, drawing his thumb across my cheek. I felt a dampness on my skin while I stared at him open-mouthed. He pulled away, smiling slightly.
“You were crying,” he explained softly.
I wiped angrily at tears I didn’t even know were coming down.
“You know I would never hurt you, Ivy,” Chad said, suddenly taking my hand and squeezing it.
I looked at him for a long moment, “I know,” I said slowly, still feeling a few tears escape.
“Ivy,” Chad said, taking my wrists when I went to wipe my eyes again, “Just let it out. You’ll feel better.”
I shook my head, “No. I’m sick of crying. I just…I want things to go back to normal.”
He slid his hands down from my wrists to my own hands before entwining our fingers together, “I don’t think things will ever be normal.”
“I know,” I exhaled shakily.
Chad gazed at me quietly as I started to cry. Again. Damn, I was sick of crying but I just couldn’t stop. Chad wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, rubbing my back until I calmed down. I heard his phone ring and he cursed before pulling away slightly.
“What?” he snapped to the person on the phone, “Fine," he said after a moment, hanging up. He sighed, rubbing my arms, “I have to go home."
I nodded mutely as I pulled away, wrapping my arms around my knees, “See you on Monday,” I said, forcing a smile.
“See you Monday,” he echoed, standing up before he bent his head to kiss my forehead. He smiled and waved at me before he left.
And then I was alone. I curled under my blankets, welcoming their warmth. I lay there in bed, alone in the darkness, awake for God knows how long.
I had no idea how long I had been lying there for before it finally hit me that I hadn’t just lost my boyfriend. I had lost my best friend too.
-----------------
Hey y'all, how are you this fine day? Tomorrow is August, which means I'm 19 days away from starting school AND IM SO PUMPED UGH but also SO ANXIOUS HOLY SHIT I MIGHT CRY/THROW UP. I've got a lot of chapters edited and ready for posting, for this, S2L and sort of W&V and I'm proud of myself for being so productive. Usually I edit and update as I go, but now I'm being all responsible and smart by hoarding the edits and staggering the updates. Its a wonderful feeling.
Anyways, I'm taking full advantage of my late night editing because soon I won't be able to do it anymore, since I'll have to sleep in order to function for school. If I posted all the edited chapters for this story, it would already be half done though so HOLLA. W&V is also half edited and S2L has like 10 chapters left (to be edited and to be posted...oops). But I'm making some good progress so if I don't have much time to edit when school starts it wont be so bad because I have my chapter hoard going on. I'm hoping to have all of BLWL and W&V edited before school, and S2L should be edited and finished as well. But I refuse to finish off S2L on here until I've got a handle on the sequel. I only have like 3 and a half chapters and that is so not enough, but I'm also trying to finish off all my art projects and it eats up quite a bit of time. Not to mention, my new addiction to School of Dragons...
Either way, for people waiting on stories, you won't have to wait much longer. I've got about 3 weeks left and I'm planning on posting a lot. I'm aiming for S2L to be uploaded entirely and to be almost done BLWL, and to have started posting W&V as well.
I'm really just blathering on and on because it helps me organize my thoughts, not because its anythinh important for you guys to know. So stay tuned, because here comes another chapter!
Much love and good vibes,
xxLaura