When I woke up Wednesday morning, I felt like crap and looked like it too. And I personally didn’t care anymore. Today was the day Jake and I were going to have ‘the talk’. Crap was the theme of the day and I was just going to run with it.
I stumbled awkwardly down the stairs, still feeling the sore muscles in my body from the dance lesson. I was slightly glad about the fact that I had a day off today so I could relax and maybe catch up on some homework….or not. I strolled past Tyler on my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I didn’t even bother with breakfast, I was too nervous to eat.
By the time I finished brushing my teeth, it was time to go. I slipped on my coat and shoes at the same time as Tyler, feeling the awkward silence surround us.
As I went to toss my lunch into my backpack, I saw a shock of pink. I stared at it for a moment. Why in the world would I own anything pink?
And then I remembered. A wide smile spread across my face as I zipped my bag up and slung it over my shoulder. I scooped up my I-Pod, plugged in my earphones and immediately started playing some rock music as I walked outside, not even bothering to wait for Tyler.
I slid into the backseat of Jake’s car, not even acknowledging his presence as Tyler hurriedly followed me outside, locking the door before jogging to the car. The ride to school was uneventful as far as I was concerned, and just like yesterday, as soon as we parked I was out the door and running into school.
Everything Chad needed was now stuffed into a plastic bag and I wrote a quick note on paper, making sure my handwriting was as neat possible so there wouldn’t be any screw ups, before I tossed the note in and tied the bag shut. I grabbed my Math stuff and the bag before heading to one of the stair cases in the senior section of school.
I found Chad sitting on a bench under the stairs, chatting to a random blonde girl who was sitting in his lap. I rolled my eyes and walked over to him as normally as I could with my sore muscles. I tossed the bag onto the girl’s lap and she jerked in surprise and disgust.
“What the hell is that you freak?” She screeched, turning to give me the death glare as she brushed the bag off her lap.
I glared at her as I picked the bag up again, and I saw her shrink back in fright. Everyone at school already knew not to get on my bad side because I could get ugly if I needed too, and apparently this girl knew it and was scared of me.
“The world doesn’t revolve around you,” I snapped.
“I know it doesn’t revolve around me, it revolves around the Earth,” she said, flicking her hair over her slim shoulder.
Even Chad gaped at her in surprise, while I sniggered. “It revolves around the sun, idiot,” I said before turning my attention to Chad. “I have to talk to you…in private.”
Chad whispered something in the blonde girl’s ear and she giggled before standing up, straightening her mini skirt so it was hiked up even higher than before, and skipped off.
I glared at Chad, hands on my hips.
“What?” he asked, puzzled.
“Did you ever stop to think that maybe one of the reasons I don’t like you is because…oh, I don’t know…you’re a manwhore?”
He winced, “Actually, I didn’t think that was one of the reasons. Most people like-”
“I am not a part of ‘most people’, so cut the crap Chad,” I said, tapping my foot impatiently.
His mouth clamped shut and I tossed the bag into his lap. He looked down, confused.
“Everything you need to get me to forgive you is in that bag. Read the instructions and follow them. If you do anything wrong you can kiss forgiveness goodbye,” I said, turning on my heel before striding away. I went a few steps before turning around again, “And don’t you dare tell anyone about it.”
Third period was going to be the best part of my day.
*********
“Can all fourth year students please come to the auditorium, please?” the secretary asked on the intercom. Everyone in my History class immediately jumped to their feet and headed out the door. It was not missed that Chad was distinctly not present today, most girls were very upset by him ‘skipping’ History.
But I knew better. He wasn’t skipping, he was working on my deed.
I sniggered as I walked down the hallway, anxious to get to the assembly so the fun could start. It took several minutes for everyone in my grade to sit down and shut up in the large auditorium. The assembly was just supposed to be about the school rules, some of the complaints and the comments from the students that we think needs to be improved on.
Like the disgusting cafeteria lunches. Or the fact that there is never any toilet paper in the bathrooms. Or even that the soap in the bathroom’s have been ‘tampered with’…ergo people open the soap dispensers and spit it them. Nasty.
I settled into my seat as the principal and the vice principals went on and on about things that no one really cared about. I constantly glanced down at my watch, and right as it hit the two o’clock mark, one of the auditorium doors opened and Chad came walking down the aisle in a long, black cape that completely covered his body so only his head and hands showed. He hurried down the long aisle on the left side of the auditorium while everyone watched him in confusion and curiosity.
I grinned broadly as I watched him mount the steps. The VP’s and even the Principal seemed completely shell shocked, until Chad made his way to the front and center of the stage. He looked up at the top of the auditorium and nodded.
Suddenly music that was fitting to be in Swan Lake started to play through the speakers. Chad dropped his robe, his cheeks a bright pink color that completely matched his outfit.
Hot pink tights. Ballet shoes. A tight, long, pink V-neck shirt, with a big, pink, fluffy tutu.
He started to do a very poor imitation of a ballerina, twirling on his ‘toes’ while everyone in the auditorium started to giggle, then laugh. Slowly guys and gals started to hoot and whistle, taking out their phones to take pictures and video tape while Chad did ungainly leaps across the stage, putting his hands above his head and twinkle-toeing his way across the line of faculty members.
Suddenly, everyone on stage was in action. The principal and VP’s jumped to their feet, hurrying towards Chad. Seeing this, Chad’s blue eyes popped as he suddenly shouted, “I’m sorry!” and then sprinted off stage, all the VP's running after him while the principal stayed behind to calm us down.
Everyone cheered him on as he bolted right out the door, blowing kisses and slapping his butt at the staff while they chased after him. The principal's efforts were futile. We were too far gone and our attention was wrecked for the rest of the assembly.
It totally made my day.
********
“So…am I forgiven?” Chad asked me as I walked with him to my house. I refused to endure another awkward, silent, tense car ride with my brother and….boy-with-pending-boyfriend-status, AKA Jake.
“Well, you did do everything I asked,” I pursed my lips, “Fine. You’re forgiven.”
“Yes!” he cried, leaping into the air with a wide grin on his face.
“Keep it in your pants,” I muttered, and he turned to me, giving me that same wide grin.
“Don’t worry, I’ll try too,” he said, slinging an arm around my shoulders.
I pushed him away, “I said you’re forgiven, not that we’re dating now.”
He pouted, “What do you see in Jake anyways? I would be a much better boyfriend than him.”
I scowled at the sidewalk we were walking on. Chad definitely hit a raw nerve. “You’re a guy. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“Try me,” he challenged, bumping my shoulder with his.
I bumped him back with my hip, hard. He stumbled sideways and I sniggered, “Wimp.”
“I’m not a wimp,” he said, regaining his balance as he continued to walk next to me, “You just have outrageously strong hips.”
“That’s because I’m a dancer,” I said, striking a pose.
“You’re a dancer?” he gaped at me, blue eyes widening in surprise.
“Yeah,” I gave him a weird look as we continued walking, “How did you think I got a hold of all the ballet stuff?”
“You’re a ballerina?” he asked, sounding even more shocked.
I bumped him with my hip again, “No, I dance latin and ballroom, but there are ballet classes at my studio so that’s where I got the stuff.”
“Let me guess, Tango and stuff right?” he said as we turned onto my street.
I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my coat, “Yup.”
“Isn’t that the dance were you have to be all passionate and sexy and all over the guy?”
“Yup.”
“Mmmm, will I ever get to see that? Actually, scratch that. Will I ever get to dance with you?” he asked, a smirk on his face.
“You will never get to see me dance, and you will never dance with me. I’d rather die than dance all over you,” I said, making a face at him. Gross.
He sighed dramatically, “Oh, Ivy. You wound me,” he put his hands over his heart.
“You’ll live,” I assured him, “See you tomorrow,” I said, jogging up my driveway. I tried not to notice Jake’s car in the driveway, and jogged right past.
“See you tonight!” Chad called.
I paused, the key in the lock, before I turned around and gave him a questioning look.
"In my dreams,” he winked at me, smirking before he walked away.
I mock gagged. “You wish."
“Every night,” he called back.
I rolled my eyes and unlocked the door, stepping inside my house. As I took off my coat I realized I had actually had a decent conversation with Chad. Who would have thought?
Suddenly, I heard the opening chords to a familiar song and a rough voice that soon followed. I swallowed hard at the voice, leaving my school bag by the door as I made my way to the living room, following the singing.
I found Jake sitting on one of the couches, perpendicular to me. He didn’t notice me though, his eyes were closed as he strummed his guitar and sang along. I waited until he finished before I said anything.
“That was really beautiful,” I said quietly.
His eyes flashed open, meeting my gaze head on. I swallowed hard as I stood awkwardly in the threshold of my living room.
“I don’t bite you know,” he said, and I hesitated just the briefest moment before I walked cautiously into the living room, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch of him.
He took the strap from around his back off and put his guitar away without saying a word, before he leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.
“Where’s Tyler?” I asked, hoping to prolong the ‘talk’ for as long as possible.
“At a friend’s house,” Jake answered, exhaling slowly as he sat up and opened his eyes. “Look Ivy, I have to tell you something,” he said, looking slightly distressed and guilty.
I knew exactly what he wanted to say, but I wanted to hear him say it. Because then I’d know it was true, that I hadn’t just imagined it. A part of me still hoped that what he was going to tell me had absolutely nothing to do with Shannon, nothing to do with us. That we could go back to the way we were; sneaking kisses behind my brother’s back, making out on the very couch we were sitting on, just talking and laughing like we used too.
Unlike the way we’d been acting for the past couple of days. I’d barely spoken or seen Jake all week, but I hadn't wanted to see him, or talk to him, because I knew something bad would happen if I did.
I nodded my head slowly, not saying a word as he inhaled deeply.
“Monday at lunch…” he winced, “Before you ditched school, Shannon and I had been talking. She told me that Chad had dumped her and she needed a friend. Obviously, she didn't have many so...”
I nodded again, still not saying anything as I kept my face blank. Inside I was screaming at him to stop talking, memories of Monday flooding my brain.
“She was crying and saying how nobody liked her, so I tried to be nice and told her that I liked her,” his face fell as he looked at me, “She must have misunderstood because she…Ivy… she kissed me.” His eyes searched mine as he tried to gauge my reaction.
Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and I struggled not to show how much this hurt me.
Of all my other ‘relationships’, I’d always enjoyed the part when I caught the guy with another girl. Watching him squirm as he tried to come up with an excuse, a story for why he had his tongue down some other girl’s throat had always made me laugh.
But not this guy. Jake was different. At least I thought he was different. I guess I was wrong.
“Okay."
“Okay?” he echoed, “What do you mean ‘okay’?”
“Okay,” I shrugged, “What ever. It’s not like this is surprising.” I stood up, trying to be cool as a cucumber.
“What do you mean?” he asked, watching me with wide green eyes. He looked utterly confused.
“Everybody cheats on me, Jake. Remember that?” I said bitterly, grinding my teeth together in an effort to keep the tears at bay.
“Did you not just hear what I said?” he asked, angrily getting to his feet. “She kissed me. Do you seriously think I like her? You know how much I hate her, Ivy.”
“People lie all the time, Jake. What makes you so special to be exempt from that?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Nothing! I wouldn’t lie to you Ivy, and if I really wanted to cheat on you, then why would I tell you about it?” he challenged, walking forward so he was standing right in front of me.
“I don’t know! Maybe for the same reason you didn’t push her away when she started to kiss you!” I threw my hands up in the air, anger bubbling inside of me.
“I did push her away! Excuse me for being shocked for a few seconds!” he shot back.
“Yeah, right,” I said sarcastically, “You’re just like every other guy I’ve been with. You date me, cheat and then try to weasel your way out of it.”
“I didn’t cheat on you, Ivy. I would never do that to you!” he cried, grabbing my upper arms, shaking me gently. “Why don’t you understand that?”
“Because Jake! I’ve gone through it so many times that it’s hard to believe otherwise. Not one guy has ever given me a good enough reason to change my mind about it,” I shouted, yanking myself out of his arms.
He flinched at my raised tone, “Give me a chance to explain it properly, please, Ivy.”
“No,” I shook my head furiously, feeling dizzy, “I’ve heard and seen enough. I don’t want anything to do with her or you.”
“So, what? You’re just going to give up on us?” he asked, his expression hard. “If you say you saw us, then you would have seen how much I didn’t want to be there, and had you actually waited before running off you would have known that I gave her shit for pulling that stunt.”
“How did you know I ran off?” I asked, annoyed again.
“Well, you were in a good mood all morning, then after my incident with Shannon you suddenly disappear?” he shook his head, “It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out,” he said bitterly.
“Then why didn’t you talk to me? Why did you wait until now to tell me?” I challenged, stepping back away from him.
“I knew you’d be upset, so I wanted to give you sometime to calm down,” he said, meeting my gaze steadily with his green eyes.
“Wrong move, Jake. You should have spoken to me that same day or at least the day after,” I said, glaring at him.
“I tried! You ignored me! What did you want me to do? Go down on my knees and beg?” he snapped, his voice like a whip.
I flinched. “No, but it would have been nice if you tried harder. Like I’ve said before, why should I bother if you won’t bother to try either?”
“So, now what? You’re just going to give up on us?” he said, stepping forward. I craned my neck to look up at him.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me,” I recited.
He said nothing.
“Shame on you for making me believe that you were different, but shame on me for believing it when I know better,” I said, my voice low.
He stared straight into my eyes, as if he could find the right words to say there that would make me trust him again.
But nothing would make me trust him again.
“We’re done,” I whispered, spinning on my heel as I walked away.
His hand shot out and caught my arm, spinning me around to face him.
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that’s what you really want,” he said, gazing at me with a determined look in his eyes.
“This is what I really want,” I said softly, staring him straight in the eyes as I pulled my arm out of his grasp. “Goodbye, Jake.”
I turned around and left slowly, walking calmly even though inside I was screaming. I walked up the stairs, feeling Jake’s eyes bore into my back.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I ascended the stairs to my room, closing the door silently behind me, pressing my back against it as I sunk to the floor in a crumpled heap.
I heard the sound of a fist hitting something hard, before there was a silence. The door opened and closed, and I heard Jake’s car start up and drive away.
As he drove away, I couldn’t help but feel I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Now that I was alone, I broke down. Sobbing as I rocked myself back and forth in an effort to calm myself down.
Normally, I didn’t want anyone to see me this way, but I needed someone to talk to, someone to be there for me.
I contemplated calling Jolene, but then I remembered her and Leena were doing a French project that was do tomorrow. Tyler was at a friend’s house and my parents were at work.
I had no one.
And then I remembered that I did have someone, so I took my phone out of my pocket with shaking hands and scrolled through my contact list.
I hit the call button before I held the phone to my ear, still crying.
“Hello?” a deep voice asked.
“Chad?” I whispered, my voice breaking on his name.
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, concern in his voice. I never thought I'd hear him be serious, much less worried, about me.
I felt a sob rising inside me. “Can you please come over?”