A/N: Remember kids, people die when they are dead. Requested by ArceusDescent
December 29th, 2018
Holy Grail War. A ritual that occurs every ten years to awaken the Greater Grail which is supposed to be a wish-granting machine. But however... one Saber has turned everything--including the War itself into a living hell.
And she is none other than Artoria Pendragon, the Saber-class Servant of (y/n) (l/n). She had massacred every single lives all by herself, including the King of Heroes *King of Dicks* himself.
The association of Magi, especially the females who wish to have (y/n)'s hand in marriage, are now facing a catastrophic threat which will resurface once again in the next ten years... which their heir will face as well.
When the War is over and Artoria is on the verge of disappearing
Artoria: (y/n)... please think about me only at all times. After all... we'll meet again ten years later- *disappears*
(y/n): Saber! *sigh* Ah well, I'M FREE!!!
Ten years later...
June 5th, 2028
Now leading a normal life with his GF Sakura Matou, (y/n) has forgotten everything about Artoria, also putting his memories of the previous Holy Grail War behind.
No, make it a life with Medusa as well. Both Sakura and her got kicked out of the Matou mansion by Shinji the total D-bag and they decided to live with (y/n) in his residence.
This year's Holy Grail War has been a trainwreck of memes. Shirou got wasted by Raikou's boobs, Illya became a god tier master with Rider Kintoki on her side, Rin summoned Kiritsugu instead of Emiya, Kirei got spooked by karma *Artoria*, Soichiro got Medea Lily, and Issei had his ass handed to him by Gramps.
As for (y/n), he haven't summoned a Servant yet. Probably because his fears if Artoria would spook him. For now he lets Sakura do the job with Medusa. Which is...
Sakura: (y/n)! Dinner's ready~
(y/n): Gimme a moment...
Medusa: Come here immediately or I'll kindly crush your neck.
(y/n): Okay okay jeez! I'm coming, just a second!
Medusa: Fufufu, good boy.
Meanwhile...
7:03pm
Kirei's hideout
Artoria: Strange fate has brought us together it seems.
Kirei: Heh. To think that I've summoned the worst Servant I could've ever imagined.
Artoria: You're underestimating Servants too much. Now, since I've been summoned to Fuyuki once again... is (y/n) still here, I wonder.
Kirei: Who?
Artoria: My former master. I hope he doesn't get laid with another girl...
Kirei: And are you going to repeat your actions from ten years ago?
Artoria: History repeats itself, Kirei. But this time, I'll make my
Back to (y/n)'s house
(y/n): That was some delicious meal!
Sakura: T-thank you, (y/n)...
Medusa: You've gotten better at cooking, Sakura.
(y/n): Medusa's right, where did you learn to make this recipe?
Sakura: Uh... Soma Yukihira's tutorial?
(y/n): I dare you. Say that again.
Sakura: You heard me right.
(y/n): Then why are we NOT getting an orgasm?
Sakura: Uhh....
Medusa: Let's be real here, (y/n). If it's Sakura cooking we won't be able to reach such orgasm where we just tear our clothes apart.
Sakura: She's got a point... besides I'm unable to do such feat!
(y/n): Okay... now back to the main business. Mr. Spook has summoned Artoria, my former Servant, to this war. You know what the fvck that means right?
Sakura: Oh boy... I don't think Medusa can handle her, I mean-
Medusa: My Riding skill is ranked A+. Of course I won't lose to some germs. Besides... I want to test out that skill in your bed sometime later~ *points at (y/n) and smirks*
(y/n): AH HELL NO!
*phone ringing*
(y/n): *picks up le phone* 666 what's your emergency?
Gacchan: I've got sight on Artoria, y'all better come here quick! This is something you might want to see!
(y/n): Well ain't you the helpful guy. Alright, we're deploying now. Where you at?
Sakura: Oh my god!
Medusa: What... happened here?
A lot of dead mages including Rin are piled up in front of Kirei's church.
Sakura: This can't be Artoria's doing right?
(y/n): I beg to differ. She has done the same thing ten years ago.
Medusa: I'm not surprised. My sister Stheno literally cried to me after she got her ass kicked by Artoria.
(y/n): Wait what? She cried on your lap upon her return to the Throne of Heroes?
Medusa: ..... yep.
???: Y O R O K O B E S H O U N E N ! ! !
Sakura: Oh no, this is the voice of horror which sounds during every gacha pull ever!
Medusa: Ugh, this is making me sick. Show yourself!
Artoria: I have come from the church of death to bring the living with me.
(y/n): I knew it has to be you! History is sure repeating itself!
Artoria: You got that right... and it looks like that I got more fools to kill.
Sakura: We won't let you hurt (y/n), let alone get close to him!
Medusa: I'll kindly crush you. Then I'll have Semiramis poison your remains so no one will remember you.
Artoria: I'd like to see you all try. Besides....
(y/n): Here she comes!
Artoria: .... (y/n) is already mine!
Artoria pulled off her ahoge and transformed into her Alter self, giving Sakura quite the shock. Medusa chained her neck before tossing her around like a trash bag.
While that didn't hurt Artoria, Medusa still tried her best to shake her off. But when the pale blond Saber gets back on her knees, all hell went loose.
She broke off Medusa's chains and threw her Excalibur
Morgan right to her heart. The blood splattered on Sakura's face and clothes, much to her "eww" instead of shock for some reason.
Artoria glared at Sakura right after Medusa fell down. Pulling out the sword from the snek Rider's remains, she walked slowly towards the purplehead while dragging the blade--letting out audible metal screeching noises.
Artoria: (y/n) is mine... he is mine!
Sakura: Ah! *falls on her butt*
Artoria: How long have you been defiling my beloved, you whore?
Sakura: I-I've been with him for a couple of years now if you ask me!
Artoria: Two years... unforgivable! I'm gonna slaughter you like a pig!
(y/n): NO!!! *Serj Tankian voice*
Artoria: (y/n), you don't have a say in this. Don't interfere.
(y/n): Oh of course I have! Rin may be dead but I'm sensing another Servant's presence in here!
Artoria: Huh?
A tanned Servant came out of nowhere and shot Artoria with his Thompson Contender. But due to his weakened Saint Graph, he can't seem to aim properly and hits her breastplate instead of her head.
And he disappeared afterwards. So much for a last minute try hard attempt.
Artoria: Now the other pig is out of the way...
Sakura: *runs away in the 90s*
(y/n): RUN BITCH RUN!!!
Artoria: Enough with the memes. (y/n), you're coming with me, whether you want it or not.
(y/n): You are one batshit insane son of a--
*thwack!*
(y/n) woke up with a lump on his head. He looked around to see the interior of a church, his tied arms, and... a naked Artoria still in her Alter state.
Artoria: Morning. Did you enjoy your sleep? I've killed that Sakura bitch last night by the way.
(y/n): No... not Sakura-chan! Nobody gives mercy to her, not even you!
Artoria: Heh. Such is the fate of lowly worms like her. Besides you will only need me for the rest of your life.
(y/n): Then tell me, what happened to your master?
Artoria: I've forced Kirei to waste his command seals and transfer my Servant-ship to you. Then I spooked him to death.
(y/n): Then.. by my command seals I order you to release me from my binds and let me leave.
Artoria: ..... if I do that I'll lose you again. Sorry, but I won't be doing that this time. Instead... I'm taking you with me.
(y/n): Huh?
Artoria picked up her Excalibur Morgan and stabbed (y/n) to death. Then she killed herself, leaving only Illya and Shirou remaining-given that Artoria had killed Medea Lily and assassinated Issei prior to this current event.