◤ chapter twenty-two: ❛ good
enough ❜ ◢
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HARRY'S NOT USED TO THIS, BUT HE'S SURE THAT HE STILL LOOKS LIKE HE'S HANDLING IT WITH CONFIDENCE. The way Toni sat close to him, until their thighs were touching and sometimes their hands brushed together and a little blush ran to his cheeks even though he knew it wasn't a forbidden thing anymore but something he could take for himself and hold even closer, sent his mind into a spiral.
She's new to him, an enigma he was still trying to figure out because Toni smiled at him and then rolled her eyes. She cursed him out and then held his hand in her own. She hated him and then she wanted him. It was confusing, sending his mind all over the place like a ping-pong ball but it was wonderful and exhilarating and he wanted more. In some ways, she felt like an addiction he couldn't quite quit, but if she was a drug then she was the best one.
But he wasn't used to being so close to someone, just like this. No other gain from it. He had others who sat close, who held his hand, reached for him and pulled him under the covers, but it was for money or fame. They wanted what he could give them, they wanted what he had, but they barely looked at him.
Toni always looked him in the eyes, though. He didn't think they were anything special. Brown, plain, perfectly ordinary and nothing anyone wanted to stare at, but she into them with wonder and fondness that made him feel like he had the most beautiful eyes ever. She looked at him, saw him, not what he had or what she could gain, but him, and she still smiled and held his hand.
He wasn't used to any of this, but he thought he handled it with ease and confidence. If there was anything his father taught him, it was confidence. Hold his shoulders high and his neck higher, looking a little down on others, and never fumbling even when he was nervous or uncomfortable. Even though he crouched into unknown territory, he didn't waver.
Mary Jane sent him a look from the other side of the table, knowing and also telling him they needed to talk later, and he gave her a small nod before turning back to Toni. He was sure that Mary Jane was apprehensive about her, of course she would be, but Harry wasn't. Maybe he should, maybe he was a fool not to be, but he couldn't see anything worth being wary of.
He should, maybe, but she saw him, and she wanted him, and she was nervous about him the same way he was with her, and that was enough. She brought him to Apple's Eye Diner, a place that obviously meant a lot to her, and she told him about her deepest and darkness secrets, she let him know her fuck ups and mistakes and someone who wanted to use him wouldn't do that.
She wouldn't share all these things to then just turn her back on him, and it made him want her anymore. Maybe he should be scared that she would leave him, go back to Caden and hate herself for it, but he wasn't. He was sure about her, unlike anyone else.
He wanted her.
When the bell rang for lunch to end, they all stood up and Toni's hand found his. "I'll see you after school?" she asked him, teeth tugging at her lips just a little in a bit of nervousness he found.
"Of course," he didn't hesitate to answer, nodding his head to confirm it even further. Her smile grew larger and it felt like the sun was staring at him, and he couldn't help but dip down a little to kiss her lips.
It was just a small peck, yet his heart still beat up, especially with the small grin she gave him after, a look of mischief in her eyes. He wasn't sure how he ended up here, but he thanked his lucky stars for it.
"I'll see you then," she agreed, her hand slipping away from his as she turned around, leaving the lunchroom. He watched her go for a second, almost wishing that he could call her back, but then Mary Jane cleared her throat, and his attention turned from Toni's retreating figure to his friend.
He sighed at her. "I know what you're gonna say –"
"Good, but that's not gonna stop me," Mary Jane cut him off, giving him a look as he tried to open his mouth again. "I just want you to be careful."
"And I am," he assured her.
"Really?" she raised an eyebrow.
He nodded. "Yes," he confirmed, relenting and explaining himself even further after her unsure look, "I know how it looks, Toni hasn't always been the...warmest with me, but I like her."
"I'm not refuting that," Mary Jane shook her head.
"But you're insinuating that she's just using me. She's not. I know she's not," Harry said with a strong conviction.
"How can you be sure? Look, Harry, maybe your judgement is clouded because of how much you like her. I just want you to be careful," Mary Jane said gently, and while he appreciated her efforts, he didn't want them.
He was used to people using him, wrapping him around their fingers until they had control over his pockets and image. He knew what that looked like, and that wasn't Toni. He knew he wasn't. He just didn't know how to explain that to Mary Jane to where she could understand, though he desperately wanted her to.
"Like I said, I am. Toni – she's different. I don't even know how to explain it properly, but it's like she looks at me and sees me, the same way you do. She looks me in the eyes, not at my wallet," Harry explained as much he could.
Mary Jane raised her eyebrow, not fully believing him but looked like she was a little more assured now. "I just don't want you to get hurt," she told him, "You're my friend, and I don't want you to get hurt because you like someone."
Something about the way she said it made him want to cry. It was so sincere, so genuine and so meek as well, like she was scared to admit it. "Thanks," he managed to get out, and she nodded, tucking a piece of red hair behind her ear, awkward and unsure of what to do now much like him.
"Come on, we'll be late to class," she changed the conversation, which he was glad for because he didn't know if he could take anymore genuine comments like this.
He wasn't used to that either, even Mary Jane said them often enough that he should. It still made him blink, made him pause, because he wasn't used to mattering so much to someone. But Mary Jane was his friend, his best friend, and she cared about him.
Even if they didn't always agree with each other, at least she still cared for him. That's all that mattered.
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Toni wasn't a fool. While she might not have stellar good grades, or a great perception, she wasn't oblivious and she definitely wasn't a fool. She could have good grades if she wanted them, or if she thought they were important enough, something she never failed to mention to a teacher if they called her out on her lack of work ethic. It was just that there was no point – this was her youth, first of all, and it wasn't like she couldn't get into a college anyways.
It was possibly one of the only perks she actually liked about having rich parents. She was ensured to have a good life – or, well, a provided life. That was good enough in Alderson standards, because fickle things like love were after thoughts that never got fully explored. She wasn't sure if she had ever even heard her parents say that they loved each other, or even her grandparents. They liked each other enough to stay together, and that was the end of the that.
Eden Alderson said I love to her daughter, the darling Antionette, but she looked at Toni was disappointment constantly. Jimmy Alderson was never in the room with her long enough to say such a thing. Besides, he didn't know her enough to say it, the same way she wouldn't be able to say it back if he ever approached the topic.
But if the Aldersons taught her one thing, it was being able to notice when someone distrusted them. In their type of business, finding rich husbands (married or not already), distrust was something they had to face and overcome. With a sweet smile and a sweeter personality, drawing them in like a child towards candy, they didn't let themselves be stopped by simple distrust.
So Toni knew when Mary Jane furrowed her eyebrows at her, when Mary Jane frowned a little, and when Mary Jane eyed Harry with a questioning gaze as if you really want her? And Toni was not an insecure person, she was a little too overconfident sometimes, but it still made her fidget even though Harry's hand always stayed with hers.
She knew she was a fuck up. A little bit of a bitch, a little bit of a cheater, a little bit of an alcoholic in the making. There was a little bit of fuck up just in her genes, it was everywhere inside her. She knew that Harry could do a million times better than her, anyone she ever dated could always do better. She was a terrible mess who was taught never to expect love or loyalty in a relationship.
As long as her husband never left her completely, she was fine. It didn't matter if they were barely friends, or if he was fucking his secretary of someone else, as long as he stayed and she was comfortable it was a good enough marriage. Enough. It was always good enough with the Aldersons, it was never just good. It could never be good.
Though Harry looked at her with sure eyes, she wasn't sure herself. And when Harry was there after school waiting for her by the gate, she couldn't help but blink in surprise a little. It was always surprising that he was there, even though it probably shouldn't. They were dating, and he never wavered, and she shouldn't be surprised to find him still there waiting for her, but she did.
Harry could do so much better than her, it was shocking that he was stick around for someone like her, especially after all he knew about her.
"Hey," he smiled at her, easily, effortlessly, so casually like it didn't mean anything to her. It always felt so easy for her and so hard for her.
"Hey," she repeated back to him, reaching to grasp his hand in hers because while she always ran cold, he ran incredibly warm. It was a nice fit between them. "My place or yours?"
While she hoped he said his place, because Toni honestly did not want to bring him to her house under any circumstance in case her mom decided to give a shit that day and walk into her room, his place always seemed like a sore spot. When she suggested going there yesterday, he winced and hesitated, and she swiftly moved onto just going to the diner since Finn wasn't supposed to come in until around five.
"Yours," he said after a moment of thought, giving her the answer she didn't want but ultimately expected, "If that's alright."
"I wouldn't have offered it if it wasn't," she told him, squeezing his hand a little. He didn't need to know that she wanted to desperately keep him away from her parents. If Eden Alderson knew her daughter managed to snag Harry Osborn as a boyfriend, her eyes would glint in pride and greed knowing exactly what that meant, and then coach Toni on how to trap him forever.
But she didn't want to trap him forever. Harry wasn't some caged bird to keep in her room, he was so much more than that. He was bright, and made her feel bright. He was easy, and it made everything around her feel like a breeze. He was safe, and that made everything else safe around them. She wanted him by her side, not in a cage.
He nodded, kissing the side of her head, which didn't fail to make her blush even though she hated the crimson flooding to her cheeks. He looked smug when he saw her reaction and she had half a mind to jab him in the chest with her elbow, but she refrained because this was her boyfriend – and it was new – and that was an old aggression. Besides, Sabrina would be disappointed if she learned Toni jabbed Harry in the side.
Though it wasn't really any of her business, Mary Jane nagged at her thoughts. While she didn't particularly care about what the girl thought of her, she was used to people not liking her, she did care about how Harry received Mary Jane's distrust of her, if he even knew about it. Because Toni did care about what Harry thought of her, and if Mary Jane changed his perception of her, she needed to know.
"Mary Jane doesn't like me very much, does she?" Toni blurted out, her mind working before her mouth in the moment.
Harry blinked in surprised, reeling back for a moment before clearing his throat. "She just doesn't know you..." he said instead of answering directly, though it was enough of an answer. She shot him a look. "She's just concerned, that's all."
Toni looked down guiltily. That was her own fault. Of course Mary Jane was concerned, Toni used to proclaim that Harry was her mortal enemy and now here she was kissing him and holding his hand and feeling all mushy around him. Of course it was cause for concern, of course it didn't look all natural and real.
But it was, and she needed to make her that Harry knew that. "You know that I like you, right?" she looked at her, a little bit of fear in her eyes that he didn't, "Because I do, and I know I didn't like you before, but I do. I really do."
"I know," Harry assured her, taking the extra measure to lift up their interlocked hands and then kiss hers with a coy smile, "And I like you, too. Mary Jane's just protective of me. I've never really had a real relationship before you."
"What?" she froze in surprise. How had Harry Osborn not had a relationship before her? No, he definitely had. She had seen it on magazine covers and article names.
He looked down sheepishly. "I mean, I've dated, I guess, but they were just dating me because of the money and the fame, not because they actually cared about me...you're the first real relationship I've had."
Guilt immediately pooled inside her. While she knew she wasn't like the other Aldersons, that fit them perfectly. The gain, the advantage, the money and the comfortable life – it had Alderson expectation written all over it. Now Harry really couldn't meet anyone besides Finn in her family.
She fiddled with the ends of her hair. "You're kinda the first relationship I've had too," she admitted, choosing to focus on that rather than the guilt spreading throughout her entire body.
Harry raised an eyebrow at that. "Really?"
"Don't act so surprised. I've had sexual relationships with plenty of people, yeah, but I've never actually dated," Toni rolled her eyes, "It's not like anyone wanted to date a bitchy alcoholic in the making."
"Not true. I do," he shook his head, and she laughed a little.
"You're the only one then," she corrected herself slightly and he gave her a cocky smile. She leaned up to kiss him, because it only felt right, and hold his hand a little tighter.
It didn't matter what others thought of her, or that she was unlovable to other people, Harry liked her. He was holding her hand, and kissing her back, and he wasn't letting go.