Steve took a shaky breath and started ahead. The sun shone brightly over the clouds, almost blinding him. It didn't matter, the Quinn Jet was on autopilot, leaving him to his emotions.
"Steve?" Nat asked from behind him. She was organising the parachutes, but the way Steve was slumped over in his seat was bizarre. "What's wrong?"
Steve turned his head to her, showing his puffy, red, glossy eyes. He started to shake his head but stopped when his eyes fell on Bucky's bag. Nat followed his gaze and she knew exactly what to say.
"He's going to be okay." She reassured.
"I know," Steve mumbled, dropping his gaze. "But I might not be."
"You have to get help. You know this"
"I have to help my friends. I have to save them. I have to-"
Nat cut him off. "You need to stop. Your friends will understand if you have to step away for a day."
"I won't forgive myself. Something could happen."
"Something happens every day," Nat said. She scanned around the jet until she found it. She smiled to herself and grabbed the bag to rummage through it. Her hand found a rectangular item. She pulled dut out. Holding it tenderly in both hands she whispered, "Agent." Then she said loudly, "Steve, what would Peggy say?'
Steve felt his stomach drop. " I don't know, she'd want me to keep going."
Nat shook her head. "No, she wouldn't. You know after you crashed, she was pretty torn up about it. She took a few days, collecting herself, then she went back to work. Though she also lost a few people during her time at the SSR. SHe handled it well. She let herself cry she let herself grieve. Crying doesn't make you any less weak. It makes you stronger. So, Steve, please, you need to get help. If not for you, then for Peggy and Bucky and me."
Steve took a deep breath, he hadn't meant for his breath to hitch, but it had.
"Steve, it's okay to cry. It's healthy. It's normal."
"He told me to stay strong and I promised him. Nat, I promised." Steve cried.
Nat walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulders, "He'll understand."
Steve turned to her, burying his face in her stomach. "It hurts." He wailed.
"I know it does." Nat soothed.
"When will it stop?"
"Do you love him with all your heart?"
Steve nodded.
"Then never," Nat responded. "You loved him a lot, and it's going to always hut. Hell, you basically had your heart ripped out. It's what love is like. You love something so much, it starts to hurt."
Nat held Steve while he cried, thinking about what it would be like to love someone that much. To love someone until it hurt.
"Things will get better Steve," Natasha lied, "I promise."