◤ chapter fifteen: ❛ what matters
most ❜ ◢
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TONI WASN'T BORED FOR ONCE. Instead, she was in total panic mood. Not that small anxious mind to tell you something was troubling her, but the full blown holy fucking fuck what the fuck kind of panic that was plaguing her mind and holding her panic. She felt like she couldn't breathe but then again, she was breathing too much and her eyes were too wide and she was too anxious.
She didn't look calm at all, but she wasn't. She wasn't fucking calm when her mind was racing so quick inside her head it almost hurt and she couldn't think past the thought of Sabrina almost dying and that a near-death experience made her realize that, okay, Harry might be a little bit more than attractive and he's aggravating in a good way and maybe she wants to get to know him better if he apologizes for calling her a bitch...
But that's only a maybe, because she can't admit to anything else when Harry was still so infuriating and fueled so much of something inside her and she absolutely hated it but maybe not as much as she did yesterday.
God, fuck feelings. They were ruining her life because she was supposed to be Toni Alderson the stone cold bitch who felt nothing but now she was feeling things for the worst boy in the world, but maybe he wasn't the worst boy in the world. Maybe he was a match that was igniting a flame inside her and she hated as much as she craved it, because no one made her feel like this.
No one lit a fire inside her, took her bones and brought a match to them like he did. And she hated it. Hated how easy it was for him, hated how he did it so carelessly like he didn't know, and she hated that she liked it. Hated that she missed him before, hated that she was fearful when she heard that they all almost died, and hated that she feared for him in particular. She thought of him and she thought of Sabrina, and she was scared.
Scared because that was her best friend who called her after nearly dying, only to be saved by Spider-Man (and she would really have to thank Peter for that because this was her best fucking friend in the whole world), and scared because Harry was there too. And she didn't know what Harry was. She could've called Harry her worst enemy before, walking into Apple Eye's Diner she hated him and despised Finn for even thinking that she thought otherwise, but now she did.
She did and she was confused. Everything was confusing. Aldersons weren't supposed to have feelings or to have crushes. They were supposed to be greedy and go after things they couldn't have and then take them – not for the sake of love, but for the sake of wealth. Her grandma did that, her aunt did that, and her mom did that. Mom – not even an Alderson by blood – knew that and she took what she wanted.
Eden Alderson saw a man with money, a young man with money, and she took him and trapped him so now he can't leave. He's stuck and he has money and now so does Eden. Eden Alderson also has a daughter who fucking hates her guts and a loveless marriage, so ha.
But Toni wasn't supposed to like anyone, she wasn't supposed to have a crush or say that she might have feelings for anyone. She was supposed to be the businesswoman – not the gold digger but the one gold diggers went after. She was supposed to be that with no feelings because she was Stone Cold Toni Alderson, but fucking Harry Osborn was here now.
He was here and she felt something for him and she hated it.
And now it was late at night, the day after getting the call from Toni, standing out in the freezing cold next to concerned parents and siblings just like her, waiting for the Decathlon team to get back. She had spent the entire time worrying and stressing, so fucking anxious, because there was a lot to be anxious about.
She worried and she couldn't help it, because this was her best fucking friend ever. Atlas could get over losing that because he hadn't been returning her calls when she was trying to tell him that Sabrina almost fucking died and that's important. So fuck him. She loved Atlas, but he being a fucking dick, and she didn't have time for him when Sabrina almost died and now there was this crisis about feelings...ugh, she hated how she had fallen.
Because Stone Cold Toni Alderson wouldn't be going through this dilemma, and she hated that she had fallen from that. This was fucking awful.
She held her breath when the bus that carried the Decathlon team to D.C. pulled up, because now she was so close to seeing Sabrina, knowing that she was alive. Seeing that she was alive. They had talked, and that was one thing, hearing her voice, but seeing her face – holding her, touching her – was different. Because this was real life, and she would be back in her arms and real.
When she saw her classmates stepping off, and she held herself, eyes searching for Sabrina until she let out a sigh of relief at the sight of her. Her best friend was here, she was back, and she was safe. She wasn't dead. Thank fuck – she wasn't dead! Peter saved her and now she was going to owe him a whole lot.
Once Sabrina got off the bus, Toni didn't waste a minute before racing over to her and pulling her into a tight embrace. She could hear Sabrina laugh into her ear, and she laughed back as tears went to her eyes because Sabrina was back and she was safe. Sabrina was here with her, and she was safe, and they were okay. They weren't dying, they weren't about to die – they were safe.
She could cry. She was about to cry because the thought of losing Sabrina was too much for her. Not her lifeline. The world could take everything from her, but not her lifeline. Not her Sabrina.
"Toni, you're crushing me," Sabrina said into her ear, and she closed her eyes, taking in the sound, the touch, the everything about the girl in front of her. She had not appreciated Sabrina enough before and she wasn't about to make that same mistake again.
Eventually, she did let Sabrina go, and she looked at her friend's face, and that was enough to make her break down. "Don't you ever scare me like that again," Toni told her, "You hear me? Because I couldn't sleep last night knowing that you almost fucking died. God, Brina, I was so fucking scared."
"I was scared too," Sabrina admitted to her, "But I'm okay. I'm here, and I'm okay. I'm alright."
Toni nodded as another figure came rushing towards them. "Sabrina, thank God," and then her friend was enveloped into another hug by Julius Avery. She had met Julius plenty of times over the years that she had known Sabrina, he was one of her neighbors who acted like older siblings to her.
"I'm okay, Julius, I'm okay," Sabrina assured him the way she assured Toni only seconds earlier.
"I was so fucking worried, you know that? So was Beck. And – and Emery's coming back to see you. You gave us all a fright," Julius rambled out, bloodshot eyes a signature that he had been crying like Toni had over all of this.
"Toni," he finally noticed her and brought her into a hug. She accepted it even though she wasn't the one who almost died, because it felt nice, and it felt like he cared about her like he did Sabrina, and he was scared for her. And it was nice. It was just nice.
"I'm fine. I wasn't even in D.C.," Toni told him as he let go and he just nodded, though the fear and concern was still present in his eyes.
He grabbed Sabrina by the shoulders and began assessing her with his eyes. "You're really okay?" he asked her, tone dripping with worry and concern for her.
Sabrina nodded. "I'm fine. There's not a scratch on me, I didn't get hurt," she assured him.
"Mentally?" he asked.
She hesitated then. "I'm – I'm scared. It was so fucking terrifying, I thought I was going to die until Spider-Man showed up. I didn't want to die. I don't think I'm mentally going to be okay for a while."
Toni looked at her with sympathy. She hadn't gone through anything like that. In terms of death or near-death anything, Toni was very ignorant. No one significant in her family had died since she had been alive and no one had a close attempt at it either. She was innocent to that, this was her first, and it didn't even happen to her so she couldn't imagine what was going on in Sabrina's head.
"You're here now," Toni told her, "And you're not dying and I'm not going to let anything like that happen to you ever again. No more schools trips, especially to D.C. anymore for you."
Sabrina cracked a smile and laughed at her, thankful for the little joke. "Thanks," she said, and it was sincere that all Toni could do was nod in her direction.
She felt her phone buzz in the back pocket of her jeans, so she got it out, seeing an onslaught of texts for Atlas.
what the fuck happened????
is sabrina okay???
toni text me back
im worried
toni!!!!!
She turned off her phone without responding to them. Atlas had worried and ignored her for hours, had blown her off yesterday for some sibling bonding that was obviously a fake excuse when she wanted to hang out yesterday, he could handle a few hours of worry like she had. Right now, Sabrina was in front of her, and that was all that mattered. Not Atlas, not her fucking feelings for Harry, Sabrina. Only Sabrina mattered.
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It was half-past midnight when she chose to respond to Atlas, finally letting him settle after hours of torture of not knowing anything about Sabrina or the fact that she almost died. It was rude and unkind, a bit cruel, but she thought it was well-deserved. He blew her off first so she could do it back, even if his was just not wanting to hang out and hers was about information regarding the near-death experiences of their classmates.
So they weren't apples and apples but apples and pears, she didn't give a shit. Atlas deserved a little taste of his own medicine and if he couldn't deal with that then he needs to learn not to do it to her in the first place.
sabrina's fine
She texted him back finally, telling him that but nothing else. No other details about what happened because she knew how to bait him into calling so that she could ask him her own questions, all she had to do was wait. But it looked like she didn't have to wait long because she say that her message was read by him and then only seconds later Atlas' name came up on her screen waiting for her to accept or decline his call.
For a second, she thought about really torturing him and not answering, but that was a bit too cruel and went against her own desire to make him fucking answer for his own shit so she accepted.
"Toni?" she heard Atlas' voice through the phone.
"Who else would it be?" she asked him back, because asking if it was her when he used her own fucking number was a bit ridiculous.
"What the fuck happened with Sabrina? How did she almost die?" he fired out the questions.
She sighed. "I don't really know the details, but it was in the Washington Monument. Apparently there was a bomb or something that went off while they were in the elevator and they almost died, but Spider-Man was taking a vacation in D.C. when it happened and saved them. Wild, I know."
"Shit," he sighed, "Is she okay? Did anyone get hurt?"
"No, I don't think so. Sabrina's completely fine. Well, physically. The whole almost dying thing is a bit alarming, but she didn't get hurt by the bomb or anything. I don't think anyone else got hurt either."
"That's good."
"Yeah," she agreed with him, "I called to tell you this yesterday, why didn't you answer?"
"I told you. I was busy with Colin yesterday and I didn't really have my phone on until a couple hours ago."
"That's bullshit and we both know that," Toni wasted him time before calling him out, "Having a bro day with Colin is almost believable, but you not having your phone on? No way. You always have your phone on because you're the one who always calls at three in the morning bored as shit wanting something to do."
Atlas was quiet for a moment and she thought he was going to end the call before she heard his sigh on the other end. "I can't tell you, Toni. I'm sorry, but it's just...it's complicated and I can't say anything. I'm really sorry."
"You sound like someone who's in a fucking mob, so you better tell me right now that you're not," Toni told him, not liking how serious he was. Atlas was never serious. Atlas was always loud and smirking, smoking and getting him, laughing and loving life. He wasn't serious; he didn't take anything seriously and she loved him for it as much as it annoyed her.
"I'm not in the fucking mob, what the fuck?" he laughed a little at that, but it wasn't anything like his usual level, "I just – it's just really complicated, so can we leave it at that? I'm sorry I couldn't hang out, I'm sorry I lied, and I'm sorry my phone wasn't on. Forgive me?"
She didn't really have to think it over, but she stayed silent for a moment to think she did. "Forgiven," because while Atlas was an asshole sometimes, he was still her friend at the end of the day, and that mattered. So she couldn't stay mad him forever even if she could feel a bit annoyed that he couldn't tell her, because he mattered to her, and that meant something.