CHAPTER TWENTY- Operation Commence.
Drawing in some air I willed myself to be anywhere but back here as I concentrated on the click clacking of my heels against the marble flooring. Heathrow, London. The big billboard’s orange digits spelt out above my head. England. Only about a month ago I was back here on legal matters with my studio and all and that was only for two days and now, here I was again but this time it wasn’t a necessary drop by, I was multiplying my last visit number by fifteen. When you’ve adjusted to somewhere so different for so long it doesn’t even become merely reserved to go back to somewhere like London and although I had tried to put out some positive vibes onto myself and this visit I was pretty convicted this was going to be thirty days of hell. This was peak time, London time midday, my now temporary time zone so out of sync of the one of L.A but everything was out of sync lately so I suppose one more thing didn’t make a difference. I winced a bit as I noticed the advert on the right TV screen that was so brightly promoting my latest line for the fashion industry.
Innovative and bright.
I said in my usual fake cheery tone that I put on for get ups such as these ones. A few more seconds. Fading. Fading. Gone.
Keen to not be here when it came back around again I strained my vision searching the crowd for my blood bound pop-star sister. It didn’t take long to notice the blonde head of hair and clad in Hollister and Chanel clothing girl sprinting towards me like a mad women, a few people, did think she was. Then I noticed the flashing cameras following her and the shouts she was getting, it’s never ending. Living in this world. I sucked in a deep breath ignoring all the stares and bright flashes as I forced a grin back letting the 5’6 girl engulf in my arms.
“Ash I’ve missed you!”
She exclaimed and I smiled actually genuine for once as I hugged her while the cameras continued to flash. The Dawson Sisters Re-unite for un-explained Reasons. I could already see tomorrow’s next Sugarscape article if they weren’t raving about Niall and I being ‘in contact’ again. Or maybe both.
“I’ve missed you too El. Have we got a car waiting?”
I questioned keen to make our exit as swift as possible. She leaned back from me gazing up at me with bright eyes and a toothy perfect grin.
“You mean, I have a car.”
“What…Ellie! Why the hell didn’t you tell me you took your test?!”
I squealed forgetting about the surrenders for once that were still looking on at us. She shrugged her smile fading slightly.
“You were busy and I…didn’t wanna bother you…I was gonna tell you but Mum said you had your life over there now and that you didn’t want to know about us the same we didn’t want to know about you…but that’s not true, right?”
“No,” I said pulling her back closer again. “It’s not. Of course I want to know about you, you have to tell me things in the future, okay?”
“Sure, but on one condition?”
“What?”
“That you tell me things too. I mean, I don’t know anything about you anymore and whenever I bring you up Mum always tells me that you’ve moved on and don’t need to be talked about anymore…She’s being really bitchy lately Ash…I don’t like it.”
“Of course I’ll tell you things. Just ignore Mum if she’s being like that El. It’s the best thing to do…Now you wanna showcase your driving skills to me? I can’t believe you’re driving, they grow up so fast.”
“Don’t say that you sound like Nan.”
She giggled and I just smiled.
“Old now am I?”
“So old.”
She laughed as she picked up one of my bags and I smiled as I picked up my main suitcase and we pushed our way through the crowds avoiding fans and paps at all costs. It was nice just talking to her again, she was probably the only thing I had really missed about my family and living in London.
-
I tried my best to remain focused on the loose gravel crunching underneath my feet of the driveway as I avoided my Mother’s gaze from the attic window at all costs. She didn’t look excited to see me; I can’t deny that the feeling’s mutual to be honest.
“I um…don’t think she’ll come down.”
Ellie shrugged as we approached the front door and as I took in the Pansies hanging in baskets around the porch I had a flash from the late days of Niall’s and I’s relationship last year and us stood on that porch as he kissed me goodbye, again, telling me that I was beautiful, amazing and that he loved me while the dim porch lights accompanied us and our lip connecting. Such memories.
“Doesn’t bother me.”
I mumbled forcing a smile as my Father flung open the front door and I was almost instantly engulfed in his arms. At least someone was half happy to see me, or at least had the audacity to act it.
“Ashley love! It’s wonderful to see you. It’s been so long that you’ve hung around here for a while I’ve began to forgot what your voice sounds like how terrible is that?! Do come in love, it’s still your own home.”
Yep. At least he has the audacity to savour my petty little heart.
“Hi Dad. It’s nice to see you too.”
I smiled as I pulled back from his hug. But as I caught his gaze I saw he was sceptical of my body, this jumper clearly was not baggy enough.
“My now I see you properly you really have grown up a lot in the past year, you know that? You’ve turned out to be a beautiful young lady, not that you weren’t before…How are the old boys hanging up then? How’s old Niall doing these days? I haven’t heard from him in a while.”
What did he expect me to say? Oh Niall’s fine Dad we’re just having a secret forbidden relationship right now behind everyone’s backs and we’re lying in the most ridiculous ways, no biggie, he’s just fine.
“Um, I guess they’re fine, he’s fine. I don’t really know…”
He realised my (fake.) distance on the subject and nodded forcing a small smile as he pulled my bags further in.
“Hey Ash come with me, I have to show you something!”
Ellie gushed already beginning to round the first corner of the stairs. I looked up at her and after giving my father another smile, my Mother’s absence still apparent, I followed her excited self-up there.
“Um Mum’s in the attic. There’s still some of your stuff up there so I guess she’s sorting that out…”
I just nodded as I followed her into her room and sat on her desk chair. She was beaming as she pulled something out from underneath her bed.
It was a board, a huge board. And from the distance I could see it was covered with pictures and in the middle it had the words We Love You Ellie! In bright pink bubble writing followed by a fancy xo.
“These fans made it for me; don’t you think it is so amazing? And it has like everything to do with my life on it. And there’s even some pictures of you on here, they really like you too Ashley!”
She gushed but as she brought it closer my eyes were glued to one picture near the bottom right hand corner. They were surrounded by a few pictures from her concerts with One Direction but they were irrelevant as this picture held so much…memory yet privacy, love and everything else that described last summer in it. After a concert. I remember the night so well. Ellie was off gushing with Zayn and me and Niall had managed to steal a few minutes before we would trek through the car park crowds to the car to go home. My arms around his neck, his tight around my waist as I stood on my tip-toes my body pressed so close to his it must have been a challenge to move. It was dark but the lights from the concert arena were bright overhead. My hair was as usual spilling down my back in unruly blonde waves and his was scruffy but you couldn’t really see our faces hence the distance, it was a side view after all. Just us, there, thinking we were alone kissing around the back of the huge building. Intimate, as we always were.
“What? What’s up? Oh…”
I dragged my gaze away trying to supress the smile tugging at my lips. I was supposed to be upset, distant and gloomy that the relationship was dead, when in fact, it was as alive as ever.
“It’s a cute picture though…Don’t you think?”
“I guess…”
Her face softened a little and I felt a pang guilt hit me that I was keeping something from her, and not just something, something big, or at least it was in this situation, this family. It had been so long, I don’t think anyone but people who really believed we were meant to be together expected us to get back together, ever. And yet, here we were, enduring a forbidden relationship behind everyone’s backs.
“Well, I just think it was so sweet. I mean there’s everything on here, from when we were like seven to my prom last year and…Oh gosh even your prom is on here I can’t believe I haven’t noticed that before!”
“Wh…How did they get pictures from my prom?”
She shrugged.
“Pictures get leaked all the time. Sometimes you don’t even notice they have it all goes so fast, but anyway. I guess I have some questions…The tabloids are raging about you and Horan so wasson?”
Pictures get leaked all the time. It’s not like I haven’t experience that before. It seems that since Ellie’s fame has just continued to rise the same with my Father’s company and my NYC job, there is no scrap of a detail revolving of my life that isn’t leaked, even in the smallest of ways, they’re always on my case, criticizing my every move and a lot of times I’ve been at the point where I just don’t feel as if I can do it anymore. Never again. But then, I realise there’s so many people relying on me so many people that need me in order to make their clockwork work as well as mine and I’m too nice to let down those people and just disappear, however nice it would be.
“Nothing’s going on.”
I replied a bit too quickly and she raised her eye-brows.
“That’s not what some people are suggesting.”
She shrugged sliding the board back underneath her bed and beginning to scroll through something on her phone.
“Well who exactly is suggesting otherwise?”
I questioned and she smirked a bit.
“Everyone.”
When I just looked at her she shrugged again.
“I don’t know. If you say there’s nothing going on then I’ll believe you but just know that I think there should be…Anyway how’s Mallory doing? I haven’t spoken to her in a while.”
I shook my head at how she just told me that Niall and I should have something going on and then just totally switched the subject to something less involved with such haste.
“She’s fine. She’s working in L.A at the moment. Chanel’s back at Oxford now.”
“Just think…If you hadn’t met Niall and fallen in luuurve you’d be there now too.”
“El shut up.”
“What? Struck a nerve?”
She wiggled her eye-brows and I just rolled my eyes as she smirked.
“Girls dinner’s on the table!”
My Father’s voice sounded through the dense walls of the house and Ellie snapped her gaze to me.
“Well, you heard him.”
“I..I think I’ll go and um…put my stuff in my room first.”
“Ash…”
“What? It needs to go in there.”
I winced before hastily rushing to my room and slamming the door behind me.
I braced myself for what my room had been turned into. It was dark in here with the closed curtains and I couldn’t see anything. I slammed my body weight against the now closed door and sucked in a few deep breaths as my fingers brushed the wall finally fumbling over the light switch. A study? A clutter room or maybe it would just be plain, bare and empty, like how I felt when I left it almost a year ago. I dug my nails further into my palm as I my finger pressed down on the light switch and the room was slowly splashed with artificial light.
Empty.
Desolate.
Vacant.
Were the words were that sprung to mind as I took in my room. Or much so what I would describe my Mother’s relationship with me as. Abandoned, forgotten, neglected. All good adjectives, in the sense of correct terms, that is. The plank flooring was the only thing that had stayed just how I liked it, immaculate. There were items of furniture covered by white blankets by the window and my bed was nowhere to be soon. I bit my lip as I took a few steps forward to the wardrobe and placed both of my hands on the handles before slowly opening them. I jumped a bit as what appeared to be a photo album fell to the ground but there was nothing in there but dust. I squatted down onto the floor picking up the leather album in my fingers and turning it over. My eyes widened at the scrawled handwriting in the bottom left hand corner.
Ashley and (My writing.) Nialler 3.03.12-Forever <3 (His writing.)
Wow. Well, we were young, I suppose. It has only been a year but a lot can change in a year. We’ve both grown up but the real beautiful thing is that despite everything we went through, our love has grown with us. Forever? Obviously, when we made this, we must have been in that middle state of our relationship, where we were so ridiculously blindly in love with each other and we would eat, sleep and do everything together and there were no complications and back then, at that particular middle stage, I guess to us then it really did feel like it would be forever, we just loved each other so much. Then again, in a relationship I guess the middle bit is always the best, you’re so absorbed in it you’re neither new lovers or fading ones, and we, ourselves were so indescribably in love it never did feel like back then that it would come to an end. We knew, come September what was going to come for us but back then, at that stage, we didn’t think it would matter as our love for each other was just so strong that nothing could break it. But now I realise, that I, was the weak one, I, was the one who came un-done under the pressure, let my Mother and everything against us take advantage of me. He wanted to try; even though everything he was determined that we’d be okay. Why? Because we loved each other, we were in love, so badly. I guess it’s really quite surreal that we still are now, and the ironic thing is that the single word Forever Niall had scrawled on this photo album now could still be possible, with everything that is going around us the chances are slim but it still has that chance. It’ll get ripped up, screwed up, slashed down, but hopefully, in the end, however battered and bruised, it, we might just be okay and in the end, love will heal all the scars from our past.
I carefully sat down on the floor with my back against the wall and my legs crossed as I gently placed the album in front of me and leant forward sucking in some air as I revealed the first picture.
Before we were even officially an item. The garden, deckchairs, Harry and his BBQ’ing in the background and Niall’s arm around my shoulder and my head pressed to his as we both beamed at the camera.
I then noticed, a small smile tugging at my lips, that we had wrote small and scruffy captions underneath, Niall had wrote this one. God we just had so much, immature, meaningless yet cute banter between us.
Baby we look smokin’;)
I smiled properly at this, Idiot. My idiot.
The second was on our first official ‘date’. I was sat on a picnic blanket and my hair was everywhere, I then remembered, how we had messed each other’s hair up and that this picture indeed, was still on Niall’s Twitter.
You’re an idiot- Ashhh xo. You love me really- Nialler:)x
God, cringey.
The third and the next seven afterwards were from a trip to the cinema. I remember this date well, he took me to see some cheesy and totally plot lacking musical that we were the only ones there for and we were so insanely sick of the movie we resorted to kissing, feeding each other popcorn and taking stupid pictures. One of him kissing my cheek while I scrunched my nose up at the camera, one of us both sticking our tongues out at the camera and one of him making a face while I kissed his cheek. There was also another of where we both had a lock of my hair scrunched between our noses and upper lips resembling a moustache, god, I loved that day, I guess I loved every day with him but we were just so…stupid together but it was enjoyable, so freaking enjoyable and I remember laughing on end for hours and hours over an inside joke we had shared maybe even the previous day. We were just like that, we got each other, although our personalities differed, when I was with him, our sense of humour was the same.
I’m cute, you’re beautiful. Baby we are so cool<3
Niall’s handwriting. I shouldn’t even have to decipher that, it’s just something he would say. I suppose, even if one day, in some ridiculously unfortunate turn of events we end up apart again, this is gonna be one of those bundle of memories that always will bring a tear to your eye. Just the love, the inside jokes, the kisses, the late summer nights, the breakdowns, the fights, the first times, the ‘spontaneous’ adventures, the video-calls apart, the exchanging of three words, the compassion, the feeling of always feeling his skin against mine, all of it, right there inside this very photo album. But even that, could not express the love we held and hold for each other.
Concluding I couldn’t sit here forever I closed the album and placed it back inside the wardrobe deciding I’d finish looking through it later, since there were, at least 100 photos in there.
I gulped as my feet massaged against the soft carpet as I made my way down the winding staircase and took in the dim light from the kitchen and the clattering of knives and forks as they enjoyed their dinner. This was going to be hard. I just stood in the doorway for a minute observing my family and how they were without me. They seemed closer, more talkative and maybe just more like a family. I suppose from the outside anyone could look like this though, to passers-by I didn’t doubt we just looked like a family that were a little too well off, enjoying a hearty home-cooked meal as a tight knit and happy family, but I guess we all know, that looks can be deceiving.
I mean, take Niall and I for example. On paper, in words, black and white our relationship last year would be seen and written off straight away as a summer fling. Beginning just before Summer really started, filled with all the lovely dovey and distant plans for the very approaching future that never really got anywhere, the it-was-nice-while-it-lasted type, ending when it came to September and everyone had to either go back to school, work, or in my situation, move halfway across the world. And then it should be okay, just another summer fling, right? Wrong. On the outside what our relationship was could easily be deceived as that but to really understand and know that it wasn’t I guess you had to be us. Actually living it, it wasn’t a fling of any sorts, it was serious, really serious and so were we when we said we loved each other.
“Oh Ashley love, do join us….I’ll just plate yours up for you quickly. Have a seat.”
These, were the first words my Mother had spoken to me since I landed this afternoon. No hello, no hug, no hello dear how are you? It was just that, those two short sentences and what did they regard? Food, eating. She was going to plate my food up for me, lovely. How nice of her. How very motherly.
As I watched her, piling vegetables and meat onto my plate I found myself becoming more and more uneasy. My palms had broken out into sweat and there was an increasing pounding in my temples. My fingers were shaking and soon I found myself pulling and tugging at the cuffs of my jumper and even at one point I was chewing on the materiel of my cuff. My whole body began to heat up and before I knew it my legs and hands were shaking and I could feel a sticky sweet bead of sweat travelling my forehead and gathering underneath my hair which I did my best to conceal but Ellie was giving me urgent looks. The pounding in my temples quickened and I soon found myself becoming slightly woozy and as she forced a smile and lurched forward to place my plate of so much food in front of me I broke then, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I whipped my hands from my lap and pushed the plate away.
“I…I’m not hungry.”
I choked and her smile dropped as she furrowed her brow sceptically looking at my father who abruptly coughed into his hanky before giving me a stern look and scrunching his brow together as he worked on cutting a potato into half.
“Ashley dear you must eat. Have you even eaten today?”
She questioned and I felt my heart beat quicken and my palms become even more sweat ridden.
“I ate before I landed. I’m full.”
I lied and Ellie nudged me with her knee underneath the table. This was all just a silent conversation of exchanged looks through fallen hair in eyes and I almost felt like breaking right then. Niall was right, I need help. I’m just too scared and stubborn to admit it.
“Ashley love…You must at least try please dear. We are only trying to do the right thing for you.”
At this point I was feeling defensive and suddenly realised how annoyed it made me when they tried to get me to eat compared to when Niall did, they were blunt, and Niall wasn’t. He would gently urge me into it, slowly but surely as he talked to me distracting me from what I was doing as he slowly made some progress with me, he was determined and dedicated, that was for sure. They just didn’t understand that this, that someone like me, to handle me and my eating habits, you need patience.
“Well what’s right for me is if you would just leave me alone. I’ll eat when I want and that’s not now cus I’m not hungry so just leave it!”
I snapped pushing my chair back and storming out. Everything fell silent the only sound the Dial 1 volume of the low and almost dead kitchen radio murmuring something about tomorrow’s weather. I bit my lip furiously as I ran up the stairs down the dark corridor and hurriedly thrust myself into my room. I was all ready to slam myself onto my bed when I realised it wasn’t even there anymore. Suddenly frustrated with the world I pushed my door back open and stormed back downstairs.
“Where’s all my furniture?” I demanded and they all just stared at me, pained and impassive expressions on their faces. “I need it back, now.”
My Father was of course the first one to speak, the first to give me what I wanted in this uneasy situation. They didn’t know how to handle it, I know they didn’t. It was only Niall who did, really know how to handle this issue of mine.
Crossing his knife and fork he coolly stood up and began making his way towards me.
“It’s in the garage love,” His tone was slow and tainted with concealing of concern. “I’ll just go and get it for you right now. Half an hour love and it’ll all be back in there…Why don’t you go and watch some TV in the meantime dear? Just try and calm down a bit.”
Calm down. I loathed it when he told me to do this. Calm down? If I was able to, I would have by now.
My Mother and sister just stared at me as my Father attempted to reason with me.
“No.” I objected immediately. “I’ll do what I want. I’m going outside and I’ll come back in when I’m ready so don’t bother with me.”
And with that I pushed past him and thrust open the back door and made my way down the dark garden. The wet grass massaged underneath the thin soles of my lace up pumps and I held no emotion as I slammed myself down onto the deckchair at the bottom of the garden and hugged my knees to my chest. The silence was calming but of course it had to be pierced by an incoming call, although, maybe I didn’t mind as I answered it to that Irish accent filling my ears.
“H-Hello?”
“Hey! Ashley I…Wait are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
I bit down on my lip as I looked down at the leaves cluttering the patio beneath my feet.
“I don’t know. You just sound…off?”
“Well I’m fine.”
I replied calmly already lifted by the sound of his voice.
“Okay, if you say so…So are you okay? I never got a text from you to say you landed…”
“Oh, sorry, I had a lot going on. Yeah, I’m fine. The flight wasn’t so bad.”
“Right, good, that’s alright then. So, just a bit of a random question but. Do they know you’re in England?”
“What do you mean? Does who know?”
“Like, the press, everyone, I don’t know.”
“Err there were paps when I met Ellie at the airport if that’s what you’re asking?”
There was a silence and I heard some voices in the background.
“There were? Oh crap…uh never mind. So it’s been leaked that you’re in London then?”
“You could say that…Why? What’s the matter, you sound like you’re not telling me something.”
I challenged and there was another pause and then I was pretty sure something was bothering him. It was just a matter of what.
“Nothing. I’m just…Can you go on video-call? I kinda need to see you tell you this.”
I looked back up to the house and noticed my Mother watching me from the window. She turned away when I looked up but I could see Ellie lingering behind a concerned look on her face. I could also see my Father passing the top window as he took stuff to my bedroom. I couldn’t go back in there yet and besides, my laptops dead.
“Err now’s not really a good time and my laptops dead. Can’t you just tell me now?”
“Oh, well if now’s not a good time then we’ll do it later, it’s fine. I’ll just tell you later…So what did you have to tell me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, I’m talking about the ‘You’ll never guess what I just found!’ text that you sent an hour ago? What did you find then Ash?”
He chuckled but I could tell something was still bugging him.
“Oh…It’s nothing now. I guess I’ll just tell you later or something…”
“No, come on love. You can’t text me that and make me wait.”
I sighed inwardly rolling my eyes as I heaved an outward sigh.
“Fine, but now it’s not really anything special as you think about it…But I found this photo album we made, it had like about a hundred photos of us in it and we had like written all these captions underneath and stuff, but I guess-“
“Are you kidding? Of course that’s special. When I next see you, you have to show me and we’ll look at them together, yeah?”
I smiled at this resting my chin on my knees as I looked down at my toes.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “That’d be nice.”
“What are you doing now?”
He questioned as I spun a twig around in a pool of rain water that had collected at the bottom of the deck chair from the latest shower.
“Sitting in the garden, avoiding my family, waiting for my Dad to move my furniture back into my room. You?”
I whined sounding more wistful than I really was. I couldn’t find the motivation to be depressed about this anymore, it doesn’t make it any better so I suppose I’ll just have to suck it up and endure these next 30 days with a high guard and a low profile.
“Come on Ash, why don’t you make peace? Only for the next month. It won’t hurt to try.”
“I have tried!”
He sighed through the other end of the phone and I frowned as I sunk back into the chair.
“Okay, how hard did you try?”
I could just picture him raising his eye-brows at me. Questioning really how far I took the trying thing.
“I don’t know. If they don’t make an effort then why should I?”
He sighed again. If he was in my position then maybe he’d understand. But he has his perfect family, so he doesn’t.
“Sometimes it’s not always about waiting for someone else to make the effort sometimes you have to try yourself. Face it Ash, even if it still doesn’t work out at least you can still say you tried.”
Suddenly I had a flash of guilt as I remembered that he had been the one who enforced this certain ‘advice’ when we finally talked things out. He was the one who started and pushed for his answers when I couldn’t find the words to say them straight away, I didn’t make the effort at first, too scared to take the plunge so he did, and if it didn’t work out, which thankfully it did, he could have still said he tried, whether as I, could not. That was another thing I hated about myself, I was afraid of failure, not even bothering to take the plunge if I wasn’t 100% I’d make it and succeed. It was bad enough when people thought I would fail, that, drove me to try harder, and prove them wrong but if not necessary, I wouldn’t try at all. Too afraid of failure or humiliation.
“I did try.”
I persisted and there was a pause.
“Well, as long as you did. Look, I’ve gotta go so text me later and we’ll video call, yeah?”
“Sure.”
I replied with a little less enthusiasm.
“I love you.”
He mused and at this point I could hear shouting in the background and footsteps along with a few doors being slammed.
“I love you too.”
I replied and now, as I looked back up at the kitchen window and my Mother with her hands submerged in the washing up bowl she was staring straight back at me. Her dyed blonde hair was scraped back into a pony-tail with her bangs hanging loose tucked behind her ears and she rubbed her lips together as she still just watched me, staring straight back at me as I pressed my phone to my ear. Ellie came up behind her saying something before looking down to me but my Mother never did drag her gaze away from mine as she replied to Ellie.
“Good, now I’ll speak to you in a bit, okay? And just hang in there with them Ash, try to be nice.”
“I am being nice.”
“I know you are, just…You know what I mean. Speak to you later love, I’ve really gotta go now…”
And then the line went dead after a bit of muffled noises and footsteps that had to be running. For a few seconds I kept my phone pressed my ear half expecting his voice to come back, but we were apart now, again, he was busy and so should I be, with exams and stuff. I thought I had this all over and done with over a year ago and here I am doing it all again. I got out early, the lucky kid, and now I was being brought back with everyone else to do it all again. Figures. I guess sometimes, there really is no shortcuts in life, you have to do everything the hard way, however bad it may seem.
Caught on the tracks of this train of thought I sighed inwardly as I made my way back up the garden and opened the back door the bright light of the kitchen greeting me. My Mother, of course wasn’t going to let me enter unnoticed and she turned her slender frame around her expression impassive as she just looked at me for a few seconds.
“Hungry now love?”
“No.”
I muttered proceeding to the cupboard and bringing out a fresh glass before filling it with some orange juice. I drink gallons of that stuff.
“You must be soon.”
“Well I’m not. Is Dad done with the furniture yet?”
“I assume so. Who were you on the phone to?”
“A friend.”
I shot back a bit too quickly and she raised her eye-brows.
“Want to be any vaguer or?”
“Just a friend.”
I smirked and she rolled her eyes. With this, I left running up the stairs to my room.
It wasn’t perfectly back to normal. But I guess nothing really was, after all, it has been a year. The bed was back, although the sheets not ironed and made it would do. Then, remembering the photo album I thrust open the wardrobe and felt the soft leather against my fingers again flipping through the pages. I stopped about halfway through, a photo catching my eye and when I looked at it, it all came flooding back to me, the day we made that.
-**-
“Pass me that one.”
Niall smirked gesturing towards a pile of Polaroid’s by my foot. I looked at it and then back to him and his extended hand waiting for me to pass it. I shook my head quickly snapping it up and sitting on it.
“No way, it’s horrible.”
“No, it’s nice. Give it ere’ or we’ll do this the hard way.”
He taunted leaning forwards towards me, I shook my head shuffling on the picture.
“Fine…”
He shrugged situating himself in front of me as we both just looked at each other for a few seconds and then as if this was completely normal, he leant towards me pushing me down with him so he was on top of me.
“What are you doing?” I giggled gazing back up at him. “Get off.”
“Nah, I’m good, give me the picture.”
“Not a chance.”
“Not a chance of me getting off then. I could get used to this.”
He shrugged leaning forwards and covering my lips with his for a few seconds in a short and sweet kiss.
“Mmm bet you could.”
I rolled my eyes playfully and he just smiled carefully snaking his arms underneath my body and lifting me off the ground. If I hadn’t been so lost in his eyes I would have noticed what he was doing before he jumped up with the photo in his grip. I rolled my eyes jumping up and starting off after him and making a dive for the picture sending us both into a heap on the floor of laughter.
“Give me that right now Horan!”
I demanded throwing an arm over his shoulder but he was too quick.
“Nope I don’t think so Dawson.”
He chuckled collapsing back onto the floor with the picture firmly in his grasp. I was about to make another grab for it but I was interrupted by his lips brushing my neck and then pressing long and sweet kisses on my skin leaving it tingling.
“I think…” He murmured into my ear as we both just led there a tangle of arms and legs. “That you should just give up…and kiss m-me.”
He suggested smirking at this own suggestion.
“Or…” I smiled rolling onto my side and pressing my body against his and creeping my hand over his stomach. “I could just…pick it up right now.”
I brought the picture from his loosened grip and jumped up back to our piles of pens, glue and pictures.
“Plonker.”
He sung sitting back down next to me before pulling me straight onto his lap and resting his chin over my shoulder.
“Idiot.”
I sang back and he just smiled, pecking my cheek quickly before reaching forward and grabbing the album and a pen and flipping it to the back side.
“We have to write our names on it, you go first.”
He mused placing the album in my lap as I took the pen from him and quickly scrawled my name on there. I watched as he took the pen writing his name next to mine followed by the date we got together but then I creased my brow in confusion as he put a hyphen and began to write something else.
Ashley and Nialler 03.03.12. - Forever <3
I bit my lip supressing a smile and he grinned pressing his lips to my neck again.
“I love you.”
He breathed into my ear and I smiled properly turning my head to look at him.
“I love you too Nialler.”
I whispered already pressing my lips back to his.
-**-
I couldn’t wait to have more memories and moments like that with him. He’s just so perfect I can’t believe how lucky I am. I mean, to even endure the whole summer plus a few months with him last year and now…again? Wow.
Just as if these thoughts were somehow triggered I began beaming at the ringtone of my laptop telling me I had an incoming video call. Settling myself in the covers I opened it and immediately accepted the call to see Niall’s face. However, through the adorable smile I could see the concern, the something he wasn’t telling me.
“Hey babe.”
He mused running an uneasy hand through his hair before shoving some Doritos into his mouth. Forever eating.
“Hey. I miss you.”
I blurted not even realising it had come out until the words were echoed into Niall’s speakers. There was always this stupid few second time lapse to when movement and speech was delivered. He smiled at this.
“I miss you too.”
He chuckled looking around whatever room he was in before back to the camera.
“Hey are you sure you’re okay?”
He added leaning closer to the camera as if to be closer to me. I shifted a bit in my space crossing my legs.
“I-I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He shrugged.
“You just seem different…Err Ash?”
He stuttered his smile suddenly faded and he began fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt and chewing on his lip. Nervous.
“Yup?”
I replied an octave cheerier.
“C-Can I just tell you something like right now? Cus I kinda um, really don’t know how to say it and er-“
“Niall, just tell me. What is it?”
I nervously glanced around my room hoping nobody was eavesdropping or could hear me, as from the stating of his name, they would so be able to tell I was talking to him.
“I. Look, I just…I don’t want you to be in England on your own for so long.”
For a moment I just sat there as this echoed itself through my speakers twice. Alone? Does he class this as alone? I opened my mouth to speak but there were no words ready to roll off my tongue, for once I didn’t know what to say, I was so perplexed by what this remark meant. I closed my mouth again and he just stared at me still the same nervous demeanour as he awaited on my reply. Tucking my hair behind my ears I leaned forwards a bit to get a better look at where he was but I couldn’t put my finger on it, it might have been the basement. I assumed Claire must have been around if he was down there.
“Wh-What do you mean? Why?”
I questioned and he chewed his lip even more then looking to his lap before back up at me in that adorable fashion through his hair.
“You…You know what happened, to um your studio and then your apartment in New York?”
I nodded bleakly as my brain began to relive the horror of seeing what was left of my studio that day. So heart breaking.
“What about it? Niall? Would you please just tell me because now I’m getting scared.”
He shook his head running his fingers through his hair again.
“That’s…That’s what I don’t want. I don’t want you to be scared, but I don’t want you to be alone either….There’s no real easy way to say this without it sounding equally as bad so I guess…You know the necklace I gave you last year? Have you…Still got it with you now?”
I looked down at myself to check but I knew it was there, it was always there. Now, I had grown so used to it I hardly felt the heavy pendant against my skin the chain brushing my skin too. I brought it out from underneath my top and held the charm in my palm for him to see.
“Of course I do...N-Niall what’s up? You’re being serious, so something’s definitely up.”
I concluded trying to conceal the shakiness in my voice.
“Right I’m just gonna tell you right now, right here-“
“That was what we were getting at about ten minutes ago…”
I cut in and he forced a smile.
“Right, yeah. I’m sorry. Look…W-when I was at your apartment after I um rang you, I got some information. They er said that two acts of vandalism within the space of a week was classed as something more personal and that you are definitely being um targeted, if that makes sense…And you know I said about the guy in the lift when I came up?”
He paused for me to answer still running his fingers through his hair nervously.
“Y-Yeah. Niall, what are you trying to say?”
“Just listen, I’m getting to it. So I was just casually sat there minding my own business while they were like snooping around all your stuff and checking for fingerprints and all that crap and they’re all like ‘sir we know who done it and the motive’ and stuff-“
“What so you mean to tell me you knew this and didn’t tell me?”
I challenged using my finger as I spoke these words as if I were pointing to some subtitles as I choked out each word my tone tainted with anger and fear.
“Well I…We weren’t exactly on speaking terms then and everything was so tense with Claire around and you know I hardly ever got time to see you let alone speak to you. You were half happy for once Ash and back then, you were always with all of us so I thought I’d leave it for a bit, you were shook up about it all anyway and you didn’t need that on top of you too-“
“How do you know what I do and don’t need?”
“Ashley…”
He remarked a bit sterner and less pleading this time and I sighed inwardly closing my eyes for a few seconds as I took this in.
“Fine.” I mumbled. “Just tell me and we’ll talk about this later.”
He ran his fingers through his hair again looking around him before back to me.
“Thank you…They/He I don’t know want your necklace Ashley. The charm, they want it.”
“What? Wh-Why?”
I stuttered fumbling the clover charm in-between my fingers. It was special, to me it was, and it was beautiful too, but there was beautiful jewellery everywhere, to a complete stranger, what was so special about this particular necklace?
He shrugged.
“I don’t know. But that’s why what happened, happened. They were looking for it Ashley and now that they haven’t found it in either of those places I’m so scared that they’re gonna be targeting you now. And it’s been leaked that you’re back in England…” He rushed. “And I just. I can’t take the thought of you being there alone, okay? I’m scared. I’m scared something’s gonna happen Ash and I’m gonna feel so guilty if I’m not there when it does.”
For a moment I just sat there, taking this all in. Our little dis-agreement now completely dis-regarded as a petty fight this was far more important than a few right words in the wrong place. He was scared? What about me? I looked around the room suddenly expecting somebody to burst out of my wardrobe right now or something and rip the jewellery straight from my neck, I felt a cold shiver run through me at this thought and I quickly folded my arms over my chest pulling the duvet up tighter around my body.
“Ash? Did you get that?”
I just bleakly nodded, not knowing what to say. What are you supposed to say when things like this happen? It’s not exactly every day.
“I…Niall I’m scared. What am I supposed to do?”
He sighed reaching an arm behind his head and scratching his neck a bit.
“I know love. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”
“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault; it’s hardly anything to do with you.”
“It Is though, isn’t it? I was the one who gave it to you. I’m sorry.”
“No,” I shook my head. “It’s not your fault and don’t say it is. It’s nobody’s fault.”
“I just…I just don’t know what to say Ash. I don’t want you being there on your own, I had an idea…it’s kinda risky but, we might get away with it. Claire does owe me….”
“What? What’s this idea?”
“I’m, we haven’t…We’ve got a week off the week after next and that’s after your exams right?”
“Right…”
“So, I was thinking. A bit of expanding on the truth and err stuff and I could come over to England and the house with you for a week. Or we could go somewhere else, it’s up to you…I know it’s kinda risky but by then you’ll only have a week left in London before you’ll back in New York and then we’ll work something out then.”
“Niall you know that’s totally crazy?”
I raised my eye-brows and he shrugged smirking a bit.
“But?”
“But, I think it’s a pretty good idea.”
“So…Operation Week Protecting My Lovely Ash from Jewel Thieves Commence?”
“Operation commence.”
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A/N.
hey bbz
not even joking I've broke my barces again and there is no way this can be fixed trolol oh well I'm only meant to have them for another week anyway:3
where it snapped off it was really sharp so I filed it down with the nail file(y)
i think I'm coming down with something and I got up at four this morning cus I couldn't breathe as I had a blcoked nose fml.
oh yeah and it tipped it down and I had no brolly and we were walking down bottom site shouting "This is fucking July baby!" while our hair and stuff was like sopping trolol.
omg how my baby got sent time out today by miss lucas-
Miss L- "The next time you talk it'll be time out."
Eleanor- "Kay babes."
Miss L- "Off you go."
trolol, and no, in case you're going to wodner again, not Eleanor Calder, it's my best friend eleanor hehe she be a bitch, my bitch.
until tomorrow my lovlies.
-Emily.