(Don't worry, the comedy will kick off when this series gets regular. Also, yes, I know Kat died in ELSF, but that was in the summer.)
Sonic the Hedgehog turned to look at Shadow, deep in thought.
"Hey. Remember last summer?"
The somber hedgehog barely heard these words as he tilted his head to the evening aether and reflected. "Yeah. It was terrible." Sonic's optimistic smile didn't fade. He leaned further in his chair and persisted, "Don't be so negative! What about the good times?"
"Good? Kat was murdered last summer. She was the only friend I had since M..."
Sonic tried to get his mind off of her, "You mean I'm no friend of yours after all those hours of racing? Come on -- I'll whip us up some chili dogs while you start up the Dreamcast--"
"No, Sonic. You know, Mephiles was right. I'm nothing without my friends. I'm pathetic. So you can enjoy single player, 'cause I'm out." Shadow stormed off into the house. Sonic sat there on the porch alone.
...
"So what's up with Shadow? I saw him driving home in a hurry," asked Tails as he finished his chili dog. "Unstable as usual," the speed demon replied as he hastily shoved down another, "He keeps dwelling on that Kat chick."
"That was a big deal, you know. He fought Mephiles and saved us all, only to see his one true friend die..."
"You too?" Sonic groaned, "I've been friends with Shadow since..."
"Since you fought him over pride?" asked Mephiles, slithering into the kitchen. "Greetings Sonic," he shifted his reptilian eyes, "Tails." Sonic backed away as of he had threatened them by his mere presence. "I just thought I'd stop by after Shadow came home with minor wrist injuries. I assume you've invoked memories of his past?"
Sonic swallowed. "Y-yeah... we, uh, were talking about last summer."
Mephiles quickly jerked forward, pushing his face closer to Sonic's. "You said things about the damsel, nay?" The blue blur nervously responded, "Aye?"
"Good. I want to make sure he feels the regret for crossing me."
As he walked away, Sonic asked Tails, "Can we perform an exorcism or something, because--"
Mephiles' head swiveled around. "Excuse me?"
"AH! AH! KILL IT NOW!"
...
At the café, Rouge poured Shadow another glass of a mysterious purple liquid. "Shadow, this isn't you. The Shadow I know wouldn't be bothered by that creep. He'd suck it up and have a little pride." Shadow let out a slight chuckle. "Pride? Surely I don't have to remind you; I have nothing left."
"Shadow, you had nothing but a name and a goal when the comet struck. Want a goal? Fix your life. Ignore that Mephiles crook and get a job or something."
A familiar faker burst through the front doors with his two-tailed tag-along in tow. "My, oh my. What a crazy night! Shadow, how'd I know you'd be here?" Rouge smiled as she said, "What a surprise! Have a seat."
Sonic sat there with a smirk on his face as he said, "Listen up, Shadster. I found this great track we can rent out and have a real race. How's about tomorrow?" Shad laughed as he agreed, "Yeah, why not? Tomorrow sounds great."
That was odd.
"That way I can beat you and get my order of gun magazines in the same day."
That was better.
As Shadow got out of bed the next morning, Mephiles appeared in his mirror. Something was different, though. It was an exact, colorless copy of Kat. A copy Kat. She had creepy green snake eyes, and no mouth.
"What the hell?" Shadow whispered in shock as he backed away. "How did you...?"
"Simple," Mephiles said in a deep, growly, feminine voice, "I got a chaos emerald, went back in time, and got her to break the scepter." Shadow approached the mirror cautiously, asking, "But how did she break it willingly?"
"Not willingly, my dear Shadow. By force. It happened in a dark place, so she probably thought I was you. Not that it matters, now that she's a corpse in a grave. She'd be quite surprised at you."
Shadow punched the mirror in rage. A fragment of Mephiles spoke through a broken shard, "Anger issues much?" He picked up the piece of glass as if he were strangling Mephiles. The Embodiment of Darkness slid from Shadow's metal shoes and formed into Kat.
"He'll regret this," Mephiles said, mimicking Kat's bright and smoother voice in comparison to his dark and wicked one. "You know, those were her last words as she bled on the cross."
"You b*****d!" Shadow called out, stating, "She was talking about you!"
"So what? It doesn't matter anymore. Like dust in the wind, eh? Human-loving piece of trash."
"I'm doing what Maria wanted!"
"To help out your creator? For giving you a wretched existence you threw away? To think of what you could've done if you just let yourself off the leash." Mephiles clenched his fist and hit Shadow over the head, knocking him unconscious.
The Ultimate Lifeform awoke tied to his bed. Kat the Dark came into his bedroom dressed up like Wave the Swallow. "Ta-da! How do I look?" Shadow responded truthfully, "Like a deranged serial killer who's spent too much time cosplaying." Mephiles laughed chillingly in her new voice. "Oh, lighten up, sour puss." She held his face like he were a pouty kid.
She sifted through the shopping bag and applied some cringy lipstick. "Better with, or without? I think I look better natural." There was nothing natural about that freak as she stumbled about.
"Why are you walking like that?" Shadow asked.
"It's weird, being a human female. I'm getting used to my entire lower half facing inward. And this body is so weak and fragile. I bet you couldn't stand to fight something so delicate." What a creep.
...
"Where's the race?" "We've been waiting for hours!"
"People, people!" Knuckles stood on a soap box and calmed the crowds. "On account of Shadow's absence, I hereby establish the Knuckles Championship fighting arena! Step right up and place your bets. I've had the time to put an ad on TV, so we've already got some challengers ready!"
"Introducing... Bean the Dynamite!" He smiled and pointed to a bomb in his hand, which exploded on him.
"Fang the Sniper!" He spun his cork gun around and blew on the barrel, tipping his hat.
"Bark the Polar Bear!" He shuffled from foot to foot, raising his fists.
"Honey the Cat!" She meowed at the crowd and put a paw over one ear, showing off her fangs and claws.
"Espio the Chameleon!" He gave a thumbs up, standing on his tongue.
Sonic stepped up and asked, "Knuckles, are you sure this is what the people want?" The echidna raised Sonic's hand into the air and slung him into the arena. "And Sonic the Rodent!"
"Hey! I'm not a combatant! I don't wanna fight anybody." His protest was fruitless. Knuckles rang the bell as Sonic faced Bean the Dynamite. "Round 1! Fight!" Sonic assumed a sloppy stance. "Alright. I'm a bit rusty, but I think I can--"
Bean charged at him, pecking him repeatedly. "Stop! Get off!" He kept pecking, cornering him. Sonic raised his hands up to block incoming strikes as he cowered in fear. The bell rang. "Bean wins! Next up, Espio!"
Bean stepped out of the arena and took his bids. He was replaced by Espio the Ninja Chameleon. "That's not how it works," Sonic argued, "The winner is supposed to face off against the next one!"
"Fight!"
...
"I'll untie you if you come into the shower with me."
"Even if I close my eyes and pray to Chaos?"
...
Sonic lie bloodied and bruised in the corner of the arena as Tails wiped sweat from his brow with a patented Sonic Sweat Rag (available now). "Looks like the Championship is receiving a donation," announced Knuckles, "from Shadow the Hedgehog. It has two rings and a message attached..."
Dear whoever picks this up,
This is Shadow the Hedgehog. I've scribbled this down to say that I'm trapped in my own home. Now I shall proceed to throw this out the window for the nearest passer-by to deliver it to my friends at the Central City Race Track today. Now. If Mephiles comes back, he said he'd --------
"Sonic, we need to get to Shadow's house!" Sonic was passed out, so Tails gathered up Amy and went with her to the ultimate domain.
Tails and Amy pushed open the bedroom door to find Shadow singing along to the Rick Roll at the point of a Dark Chaos Lance. Shadow locked up with embarrassment as his face turned red.
Kat the Dark forced them out like Sonic Forcing out fan suggestions. Afterward, a purple force field was put in place so that no one may enter nor leave. At Shadow's plea, he was released, free to roam about his house.