I think it's cause I'm on trimester break that I feel like updating so frequently.
NEWS: If you don't already know, Apartment No.4 - Mason's Story has the first chapter ready to read! Woohoo!! Go check it out - after you've read this of course ahah
Hope you all enjoy! So so so much love for you all xx
"You've got to be shitting me!" I laughed, wandering into the kitchen to do the same. "You're so insecure, why can't you just accept the fact that I've been with you for five years and that actually means something?"
"I get it; Dan wasn't available so you went for the next best thing," he rolled his eyes and I could feel my blood boiling.
"I'm not having this conversation with you,"
"Why not? You started it," I wanted to pick something up and throw it at him. I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. I wanted to pack up my shit and leave.
"Good night," I sighed and walked into the bedroom with him hot on my tail.
"Stop doing that! Stop walking away from me when I'm talking to you!" He raised his voice and slammed the door behind him.
I laughed knowing it aggravated him. I'm not better than him, he's explosive and I'm antagonistic... at least, I am now.
"Shut up, Isaac. What are you trying to be? Maybe you should be a with a girl who will actually let you be a manipulative psycho. Who will let you go about your life with no regard to hers. 'If you look for perfection, you'll never be content' ."
I stared coldly and he rolled his eyes.
"Don't quote Tolstoy and expect it to have any effect on me," he grunted, crossing his arms over his chest making the muscles of his biceps bulge from the tension.
"See, this is what I mean! You're the embodiment of Alexei!"
"If I was, I wouldn't care that you go around making eyes at every guy you pass!" He flung his arms to his sides and I flinched.
I grabbed my bag quickly, pushing through the bedroom door with a thump and sprinted to the front door.
He chased after me down the stairs, I could hear his heavy feet tumbling against the concrete. I tripped when I reached one of the landings and felt my hands sting from the fall but didn't give the opportunity to examine them as I made my way down the next flight of stairs. When I pushed the heavy swinging door to the garage open with a bang I got in my car and prayed that now wasn't the time it decided to break down.
I peeled out of the driveway and drove in circles for fifteen minutes to make sure he wasn't following me.
***
"Why would he say that?" asked Lys as she cleaned the scrapings on my hands in the bathroom.
"Because he's an arsehole." I stated plainly and she nodded in agreement.
She put big white plasters on my hands for the time being - or at least until I went home to have a shower - so the antiseptic would clean the cuts.
The scrapes weren't deep but they were covering the heel of my palms and the underside of the knuckles of each hand. I wasn't really a clumsy person so I was surprised that I'd managed to trip over my feet. My knees hurt a bit too.
"Just keep them clean," she said with a sweet smile and made me sit down while she made me a coffee and put some bought biscuits on a plate.
"Thanks, Lys, I hope you don't mind my staying over?" I said when she brought me mug of scolding hot tea.
"No it's fine, I like the company," she smiled and flicked through the Netflix reel.
My phone buzzed beside me, an unknown number appearing on the screen. I answered it before I could even think not to.
"Hello?"
"Alex! Hey, it's Kim don't hang up," my thumb automatically went to the end call button on my phone but I stopped myself. "I just spoke to Isaac and... can I come over?"
"I'm not home," I mumbled indignantly, not caring if I came off as rude.
"No, I meant to wherever you are, I promise I'm not trying to sweet talk you to go back to your place. Hand over heart."
I deliberated for a moment. She did sound genuinely concerned, and as much as I hated to admit it, maybe she did actually care.
I told her the address of a late night cafe near Lys's and told Lys I'd be back soon, giving her a brief explanation to which she cringed at.
I was sitting inside with a steaming cup of coffee in front of me while I waited for her to show up.
"Hey," she sighed in relief and pulled me up to hug her.
"Hi," I muttered, resuming my place while she took hers opposite me in her gym gear.
"I heard the news, Isaac told me everything,"
I rolled my eyes.
"Everything? Or his version of everything?"
"His version of everything, but I've known him long enough to know what's his and what is real,"
That brought a smile to my face. Maybe she wasn't so bad.
"Don't listen to him. He doesn't realise his flaws, but I did like your connection to Anna Karenina," she signaled over a waiter and ordered a green tea.
I laughed, to my surprise, which elicited a smile from her.
We chatted over how much of an idiot Isaac can be and classes and I somehow find myself offering for her to sit with me in Literature class.
What am I doing? Her positive attitude and kindness is just so ridiculously infectious. Maybe I had been too harsh on her, it's just her reputation precedes her and not in a good way.
I should've given her a chance to begin with. The only solace behind my disliking her was the fact that I never obviously showed it... that doesn't mean I want her dating Daniel though.
"How did that even happen? Asked Lys as I walked through the door at 10pm.
"I don't even know, honestly, I wish I could tell you," I huffed as I fell into the pillows on the couch.
"Please don't tell me she's roping you in too," she pouted beside me and I rolled on top of her playfully and to be annoying. She exhaled a squeazed breath and I laughed as I squashed her.
"Nah, never," I mumbled sarcastically and she kicked me off so I landed on the floor with a thud.
"Ow! Watch the hands!" I laughed as I whacked my elbow against the coffee table.
"You deserve it," she giggled as she made her way over to the kitchen.
***
I woke up in a pile of blankets and pillows on the couch and remembered that I didn't need to be up early with a sigh of relief. Lu did cross my mind and I wondered what she was up to. Was she with her parents? Stanford? Was she alone? The thought of her being alone all day made me feel uneasy. I wondered if Stanford would let me get her a phone so I could contact her...
As a thank you, I made eggs and bacon for Lys and I's breakfast.
We talked most of the morning and she sent me away home with the great attitude of 'I don't give a shit about anyone'. I resisted against her pushing me out the door but her surprisingly bony elbows got the better of me.
I had the mindset of walking into the apartment, directly through to the bedroom, get changed, grab all my books and go straight to the library to study and maybe even to go shopping.
I had an urge to visit Lucy. Even though I'd only been working there a week I felt like we'd grown close. She'd mentioned that I was different to her usual nannies and we got on really well together, in fact, I think we might even be similar.
Isaac wasn't in and I remembered he had work early this morning. Thank god.
As I got ready for a good session of studying I thought about the timeline of our arguments. They hadn't necessarily picked up in number since Kim had gotten here but they'd definitely picked up in severity and longevity since she had. I'd spent more time at Alyssa's in the space of a week previously but not with the purpose of avoiding Isaac. This job, I thought, would give us some well needed time apart but apparently it had made little difference.
The thought of breaking up with Isaac, something I'd dwelled over at night whilst he was asleep beside me, made me nervous. I could be by myself, it wasn't the fact that I didn't want to be, it was the fact of learning who I was again as a single person rather and a person attached to someone else. Making decisions that affected me and not two people.
Would my morals change? Probably not but I know that some aspects of my life where I'd looked through a lense of two people would have.
Who was I without Isaac? Was I Alexis Miles minus one, or was I someone completely different? I'd grown up with Isaac in my life. He helped identify who I was today and who would identify as without him? I could be by myself happily but I think the one thing keeping me in a relationship was the fact that I was scared to find out who I would become.
It scared me to start the five years all over again. I hadn't wasted my time but it was obviously becoming tedious. That in itself made me feel terrible; the fact that I just called mine and Isaac's relationship tedious.
I'd been sitting at the dining table, one knee propped against the edge and leaning back on my chair with my pen between my teeth for hours just mulling over this thought. The door closing broke me from my trance and I looked over to see Isaac watching me warily.
"Hey," he said quietly.
"Hey," I returned barely louder than a breath.
There was an awkward silence between us as he stood staring at me, the wall, the floor. I looked around, waiting for him to say something.
"How was your day?" He asked and I blew the breath from my nose in slight humour. Of course he would avoid the issue.
"Isaac, I think we need to talk," I said, not realising that I'd already made the decision of what I was going to do.
"No, we're not talking about that," he was defiant in his answer and I shook my head slowly.
"We have to; you know we do," he stepped towards me catuously, his hands raised as though attempting to approach a vicious animal.
"No, we don't. I spoke to Kim and I know I was being an arsehole, I shouldn't have said any of that,"
"True enough, but things aren't wor-"
"Let me make it up to you tonight, please," he begged, now in front of me and crouching down so he was on his knees.
I stared down at him and absently brought my hand up to twist a tuft of hair around my fingers, taking in the irony of him being on his knees.
"I don't know if it's worth it," I sighed in defeat, and I noticed his eyes fluttering at my touch in his hair.
"Please," he looked up at me, his sad eyes round and full of fear. I could feel my resolve weakening. I had to give it a chance didn't I? I mean, it seemed a waste to throw away 5 years over a few arguments... a lot of arguments.
"I'll take you to dinner tonight, we'll go to that place by the pier that you love."
"It's too expensive," I started but he held up a hand to silence me.
"I'm paying. It's worth it," He deliberated but pulled me close to kiss me and I returned it shortly.
I met him by the door where he was dressed very smartly in dress pants, a jacket and a button down shirt opened at the collar.
I was wearing a red v neck ruffle dress that I'd been saving for a special occasion and curled my hair to at least look decent.
He smiled brightly when he saw me.
"You look beautiful," he bent slightly to kiss me on the cheek and I looked him over.
He'd combed his hair back and he was wearing the watch his mother had gave him at Christmas.
"You look dashing," I nodded, willing my smile teach my eyes and put my phone in my clutch.
He drove us to the pier and parked underground in the parking across the road and a few streets over.
We walked across the wooden walkway slowly, feeling the chill in the air coming off the water. Isaac must've noticed my shivering because he'd taken his jacket off and wrapped around my shoulders.
"I'm fine. You'll get cold, here," I said in protest, trying to give his jacket back but he just shook his head and helped me slip my arms through.
I wrapped my hand around his bicep and we walked together, hardly talking, along the beautifully lit pier and up to the restaurant that was ordained with fairy lights outside along the bannisters. The tables outside were shielded from the hard breeze of the water by glass panels and a gorgeous roof that you could see was tiled in white stone from the end of the pier during the day.
Plants lined the room and each table was lit by a small tea light candle. Everything was set perfectly.
A waiter in a white bow tie showed us to our seats and he pulled me chair out for me which I certainly wasn't used to having done. I smiled to Isaac who was watching me carefully as though I might get up and run at any moment.
We opened our menus at the same time and my eyes bugged out at the prices.
£38 for a sirloin steak and some potato purée
£35 for a chicken breast and some asparagus
I could feel a headache coming on just from looking at the prices. The chicken was the cheapest of the six highly priced items, so I decided that's what I was going for. I know he wanted to make things right but he didn't have to set himself back on the rent for it.
I closed my menu and looked up at Isaac who was appraising his choices.
"The duck sounds good," he looked up at me and I nodded.
I watched him reading through the options, his dark hair shining in the dim light of the candle and and strong neck showing through his open collar.
Every now and then, especially when he was tired or goofing around I saw that teenager I fell in love with. Maybe it was his smile or his slightly slanted eyes that glowed when he beamed or maybe it was the clothes he was wearing but I could see that lacrosse captain and basketball player that I used to watch with Lys on the steps of the pitch or court during lunch time training sessions, or see him walking towards me at the study hall and when I walked passed I'd turn slightly to see him watching after me.
I love Isaac. I don't need to convince myself of it. But perhaps it's a love that isn't love anymore. There used to be an excitement, a lust between us and now we were just... love.
"You look lovely tonight," he said softly across the table and I broke out of my trance, blushing softly and thanking him.
"How was work?" I asked after the waiter filled our glasses with water.
"It was good, busy as usual."
I nodded in response and looked around the room. There were elderly couples and middle-aged couples surrounding us. The outside area wasn't filled but there were enough to make it seem busy for a Sunday night.
People holding hands and beaming at each other. People leaning into one another and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. People making promises that would soon be broken after Kelly was caught sleeping with her yoga instructor or Sam was caught with his secretary in his office.
Minutes passed and neither of us had said anything. I toyed with the bottom of my stemmed water glass, catching the condensation on my fingers and making patterns on the base.
The waiter came round and took our orders and we'd still not said anything since.
You know the usual :)
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