Accepting Kelly’s death was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, everyone was in tears even the people who didn’t even know her, I was the only one who hadn’t rolled down a tear — not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t just accept it — everything seemed to have happened too fast, maybe if I had just forgiven her, maybe if I had just let her in, her wrist wouldn’t be slit open in a pool of blood.
I hated myself for letting resentment take the best of me and so did Casper, he placed up a picture of he and Kelly in the beach, they seemed so happy — happier than I’ll ever be with Casper. I should have just let them be, I should have just left bygones be bygones.
Kelly’s parents had immediately flown in from London, and they wanted me to give a speech on Kelly, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to react. I begged them to give someone else, but they declined, said Kelly would have wanted me to do it, I was never a fan of alcohol but there I was in a bar for the first time in my life drowning my sorrows on hard liquor.
Watching as the world spanned and passed me by, I hated it, hated the taste, hated the stinging feeling in throat as it rushed down but I couldn’t stop, couldn’t pull myself back, it was like the monster was taking over, was this how addiction felt? Was it how it started? I didn’t want to do something bad, I just wanted all the pains and frustrations to disappear even though it was only for a moment.
“Another shot” I ordered, I couldn’t see clearly but I could sense the sit beside me had been occupied.
“What’s wrong, a bad day?” he asked and I nodded, I tried to get a glimpse of him but the effect of the alcohol was already kicking in and his face was blurry but one thing I was sure of was that he smelled of alcohol.
“Yeah” I nodded and took another gulp.
“Nothing heals pain better than a good lit cigarette” he seemed to have a Spanish accent, from the way he pronounced cigarette it sounded like ci-gar-et-te, and then he puffed the smoke into my face leading me to a long choke but soon subsided and then I realized the alcohol wasn’t all I wanted, it was unable to feel me with the complete desire I wanted and then I asked the fellow. “Can I have a puff?” “Of course” he exclaimed and gave me his.
Puff… puff… puff, I smoked in the cigarette, allowing the black smoke to feel my lungs with every puff, the feel was almost sensationally nerve calming and from there I didn’t want to stop, from there I followed the unknown stranger out the bar and into the dangerous streets far from sane.
Soon we had gotten to the deadly part… drugs,
he rushed down marijuana down my lungs, my brains were twisting into different dimension and I didn’t know who I was again but sincerely for the first time I felt at peace, free from the worries, free from all the torments now I understood why people easily fell victims of these demons and soon all I could hear were the loud sounds of the police sirens, a loud run and chase and then a bright light flashed into my eyes and I blacked out.
***
The next morning my head hurt so badly that I couldn’t even bear the pain, I had no memories of the incident of last night or where I was but the paper in my hand could tell me half the story. “In case you want more madness call me @ …” a number followed as I read the paper, I squeezed it immediately in my fist as a familiar face walked into the grand room, one I never imagined seeing again.
“Uncle Sam!” I screamed managing to give him a big hug with my banging head.
“When did you arrive to the states?”
“A few days ago, your mom called in, said she needed company” he answered with a worried look, his brown eyes exactly like the eyes of my mother, he was one of the best men I ever knew.
“Yeah she needs it”
“And so do you… what happened to you Paige? You’re so lucky my nephew found you or you may not be here today” Uncle Sam sighed and hugged me once again.
“Your nephew?” I questioned.
“Yes, my nephew Damien” I thought he was bluffing, until a friendly face walked in.
“Damien, my niece Paige and Paige, my nephew Damien, my wife's sister's son” he explained and I nodded still in shock.
“Nice to see you again Paige” Damien smiled, “Again!”my uncle exclaimed, “I guess that's a story for another day” he smirked and walked out the room leaving us behind.
“Thank u for saving me” I sighed,
“No problem, I can see you've been through a lot” he seemed to have so much composure, he had that thick British accent I had admired since the first day.
“More than you can imagine”
he nodded sympathetically, “well if you ever need anything am at your service” he offered his condolences for Kelly's death.
“I never got to meet her” he said.
“Well then you can attend the funeral” I had indirectly invited him, I really needed a supporting friend present
“Well, I'll think of it” he said and disappeared from the room.
I felt exhausted, I felt miserable, I had gone to extremes, done something I shouldn't have and now I regretted it more than anything, my whole body smelled of alcohol, my lungs still felt like they were engulfed in smoke, my nose still itched from the drugs I sniffed. I could feel some vibrations in my pocket surprisingly after running off on an adventure with an addict I still had a phone, maybe he was too dazed to even try to steal one.
Pulling out the phone from my pocket I stared at a series of mixed call from mom, Casper, Brandon and Ella. I felt too down to call back, too disappointed in myself to bother... I could feel it, I was going to go down a dark road sooner than later and I just hopped God would be able to forgive me for the sins I had committed and the ones I am yet to commit.
After a long nap I finally awakened, I still lay in my uncle's house, it seemed like the best way to take a break — I really needed one, a break...
The house was grand, just like how uncle liked them, grand and historical. I stepped out of the room it had been a while since I had such a refreshing bath it made the nap more memorable, a maid had brought in freshly ironed clothes for me, and I was on my way down the long maze to find them, it was really a beautiful get away, mom would love it here. There were pictures of great art all around, but I was most intrigued by the replica of Monalisa that was hung at the far end of the room, it looked almost similar to the original one of Leonardo da Vinci great art.
Finally, running off through the door I found them in the grand living room, it had a beautiful chandelier that spun round reflecting beautiful silver and gold light.
“Paige dear” uncle smiled, “Glad you're awake, I had a doctor called over to have you checked”
I glanced at the corner of the room and realized the presence of another unfamiliar face, he was probably in his late twenties, brown golden locks and hazel colored eyes.
“This is Doctor Charles” uncle introduced him, and he shook my hands warmly.
“I'll just run a few checks and that's it, I'll probably also give you some drugs too” he explained grabbing his kit to begin his work.
“For what?” I questioned, for some reason I suddenly had my guards up even for the littlest thing.
“Nothing in particular, just some drugs we give first timers to prevent further dangers of addiction and a few depression pills”
“I'm not depressed” I defended, almost feeling insulted by his comment.
“No...that's not what I mean, it's just that 80% of drug addicts suffer depression”
I raised my brow, that didn't make me feel any better.
“Okay I guess I should just stop talking” he sighed.
“Yes I think you should” I answered and took a sit.
After the series of checkups, Doctor Charles found nothing wrong he did drop off the pills which I was reluctant to take.
In a flash I could sense the presence of Damien; his strong cologne had already taking over the cool breeze. “Hey you” he attempted to cheer me up but it was just another failed one.
“I guess am a disappointment” I sniffed in regret.
“Of course not” he smiled, “you're beautiful, smart, thoughtful and sensitive” he comforted me and for the first time it actually worked.
“So are you ready to tell me what's wrong?” he asked softly.
“I'm just scared” I sighed heavily, my arms were rested on the railing and my eyes fixed on nothing in particular. “Scared to accept that Kelly is gone, scared to accept that I'm about to lose my dad — a broken family, I'm scared to let anyone in case am scared, I'm frightened and even if it's hard for me to admit I mean it, I'm trembling inside and I have no idea what to do” I wept.
Damien drew closer and wrapped his hands around my shoulder, “it's okay Paige, it's okay to be scared, it's okay to feel guilty, tragedy comes and goes but there's always a silver lining you just have to look really hard to see it — emotions can sometimes hurt but we need them, it's the only thing keeping our sanity in check that's the only thing that tells us were still living”
He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. “So go home and face your problems head on and I'll be there holding supporting you all the way”
I couldn't help but smile but the next morning I compiled with his request, I went back home — no alcohols, no drugs I wanted to face my problems head on. Good girl Paige was gone, bad girl Paige had been born.
A/N: hope you liked the chapter? Pls don't forget to click the cute star and leave a comment below...love you❤