It was a few weeks after I told Gus and Trace about my uncle. It was tense between Gus and I for a few days until we finally let the whole situation roll off. In those weeks Trace had become distant like every time him and Gus got too close. While this took an emotional toll on my best friend, and it did hurt me to see him like that, it kept us fucked. The past week I wasn't sober one time. It didn't phase me because at least we were switching between shit. Xans weren't that hard to come by anymore because Gus' music has taken a rise on SoundCloud and people were starting to notice him. His name on there was LiL Peep and now he's got me calling him Peep, too. Now we're using xanax, addy, tree, percs, and tabs. I've never been so fucked up and I keep falling for it even more.
Tonight we were hitting the streets and I was already off three bars when Peep was dragging me down some alley. The pavement made muted steps that echoed off the bricks surrounding us and my breath was caught in my throat when I saw what he had taken me to. In front of me was a door that had been battered countless times and I knew where it lead. My uncle had taken me here when I was younger, saying it was part of his job, but it's just a club to keep the ring tight. Sweat started gathering in my palms, but what truly knocked the breath out of me was seeing the girl off to the side of the door.
Laken.
Her blonde hair was pulled back in a tight bun, eyeliner flicked at the corner of her eyes, and her stomach was incredibly flat. She had lost weight since the last time I had seen her, and it made my stomach twist. When she turned away to talk to someone I gasped because I saw a bruise that resembled a hand print a little too much for my liking. I was about to reach out, try and talk when Peep grabbed my hand.
"Bro, this club is lowkey. Don't tell no one about this shit because it could break you," he warned.
I gulped a breath down, "I already know."
His eyes widened, "What?"
"Uncle."
The conversation went moot.
Next thing I know we're thrown into a crowded room with smoke fogging everything up and people shouting. Gus kept his hand on my elbow as he lead me through the clusters of tables and drunk people. There was a line of people flowing from doors of what I assumed to be bathrooms until one person caught my eye. They had short, blue hair and wearing a checkered tube top with high waisted shorts hugging their sides. I wasn't sure if they were a boy or girl when they spoke with their husky voice.
"It's blow for blow," they laughed. I noticed that their eyes were glassy and wide. Their pupils were blown.
"Fuck, y'all got coke?" I asked.
"Only if you suck dick or want your dick sucked," they giggled. Before I had a chance to respond, Peep was already dragging me down the hallway, cutting through the lines of people.
When we reached the other side of the hall I noticed another door that seemed to almost blend in with the wall, and I was soon enough being dragged through it. I fumbled in my pocket for another xan when I heard a gruff voice cut the air.
"Whatcha lookin' for?"
My eyes snapped to the voice and there sat a man with thick, coke bottle glasses on and a gold chain hanging limply on his collar bones. His hair was blonde and pulled up into a bun with tattoos inking up his neck and down to his fingers. The blood in my veins ran cold and I shook my head, "Nothin' man. Just a xanny."
He snorted while he opened a desk drawer, rummaging in it, and then tossing a bottle at me. I caught it and looked down to read the prescription was under the name of Benjamin Mason for Xanax. The bars rattled as they slid into my hand and I popped another three in, while watching the man behind the desk.
Peep sat down on a chair off to the left of the desk and smiled at the intimidating man. He threw a sly grin back at Gus when he turned back to me, "I'm Ben. Those xans were on the house."
That was all that was said to me for the next hour while I sat to the side and listened to the both of them discuss Peep's next move with music. My mouth stayed shut, trying to dissect the conversation between the two.
"Alright, slick, c'mere," Ben called to me.
I raised my eyebrows, "Slick? The fuck you mean?"
"I said what I said. Now c'mere," he growled.
I slinked my way to the front of his desk and gazed at him lazily. The xans were coursing through my veins and I felt dizzy and tired. His eyes were blue, icy from behind the lenses of his glasses, and he sneered at me.
"So, Richard's your uncle?" he asked.
I could feel the tension seep into the room, "Yeah, what about him?"
"Well, it just so happens you can help me," he drawled.
"Okay?" I asked.
Ben squeezed the bridge of his nose, "Your uncle was runnin' for me 'til he knocked up that bitch, and he left a lot of loose ends. You gotta either find him and get him to pay up or you do. Since you have the guts to step a fuckin' foot in here."
Anger shot through me like wildfire when I heard the mention of Laken, "Why do I have to make up for his mistakes?"
A gun clicked, "Because the fucker skipped town a week ago, and I need my money. I'm gonna get it anyway I can."
I held my hands up as he pulled a pistol from underneath his desk and laid it on the smooth chestnut. My curls fell into my eyes as I nodded vigorously, "Alright, bro. Chill. I'll do that shit."
He smiled softly, "Sounds good to me."
The tension was still there after Peep and I left the room. I wrapped my arms around myself as we eased our way back into the main area of the club. Everyone was talking, laughing, or snorting as I glanced at them. It became increasingly harder to walk until Gus grabbed my elbow and shoved me into a chair.
"Diego, I love you, I really do. Just get it together, okay? I wanna get fucked up just as bad as you do, maybe even more. You're annoyin' poppin' all the damn time like it's fuckin' pez, and you're gonna take 'em from someone who fucks with your uncle? The fuck?" He squatted to be eye level with me and I saw a fire in his eyes. His red nails glinted in the overhead light, they started to seem blurry, and I fell forward a bit. Peep's strong hands pushed me back into the chair.
"Listen, you pull this shit again and I'm done with your ass," he spat. I felt heavy as he dragged me up from the chair and out of the club. My drug addled mind was too far gone to try and look for Laken. The only thing in my head was my bed waiting for me at my house when I stumbled forward.
Gus turned around and shoved me against the wall, "Y'know what? Get yourself home tonight and see what happens when you aren't babysat, Di." Then his figure was retreating from me down the alley and on to a different direction.
I was too fucked up to really grasp how Peep had thrown me to the wolves so I turned my head to the side and stared out to the street. For once it felt cold in the deadlands. I was all alone, propped against a wall, and no one to call my friend. The lights were dim all around me, and I could barely make out the street other than the white and yellow lines emboldened on it. Footsteps started to approach me, slow and soft, like a child sneaking into their parents' room. The sound made me look toward who it was and there stood a little girl. She seemed so familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"Diego?" she asked in a small voice.
"Huh?" I slurred at her.
Her dress had embroidered pink roses on it with small polka dots and white lace. She seemed like an angel in this dark moment because of her sweet smile. The girl looked worried and then asked me another question.
"Are you okay?"
The moonlight shining down into the alleyway and the small girl with the pink roses and kind demeanor were all too familiar. It was too much. She reminded me of Chelsea and I pushed myself up onto my feet. Tears started to rush down my face as I shook my head, like I should have when I was by the lake with my ex best friend.
"No, I'm not okay," I admitted, and the weight on my chest eased minutely.
The little girl seemed concerned and I knew where I had seen her. She was the one on my school bus all those months ago. Guilt wrapped its way up my throat and I choked out a sob, shaking fearfully. This kid probably saw me as some cool guy who took up for her, but I've gotten so fucked that I couldn't even remember her properly. It took her similarities to one of my ex best friends to shake me to understand what all I've done.
I turned away from her, leaving her in that alley, and made my way home. The walk was the hardest because I was still off the bars I'd taken, but now I had to reflect on myself. Why did I leave Kim and Chelsea? Why did Trace offer me xans? Why did I take them? I kept asking myself these questions, and many more, almost incessantly.
My phone was shaking in my hand as I trudged down the street and typed out a message to Chelsea.
me: hey i miss u
I watched as the blue line at the top of my phone stopped just a centimeter before sending the iMessage. My breath was caged in the back of my throat as I saw the message failed to send. There was no way.
I raced my way home to try and see if Chelsea was at her house and see if she really had blocked me. The run was awful because my lungs were aching and legs felt wobbly from all the drugs, but I pushed through it. Until I turned on my street and my feet stopped, along with my heart. There she was, in her driveway, kissing some girl she probably didn't even like all that much, and her phone was in her back pocket. I know because she always keeps it in her back pocket just in case of emergencies.
My stomach dropped and swiped the tears from my eyes, and I slinked over to my house. Trying to stay off Chelsea's radar since she had blocked me from it, anyway. Thankfully, my back door was unlocked, I just hustled myself into my quiet house and to my room. Once the door was shut I finally let out the tears I had been holding back in the street. I lost my best friend in the entire world. Someone who meant the world to me, someone who had been there through every problem and crisis in my life, someone who loved me even when I didn't love them.
Chelsea wasn't my best friend anymore, and it was all my fault.
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hey im back!! i was in the behavioral health center for 6 days last week and im back in the swing of things so here is chapter 11!!! thanks for the kind words and support for my little break!!
anyway, i hope yall enjoyed this chapter bc i actually really liked writing it lmao. (i dont rly do filler chapters all that much bc i love drama)
xoxo xanarchyking💔