"I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings. But you came along and you changed everything. You lift my feet off the ground. You spin me around. You make me crazier, crazier. Feels like I'm fallin' and I am lost in your eyes." –Crazier, Taylor Swift
--
As the wedding drew near, Jae became more normal, more stable. Naka-hanger sa labas ng closet ang damit na binili niya para rito. She would stare at the dress every morning just after she wakes up and every night before she goes to sleep.
But that's not all. He could leave her alone without worrying about her safety. Naghahanap na kasi siya ng trabaho. Nahihiya na siya sa mga magulang ni Jae dahil lahat ng ginagastos nila ay galing sa mga ito. They went back to US a few days ago. Sa kanya lang nagpaalam ang mga ito.
When he told Jae that they left, she just shrugged and said okay. So he concluded that they're still not in good terms.
Nakakuha naman siya agad ng trabaho because of his good credentials. Nagsimula siya agad dahil kailangan nila ng tao at kailangan niya ng pera. Ilang buwan na rin siyang hindi nakakapagpadala sa mga magulang niya.
He felt sort of guilty for having neglected them, kahit pa sabihin ng mga itong naiintindihan ng mga ito ang sitwasyon.
--
Weeks passed and the progress became more evident.
The night before the wedding, Jae was even able to attend the bachelorette party for Gale. He, on the other hand, was whisked away for Rico's bachelor's party. He was the best man, again. Pakiramdam niya'y kamalasan na niya na palaging siya ang best man, never the groom.
They told him that maybe it just wasn't his time yet. And he would like to believe that. Na siguro nga, hindi pa lang tamang panahon. Maybe Jae's the right woman for him. Maybe they were meant for each other, just not fit for marriage yet.
He didn't drink too much kahit anong pilit nila sa kanya. He wanted to make sure na maaalagaan niya si Jae when she came home from the other party, in case she's drunk.
Which she was.
She was so intoxicated, she could barely stand up. Nanakit ang balikat niya sa pagbubuhat dito hanggang sa kwarto. But when she wrapped her arms around him and murmured an unintelligible endearment, he forgot the pain on his shoulders and back.
Some people have that peculiar effect on others, he guessed. If you care about someone enough, you could do things for them. Things that you haven't even thought of doing. They just give you the strength to do it.
And all the pain, blood, sweat and tears that went with it just vanish when they smile.
Maybe this is why he was able to get this far with her, kahit na hindi niya alam kung may patutunguhan pa ba ang ginagawa nya.
It's because he's truly, crazily in love with her.
--
Ipinagtimpla niya ito ng matapang na kape. It was clear that she has a hangover. Alas sais pa lang ay gising na ito. Nakangiwi dahil sa aftertaste ng mga alak na ininom nito kagabi.
"Ugh! I swear I'll never drink again!"
Napasapo ito at binigyan ng mahinang sabunot ang sariling ulo.
"You'll probably drink again tonight," he said with a chuckle. "Don't worry. Hindi ako iinom para may mag-alaga ulit sa 'yo mamaya."
She looked touched.
She gave him a side hug. Inihilig nito ang ulo nito sa balikat niya.
"I love you."
Inakbayan niya ito at hinalikan sa tuktok.
"Marry me," he said.
Tumingin ito sa kanya, kunot ang noo.
"Toby..."
He shrugged. "Just trying again."
"I already said no. Why did you even ask?"
"I was hoping for a different answer."
Kumalas ito sa kanya. "I want to do something," pag-iiba nito sa usapan.
"Ano?"
She smiled sheepishly and tugged at his hand. Hinila siya nito pabalik sa kwarto.
--
"Jae... I don't think—"
"Shhh. Just relax, okay? Close your eyes."
"You're crazy," naiiling niyang sabi.
She gave him a peck on the cheek. "And that's why you love me. Now, close them."
He hesitantly obliged.
Hindi niya alam kung gaano ba kagulo sa loob ng utak ni Jae. Of all the things that she could think of doing, napagdiskitahan nitong lagyan siya ng makeup.
"I just want to see how you'd fare as a woman," she explained earlier. Matagal na raw itong curious kung ano ang hitsura niya kung lalagyan sya ng makeup at wig. Apparently, his face is somewhat feminine.
Ayaw man niyang aminin but that's a bit true. That's why his classmates used to call him Ahn—his second name. Mukha kasi siyang babae, lalo na noong bata pa siya. Minsan na rin syang napagkamalang bakla and when that napkin incident with Jae happened, lalong umugong ang tsismis na 'yon.
Maamo ang mukha niya, mana sa nanay niya. Kung naging babae siguro siya, wala na siyang maiireklamo. But he's a guy. It weirded him out. He couldn't even grow a facial hair!
When Jae was finished with his makeup, she put on a brown wig on him. Then she made him look in the mirror.
"Mas maganda ka pa sa 'kin!" kumento nito.
He rolled his eyes and tried to take off the wig. But she slapped his hands.
"Can you stop humiliating me now?"
"Why are you humiliated? You're beautiful!"
"Lalaki ako, Jae," he said sternly.
"So? Don't tell me hindi ka man lang nacurious?" taas-kilay nitong tanong.
He couldn't believe what she just asked.
"No!"
"Sure ka? You and Rico would look good together."
Tumawa ito ng malakas nang malaglag ang panga niya. But he couldn't get angry. No, not when she's laughing like that. It sounded like music to his ears.
He pulled off the wig the same time that he pulled her close. He didn't care if he looked like a girl at that moment. He'd gladly make him look like anything she wants to, if it means that it would make her smile.
She already stopped laughing but her eyes still looked so happy.
And when she closed her eyes, the only thing that felt right to do was to kiss her.
--
The day went on like a blur. Muntikan pa silang ma-late sa simbahan dahil sa tagal mag-ayos ni Jae. But they got there just in the nick of time. He stood at the altar, as the best man. Opposite to him, stood Jazz, the maid of honor.
How ironic it must be for the both of them to stand there, facing each other like that. A few years ago, that was his wish. To take her to the altar. But a lot of things happened since then. And he's here again for a different reason.
Best man ulit siya.
When Gale walked in, all eyes are on her. Gale looked so beautiful. And when he glanced at Rico, he saw him brush the corner of his eye with the back of his hand.
But he could not fixate his eyes on Gale. At that moment, his gaze landed on Jae. Nakatitig ito kay Gale, nakasunod ang tingin. Parang minimemorya ang bawat hakbang nito. There was something in Jae's eyes that he could not put a name on.
At that moment, he would have gladly given anything just to know what she's thinking about.
--
The wedding went well, as planned. Maraming iyakan at tawanan, just like any other weddings. They took a lot of pictures. And he was sure that they would take more on Femi and JT's wedding.
He looked again at Jae who was sitting on one corner. Nasa altar kasi silang magbabarkada, kinukuhaan ng picture. Nang matapos sila ay agad niya itong tinabihan. He noticed that she was still holding the bouquet that she caught earlier.
Ngumiti lang ito sa kanya pero hindi ito nagsalita.
Nang magkaayaan na sa reception ay nagpahuli ito. He told his friends na susunod na lamang silang dalawa.
Nang maiwan sila sa simbahan ay naglakad ito pabalik ng altar. She walked slowly. Sumunod siya rito. Nang nasa tapat na sila ng altar humarap ito sa kanya, hawak pa rin ang bouquet.
"Jae, okay ka lang?" concerned niyang tanong.
Namumula ang gilid ng mga mata nito, parang nagpipigil na umiyak. He knew how she felt about weddings. And maybe this had been too much for her.
"Gusto mo nang umuwi?"
Umiling ito at tumingin sa mga bulaklak.
"Toby..."
"Hm?"
"I... I changed my mind."
He frowned.
"About what?"
When she looked at him, she was already tearing up. She was holding something in. Kanina pa niya pansin iyon. Something was bothering her. It made her uneasy all throughout the ceremony.
"Changed your mind about what?" he asked again.
Huminga ito ng malalim, saka nagpahid ng luha.
She let out a nervous laugh and then she looked into his eyes intently and spoke loudly, as if she wanted the heavens to hear.
"Please marry me."