I felt a kiss on my forehead which woke me up. I opened my eyes and it was Axel, smiling. "Goodmorning Violet."
I rubbed my eyes as I leaned my arm to slightly push me up. "What time is it?" I asked. I knew it wasn't past six in the morning since it was still a bit dark.
"It's still four." He replied. He pulled me down and he cupped my chin with his two fingers, raising my head up. His hair was all messy, some were pointing up and down and some covered his eye. I brushed the stray hair away from his face and it revealed the bruise that was now slightly gone. I never really got to ask him where he got the black eye or why he was drunk that night. I didn't want to act like a concerned girlfriend, which I'm not. I just don't feel like I have the right to ask him about anything since he never really mentioned anything. I know for sure that he comes here and we have sex but that's the only thing between us. Axel never established what we were. And I don't want to expect things. The only thing I can think of is that I'm his sex toy--- sex buddy. That's all there is. He probably has sex with other girls most of the time and I'm one of those girls. That's the bitter truth. Why am I thinking about things like this anyway? I shrugged my thoughts away and stood up.
"Violet? Are you okay?" He asked with a concerned face.
I nodded, even though I was kind of not.
"Oh. Okay." He said, as he stood up fixing his pants. I leaned on the rails, looking at him. He was so gorgeous. He looks perfect at every angle with his brown, wavy hair and icy blue eyes, jawline that could cut watermelons, and his tall and lean body. Any girl would drop their panties for him and I, sadly, was one of them. He just made me feel things that I never really expected to feel.
Was I getting myself into trouble or am I only feeling guilt?
Guilt. Because I've been keeping this a secret to aunt Mary and I've been screwing a man I don't personally know after my parents died. They would be mad if they knew about this. They probably are standing infront of us right now, staring at us, mom scolding me while dad's beating Axel. Or they could be just crying right now at what I did to myself. Either way, they're disappointed.
My breaths became heavy as I thought more about it.
Mom and dad would be mad if I continued this... this thing that we were doing! It's not right. I don't think it's right. I'm disrespecting my parents death and I'm lying to the only parent I have now, aunt Mary.
"School's starting next week. You have no reason to come here anymore." I said. I looked down. "I don't think it's right for you to come here anymore." I looked at him as his head jerked up.
"Why? I can come here after class." He said, looking at me.
I looked at him looking at me.
Should I tell him that I was feeling bad about myself all of a sudden? That after looking at him I realized that what we were doing is wrong which is long overdue because we basically screwed each other everytime we met? That I was feeling guilty about lying to my aunt who has no idea what I was doing and she's probably thinking that I was this good girl, honest girl who was still a virgin and now I'm not? That I felt bad for lying about him coming to the house and not telling aunt Mary since the beginning because secretly I felt good about myself because someone made me feel good in many ways? And that I felt bad for screwing someone that I was not in a relationship with and someone who probably has fucked more girls than the number of years that I have lived on this earth?
Yes.
No.
Maybe?
NO! I wasn't! This is basically all my fault for letting this slip! I could've told aunt Mary that someone has been coming into my bedroom the moment that he started coming into the house! But NOOOOO! I WAS BEING A SLUT AND A WHORE AND ALLOWED SOME DRUNK STRANGER TO FUCK ME! I waited until somebody had taken my virginity and had sex with me a couple of times to realize that! That was that! The real truth!
But why am I arguing with myself. All I had to do was tell Axel that I didn't want to do this anymore. To be a bootycall, a friend with benefits, someone he can fuck around when he wants to. Why am I torturing myself? That's basically all I had to do.
"What are you talking about Violet?" He came closer, eyes with full concern.
"It's just that, you're going to school and I'm going to school. We both have things to do. I'll be graduating and you... you need to focus on your studies as well. I don't think fucking with some girl would be helpful to you either. So either ways, it's a win-win situation." I explained, my chest rising and falling as I did.
Goddamit! Why didn't you just tell the truth??? Focus? Liar!
"Is this because you don't want to be caught? I can just introduce myself to your aunt if you want to." He said, grabbing my hand.
I shook my head. "No." I stared at him, intently.
His jaw clenched as he took a deep breath, letting go of my hand. "If that's what you want then I guess I have no choice." He said, turning back.
"Axel." I called. He jumped over the rails and into the tree and he climbed down quicker than he usually did.
I took a deep sigh, my gaze following him as he disappeared.
I plopped down on the round couch, covering my face with the palm of my hands.
I washed myself after almost an hour, my thighs still sticky from last night. I got out of the bathroom just when I heard the main door open. I heard shuffling in the living room and I hurriedly changed into anything that could just cover me up. I then went down and saw aunt Mary and Dr. Harry sitting on the couch. "Aunt Mary! You're back. I thought you weren't coming back 'til tomorrow." I said as I went up to her and hugged her.
She stood up and hugged me back. "Yeah, I had to come back earlier than expected. The principal called for a meeting about school." She explained.
"Oh, okay." I said, turning my gaze to Dr. Harry. "Harry. Good to see you." I hugged Dr. Harry as well and he hugged me back which gave me the perfect timing to whisper a little message. "Did you tell her yet?" I asked.
He shook his head to say no and I nodded, trying to keep myself together.
"I wanted to call you but I figured, you're still sleeping and I didn't want to wake you and Jack-Jack up. Fortunately, Dr. Harry was nearby and available so he picked me up instead." She explained, glancing at Dr. Harry who was meekly smiling.
I crossed my arms. "Was he?" I said, mocking Dr. Harry whose face was turning red.
"I'll just change into something cleaner and the we head off." Aunt Mary said, heading upstairs to her room. Dr. Harry side-eyed me which made me laugh internally. He was so obvious that even Russia doesn't need to send a spy to know his true feelings.
I decided to go with aunt Mary to Wormbrooke. I finally told her that I made up my mind and that I decided to attend Wormbrooke High School. She was very happy and excited upon hearing the news and she promised me that I won't regret a thing! Of course she added a few more rumble on how I would flourish in such a great institution but I can't help but think that maybe she's like that because it's her school. Of course she'd be biased about it because she has been working here for the past 15 years. If she was in another school, she'd do the same thing as well. Jack-Jack's with Dr. Harry. They're going to this convention about children's health and brain health. I don't know.
After their meeting, she enrolled me and allowed me to meet with the principal who was mentor back when she was still studying education.
Mrs. Higgins was a petite framed woman who was no taller than 5'0 feet. Her shoulders were already bent due to her old age but she talked as if she had just been born. Her gray hair was in a pixie cut and she wore this lovely little pearl earrings which made her look sophisticated and respectable which matched her teal wrap dress that made her look taller than she was.
She knew about the accident and the death of my parents and she assured me that WHS would be my new family, my new home and because of her voice, I kinda believed it. She was very careful to to mention things that would remind me about my parents despite telling her that it was okay and she needn't worry about it. "Welcome to Wormbrooke High, Ms. Avery." She said, extending her hand for a shake and I gladly took it.
"Thank you, Mrs. Higgins. I'm happy to be here." I said.
We went out after that. Aunt Mary stopped by the faculty room to get somethings while I waited outside. After that, we went home. I went straight up to my room and I tried to clean up the mess that Axel and I made.
I don't know why because I'm expecting my guilt to subside but why is it that it's not? I'm happy that I no longer am lying to my aunt, that I wasn't hiding things from her anymore but for some unknown reason, there was still a small part of me that was feeling guilty.
"Violet?!" Aunt Mary shouted. "Who's phone is this?!" She added.
Oh no!