The Letter
Nam Suji glared at the hotel building and turned away angrily "Who does he think he is telling me to do this and that?!"
She looked down the empty street and with her mind made up to rebel she stormed off down the street.
Scar came out from behind a tree outside the hotel and watched Suji walk away. He smirked and quickly looked back to see if anyone was there before following Suji.
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Lee Hyerin rubbed the back of her neck as she stared at her computer screen. She couldn't sleep so she'd decided to look through what the boys had found out about CG so far.
She yawned as she scrolled down the page.....suddenly she furrowed her brows and scrolled back up again. She came closer to the screen and paused as she tried to understand.
"....part of the defense science organization?", Hyerin read the line, "...the defense science organization...", she quickly searched it on the internet and found numerous articles. She clicked on the first one and she read it interest, "the defense science organization main aim is to develop defense tools vital...wait for defense tools?"
Hyerin clicked on another article, "....the defense science team have come under a lot of scrutinies for developing unsafe drugs that killed volunteers....", Hyerin's eyes widened, "...a number of drugs have had to be destroyed for their fatal side effects..."
Hyerin quickly grabbed her phone and called Dawon.
"Unnie?"
"mm...Hyerin? What time is it?"
"Unnie the drug that...killed Junghyun and Donghyuk oppa-"
"What about it?", Dawon abruptly asked.
"You said that the drug was initially developed by the army to use on prisoners of war right?"
"Yes."
"When? Do you know the exact year?", Hyerin asked anxiously.
"2002 was when they started experimenting it in labs."
"2002?", Hyerin bit her lip as she read the article again.
"Why? Have you found something?"
"Yea...I think I have", Hyerin mumbled, "CG was part of the defense science organization from 1995 till 2005-"
"You think he had something to do with the drug?", Dawon asked.
"It definetly can't be a coincidence."
"....then...I..."
"What is it?" Hyerin asked when she heard Dawon hesitate.
Dawon took a deep breath, "Can you meet me at the HQ now?"
"Now?"
"I need to show you something," Dawon said.
"I'll be there in 10", Hyerin said as she grabbed her jacket and ran out of the apartment.
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Suji rubbed her arms together as she walked down the empty road, hardly any cars or people were around so she felt it was safe for her to be walking around without being noticed.
She closed her eyes as she slowly walked, why did Jin have to be so stubborn? Could he not see that she was really trying to make things better but he was just pushing her farther and farther away.
"Ani!", Suji stopped and pouted angrily, "Even after reading the letter he thinks that everything between us was a lie?!"
She shook her head angrily and started walking again, "...and pretending like he didn't see the letter...unbelievable!"
"....is it so hard to turn a blind eye and forgive me?", she mumbled to herself, "...wait till I'm gone then he'll regret it-"
Suji suddenly turned around when she heard something. She looked down the street but it was completely empty.
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Jin threw his phone on his bed and sat on the floor leaning his back on his bed.
"You made your choice Jin...you don't want me"
He leaned his head back on the bed and heaved a heavy sigh.
"I don't want you?", he asked himself in the loneliness of his room, "...you still don't understand me do you?"
How could she expect him to forgive her just like that? He took the risk to open his heart to her, to trust her more than himself because he believed that Suji could never do any wrong to him. She was that light he had needed in his dull and failing life, the warmth in his cold and hard existence, the air he needed in this pathetic and suffocating life of his.
Jin never thought that he would ever go through the same heartache as he did when his own dad betrayed him. In fact he made sure that he would never have to go through it by avoiding getting close to anyone. But when Suji arrived he realized that she could be someone that could make him hurt and break him like his father did. He was wrong....the pain Suji gave him was worse that what his father ever did to him. So when he can't forgive his own father...how could he forgive Suji.
Jin rubbed his forehead in frustration.....because unlike his father, Jin wanted to forgive Suji again. He wanted her back in his life, he wanted to hold her and feel that warmth again. The only thing stopping him was that he was scared, scared like he'd never been before that Suji might betray him again.
"...you still don't understand me Suji..."
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"Dawon unnie?", Hyerin walked into the HQ.
"Hyerin?" Dawon called her from the end room down the corridor.
Hyerin ran down as Dawon peered out and smiled nervously when she saw Hyerin.
"What was it you needed to tell me?", Hyerin asked as she followed Dawon into a large lab room that she'd never been in.
"Not tell", Dawon shook her head, "Show....I need to show you something" she said as she pressed a button by the wall and the wall split in half opening into a large lab.
"...what is this?", Hyerin peered into the brightly lit room.
"It's my lab", Dawon said as she walked over to a large glass container at the far end of the lab.
Hyerin walked behind her still looking around.
"The boys don't know I'm doing this so I've been keeping it quiet", Dawon said as she looked through the glass container.
"What is that?" Hyerin asked as she looked at tubes and flasks filled with different colored liquids inside the container.
"I've been preparing this for a while now", Dawon said, "...I took the blood sample of Junghyun's body and purified it so that I could try to extract the drug-"
"Wait", Hyerin suddenly stopped her, "Are you trying to make an antidote for the same drug that killed Donghyuk and Junghyun?"
Dawon nodded.
"But I thought you said there was no cure for it?", Hyerin asked.
"There isn't", Dawon replied, "That's why I'm trying to make one."
"How?", Hyerin asked looking back at the glass container.
Dawon sighed heavily, "That's the problem, I couldn't extract the drug from Junghyun's blood so..."
"So?", Hyerin asked.
"So the only way is to...", Dawon stopped.
"What is it unnie?"
"When you get bitten by a snake what do you do?", Dawon suddenly asked.
"um...take an antivenom" Hyerin replied confused.
"Exactly, and how do you make the antivenom?", she asked again.
"...well....it's a diluted version of the venom...", Hyerin paused and her eyes flickered up to Dawon, "....you want to get hold of the drug?"
"It's the only way Hyerin", Dawon said, "once we dilute the drug, we can inject it into a animal and get an immune response, the antibodies made can then act as an antidote."
"How are we meant to get the drug without getting killed?" Hyerin asked in shock.
"I don't know but now that we know for certain that it was CG behind this all along, we just need to figure out how to get it."
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*whistle*
Suji spun around when she heard someone whistle. Apart from the one street lamp, she could see nothing but darkness. She was sure she heard whistling just a moment ago.
She slowly turned back around and started walking again, maybe she should go back to the hotel now. She bit her lip suddenly feeling a bit nervous.
*whistle*
Her eyes shot wide open when she heard someone whistling again.
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"....ahh"
RM scrunched his face tiredly and looked to his right and saw Soo Ah mumbling in her sleep.
"...wa..water...", she mumbled and coughed slightly.
RM blinked slightly before getting off the bed and going to the kitchen to get water for her.
Soo Ah rubbed her eyes as she felt her head throbbing angrily, she tiredly pushed herself up on the bed and rest her head on the headboard. She was dying for a glass of water but her body wasn't listening to her at all. The alcohol had dehydrated her so much that she felt too weak to even move.
"...ah why...did I drink so much?" Soo Ah mumbled with her eyes still closed.
Suddenly she felt someone sit next to her, she slowly opened her eyes and say RM. She was about to push him away when she felt his hand on her back pushing her up.
"...what are you doing?", she whispered.
RM lifted the glass of water to her and she blinked slightly seeing it, she looked back up at RM who just brought the glass of water close to her lips.
"..I'm not thirsty-"
"Just drink", he said gruffly.
Soo Ah looked back at the glass before taking a sip. It was so refreshing, her hands went up to hold the glass and she drank the whole glass. She sighed as she felt the burning sensation on calm down. She smiled slightly and without thinking she leaned on RM and closed her eyes.
RM sat there stiff as he watched her lean on him. He slowly placed the empty glass on the floor and put his hand under her head gently lowering her down on the bed.
Soo Ah's eyes flickered open slowly, "...was...I...really drunk?", she asked nervously.
RM thought about all the events that happened that night but still shook his head.
"...are you sure?", she asked quietly.
RM nodded, "You've been asleep this whole time."
Soo Ah furrowed her brows, that was strange. Whenever she was drunk she would tell the whole world how she felt. But RM was saying she slept the whole time.
Without thinking RM traced a strand of hair away from her face, " get some rest."
"...you're...being nice again", she said softly.
RM pulled his hand back and looked away.
"....it won't change anything", Soo Ah said, before turning away from him"...you being nice it won't change anything."
RM sat there on the bed looking at her back for a moment before slowly standing up and looking out the window, 'No matter what I'm going to get you back....I have to get you back.'
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Jin angrily ruffled his hair wanting to stop thinking about Suji. But every time he closed his eyes, Suji appeared, everytime he opened his eyes he looked Suji. He couldn't live with her and he couldn't live without her. What kind of dilemma was this? The only way to protect himself was to stay far away from her as possible but the only way he could stop this misery was to be with her again.
"damnit!", he cursed before lying flat on the floor of his bedroom. He stared at the dark ceiling and raked his fingers through his hair in frustration, "...why won't you get out of my mind!"
He hit the floor with his fist and turned to his bed when he caught glimpse of something under his bed. He furrowed his brows suddenly remembering he'd seen the envelope there when he was looking for his wallet.
He reached his hand slowly under the bed and felt the soft envelope on his fingertips. He pulled it out and looked at the front and back of the envelope, it was blank.
"..what's this?", he mummered to himself before opening the envelope and pulling out what seemed like a letter.
He unfolded the letter and he froze up seeing the first word:
Seokjin...
"I left you that letter..."
He suddenly remembered what Suji said about leaving him a letter but he didn't believe her. He sat on the edge of his bed and turned a lamp on before reading the letter.
Seokjin...
It feels so weird writing your real name...but I think just this one time I should...
You're probably wondering where I've gone right now. I wish you wouldn't. More than anything, I wish you would forget that I even existed.
All this may seem confusing to you right now and I don't really know how this all happened myself but I feel like you should know this much, you should know that everything that happened between us...I'll cherish those moments till the day I die. I have this fear in my heart that me going away like this will make it impossible for you to trust anyone again. I guess that's why I'm writing this letter...so that you can see that I had to do what I had to do because I care for you more than you think...
Do you remember the first time we met? You're probably thinking about the time I applied to be Kyungmin's bodyguard right? Ani..that's not when we first met. The first time we met was at Police academy. I still remember that day...we had field training but I was too injured to finish the course...
[Suji's flashback]
"ahh...god....ow..", Suji fell on the wet muddy ground again, she tried to push herself up again but fell hard on the ground again. The heavy bag on her back and the wet clothes were weighing her down. She was never going to finish the course at this rate. And she knew once you failed the exercise you would be kicked out of police academy sooner or later. It was only the first week of police academy, she couldn't fail now! She'd prepared so hard for it as well but she'd tripped over in the mud and twisted her ankle.
"come on Suji...come on", she muttered to herself. She had to get up before the boys team came past her.
The boys and the girls had a different course, the girls got 10 minutes head start and their course was shorter but all the girls had already gone past and she knew she was one of the last ones left. She also knew the boys would be coming this way soon and she couldn't let the boys beat her like this.
"...come on Suji!", she pushed herself off the mud and started to run but soon enough her legs gave way and she fell to the ground hard.
"..AHH!", Suji winced in pain. She wiped the mud off her face and tried to stand up when she heard running behind her. She panicked and turned around behind her and that's when she saw one of the guys.
Jin was clearly ahead of the rest of the boys by a mile as he easily ran up the muddy path. As he reached the top he squinted his eyes when he saw someone huddled on the ground. He slowed down slightly but when he saw the girl look away from him and pick herself up he kept running and ran past her.
"ahh"
Jin turned around when he heard something and saw Suji back on the ground holding her ankle.
"....aish..." Suji looked like she was about to cry, why was nothing going her way?!
Suddenly she saw two black boots in front of her and she looked up and saw Jin staring down at her. She blinked slightly when the rain fell into her eyes but still looked at him in confusion. Why wasn't he running?
Jin suddenly held his hand out.
Suji looked down at his hand and then back at him, "....ani...I'm ok-"
Jin grabbed her hand and pulled her up.
"ow", Suji winced and bit her lip. She slowly looked up at Jin wondering what he was doing.
"Can you walk?"
"neh?", Suji asked surprised, "...I'll be fine...if-"
He sighed and took his rucksack off and carried it on his front. Suji looked at him puzzled. He then suddenly turned around and kneeled on the ground, "Get on."
"Huh?" Suji stepped back.
"If you don't want to get kicked out get on", Jin said.
Suji looked around and hesitated before limping towards him. She nervously put her hands in front of him and leaned on his back. Jin swiftly stood up with her on his back and started running again.
Suji couldn't speak from the shock as she held tightly onto him.
[End of Suji's flashback]
You didn't know that girl was me did you?
That was the day I met you. I remember everything about that day, the day that was cold and miserable like my life... I met you, someone that just didn't fit in my life at all.
After that day I should have said thank you but I was always too nervous, I could never find the right words or the right time I guess. And then one day....you just left. That's when I regretted not saying thank you the most, the day you left. But now that I know the reason why you had to leave...I regret it even more. So...Seokjin...thank you for helping me that day...thank you for never letting me doubt you're a good person.
You must be wondering why I'm telling you all this. I'm telling you this because I want you to know that the things that happened to you were not your fault. You had to leave your dream not because you weren't good enough but because you sacrificed yourself to protect you dad. Your dad betrayed you not because you did anything wrong, but because he was scared and didn't believe in himself enough. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?...In my eyes you will forever be the guy that helped me finish the course and stop me from getting kicked out. You protected me and my dream when you didn't even know me. Whether you believe it or not that's the kind of namja you are Kim Seokjin.
As for me...what I've done to you...I guess I'm repaying back the favour. I'm protecting you too. I entered Bangtan for other reasons Jin...reasons I'm ashamed of. And for that I am so sorry Jin, for the pain you're feeling now I wish I could take it away I really do. But the reason I'm leaving Bangtan will help me live with the guilt...because I'm leaving so I can protect you. If I stay then I can say for certain I'll end hurting you more than you're hurting now. So please...as painful as it is for me to say this...don't look for me. Don't waste your efforts on someone like me and live your life.
I want you to forget me, I want you to live your life happily...but will you be able to forget me after I say....I love you?
Mianhe Seokjin-ah....saranghae
Suji
Jin's eyes fluttered as he sat there frozen after reading the letter.
Here he was trying to protect himself from getting hurt again while all this time Suji had left so she could protect him.
Jin took a deep breath and looked back at the letter as a tear escaped his eyes. Their lives were connected before in a way that had such a deep meaning for Suji and he didn't even know. All this time he'd been so blinded by anger that he could see nothing but pure hate and anger. It wasn't Suji that had misunderstood him, it was him. He had failed to understand Suji in every single way. She would never hurt him. That's why she ran, she ran putting herself in danger just so that she could protect him.
Jin clenched his teeth together as he looked at the ceiling trying to stop this sufficating feeling inside.
She's always loved him, always cared for him. To her every moment with him was the real thing.
Jin hit his chest trying to relieve the pain.
'Thank you for never letting me doubt you're a good person...'
Jin hid his face in his hands,"....sorry...", he started sobbing while trying to stop himself.
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"The boys will never agree to it", Dawon sighed.
"We have to get it though", Hyerin said, "If we're going to be dealing with CG then there's a high risk he might use the drug on one of us again."
Dawon nodded seriously.
"And if we do get it we might be able to use it against him to clear our names" Hyerin said.
"But if the boys find out they'll forbid it-"
"Then let's not let the boys find out", Hyerin said.
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"Hyung", one of the bodyguards said when he saw Jin.
"Open the door!", Jin ordered.
The guy opened the door and Jin barged in. He ran to Suji's room and flung the door open without knocking.
It was empty.
He furrowed his brows and turned back around, he walked to the front door again.
"Where's Suji?", he asked anxiously.
"Oh...I told you over the phone boss, Suji had something to do with Hoseok hyung-"
"Sh!t!", Jin raked his fingers through his hair, "Has she not come back up?!"
"No-"
Jin ran out of there in a hurry. His heart suddenly felt like it was going to explode. Where was she if she hadn't come back up? Was he too harsh to her earlier? He had to find her, tell her he read her letter, tell her he understands now.
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Soo Ah furrowed her brows in her sleep when she felt something on her waist. She tiredly opened her eyes, it was still dark, she looked down at her waist and saw RM's arm on her waist.
She clenched her jaw and was about to push his arm off when her hands stopped an inch away from his. Why couldn't she do it?! She looked at him sleeping peacefully and laid back down on the pillow again.
"...stop it...", she whispered. He had to stop doing things that kept making her heart race like before. It wasn't going to work anymore, she couldn't let it.
But still Soo Ah bit her lip as she saw him lay on his front, his bare back exposed . She collected her covers and covered him up instead of herself. She then slowly turned to face him.
'No matter how much my heart loves you...I can't show it. I can't do that to oppa....'
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Suji ran and hid in an alleyway and sighed with relief.
She'd sensed someone following her and had quickly ran into the alleyway. She held her breath as she hid behind some boxes and peered out nervously.
*whistle*
Her eyes widened and her breath shortened, she was certain someone was definitely following her. She hid well and slightly peered out, she suddenly clasped her hand over when she saw a long dark shadow walk across the alleyway.
Suji scrambled back and begged for whoever it was to just walk past.
After a while when she didn't hear the whistling anymore she looked out again just to catch a glimpse of the shadow disappear. She sighed with relief and slumped back on the floor.
Now she had to think of a way to get out of here and back to the hotel.
"..think Suji think", she mumbled to herself.
*whistle*
Suji bit her lip nervously when she heard the chilling whistling again and she slowly peered out just enough to see the shadow walk across the alleyway. So that person hadn't left. Could it be that he knew she was there and he was waiting for her to come out.
"....please...someone help...please", she mumbled nervously as she hid behind the boxes.
*whistle*
Suji flinched at the sound petrified.
Suddenly the whistling stopped and Suji opened her eyes nervously. What was that person up to now?
But then Suji covered her face with her hands when she heard slow footsteps come closer to her.
Had that man come in? What was going to happen now? Should she fight him?
Suji panicked not being able to think, something about this man freaked her out.
The footsteps got closer and closer. Suji looked around for something, she saw a metal rod on the floor next to her and picked it up slowly readying herself.
Her breath was ragged now, and she was shaking with fear.
A shadow crawled over the ground in front of her and she froze from the fear. She saw a hand reach for the box in front of her and she held her breath.
Suddenly the box was pulled back and Suji readied to hit whoever it was with a rod when she suddenly stopped the rod in mid-air.
Jin looked down at Suji and he felt his heartbreak when he saw how frightened she looked.
Suji blinked slightly as the rod fell from her hands onto the ground. She continued to stare at Jin in shock not able to comprehend that he was really there.
Jin slowly kneeled in front of her and looked at her checking if she was ok.
Suddenly tears started falling from her eyes and she hugged him tightly, feeling her life come back to her.
"...some...one...someone was....following...me...", she stuttered through the sobs.
Jin felt his heart pain seeing her this scared, he hugged her back tightly.
"....i thought...no...one...was going to come....", she cried onto his shoulder.
Jin just hugged her tightly, "....sorry."
Suji shook her head, "...ani....thank you...I...thought....no one..."
Jin leaned back and wiped her tears off her cheeks with his thumb, "Do you think only you can protect me?"
Suji looked up through her teary eyes at him in confusion.
"I'll protect you from now on", Jin said looking at her intently.
"...I..don't understand..", Suji whispered.
Jin traced his hand on her cheek and looked at her deeply, "I'm going to protect you because I love you."
Suji's lips parted slightly from shock.
"Is that ok?" he asked sincerely.
Suji's eyes fluttered and she nodded slightly.
Jin smiled slightly as he wiped her tears again, he kept his hands on her cheek and kissed her forehead.
Suji furrowed her brows and looked at him. She wasn't expecting this from him.
"...Sorry for not understanding Suji", he said sadly.
Suji's lips trembled and she nodded again.
"...I do...I do want you", he said shakingly, "I can't lose you."
Suji broke into a smile as more tears fell from her eyes, "...really?"
Jin pulled her closer and nodded, "Really", before he leaned down to kiss her.
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I hope you enjoy the update! Woot!! Jin finally read the letter and is reunited with Suji!! To all those Jin-Suji lovers I hope I did you all proud!!
Thank you for being patient everyone and giving undercover so much love!!