When Monday rolls around, I want to tear out my hair. Between my parents screaming at me for being five minutes past curfew on Friday and them stacking on some more "light reading" to my weekend schedule, my brain feels like it will explode. The pain is so sharp that lightning shoots out of my temple and straight into the rest of my brain. Every time I take a step, another bolt slashes through me.
I rest with my head against the cool concrete wall above the water fountain, debating if I can take any more ibuprofen. I'm already at higher than the recommended dose, but the pain is constant, and my right eye waters from the intensity.
I had asked Mom if I could stay home this morning, and she said, "If you can't handle going on dates with boys and all your academics, then you shouldn't be going on dates with boys."
Pushing myself off the wall takes effort. I'm in a daze, and everyone in the hallway is faceless. I lean over the water fountain, both hands gripping the sides. I force myself to down a half gallon of ice cold water. It floods my stomach, but does nothing to ease the throbbing in my head.
When I stand up straight, I catch sight of Carter ducking into his fourth period class. We're in the art wing, where my school also sticks Latin, because who in their right mind would take Latin?
People forced to by their parents, that's who.
Seeing Carter makes my brain rage harder. I shouldn't be annoyed, and I shouldn't care, but I do. He hasn't called, hasn't texted, hasn't tried to get my attention at all since our date. Our date that, despite all odds, went surprisingly well. I actually enjoyed hanging out with him, and a part of me wants to do it again.
Pressing my eyes shut, I realize I'm being ridiculous. I never gave him my number, so how would he have any idea how to contact me? Fighting against the headache, I stumble to my class. Only ninety minutes until lunch. Two more classes, and then I can try to eat something. Maybe eating will help.
If the pain lessens, I can talk to Carter. I don't want to play games; I have enough of those in my life. Either he likes me, or he doesn't, and I want to know which it is.
I want to kick the part of my brain that is hoping he wants to be with me too, because he's still Carter Ortese. Nothing has changed. Except ... it has.
- - - - -
"What is wrong with you?" Stacy asks as I slide into my lunch seat with an unappetizing salad in front of me. The cafeteria is bustling with noise, and I fight the urge to wince.
I know I look like a wreck. My right eye is watering so bad, it looks like I snorted pollen. The headache is so thick, I am wading through pain, barely surviving. And I have to go home and listen to my parents yell about how I can't handle dating. I'm not ready, I'm not good enough, and nothing I do will ever matter to them.
I pick up a piece of limp lettuce that drips with Italian dressing. The leafy green slops off the fork and lands back on the paper plate. So much for eating. I push the entire tray away from me.
"Oh my god, are you pregnant?" Stacy twirls a lock of blonde hair around her finger. She widens her eyes and looks me up and down, as if I would start showing over the weekend.
"Headache," I grumble, leaning forward.
"Even if she were, do you think she'd admit it?" Britt winks at me. "How was the date?"
I breathe out. "Fine. It was fine."
"Fine? That's all we get?" Stacy rolls her eyes and stabs a fork into her salad. She spears a carrot.
Mika squeezes my hand. "Stacy, give it a rest. She clearly isn't feeling well."
"She can tell us more than fine."
I grab the napkin from my tray and dab my watering eye.
"Maybe you should go to the nurse?" Mika suggests.
"And do what? Get more NSAIDs? Already have those."
"Have a lie down? Get an ice pack?" Shrugging, she turns back to her sandwich and takes a huge bite. Mika continues to study me through long lashes.
"Or distract yourself by telling us about the date." Stacy wiggles her eyebrows.
I sigh. "It was fine." I glance over at the end of the table, but Carter isn't on the other side yet. I wonder if he's skipping or avoiding me. I swallow back the nausea welling in my stomach and focus. "He is different than I thought."
"Like better in bed?" Britt asks.
"Did you sleep with him?" Stacy asks. Mika frowns at both of them, but continues to eat her sandwich.
"I don't know, did she?" Carter's voice sounds from the side of us. I've been so busy dabbing at my eye that I didn't even see him standing there. I glance up at him, and he's wearing a smirk. "Because I've heard a lot of things in the hallway today. I can't figure out which rumor is true."
I scowl at him. The girls glance between both of us with their mouths hanging open.
"Do you have a minute?" His cool eyes hold onto my gaze. I find myself nodding, and he turns without another word. I follow after him, and we end up at his usual seat. He sits, and I plop down on the other side of the table. Whispers spring up around us, and I'm aware that my friends are still gaping at us.
"Are you okay?" he asks, voice low.
I nod.
"Come on, Emma."
"I have a headache, that's it."
"Your eye is watering."
"I know."
"It's that bad?"
I bite my lower lip and nod again, because yes. Every single time I move, I wish I could stab myself just to end the pain rocketing through my brain. "It's terrible."
"I'm sorry."
We sit in silence for a minute before I ask, "What do you want, Carter?"
A smile coils at the edge of his lips. "Well, half the school thinks we slept together, and I wanted to make sure you didn't drug me or something."
"Me drug you." I snort, and it makes another fiery pain burn through me. I wince.
"Shit, I'm sorry."
I shake my head slowly. "It's not your fault."
"How often does this happen?"
I shrug.
"Did you take anything?"
"Ibuprofen." I narrow my eyes at him. "What do you want?"
He leans over the table, putting his lips inches from my ear. "You." The low whisper coils out, wrapping around my insides and making me forget the intensity bouncing around in my head.
I press my eyes shut, and when I open them again, Carter's back on his side of the table, eating his sandwich. He offers me half, and I take it. I force a couple bites down and place the rest of it back on his plate. It tastes awful, but for some reason, I can stomach it.
"Careful, Emma Williams, people might say something about us sharing food."
"Let them talk," I say in a challenge. "What's the worst they can say, if they already think I've slept with you?"
"Ouch."
"It's the truth. You're like the grim reaper for girls' reputations."
"And you don't care about yours?"
"You can have it."
His eyes flash as he gazes at me, and I get this weird feeling in my stomach. I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff. One more step and I'll fall forever. I want to fall.
"Careful what you say."
"I'm only talking at my high school reputation," I say. I can feel my brain take a step back from the edge. Something about Carter makes me want to challenge myself, become someone else, someone braver. But I can't lose myself to that feeling either.
"And I know nothing about how bad that can be." Carter's smile has turned sardonic and sad. I wish I could fix this for him, fix the world. "How are you feeling now?"
"I'll be okay." The radiating heat from the headache has subsided into a dull throb. Maybe my ibuprofen has finally kicked in, or maybe it's because I'm not thinking about everything my parents want me to think about.
"You sure?"
I nod. "So I have a question for you."
"Shoot."
"Do you like me?"
Carter swallows and hesitates. He looks me over, and I'm about to leave. I don't need to stay here and listen to whatever happens next. I'll cut my losses, chalk this up to an experiment gone wrong.
"Sorry." I start to get up, but he reaches out and grabs my wrist.
I stare at his fingers locking me in place. He eases his grip, and we look at each other. Steel blue irises, bright and blazing as a clear summer day.
"How could I not?"
"You probably say that to all the girls."
Carter leans in close, moving his tray to the side. "I don't see any other girls."
A shiver goes down my spine. "Then why me?"
"Why you? Why me?" He arches his eyebrow, and it gets lost in the bangs of his dark hair.
"Because you're different than I thought."
"But why me when you asked originally?"
I grit my teeth and frown, because I have no answer for that. Maybe because I felt like my friends wouldn't ever leave me alone, or maybe because I wanted someone like Carter in my life. I need things to be different, and Carter Ortese has always been different. Going on a date with him was like entering into the jungle. Exciting, scary, and totally out of my world.
"I've always liked you, Emma, but you never saw me before last week." Carter plucks up his tray. "Want to go out again on Saturday?"
"Why not Friday?" I'm lost for anything better to say.
"Because I have to work. Saturday, four o'clock? I'll meet you at the mall?"
The mall. The most mundane thing on the face of the planet. "Okay, sure."
He nods and takes his tray to the washing station, leaving the cafeteria while I blink after him. You never saw me before last week. That's not true. I saw Carter. I've always seen Carter. I just thought he was a lion and I was a sheep.
I wander back to my table, and my salad is officially a sopping mess.
"What was that?" Britt's freckles dance along her skin as she wrinkles her nose at me.
"Can we talk about something else?" I ask. "Anything else?"
Stacy rolls her eyes. "You are so boring, Emma. I swear, someday someone will arrest you just for being so ... ordinary."
Mika nudges me. "Do you want to study for Chem together tomorrow after school?"
"Your house or mine?"
Casting her eyes down, Mika says, "Yours. If that's okay?"
"Sure. I'll let my dad know. It should be fine." Even as I say the words, I can imagine what my parents will say to me. Why am I wasting my time studying with people not as smart as I am? Why am I letting people ride on my coattails? According to my family, I should be a self-sufficient island.
I've always felt like an island slowly eroding in the middle of a hurricane. Now, I feel like my shores have stabilized. As much as they want me to walk this world alone, I don't think anyone was ever meant to.
- - -
Liked the chapter? Don't forget to vote and follow! There's more to come with Emma and Carter!
Anyone get cluster headaches? I've had them for years, and they are awful!