Horikawa wakes up even before the alarm goes off, but his body still feels tired and heavy from the day before, so he allows himself five more minutes.
beep beep beep beep beep
The five minutes didn't help, and Horikawa forces himself up. Again, somehow, his husband has woken up before him. It's true, isn't it? Kane-san must be avoiding him. He sighs, and wonders where he went wrong. His past two years with Kane-san have been free of any troubles, maybe it's just that Horikawa has enjoyed too much happiness in his life until now. Maybe those two years used up all of his life's happiness. But that isn't true, and Horikawa is aware of it. He's had his fair share of troubles in the past, Kasen is right when he says that the boy is from a no name family. The Kunihiros-- it's a family of three, from as far back as Horikawa can remember, it's always been his eldest brother doing his best to support the younger two. While they did bounce around from one relative's house to another for a short few years, the brothers were quickly considered a burden, and left on their own.
But Horikawa doesn't complain about it, and he had never heard Yamabushi complain about it either. Even if things were difficult sometimes, and even though Horikawa was only an adopted brother, his small family was one full of love. Yes, all three brothers had always supported each other, regardless of the treatment from relatives. So Kasen's attitude towards Horikawa wasn't something he was entirely unused to, in fact, he'd experienced harsher in the past. And thinking about it now, the doctor's words from last night did not ring true at all. So what if Kasen did not love him? So what if he could not earn the love of Yagen himself, or of Midare. And even if Kane-san's affections had been running a little low, Horikawa had nearly forgotten the core of what was most important. No matter what happened, his brothers would always have his back, would always support him. Perhaps the city life had been too hectic for him, and had caused him to forget.
After completing his chores, Horikawa sits down at the sofa and calls back home. It's been much too long since he's heard either of his brothers voices, and he feels that they might be able to lend him a little bit of strength. The call isn't picked up instantly, but it's Yamanbagiri's soft voice that answers.
"Horikawa?" his second elder brother asks.
"Hello, Yamanba-nii!" Horikawa says cheerfully.
"It's been a while, you should call more --WHOA"
"Ka Ka Ka, is Yamanbagiri trying to hog our cute Horikawa to himself?"
Horikawa hears a faint murmur of complaint from Yamanbagiri at having the phone snatched from his hand, and can't help but laugh.
He hears Yamabushi laugh on the other side of the phone, and somehow, he already feels better.
"How have you been, little brother?"
"I'm good!" It's partially a lie, but his brothers don't need to know that.
"That's great! And what about your husband, is he treating you well?"
"Yes! Every day is lovey dovey, like a dream." This is entirely a lie, and Horikawa feels guilt bubble up in his chest. When did he become such a proficient liar?
"Well, if that Kanesada ever does anything to make our cute Horikawa cry, just let us know. Big brother will handle it!"
"Nii-chan!!" Horikawa gasps.
They talk for another twenty minutes, and Horikawa promises that he'll visit them soon with Kane-san. He wants to keep talking longer, but receives another call. He tells his brothers goodbye, and answers the call.
It's Nikkari, letting him know his shift has just ended, and he'll be arriving momentarily.
Horikawa quickly changes into his second favorite shirt, the one he wore the day Kane-san proposed to him, and gives himself a quick once over. He might not look as elegant as a Kanesada, but he does look presentable.
The place they're going to, Nikkari explains while he drives, is not too far, and has a nice, classy atmosphere. It's a favorite place of his, and he sometimes goes there with colleagues to drink. What Nikkari doesn't tell Horikawa is that Yagen was the one to introduce the bar to him, but the tealnette is sure that they won't be running into the doctor, he's on call for the whole day and can't afford to visit a bar.
The nurse quickly finds parking, and Horikawa just barely stops himself from gawking at the entrance. The sign is written in English, and Horikawa can't quite make out what it says, but it looks cool. The building is a shiny, lacquered black, and the young wife understands what Nikkari meant when he described the place as classy.
Nikkari chuckles softly, he's made the right choice in bringing the younger boy to this place. He swings the door open for Horikawa, "After you, Miss."
Horikawa smiles brightly at him, and if Nikkari wasn't so painfully in love with Yagen, he would have surely felt his heart skip a beat.
The inside is even nicer, though it takes Horikawa a second to adjust to the dim interior lighting after the bright street lights outside. Piano plays softly from one corner of the bar, and the name of the song is barely on the tip of Horikawa's tongue.
He follows after Nikkari, who sits down at the counter. The bartender, a young man with blue hair and an eyepatch smiles at them, he seems to know Nikkari, and they talk about this and that for a few minutes.
"You're not here with the doctor today?"
Nikkari smiles, "Oh, no, this is Horikawa, a friend of mine."
"H-hello!" Horikawa feels a little nervous, surrounded by two extremely handsome men.
"Oh my," the bartender looks at Nikkari "he's so cute! Just a friend, you said, right?"
"He's married." Nikkari says somewhat sternly, and Mitsutada seems to pout a little.
"Well then, it's not cool if I take up all your time. What would you like, Hori-chan?"
Horikawa blushes at the sudden nickname, but somehow he doesn't mind if the bartender is this friendly with him.
"Mmm...." the brunette puts a finger on his cheek and thinks for a second, before looking up at Mitsutada "what would you reccommend?"
"Hori-chan looks all cute, sweet, and milky, so how does a white russian sound?"
"Ehh...that sounds good!"
"And you, Nikkari?"
"The usual, beer with milk."
Horikawa looks around a little more, and notices how everyone else seems to also be dressed classy. This must also be one of those places that only people like Kasen can enter, looking at Nikkari again, he also seems to have the look of the elite. His green hair shines, even under the dim lighting, and he carries himself with elegance. Not to mention his extremely charming smile...could he be from an important family also?
Nikkari catches Horikawa looking and smiles at him, "Are you enjoying yourself? It's a nice place, isn't it?"
Horikawa nods his head, "Yes! Thank you for bringing me here!"
"You seemed a little down the last time we met, so I thought going out for a drink might be good for you."
"Ah..! Thank you! You don't need to take me into such consideration."
There's a soft clack as Mitsutada places a cup in front of Horikawa, and the younger boy nearly tips off of his chair in surprise. Nikkari wraps an arm around Horikawa to steady him, saving him from what could have otherwise been a nasty spill.
"I'm s-sorry, thank you!" Horikawa stutters, his face flushing. To act so unrefined in front of his new friend is quite embarrassing, Horikawa really is such a klutz!
"Try it and let me know, if it's no good, I'll let you have something else, on the house," the bartender winks at him.
"Y-yes!" Horikawa's heart flutters a little bit as he lifts the glass to his mouth, holding it with both of his small hands.
"And here is Nikkari's horse j--"
"Shhh! Don't say it! Not in front of Horikawa!" Nikkari cuts him off, before Mitsutada can say the drink's name. The tealnette refuses to let anything spoil the younger boy's innocence, least of all the the trashy name of an alcoholic beverage.
The bartender nods, and looks at Horikawa, but the young wife isn't paying attention to anything other than the drink in his hands. Mitsutada smiles, and then walks off, to greet the couple that has just arrived.
Horikawa sets the cup down, and looks up at Nikkari. He notices his gaze, and sets his own drink down, "Did you need something?"
"Actually...if it's not rude for me to ask, could you...tell me about Dr. Yagen..?" Horikawa's words are slow, he's a little nervous about asking. The doctor is such a mystery to him, but the boy feels that he has a right to know about him, especially after Yagen broke his heart like that.
"Ahhh..." Nikkari's smile seems to flicker a bit, "I knew you'd ask about him. I don't mind at all, but my opinion might be a little biased. Is that alright?"
Horikawa nods his head, and Nikkari takes a few sips before he continues talking.
"Yagen, as you know, is a Toushirou. They're a highly esteemed family, all of them are immensely talented, Yagen is no different. We met back in college," the tealnette's face has a dreamy, far off expression as he recalls the beginnings of his ill fated love, "He was immensely popular from the start, and why wouldn't he be? Smart, suave, sexy, and rich. Everyone flocked to him, and I wasn't much different. We had several classes together, since the two of us were both bio majors."
Horikawa listens with full attention, while taking small sips from his drink. The sweetness of it nearly washes away the bitter feeling from hearing about the doctor's past.
"We became friends quickly, and even faster than that, I fell in love with him. How could I not? He was so genuine, so friendly, so much different from the Yagen you see now. He changed, you see, near the end of our second year." Nikkari takes a deep breath, and his smile fades out. Horikawa understands that whatever is coming next must be serious.
"His childhood friend got married, actually, Yagen invited me to go to the wedding with him, but I couldn't make it that day. I saw him after though, and he just wasn't the same anymore. His usual carefree smile was so harsh, his laughter pained me to hear, but I just couldn't understand what had happened at that time. And after that...he seemed like he wanted to get back at the world for something, and he started playing around. Messing with people's hearts, and he'd always have a partner at his side. He ruined several marriages, he only went after those who were in a committed relationship. "
A tear comes to Horikawa's eyes, "th-that's terrible!"
Nikkari's head is down, and his gaze falls on his hands, "Yes, his actions back then were truly deplorable..."
"N-no, that's not it! Dr. Yagen...he...he was so lonely...I saw the way he looked at Kasen...there was so much love in his eyes..." Horikawa sobs out, "I'm sure he didn't mean to...to ruin anyone's relationship, he just...he just wanted some comfort, I'm sure..."
Nikkari looks up at Horikawa, the poor boy who is crying his eyes out over the man who only pretended to love him. But he catches something, "Kasen...yes, that was his childhood friend's name...he wouldn't admit it, but I was always so sure he loved him. I see now....so that's why..."
"Thank you, Nikkari, that must have been hard for you to share." Horikawa tilts his head back to get the last of his drink, before setting the glass back on the counter, "I...I think I understand now. Dr. Yagen was...he was never my friend."
The younger boy's voice shakes a lot, and Nikkari starts to regret having told Yagen's past to him.
"I...I w-wanted to be his f-friend, and th-that's why I was...I was so upset that he was o-only pretending. He was s-so nice to me...but it's all okay now," Tears start to stream down Horikawa's face, but even so he continues, with the occasional hiccup punctuating his words, "It's so sad...it really hurts...I just want Dr. Yagen to be happy..."
Ah, Nikkari thinks, Horikawa's feelings are so pure, to forgive Yagen, just because of love...
"It hurts a lot...when the person you love with all your heart doesn't love you..it hurts a lot..." Horikawa is bawling now, and Nikkari wraps his arms around him, in a gentle hug.
"K-Kane-san doesn't...he doesn't love me anymore," it's a heart wrenching sob, and Nikkari nearly feels his heart shatter into a million pieces.
Nikkari pats his back, trying to comfort the younger boy in any way he can, "It's alright, it's going to be just fine."
Horikawa buries his head into the older man's shoulder, and soon the sleeve of his shirt is soaked in tears. The tears don't seem to stop either, but after a while, Horikawa does manage to calm down.
"Hey, Izumin, let's get messed up together, right here!"
The familiar voice startles Horikawa, and he peeks over Nikkari's shoulder, and the sight in front his eyes makes his heart plummet.
It's Kane-san, Horikawa's husband, his husband, with Midare clinging tightly to his arm. Horikawa nearly can't believe it, but now he's seen it with his own two eyes. He blinks hard, willing Midare to disappear from Kane-san's side, but it doesn't happen. Rather, in the next second, he's locked eyes with his husband.
Horikawa pushes himself away from Nikkari, and a look that he can't quite understand forms on Kane-san's face, he can't read it from across the entire room though.
His husband stands up, and looks as if he might storm the place, and yet Horikawa remains rooted to the spot. He didn't do anything wrong, so why is he so scared?
Midare tugs at Kane-san's arm, whining, "So what if he's with another man? Leave him alone, you have me, don't you?"
Midare looks right into Horikawa's eyes, before pulling Kane-san in close, and kisses him square on the lips. But the older man seems unfazed, and simply pushes the blondette aside, Midare topples to the ground, and Kane-san walks over to the counter, where Horikawa is shaking in his seat.
But it's not Horikawa he goes after, he grabs Nikkari by the collar. The wife has never seen his husband look so angry, and he screams, "Kane..Kane-san! Let go of him..!"
His husband drops Nikkari, and turns his gaze to Horikawa. His eyes are cold, so cold, and Horikawa can't stop shivering.
"Kane-san?"
But his husband doesn't reply, rather he roughly grabs Horikawa by the wrist, and drags him off the stool, and out of the bar. It feels like it's burning, where Kane-san's fingers wrap tightly around Horikawa's wrist, and Horikawa feels nervous, but not in a good way.
Kane-san is silent as he slams his car door open, he's silent as he slams it shut, and he's silent all the way until they reach home.
If Horikawa found his car ride with Kasen to be unbearable, this is far worse. He has angered the man he loves above all, and Kane-san won't talk, he's angry, and it's definitely Horikawa's fault even if he doesn't understand why.
They arrive home. Kane-san pulls Horikawa out of the passenger seat, and brings him inside the house.
"Kane-san...?"
Kane-san closes the front door, and it shakes a little on its hinges from the force. He turns around, and Horikawa feels himself shrink smaller.
"Wh-what's wrong?"
BAM. The taller man slams his hand on the wall, pinning Horikawa against it.
"What's wrong? Are you really asking me what's wrong in such an innocent voice? You know exactly what you did. Haven't I always loved you, what do you need another man for?"
Horikawa starts to cry, "I-if Kane-san loves m-me then...then why did Midare k-kiss you...Kane-san won't even .....you won't even kiss me..."
His husband's eyes go wide for a second, before narrowing with anger, "Did he? I didn't even notice, but is this what you wanted? Is that why you were with him? You want me to kiss you? Fine, I'll do that."
And before Horikawa has a chance to say anything, Kane-san's lips are pressed firmly against his own. The kiss isn't sweet at all, and Horikawa can't taste any love in it. Horikawa protests, weakly slamming his fists against his husband's chest, but he doesn't relent, not until Horikawa is left breathless. He pants heavily, and Kane-san smiles, and it's a bitter, anger filled smile, "That's what you wanted, right?"
Horikawa regains his breath, and slaps his husband across the face. The sound is harsh in Horikawa's ears, and more tears fill his eyes, "Kane-san..you...you don't understand at all...! This isn't what I wanted!"
His husband seems to be in shock, and Horikawa rushes past him, and out the front door. He keeps on running, past the neighborhood, further, further not really thinking about it, until he's at the train station. And then he's on the train, the one that goes to his hometown. The entire while, Horikawa feels numb. He should be upset, he should be angry, sad, scared, crying, but instead he feels nothing, nothing except for a throbbing in his left hand. It's still red, his palm where it striked Kane-san's face.
Horikawa falls asleep during the train ride, and his dreams are empty. He does dream, but it's only of oblivion, of nothingness. He wakes up still feeling empty, hand now pink but still sore. The train has arrived at his destination, and as he steps out on to the platform, a sudden gust of wind blows through him. Spring has yet to arrive here, he notes absentmindedly.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and after checking the caller ID he answers.
Nikkari's voice cracks the numbness that has built up around Horikawa, and the chill of the outside air finally makes him shiver.
"Horikawa? Are you there?" Nikkari asks, when Horikawa remains silent even after answering the call.
"Yes, I'm here."
"Oh, ok. I was just calling because I was a little worried. Is everything alright?"
Horikawa shakes his head, but only because Nikkari can't see him.
"It's alright..."
"You don't sound alright. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm here to help, alright?"
"Actually..it's not alright. I made Kane-san angry, but he was wrong too. I think we had a fight...I'm not sure...but I'm home now."
"Home?"
"My hometown. I...I ran away without thinking...but I don't know what to do now...I don't want to see Kane-san right now, I think he...he...might ...di-div--" Horikawa chokes on a sob, and can't continue the word. It's too painful for him to say, he doesn't even want to think about it. A life without Kane-san next to him is hardly any life at all.
"It's alright, I think the two of you need to cool down a little. Stay in your hometown for a bit, but let him know, I'm sure he still loves you, or he wouldn't have gotten so angry. You were angry too, when you saw him with that other boy, so you should understand how he feels. Once both of you feel calm enough, have a nice talk with him, how does that sound?"
"Mmm...thank you, Nikkari, I'll do just that." Horikawa thanks him again, and assures Nikkari that he'll be alright at home, before ending the call.
He waves a taxi over, but as much as he wants to see his family, and as comforting his brothers would be to his heart, home is not his destination. Rather, the home of his childhood friend, Yasusada, is a better choice, Horikawa reasons. It's a little hard to believe that just this same day, Horikawa had called his brothers, and his heart had felt much lighter. But recalling his phone call, his heart sinks deeper, why did he lie and say his relationship with Kane-san was going strong? Now it was far too embarrassing for him to face his brothers, no, not after a bold declaration like that.
Yasusada's place isn't too far from the station, so it's not long before Horikawa is standing in front of the apartment's door, a little nervous about ringing the door bell. He's showing up unannounced, after all, but he musters the strength, Yasusada is his friend after all, and he won't mind, Horikawa reasons. The door swings open within half a minute, "Eh? Horikawa? Why are you here? This is such a surprise!"
Yasusada says this, but rather than surprised, he looks far more happy. His blue eyes twinkle, and Horikawa is reminded of the ocean.
Horikawa smiles shyly, "Sorry for just showing up like this, I should have called beforehand, but I knew I could depend on you! Would you mind if I stayed the night?"
The bluenette opens the door further, and gestures with his hands, "Come in, of course that's totally alright!"
Horikawa follows inside after him, taking his shoes off at the entrance, and his eyes immediately fall upon the framed photo on a short wooden table near the door. It's a picture from Horikawa and Yasusada's first day of kindergarten, and the two of them are so tiny and full of bright smiles. Yasusada was the same height as him at the time, and Horikawa vaguely wonders at what point he grew to be so much taller than him. He's so handsome now too, but Horikawa pushes that thought out of his mind.
"Horikawa?" Yasusada's voice comes from the kitchen, "Did you get lost again? Geez, you never change."
"Hey!!! I only got lost that one time, stop it!" Horikawa laughs, and finally looks away from the old photo. Yasusada is standing at the stove, preparing two packs of instant ramen, he glances up at Horikawa for a second, "More like ten times!"
"Yasusada hasn't changed either, your eating habits are still like this! Isn't it almost one in the morning?" Horikawa shakes his head disapprovingly, "If you have to eat, eat something healthy, at least!"
Yasusada pulls a face at the word 'healthy', and Horikawa laughs again. But then his stomach gurgles, and now it's Yasusada who is laughing. He takes two bowls out of the cupboard, and Horikawa, who always feels the need to be useful in some way, pulls out two cups and fills them with water. These, they carry into the adjacent room and sit down at the small table. It has to be cleared first though, the tabletop is cluttered with Yasusada's notes and textbooks from college. Horikawa quickly and efficiently stacks them all to the side, and the taller boy gives an impressed whistle.
While they eat, they talk about the past. Stories about how Horikawa got lost on nearly every grade school field trip, and also that one time during high school, which they both agree was the worst. The teachers didn't find Horikawa until several hours later, exhausted and crying from not having been able to find the rest of his group.
"I didn't calm down until Yasusada held my hand," Horikawa recalls, "even now, nobody can put me at ease like you can. Being with Yasusada is good for my heart..."
He mumbles the last words slightly, it's hours past his usual bedtime, after all.
Both of them are quiet for a few moments, but it's a comfortable silence. Yasusada finally breaks it, though, "Horikawa...I'm not trying to be rude, but did something happen? Why are you here, and not your family's house?"
Horikawa doesn't respond, and Yasusada thinks that perhaps it's something that his friend doesn't want to talk about. But after taking a closer look at him, Yasusada realizes that Horikawa isn't just resting his head on his arms, rather he's already fallen asleep.
"He really doesn't change..." Yasusada picks up the smaller boy with ease, and carries him into the bedroom, where he places him down gently, and pulls the covers over him.
"You really shouldn't be so defenseless in front of me, I don't know what I might do to you," Yasusada sweeps Horikawa's bangs from his forehead, and after stressing over the decision for nearly two minutes, gives him a light peck on the forehead. Yasusada covers his face with his hands, embarrassed though no one can see him, "Ah gosh, what did I just do, sorry, Horikawa."
A/N:
So school is over in just a few more days for me so expect some more frequent updates!!! Also I just wanna say that I'm surprised that people are actually reading this. Though it may have very little reads, it makes me happy to see that people actually read it😂❤️ love ya guys!!!