Previously on A.M. Conversations...
This was it. Raven was going to do it. She was going to tell Beastboy how she really felt. Taking a deep breathe, she reached out her hand and touched his cheek, pulling his head a little bit closer to her. Raven looked him directly in his eyes as she spoke, "Gar, I saved your life because I-."
"RAVEN! You're alive."
Raven closed her eyes in frustration before pulling her hand away from Beastboy's face. She looked over to see a giddy Starfire grinning at her, Cyborg and a masked Robin behind her. Raven gave her a soft smile, despite her aggravation of being interrupted. "Hey Star."
Starfire flew into the, giving a little glee. "Oh, glorious day!" Star flew to Raven, gripping her best friend into a bone crushing hug. Star obliviously squeezed Raven, until she felt a meek tap on her arm. She looked down to see Raven struggling to breath. Starfire quickly let go, blushing a little, "Sorry, friend, sometimes I forget my own strength,"
Raven sucked in a giant gulp of air, thankful that she could breath again. She loved Star, but damn, that girl was strong. Cyborg gave Raven a brotherly pat on the shoulder, his way of saying welcome back.
"So Rave, what were you dreaming about?" Cyborg asks as he checks her blood pressure and refills the packet that was delivering fluids to her body.
Raven rose a purple eyebrow at him. "How did you know I was dreaming?"
Cyborg shrugged his shoulder, "You weren't dead, you weren't in a coma, that means you were in a dream reduced state."
Raven averted her eyes from their gazes, "nothing of importance."
"Liar."
Raven turned her head to Beastboy, who was quietly studying her from his position. "Excuse me?" She asked in question.
"I said liar. I know you are lying." Beastboy gave her a look of defiance. Raven rolled her eyes. One of the cons of being so close to Beastboy, he could read her like an open book sometimes. Raven's eyebrows furrowed at the thought.
"First of all it wasn't a dream state," Raven started, not knowing how they'd take the information, "it was a state of crossing."
"what exactly is a 'state of crossing'?" Robin asked, not liking the sound of that. It sounded dangerous.
Everyone had their gazes locked on Raven, waiting for her to explain. Raven didn't really want to tell them what that meant, knowing her melodramatic friend, her protective leader and brother, and her over protective best friend, they'd throw a fit.
She tried to change the subject. "Where's Rose?"
"Stop stalling." Cybrog said sternly. The longer she stalled, the worse the answer must be.
Raven groaned on the inside. "Fine, but don't give me any bullshit if you don't like what you hear. A state of crossing is something only demons experience. It's when you are in between life and death. The only thing to stop your spirit from crossing over to the other side is if a good soul objects" Raven stopped talking when she saw Starfire's confused face, "basically it means that I died, but a soul of grace stopped me from crossing into the world of death."
No one spoke, processing this information. Raven watched as her friends took in what she said, not turning her head to look at Beastboy. She could feel his emotions, she felt his anger, but she mostly felt his guilt. She frowned at that. She didn't want him to feel responsible. SHE chose to do this, not him. Raven could also feel the anger radiating off of her Robin, even though his facial expression was static. Star was immensely sad and Cyborg was having mixed emotions.
Cyborg was the first to speak, "you said the only thing to stop a spirit from crossing over is if a good soul objects, " Raven nodded at him, "so who's soul stopped you from dying?"
Raven felt her throat close. None of them knew anything about her parents, other than the fact that Trigon was her overlord father and that her mother was human. But Raven trusted her friends, and seeing as Raven knew some parts about all of their pasts, it was only fair that she shared a little information with them, too. "My mom's soul."
All of the Titans were taken back. None of them knew that her mom was dead, not even Beastboy. That means the only Titan with parents alive is Star.
"Raven," Starfires voice was soft, "your mother is dead?"
Raven turned her head away from all of them and nodded. Robin decided to speak, "since when?'
Raven gave a sad chuckle, if only they knew, " she's been dead for almost 6 years now."
"So when you came to the Titans, you were still grieving?" Cyborg asked, realizing that around 6 years ago was when the Titans were formed. That would explain her reluctance to join. She wanted to grieve alone.
Raven cleared her throat, it felt congested and stuffy in the room. "I'm a little tired. Let's talk later." In reality, Raven was never going to bring up the subject again. She removed the IV from her arm and slid of the bed, padding her way to her room, ignoring their stares of curiosity.
Raven has never walked so fast to her room. She slid the door open, quickly closing it behind her. Her room was dark, as usual, but comforting. Even though Raven didn't really want to talk about her mother, she felt as if a weight was lifted off her shoulder. She had always felt bad, everyone else had shared a little piece of their life story, except for Raven. But at the time, she couldn't freely express her emotions, afraid of breaking something in pure agony.
Now Raven had to worry about telling Beastboy how she felt. She was sure that he knew something was up, after all, he is a very smart boy. But now, Raven had lost any confidence she had earlier. The thought of telling him made her stomach lurch. Raven was really just scared that he would reject her, and then it would cause a rift in her relationship. She knew that telling him could mean losing her best friend.
And she wasn't ready for that.
...
Later into the week, everything was back to normal. No one tried to question Raven any further, not wanting to upset her. Every now and then, they dealt with small crimes, such as robbery and petty theft, but nothing major. Bee was a regular visitor, since she was Cyborg's girlfriend.
It was now 4 o'clock in the morning and Raven decided to get up. She hasn't been up at this time in forever, but her emotions would't shut up. All week, they had been chanting in her ear, Tell him! tell him! tell him!
They were giving her a headache. It was so hard to act normal around Beastboy, when her entire body was craving to tell him what she felt. Raven refused to lose her best friend to her dumb emotions and feeling.
Raven yawned as she made her way to the kitchen, slipping on her slippers on the way out. She slowly trudged to that stove, flicking on the kitchen light. She filled her kettle with water before placing it on the stove, waiting for the water to warm.
Beastboy entered the kitchen quietly. He was greeted by Raven, her back turned to him as she searched for her tea bags and tea cup in the cabinet. Raven turned around and almost dropped her cup. A shirtless Beastboy frowned at her weird behavior, wondering why she placed her hand over her heart.
Sure, Raven had seen Beastboy shirtless countless times, but his sweatpants were hanging loosely on his hips, combined with the fact that her emotions were already running wild, was really affecting her. Raven turned her blushing face away from him, and continued to wait for her tea to be ready. Raven was very happy, that her hair was longer since it covered the fact that her face was as red as tomato.
Beastboys frowned deepened. For the past week she had been acting VERY weird. He watched as she poured her cup of tea before she tried to speed walk past him.
Key word: tried.
Beastboy thrust his arm to side, but Raven stopped short, not wanting to touch him. Love could barely be close to to him, let alone touch him. Raven tried to glare at him, but she ended up completely avoiding contact.
That's how Beastboy knew something was up. Raven was the most stubborn and strong-headed person he knew. The fact that Raven, out of all people, held back a glare, was suspicious.
He squinted down at her. "Smething's up. What's wrong?" His deep vows sounded as if he was slightly irritated.
Raven tucked her hair behind her ear, still avoiding eye contact. " I-I have no idea what you're talking about." Beastboy raised his eyebrows in .
What the fuck is wrong with me? Raven cursed herself in her head. Any other time, she could lie smoothly, but now she was stuttering like a idiot. Beastboy slowly walked towards Raven but she walked backwards. For every step he took, she took a step back. Soon, she ran into the counter.
Beastboy towered over her, observing how her left eyebrow was slightly pulled down in aggravation. Most people wouldn't notice that, but Beastboy knew how to read her, even if she barely displayed emotion her her pale face.
He sighed as he decided to ask her one more time, "what's wrong?"
Be strong, girl. Raven made direct eye contact with Beastboy and said in her most convincing voice possible, "I'm fine. You're being over dramatic." She rolled her eyes a him for effect.
That was for sure something Raven would say, but the fact that she kept shifting from foot to foot let Beastboy know that she was lying. "Bullshit."
Raven huffed before pushing past him. "Whatever."
Beastboy gently wrapped his hand around her free one, igniting sparks in her body. He stopped her in her tracks, turning her around. Raven was hyperventilating. His face was too close to hers, his warm hand wrapped around hers, his body heat drawing her in like a magnet. His emerald eyes shining down at her, his everything. He was perfect. And Raven realized she couldn't continue on without him as hers.
"I love you."
The words spilled from her mouth before she could stop them. Beastboy just quirked his head to the side. "I love you, too. You're my best friend."
Raven shook her head at him before her amethyst eyes held his again. "No, I'm in love with you."
Beastboys head jerked back in surprise. He stared down at her in shock, "what ... but, how..?"
Raven felt her throat close. This was not the reaction she was expecting. "I don't know how. I don't know. All I know, is that I love you."
Beastboy took a step back, letting go of her hand. "I-I don't know what to say."
Raven felt her heart breaking by the second. "Can you at least tell me how you feel?"
Beastboy didn't know how he felt. Of course, he enjoyed Raven's company but... did he love her? "I mean, Rae, you know I enjoy spending time with you and I think you're gorgeous.." his voice slowly trailed off, not knowing what to say.
Raven's shoulders slumped in defeat. She turned away from Beastboy as tears welled in her eyes. Her Love emoti-clone was slowly dying, as her heart had already broken. But she should have expected this. Raven shouldn't have gotten her hopes so high.
Beastboy saw her face fall before she turned away. He reached out to her, not wanting to see that broken look on her face. She sensed his hand moving towards her and moved away from his reach.
A look of hurt covered his features, but Raven ignored it. She tried to give him a smile, but it felt more like a grimace. "It's okay that you don't have the same feeling, really. I didn't expect you to but, ' her voice cracked, "I hoped you would." Raven laughed sadistically at herself. "I was just setting myself up for failure."
Before Beastboy could say anything, she snapped her fingers, disappearing into thin air. Beastboy couldn't explain the feeling he had. He felt crushed but why? He didn't have any feelings for Raven.
Right?
Beastboy's trained ears picked up on a soft sound coming from the other side of the building.
It was the sound of light crying.
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Wassup fam! How ya doing? I'm doing GREAT because school is almost over! Yay!
This book is ALSO almost over! I don't know if its going to be one or two more chapters. I have two ways I wanna end this book but I don't know which one to choose :( Maybe I'll do two ending? I don't know yet. Just know that the story is coming together and coming to an end.
What's that crushed feeling BB was having, huh? ;)
Hope you're all having an amazing day and thank you so much for sticking around.
Until the next update,
-amiyawalker