Dean Ambrose; one-third of The Shield, finished getting dressed after his shower. Once he was finished he headed downstairs to start coffee and breakfast for himself and his two best friends...brothers and Shield stablemates Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns; Dean's ex-boyfriend. Going into the kitchen, he made the coffee first, before moving on to the food. He wasn't usually a morning person, but for the last few days he was up with the sun, too much on his mind to sleep. As he made their food he thought about everything that's happened, how his once perfect life had turned into a nightmare and how he was now slowly learning how to rebuild himself again.
Dean loved both his brothers and was so grateful he had them in his life, but he was also scared of Roman! Dean and Roman had dated for four years, they were so happy and in love, until months ago everything changed when Roman began to drink. At first, it was only a drink or two after work, but it quickly got worse and he drank all the time. Dean and Seth were worried and tried talking to him, at first though he refused to listen to either of them.
After a fight with Dean, Roman apologized and promised him he'd quit drinking. He broke his promise though and his drinking turned him into a monster towards Dean; he began to verbally and physically abuse Dean all the time. Seth hating what Roman had become, stood up to him for Dean, telling him off, but even then he still refused to listen. One night Roman attacked Dean, but Seth saved him and ended the relationship between his brothers, before he moved Dean into his room. Roman tried to get Dean back, but Seth wouldn't let him anywhere near him; except when they were at work.
Roman continued drinking and one night he caught Dean alone in the hotel parking lot and convinced him to go for a drive to talk. Dean agreed, but on the drive, they ended up fighting, which caused them to crash the car, Roman wasn't seriously injured, but Dean was. Dean woke up in the hospital a couple of days later, with Seth by his side and no one knew where Roman was. Dean slowly healed from his physical injuries with Seth's help, but his emotional ones to this day still haven't healed. For two months after the accident, no one knew where Roman was or even if he was okay! Both Dean and Seth were worried, they both missed and still loved him; especially Dean!
Finally, one day they received a call from a Doctor Stone, telling them Roman had been in rehab this entire time and he had beaten his drinking problem. Both Dean and Seth were so proud him and had gone to see him. They had spent the day with him, they talked and Roman apologized to them and they both accepted his apology. Dean told Roman that he still struggled to let go of the hurt and wasn't ready to take him back...he might never be. Roman accepted it, knowing he had caused too much damage for a simple apology to fix.
It's been months now since Roman got out of rehab and returned to the WWE. Even though both his brothers are happy to have him back, Dean was still terrified of Roman, he tried so hard to move on knowing Roman's a different person. The hell Dean went through because of him though was something he couldn't forget and relived every time Roman raised his voice or fought someone in the ring. Making things more complicated was the date he went on with Roman, which only confused the hell out of him!
Even though he was scared of Roman, that night had been the first time in months he had felt completely at ease with him. The connection and love between them still there and as strong as always, that was the Roman he had fallen in love with...was still in love with! They had kissed and Dean was completely torn between his love for and his fear of Roman, he told him how he felt and Roman understood. He was so confused, he wanted to give Roman a second chance, but the fear of being hurt again was stopping him!
A few months ago at the arena after work, Seth told them he had to stay and talk to Hunter, so Roman suggested they get take out and watch movies at the hotel. At first, Dean wasn't sure, but like usual he gave in and agreed. After leaving the arena they stopped and got dinner, before heading to the hotel. Dean was nervous as hell, this would be the first time since their date that they were alone together. The night had gone well, until Roman kissed him and instead of stopping it, Dean kissed him back.
Dean stopped it before things could go any further though, which caused them to fight. During the fight Roman accused Dean of not only leading him on, but of sleeping with Seth; both of which weren't true! Dean tried to walk away, but Roman stopped him and ended up hitting Dean. Roman begged Dean to forgive him and give him a second chance, Dean too tired to fight it anymore, gave up and let Roman back into his heart. Neither told Seth about the hit, only that they were giving their love another try and he was so happy for them. Since that night their relationship had been tense, Dean numb and not truly in it, but he faked it for Roman.
Dean tried to be happy with Roman and for the most part, their relationship was good and Roman stayed away from alcohol. Then there were times Roman was so hateful towards Dean; verbally and physically. Dean loved Roman, so he continued lying to Seth denying any trouble between him and Roman. Weeks ago he had almost been caught by Seth at the gym, when he saw a bruise on Dean's arm from Roman, but he lied and Seth dropped it.
Days ago the truth came out when Seth returned to their hotel room; Roman was still at the gym, Dean told Seth about being given a shot at the US Championship. He had only told him first because he was the first one back, as they hugged Roman returned and caught them. Roman pretended everything was okay, but after Seth left the room to go grab them coffee to celebrate, Roman began yelling at Dean over the hug and accused him of sleeping with Seth. When Dean denied it, Roman hit him and went to do it again, but was stopped by Seth.
Dean watched and listened to his brothers fighting and while they were distracted he snuck out unnoticed. He wandered around until he found another hotel and booked a room, after his brothers found him missing they called and texted him non-stop, but he ignored every one of them. He finally texted Seth and let him know he was alive and safe, he just needed time alone, after he was done he lay in bed and decided that even though he loved Roman; always would, he was done being a victim!
The next day, needing time off to figure things out in his head, he called Hunter and Stephanie, giving them a bullshit excuse and got a week off work. He then waited until he knew his brothers would be at the arena and snuck into the room to get all his things, he then headed back to the hotel and hid out there for the week. Dean returned to work and managed to fake his way through another show and continued avoiding Roman; he tried talking himself into speaking to Roman, but he'd chicken out every time. Finally, he was alone with Roman in their locker room and found the courage to tell him how he felt. He told him he'd always love him, but he was done being abused and broke up with him. Both men took the break up hard and Seth tried to be there for both his brothers; he was worried Roman would start drinking again.
Three months ago Dean's broken heart broke a little more, when he came back to their locker room one night before Raw and overheard his brothers talking. Dean listened as Roman spoke about some Spencer Gray guy that he had been seeing now for two months. Roman sounded so happy talking about Spencer and it killed Dean to hear it because he still loved Roman. He realized though after listening to Roman that the reason Roman said and did everything he has was because he didn't love Dean anymore!
He's only been seeing Spencer for two months, but he sounded happier with him, then he's been with Dean in years! When he rejoined his brothers Dean acted like he didn't know anything about Spencer. He had secretly decided that even though it killed him to do it, he had to let Roman go. He was done being a victim, he had made himself that promise and if that meant letting Roman go completely...then that was what he was going to do!
A few days ago, he returned to their hotel room after a workout and Roman was there alone; Seth was hanging out with Dolph. Hearing they were alone Dean suddenly became very nervous and uncomfortable being alone with him. He tried to act normal, until Roman begged him to talk about what's been going on between them. Unable to deal with it, he stopped Roman and walked out keeping himself from crying; he had shed enough tears over Roman! He was so tired of feeling weak and vulnerable because of him.
He couldn't do it anymore, his life was out of control and he wasn't sure how much more he could take before he lost it. No matter what happened Dean still loved Roman, he always would; Roman was the first person he's ever loved romantically. The truth remained though, Roman wasn't in love with him anymore; hasn't been for a long time, and now he was dating some Spencer guy. He had to let Roman go for both of them to have any kind of life again; even though it tore his heart out. It was time he stopped living in the past and moved into the future, even if that meant doing it without Roman.
Days passed since he walked out on Roman and even though it ripped him apart Dean slowly began to let Roman go and move on. The hardest part though was having to work with him and pretend everything was great between them still! He needed time off, he thought a lot about going back to Vegas to clear his head of the chaos and hopefully find himself. So, when he realized as the days passed that he was unable to move on or let go of the hurt he felt he made his mind up to go home. He secretly talked to Hunter and Stephanie getting time off, before he waited for his brothers to fall asleep. He left them a note saying goodbye and went home not sure when or even if he would return!
He spent his time at home keeping himself distracted and not thinking of his brothers, until one night a week after he left he watched Smackdown; seeing his brothers on the TV made him realize how much he missed them both, and ended up crying himself to sleep on his couch. He was woken up by someone knocking on his door at three in the morning. He answered it to find Roman standing there without Seth, Roman told him that Seth was fine and still at work, before he begged Dean to talk to him. He wanted the chance to explain and if when he was finished Dean still wanted him to go, he would. So, Dean agreed and let him in, they sat in the living room and began talking.
When Roman couldn't get the words he wanted to say to Dean to come out right, he brought up Spencer and Dean told Roman he knew about him after overhearing Roman talking to Seth about him. Roman was relieved thinking Dean knew who he was, until after Roman mentioned not being able to see Spencer until his appointment next week that the truth came out finally about who he really was to Roman...he was his therapist! Dean was shocked and surprised and after confessing he thought Spencer was Roman's boyfriend, he excused himself into the kitchen to make them some more coffee; and get his thoughts together again.
He was relieved to know that Spencer wasn't with Roman, but that didn't change anything that's happened between him and Roman. He should tell Roman to leave, but he couldn't, part of him still held out hope that their relationship could be saved...that Roman really had changed. Either way, he knew he needed to do this, talk to him no matter the outcome to get closure, either they're able to save their love or move on to someone new! It didn't matter which one happened, Dean was done being a victim and he was taking his power back, he'd never let anyone do that to him again! He loved Roman, but it was time he loved himself too!
The next day Roman was up before Dean and made them breakfast, they ate together talking, joking around and they even laughed; for a while, Dean could almost pretend nothing that happened in the past existed and that everything between them was perfect again...almost. After breakfast still not ready to talk or ruin their time together, Dean suggested they go do something around town and Roman agreed. Later that night after a wonderful day together they were back at Dean's house.
They finally talked and Roman told him everything; how he felt, what happened between them, how he's been working with Spencer to get better, how sorry he is and how much he still loved him. Dean didn't say anything, his tears fell silently, as he listened to everything Roman said. Hearing his explanation made Dean feel a hundred different emotions at once; anger, sadness, hurt, betrayal and more. He didn't know what to say or do, Roman then kissed Dean's forehead and sadly told him he'd be gone in an hour, before he went upstairs to pack.
Two days after Roman left, Dean still wasn't able to figure out what to do or figure out his emotions. Since Roman returned to work, Seth's tried calling and texting Dean, but he ignored them all, not ready to talk about it yet. Seth showed up at Dean's house and after he cried in Seth's arms for a while, they sat talking and he told Dean that he truly believed that Dean and Roman belonged together, but Roman put him through hell and he can't heal completely, unless he talks to someone like Roman had.
Dean finally agreed and Seth promised to help him through it every step of the way and they decided to research therapists in Vegas, to find one Dean liked and set up an appointment for him. A couple of hours after they started they didn't have any luck finding a therapist, but Dean refused to give up, not after making himself a promise to stop being a victim.
Seth confronted him about his being unable to find a therapist, telling him that he had found something wrong with every one they looked at. Dean tried to defend himself, but finally admitted that the whole thing scared him and he didn't think he was ready to do it yet. Seth reassured him it was okay and if he wasn't ready yet, then they could wait until he was. Seth returned to work after being with him for a week, Dean kept in constant contact with him; it had been Seth's idea and Dean had teased him about it, but secretly he agreed to do it for himself too. A few days ago, Dean looked into therapists again and at first, he continued doing what he had done when he was looking with Seth; finding stupid reasons not to talk to them. After he took a break and watched his brother's match against Sheamus and Cesaro, he knew he needed someone to help him, he missed his brothers and wanted to return to them and to do that he needed help.
So, after searching for a couple of hours he finally found a therapist named Amanda Burgess and after trying five times to make the call, he did and since it was late it went to voicemail, so he left her a message. After hanging up he texted Seth to tell him, of course, his brother called him after hearing what he did and told him he was proud of him, before he offered to go with him to his first appointment. Dean thanked him, but told him he'd be okay to go alone, he then told him her name and Seth promised to not tell Roman, before they hung up. After the conversation with Seth, Dean thought about everything, he was nervous about talking to someone about what happened, it made him feel vulnerable again and he had made himself a promise to never feel that way again!
After talking to Roman first and then Seth, he knew he needed to do this if he was ever going to heal. He loved Roman and knew he was working so hard to become the person he used to be and if Dean wanted to have a relationship with him again; and he did so badly, he'd have to work on himself too. He owed it to himself to get rid of all this poison and become a better, stronger person! By making that phone call he no longer was a victim, he was taking his life back and one day in the future he'd be whole again! He'd have the man he loved back and they'd be able to move on into the future, without the past holding them back!
The next day Dean was up with the sun, a couple hours later his phone rang; it was Dr. Burgess. They talked for a few minutes and she agreed to see him, she had an opening at 1 PM due to a cancellation and he took it. When they hung up he texted Seth to let him know, he admitted he was nervous, but he could do this, he knew it was the right thing to do and it will finally let him heal. He promised to call Seth later to let him know what happened, before they hung up. 10 minutes after talking to Seth, Dr. Burgess called back wanting to meet him in an hour instead, she had something important come up and couldn't meet him later, so he agreed.
After hanging up he texted Seth to tell him, he admitted he was freaking out about it, he thanked Seth for being there for him and reminded him not to tell Roman, before he ended the conversation. After texting Seth, he showered, got dressed and had two cups of coffee; his stomach was too nauseous to eat anything, so he only had coffee. Finally, it was time to go, so he left and drove to Dr. Burgess' office. Once there he parked and sat in his car for 10 minutes working up the courage to go inside. He couldn't do it, so he started his car, but stopped himself from leaving, remembering Seth's words. So, he turned off his car, got out and quickly went inside the building before he could change his mind.
He was nervous and closed off at first, but halfway through the appointment he relaxed and began to open up. He was surprised at how much better he felt after just talking; it helped that Dr. Burgess was kind, patient and easy to talk to. When the appointment was over, he admitted to her that before he came to see her, he wasn't sure he could do this, but was glad that he had, considering after only one visit he was starting to feel better.
He also admitted that when they started talking about Roman, he wasn't sure how easy it would be for him to relive. She assured him that they'll go at his pace and talk about Roman when he was ready, he thanked her before they set up another appointment for Thursday at 1 PM; three days from then. He was surprised it was so soon and she explained that in her practice she likes to see her new clients twice a week, until she feels comfortable seeing them once a week. Before he left he asked her if she knew any other therapists from other cities; he needed to know if Dr. Gray, who Roman was seeing, was any good, but unfortunately, she didn't know him. He thanked her again, before he left her office.
He got into his car and sat for a while thinking, he didn't think that after feeling so alone, angry and hurt for so long, that he'd ever start to feel like his old self again or be able to let go of all the poison he's had inside, but after talking to Dr. Burgess, that all changed. He knew that it was going to take more than one visit to fully heal, but he was determined to get his life back and have the future with Roman that he's always wanted. After going home, he had something to eat and ended up falling asleep for a while on his couch.
When he woke up he checked the time and quickly called Seth; he had made the two-toned brat wait long enough and knowing Rollins he was going bat-shit crazy wondering what happened or if he even went. They talked for a few minutes and Dean told him it had gone well and had to go back Thursday at 1 PM, Seth was surprised, but proud of him and so happy it had gone well. Dean then thanked Seth for forcing him to go, before they had to hang up. The day after he saw Dr. Burgess, he already noticed the change in himself.
Two days after his first appointment with Dr. Burgess, both his brothers had surprised him and shown up at his house. After hugs, they told him they had a week off and were spending it with him. Once they were settled in the guest room, they went out and spent the day together. Yesterday, was his second meeting with Dr. Burgess and he was worried about how he could sneak away without Roman finding out. He had run into Seth in the hall that morning; Roman was still asleep, and they talked about it. A few seconds later they went downstairs to make breakfast, minutes later Roman joined them and they sat at the kitchen table to eat. As they did, Roman asked what their plans were for the day and Dean told him he had a Dentist appointment at one, but afterward, they could go out for dinner and do something then. Seth and Roman decided to stay at Dean's and relax, while he was gone.
Later, after spending all morning together, Seth and Roman changed and went outside in the backyard to hang out by Dean's pool. He had gone to his room to change, when he finished he made the mistake of looking out his window and saw Roman getting out of the pool, laughing at something Seth had just said. Dean couldn't take his eyes off Roman and felt his body begin to react on its own, causing Dean to groan. This was so not what he needed right before he went to see his therapist. He sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed, his emotions and thoughts about Roman were all over the damn place. Still sitting, he flung himself backwards onto the bed, his arms above his head, he wanted to tell Roman about Dr. Burgess, but for some reason, he just couldn't do it. He loved Roman, but he also hated him for what happened and knew that if he wanted any kind of life with him as lovers or just friends, then he needed to find himself again and work on letting go of his hurt, anger.
He left the room after fixing himself up, he was almost ready to go, when he saw Roman coming out of the kitchen, carrying two water bottles. Their eyes met and both froze, this was the first time since their talk days ago, that they were alone without Seth. Being near him again without Seth to run interference, made Dean's stomach flip, he knew Roman was working so damn hard to become the man he used to be; the man Dean fell in love with, it made his heart ache that he was still afraid of him. They talked for a few minutes, before Roman out of the blue, told him that he could tell him anything, confused Dean said he knew that and asked if anything was wrong. Roman reassured him that everything was fine, before Dean said his goodbyes and left.
He went to his appointment and at first, he did everything to avoid talking about Roman; despite his decision to finally talk about it, the minute he had sat down he chickened out! He spent the first hour talking about stupid shit that he didn't give a damn about, just to avoid talking about his past with Roman. She let him do it, even though she knew something was wrong just by how he was acting, he was relieved and grateful that she didn't push him to tell her. She finally brought it up, telling him she knows something was going on and it has to do with Roman; it's the only thing that makes him so uneasy. Before she reminded him that she can only help him, if he lets her. Dean then admitted that he had made himself a promise to never again be a victim and by telling her what happened makes him feel like one.
They talked for a few minutes, until he felt strong enough to tell her everything. So, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he knew she could help him, but he wasn't sure he could do it or what it would do to him when he did; he felt so lost. After a few seconds he decided to do it, he'd never get better if he held it in, he'd never get his second chance with Roman if he didn't. He opened his eyes and wiping away his tears, he told her he was ready. Hearing that she smiled sadly at him, but didn't say anything, he took another deep breath and began to tell her everything; starting from the beginning and ending with what happened before he came here today. He held nothing back and his tears fell silently as he relived every painful moment. It felt so damn good to finally let out all the poison he's been holding onto and he knew he had made the right choice to tell her.
After he finished, she told him how proud she was of him, before they booked another appointment and he left. He went to his car, got in and just sat there for a few minutes, he knew he still had a long road to recovery ahead of him, but he felt a little freer than he's felt in a long damn time. He then took out his phone and called Seth to let him know he was on his way home, promising to tell him what happened later. After getting home, they went out to dinner, before they went to a bar; Seth was the only one drinking and he drank a little too much. They went home and Seth fell asleep, before Dean could talk to him, so him and Roman went to bed too, he had slept well, until this morning. His thoughts were interrupted by his brothers coming into the kitchen, seeing them he smiled.
"Morning, guys." Dean greeted them, as he began putting their food onto plates.
"Morning, D." Roman replied, as he made their coffees.
"No, good morning from you, Sethie?" Dean teased. "How's your head, you little drunk?"
"I'm fine, nothing food, a shower and painkillers won't fix!" Seth replied grumpily, as he took his coffee from Roman and sat at the kitchen table.
"Don't be so grumpy, Sunshine, I made your favorite breakfast." Dean said smiling, as he placed the food in front of Seth, before he looked at a smiling Roman.
As soon as Seth saw and smelt the greasy food his stomach rolled, he got up and rushed to the bathroom, while Dean and Roman laughed.
"Still think you're fine, Sethie?" Dean called out to him.
"Shut up, asshole!" Seth yelled back through the closed bathroom door.
**Later**:
Roman smiled to himself, as he sat on a chair in the backyard alone, Dean was inside checking on their hungover baby brother. It was almost dinnertime and they had spent all day hanging out at the house, taking care of Seth; who was now feeling a little better. Being alone with Dean was hard, he wanted to tell him how he felt, but knew that wasn't fair to Dean, he'd just have to wait, he couldn't be selfish anymore. He sighed as he stared out at the beautiful Vegas desert scenery that surrounded them and thought about what's happened between the three of them over the last few months.
Dean continued avoiding him and the hurt he'd see in his eyes haunted Roman, knowing it was because of him that Dean; the man he loved was broken. He couldn't blame Dean for what happened and he wasn't angry either, this was all his fault and he hated himself for it! Dean didn't deserve anything Roman had said and done to him and he wished he could take back every hit and hurtful thing he ever gave to Dean.
Truthfully though, after Dean broke up with him the second time at the arena for days after he was angry and hated both Dean and Seth. Then two weeks later; like he had been hit by a ton of bricks, Roman realized that everything that happened was because of him; not Dean and Seth! Needing to figure out why he still hurt Dean even without alcohol, he began seeing a therapist named Dr. Spencer Gray. He went to every session and held nothing back, he wanted to get better so bad and prove to his brothers; especially Dean, that he had changed!
A couple months later Roman was making progress, it was hard work, but he knew it was worth it in the end. It was worth it because he'd finally be the man he used to be and hopefully save his relationship with his brothers! Neither of his brothers knew about Dr. Gray, until one night four months ago before Raw, Seth came back to their locker room while Roman was on the phone with Dr. Gray. Seth thought Roman was dating Dr. Gray, but Roman told him no and explained everything, before crying he apologized, Seth hugged him, crying too. After they calmed down Roman made Seth promise not to tell Dean anything yet; Roman wanted to be completely finished with his demons before he began to try and repair their relationship, Seth agreed and nothing was said to Dean.
Even though things between himself and Dean have been tense since their split, it seemed like ever since the night Seth found out about Dr. Gray, Dean's been worse. He avoided Roman now more than ever and barely said two words to him when they weren't working. When it first started Roman talked to Seth about it thinking he might have told Dean, but he didn't like he promised. Both were concerned and Seth tried many times to talk to Dean, but he wouldn't, he just kept promising Seth he was fine. Roman worked his ass off in his sessions with Dr. Gray and knew he still had a lot more work to do, but at least he had learned that despite his intense love for Dean, he was afraid of being hurt and losing himself, as well as being afraid of losing Dean! It was a bad combination, which caused Roman to do what he did and now that he knew why, he was working on fixing himself.
When he had found the note from Dean the night he left them and read it, his heart broke; Dean had left because of him and no matter what Dean had said in the letter it didn't stop the guilt he felt! He had shown the letter to Seth, before they talked with Roman blaming himself and saying he should never have come back after rehab. Seth stopped him, refusing to let him beat himself up about it anymore since he was working so hard to get better.
A week after Dean left; and many long talks with both Seth and Dr. Gray, Roman knew he had to go to Dean and talk to him, explain what happened whether Dean came back to him or not. So, he flew to Vegas after getting time off of work, when he arrived he wasn't sure if Dean would let him in, but thankfully he did. Roman had gone over what he was going to say to Dean on the entire flight, but when he was finally face to face with him nothing came out right! He was so upset and frustrated that he brought up Spencer being wrong about him doing this and was surprised, but relieved at first when Dean said he knew who Spencer was after overhearing Roman and Seth talking.
Then Dean told him he thought Spencer was Roman's boyfriend, he quickly told Dean he wasn't, he was only his therapist, before Dean excused himself and went into the kitchen to make them some more coffee. Roman tried to figure out what he was going to tell Dean, but everything just didn't seem right. Finally, Dean asked him if they could finish their talk tomorrow and Roman agreed, he was going to leave and get a hotel room, but Dean let him stay with him. Roman had spent most of the night thinking of Dean and what he was going to finally say to him, before he ended up falling asleep for a few hours.
The next day Roman was up before Dean and made them breakfast. After eating Dean suggested they go out for the day and Roman agreed. Later that night back at Dean's, they finally talked with Roman telling him everything; he held nothing back. When he was done Roman kissed Dean's forehead, before he packed his stuff and left to go back to work. On the plane, he had called Seth and cried told him everything that happened. He spent his first night back with Seth crying and talking to his brother, he was so grateful he had Seth, he'd be lost without him.
Not long after Roman returned to work, Seth went to Vegas to check on Dean and spend time with him. During the time Seth was with Dean, Roman took the time alone to work on himself physically and mentally. He split his time working, seeing Dr. Gray and working out; of course, Seth checked in with him by phone and computer every day at least 10 times a day and it made him smile knowing how worried Seth was about him. Now that Seth was back he felt a little stronger, he'd feel complete though when Dean finally returned to them.
A few days ago, Roman woke up to find Seth already awake and not in bed anymore, so he got out of bed and went looking for him in the main part of the room. He noticed his shoes were gone and knew he went for coffee, so he decided to go for a shower, but stopped when he heard Seth's phone go off with a new text, he ignored it until it went off again. Curious he picked it up off the table and was surprised to see it was from Dean. He read the texts; they talked about Dean's appointment being changed, how freaked out he was, before he thanked Seth for being there for him and ending with Dean telling Seth not to tell him about it.
After reading the texts Roman was in shock, he had no idea what Dean was talking about, but him going to an appointment that was making him freak out could only mean one thing...Dean was sick! It must be serious if Dean didn't want him to know about it! Even though he had put Dean through hell, it still hurt that Dean didn't want him to know anything about him being sick. How long has Dean known? How long has Seth known? He had so many questions, but no answers and no way of getting them.
He put Seth's phone back and stood just as his brother returned, they talked for a few minutes, before Roman asked if Seth had spoken to Dean yet this morning and he told him no. When Seth asked why, Roman lied saying he was just wanting to know how he is; when he really wanted to ask him about Dean, but after finding out Dean didn't want him to know anything, he was going to respect Dean's privacy and pretend he didn't know. Roman told Seth he was going for a shower, then they could go for breakfast, before he grabbed his stuff and went into the bathroom.
Once behind closed doors, Roman thought about Dean, his heart ached knowing Dean was sick and there was nothing he could do to fix it; the worst part though was that he couldn't even be there for him because of all the shit he's done! He vowed to do whatever Dean needed him to and be there for the man he loved like he should have always been! Until Dean was ready to tell him about being sick though, he'd just have to love him from a distance and be patient, the only problem was that when it came to loving Dean, Roman wasn't a patient man!
That day when Seth returned to their hotel room after his workout they talked, Roman tried to get out of it, but Seth wouldn't let him and he finally admitted how horrible he felt for what happened between him and Dean; how no matter what he does now it'll never make up for the terrible things that he's said and done to Dean in the past. How could he expect him to forgive him, when he can't even forgive himself? Seth tried to help, but Roman refused to talk any more about it and left the room. Later on that day after going to the arena for a show, Roman quickly changed; not wanting to continue their conversation from earlier, and went to catering. Knowing he couldn't hide forever, he went back to their locker room, when he arrived he went to go inside, but stopped hearing Seth talking to someone.
At first, he didn't know who it was, until he heard him say Dean's name and he froze, his heart ached for Dean as he listened to their conversation; technically he had only heard Seth's side of the conversation, but he had heard enough. He wished Dean would let him be there for him, let him love him again, but he had screwed that up. Suddenly Seth opened the door, Roman moved quickly so he didn't fall and put his game face on. As they headed to the gorilla, Roman couldn't stop thinking about Dean and how he was going through this crap by himself. He should be by Dean's side, not being kept in the damn dark! He had to find a way to get Dean to let him in, even if it was just as his brother, the thought of Dean suffering alone killed him. Maybe he could convince Seth to go with him to visit Dean as a surprise? While there he'd try to get Dean to open up and let him help, he loved Dean and there was no way in hell he was going to let him go through this alone!
He had had a hard time concentrating on their match, but thankfully he managed to pay attention enough to help make sure they won. After changing in their locker room, Roman brought up Dean; how worried he was about him and how much he truly missed him, he then suggested they go visit him. At first Seth was reluctant, but finally agreed, so they talked to Hunter and Stephanie to get time off, but they told them they had work commitments for the next two days, but then they could have a week off. Two days later, they boarded a plane for Vegas, without telling Dean first, when they landed they went to his house and surprised him. They had had a great time hanging out and Dean seemed to be doing okay, it killed Roman though to not be able to touch Dean or let him know he was there for whatever he needed.
Yesterday, Roman had woken up alone, Seth was already up, so he had gotten dressed, before he sat on the bed, thinking of Dean. Being here with Dean would be hard; it always was, he just didn't realize it would be this hard! He still loved Dean with every fiber of his body and he was finding it difficult to keep his feelings and urges to touch Dean to himself the longer he was around him. He couldn't blame Dean for keeping him at a distance still, he knew it was his own fault, that's why he was getting help. He sighed again, as he stared at the floor, he was trying to change, to show Dean he was serious about going back to the man he used to be, he just hoped he wasn't too late!
Suddenly, he heard his brothers talking in the hall, they were whispering, obviously not wanting to wake him or let him hear what they were talking about. They were talking about Dean's appointment that afternoon with the Doctor and how he was going to leave without Roman knowing, before they went downstairs. Once they were gone, he thought about what he had heard and he was so torn! On one hand, he wanted to tell Dean that he knew about him going to the Doctor's and wanted to be there for him, if he'd let him.
On the other hand though, he didn't want to screw things up and damage their fragile relationship any more than he already had, by admitting he had read their text messages. It was obvious that Dean didn't want him to know yet and if he wanted to prove to Dean he was changing, he'd have to respect his decisions. He decided, for now, to keep pretending he didn't know anything, he took a deep breath and left the room.
On his way downstairs he pretended to cough, giving his brothers the heads up that he was coming. After greeting them, they sat at the kitchen table to eat and he asked what their plans were for the day. Dean told him he had a Dentist appointment at one, which meant Roman and Seth were alone. They decided to hang out at Dean's house while he was gone, so after hanging out together all morning, he and Seth changed into their bathing suits and went outside to Dean's pool. A few minutes later he got thirsty and asked Seth if he wanted a drink, before he went inside to the kitchen and grabbed two water bottles. On his way back outside, he ran into Dean as he was leaving and they talked for a few minutes, before he stupidly told Dean that he could tell him anything; it came out before he could stop himself. Confused and worried Dean said he knew that and asked if Roman was okay, he told him he was, before Dean left.
He and Seth spent the whole afternoon hanging out, relaxing by the pool, a while later Seth went inside to get them more water, leaving Roman alone with his thoughts. He couldn't stop beating himself up for what he had said to Dean before he left, it was a stupid thing to do and he was glad he didn't question him any further about it. He just wished he could go back in time and erase all of the damage he's caused; not for his sake though, but for Dean's! If he hadn't hurt Dean like he did, then he could be loving him like he deserves right now and be by his side through whatever it is he was battling, instead of being forced to watch from the sidelines helplessly.
Seth came back outside and told him that Dean called and was on his way home, so they went inside to change. As they changed, Roman tried to get his emotions under control. He needed to stay calm and wait for Dean to come to him, he couldn't lose Dean again, not after getting his friendship back. It was time he thought of Dean for once, right now he needed his brother, so Roman would just have to continue loving him in secret. When Dean did finally let him back into his heart though, Roman vowed to love him, treat him like a damn King and spend the rest of their lives making everything up to him! He was going to be the man he used to be...the man Dean fell in love with!
They had gone out to dinner and Dean seemed a little different to him, but he said nothing. After they ate, they went to a bar, Seth was the only one drinking and by the time they got home, he had already passed out, so they all went to bed. This morning he had woken before Seth, showered and had just finished getting dressed when his hungover brother woke up and they went downstairs to the kitchen; Dean was already up and had breakfast made. Since Seth was hungover they stayed at Dean's and both took turns taking care of their brother. His thoughts were interrupted by Dean and Seth coming outside, seeing them Roman smiled, as he spoke.
"Holy shit, it's alive!" Roman teased, as he and Dean laughed, Seth gave him a dirty look.
"Shut up, asshole! I don't feel like dying anymore, so that means I can kick your ass!" Seth said pouting, as he sat beside him.
"Don't pout, Rollins, you baby." Dean teased smiling, as he sat across from his brothers.
"So, boys, what are we doing tonight?" Roman asked smiling.
"Uh, I'm out of commission, I'm just going to sleep off the rest of this hangover. You two go out and have fun for me too, though." Seth stated, as he got up and went back inside.
"Alright, I...I guess it's just you and me tonight, big man." Dean said, trying to hide his nervousness.
"Well, we could stay here and hang out instead, if you want?" Roman suggested, noticing it, but didn't say anything about it.
"No, we can go out, besides I don't know about you, but I've had enough of whiney, hungover, Seth." Dean replied smiling.
"Okay then, it's a date!" Roman said smiling, before he could stop himself, both men froze, neither spoke for a few seconds, until Roman finally did. "Sorry, I meant as friends, damn me and my big mouth!" He added annoyed with himself.
"It's okay, Ro, I know what you meant." Dean said quickly, putting Roman at ease, even though he wasn't ready to be back with Roman, he couldn't help the butterflies he felt when Roman called it a date. "Let's go get ready and we'll go to dinner and then after we eat we can figure out what to do next."
"Sounds good." Roman agreed smiling.
**Later That Night**:
Dean sighed nervously, as he waited for Roman to come back to where he was waiting for him on a bench outside of the restaurant. They had just finished dinner, he had been surprised and happy when nothing about their night so far had been tense or awkward between them. He wasn't sure if it was because they were surrounded by people or something else, but whatever it was caused him to be completely comfortable with Roman; something he hasn't been in a long time. Not wanting the night to end yet, Dean was hoping Roman would want to do something else before they went home.
"Sorry, I took so long, but I found my jacket." Roman said smiling, as he joined him.
"It's okay."
"So, you ready to go home?" Roman asked, secretly hoping Dean would say no.
"Uh, no." Dean answered. "I...I was thinking we could walk around for a while or something?"
"Really?" Roman asked smiling. "Uh, what...what do you want to do?"
"Um...let's walk around for a bit, while we figure out what to do."
"Alright, let's go."
They walked around for a while taking in the sights, Dean pointed out all the new things that were in town since Roman's last visit. After a while they stopped to rest by an all-night wedding chapel, there was a young couple going inside and you could tell how much they loved each other.
"Ro, do you ever think about marriage?" Dean asked smiling, watching the couple, the question had surprised Roman and caused him to choke on his drink. "You okay?" He asked concerned, as Roman coughed.
"Ye...yeah, I...I'm fine." Roman answered. "What...what made you ask that?"
"I don't know, I...I guess I was just curious." Dean answered embarrassed, as he looked at the ground. "Never mind, I..."
"Yeah, I have!" Roman said quickly smiling, cutting Dean off. "I don't think about it every day, but yeah, I have thought about it. What about you?"
"Uh, shockingly...I have." Dean admitted smiling, embarrassed.
"Oh." Roman replied shocked, he never pictured Dean as the marrying type.
Before either of them could say or do anything else, Dean's phone rang, he took it out of his pocket and checked the number. He smiled seeing it was Seth, he answered it, putting it on speaker, so Roman could hear and talk too.
"What's up, Lush?" Dean greeted him, as he and Roman smiled.
"I get drunk one time and you two, assholes, don't let me live it down!" Seth replied frustrated.
"Calm down, Two-Tones, we're only joking." Roman said sighing.
"So, how you feeling?" Dean asked.
"Better actually."
"I see you got our note." Roman said.
"Yep, I was just calling to find out how much fun you're having without me."
"Wow, Rollins!" Dean began. "You're worse than a teenage girl!"
"What?" Seth said shocked. "I' am not!"
"Dude, we can literally hear you pouting over the phone!" Dean stated, as he and Roman laughed.
"You're both jerks, you know that?"
"Yeah, but you still love us!" Dean said, as they all laughed.
"So, when are you two jokers coming home?"
"Uh, actually we were leaving now." Dean answered.
"Oh, okay, I'll see you guys soon then."
"Yep." Roman replied, trying to hide his disappointment.
"Alright, see you guys when you get back, bye."
"Bye." Dean said, before he hung up and put his phone back into his pocket.
"I...I guess we should head back to the car." Roman said, as he stood.
"Roman, wait, let me..."
"It's okay, Dean!" Roman stated, cutting him off. "I get it, you're still not able to trust me completely yet."
"Roman, that's not fair!" Dean said upset, as he stood too. "I'm trying, dammit, okay! It's going to take time."
"I'm trying too, but nothing's changing, Dean! After all this time, I thought you'd at least be comfortable around me. Instead, you're still acting like I...you know what? Never mind, let's just go home, okay?" Roman said, before he began walking away, Dean silently followed.
The car ride home was tense and silent, both men lost in their thoughts. When they got back to Dean's, they went inside to find Seth watching TV in the living room, seeing them, he shut the TV off and smiling spoke.
"Hey, guys! How was..."
"I'm going to bed, I'll see you guys in the morning." Roman said, cutting Seth off, before he we went upstairs.
"Dean, are you okay?" Seth asked, as he quickly stood and went to him.
"Going out tonight was a mistake." Dean replied sadly.
"Did...did he hurt you again?" Seth asked angrily, hoping he didn't.
"No." Dean replied. "We...we had a fight."
"Over what?" Seth asked gently, as they went into the kitchen.
"About us...he thinks I'm still afraid of him." Dean said, as he sat down at the kitchen table, Seth sat across from him.
"Are you?"
"Yeah, I' am." Dean answered sadly. "Even though I know he's working so damn hard to change."
"Dean, you can't be so hard on yourself. You went through Hell because of him and it's going to take time to move past it." Seth said softly, as he took Dean's hand.
"What if I never get over it? What...what if I'm like this for the rest of my damn life, Seth? Then what?" Dean questioned upset, as he stood.
"Dean, don't do this to yourself." Seth begged, as he stood too.
"Dammit, Seth, I...I just want to stop being afraid!" Dean said, before he broke down crying.
Seth didn't say anything, he just took Dean in his arms and held him tight, as he cried. After a few seconds he stopped crying and pulled away, he took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face.
"Thanks for being my rock, Seth."
"You don't need to thank me, that's what families do for each other." Seth replied smiling sadly, before they hugged again. "You want a coffee?"
"Uh, no, I think I'm just going to go to bed." Dean answered sighing.
"Okay, I'm going to check on Ro." Seth said. "Night, Dean, I love you."
"Night, Seth, I love you too, brother."
Dean left the kitchen and went upstairs, as he passed the guest room he felt his heart ache. He stood frozen, staring at the door, he wanted to go into the room and tell Roman that he still wanted to be with him, but knew he could never have a future with the man he loved until he finished working on himself first. Sighing he went to his room and changed, he then turned off the light and got into bed.
As he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling in the dark, he thought about what Roman said about how nothing's changed between them. Was that true? And if it was, would things ever change? He had so many questions, but no answers and the not knowing part scared and frustrated him. He loved Roman and knew that Roman loved him, but to give their relationship another chance, Dean had to find a way to look past the monster Roman used to be and see the new man he was desperately trying to be! It was time Dean truly stopped being a victim and finally have his happily ever after with Roman!
THE END!