Even though the break between the fall semester and spring semester stretched over a month, the time flew by, and Nevada found herself back in her cramped dorm room by mid-January. Normally, Briarcliff University was a beautiful campus, and it had elements that everyone loved about studying in the Northeast: the four seasons, close connections to the major cities, and large events that kept spirits high even when studies threatened to pull students under.
But today, the campus looked dreary, the sidewalks drenched in rain, puddles forming in the patches of grass that usually served as shortcuts to for students to reach their destinations quicker. Every few minutes, the mild drops turned into a strong downpour, and the sound of raindrops pattering against her window provided background noise as she worked on a paper due in two weeks for one of her classes.
She paused in the middle of her typing to glance out the glass, and another pair of students rushed to the dining hall that stood on the other side of the building, their hoods yanked up over their heads as they failed to keep themselves dry. Watching them, that surge of relief that she'd escaped the rain came over her once again.
With an early class, she'd managed to return to her dorm at a reasonable time before the downpour had begun, and snuggled in her sweats, she'd never felt more comfortable. Using one of the microwavable hot chocolate packets, she'd created a drink for herself, and within the peace and quiet, she felt content.
Her roommate, Angela, had arrived a half hour ago, and she just finished leaving her clothes to dry on the rack. Her wild curls were still wet, but she didn't seem to mind as she crawled onto her bed, pulling a spare blanket over her shivering form.
With minimal conversation exchanged between them, Nevada was no longer bothered by the lack of interaction they had. It wasn't that they didn't get along. They got alone well, in fact. They woke at similar times; they studied in the same environments; they liked the room to be neat. But she still found it difficult to breach that cavern between them.
The sound of her phone vibrating drew her out of her reverie. Nevada shifted her gaze over to her cell, and Sam's contact name appeared on the screen as he texted her. Picking it up, she unlocked her phone long enough to see his message pop up.
A smile filtered across her face at the sight of the three dots that told her that he was in the middle of his response.
It was a well-known fact that the dorm buildings could only be unlocked by those who lived in them, but that didn't stop Sam from waiting outside until she let him in. Holding back a snort, Nevada slid her laptop off her lap, her thighs warm from the heat it emitted, and slipped on her moccasins.
Angela didn't ask where she was headed. She made the trek down the four flights of stairs until she made it to the back door of the building—where she knew Sam would be.
Sure enough, his tall frame was huddled outside in the rain, his face tilted down as he waited for her to let him in. It was a surprise no one had passed by and let him in, considering students used this exit all the time, but it seemed the rain had slowed everyone down today.
Nevada pushed the door open, the metal clicking as it unlocked, long enough for Sam to slip through. His ensemble of Adidas pants and a Briarcliff University sweatshirt did little to protect him from the downpour, and water fell from his form the second he stepped inside. Lifting his face to her, she noticed the droplets that clung to his hair and lashes. Despite the gel having been washed out, his blonde hair still stuck straight into the hair. He reminded her of a wet dog.
"Can I ask what you're doing here?" Nevada asked, lifting her brows. She led the way up the stairs, even though Sam had been in her dorm countless times. He knew the building like the back of his hand, exploring it more than she'd bothered to herself.
"The rain became too strong," he replied, his lip quirking up as he followed her up. His sneakers squeaked with each step he took, a wet footprint marking its place. "I have two hours until my next class, and your dorm is the halfway point. I figured you wouldn't mind me chilling here out of the rain until then. I can keep you company."
By then, they'd reached the top of the stairwell. Being on the top floor had its advantages, but it didn't erase the fact that climbing the stairs each day was torturous. They wove their way past the umbrellas that had been left in the hall to dry to make it to her room, and Sam hung behind her as he waited for her to unlock the door.
It didn't matter how many times Angela saw Sam; her eyes always widened every time he was around. Nevada was certain that she didn't hold a secret crush on it, but rather, her actions came from surprise that she'd spent the first semester alone only to return with a boyfriend and a group of friends that frequented her dorm room more than they hung around their own.
"Hi, Angela," Sam greeted her with a slight wave, which she returned before refocusing on her phone. He turned back to her. "Do you have something I can wear? I'm going to get sick if I keep this on."
Nevada furrowed her eyebrows. "Have you seen the size difference between us? Anything that fits me will be too small on you."
He blew out a breath. "I let you wear my clothes all the time. You have to have something here that'll fit me. I know you haven't returned them all."
He wasn't wrong. While she'd never understood why girlfriends enjoyed wearing the clothes of their significant others, it didn't take her long to become enthralled with wearing Sam's clothing. He didn't mind it. He often loved it, the sight of her wearing his clothes turning him on more than he cared to admit.
After sifting through her drawers, she found one of his sweatshirts that she'd borrowed a while ago. It was one of his club soccer team hoodies, and she remembered the exact moment he'd given it to her. It was the night of Carter's birthday, and she'd underestimated how cold the night would be. He'd handed it to her without a second thought.
"Here," Nevada said, handing it over to him. After rummaging further, she discovered one of his athletic shorts that he'd left one afternoon and a pair of leggings that were too long on her. She had to roll them up at the hem to fit, but she had a feeling they would fit Sam's long legs. She unveiled them to him. "It's too cold for you to wear the shorts on their own. Are you opposed to wearing leggings?"
He reached out to stroke the material of the leggings. "No," he said slowly. "Will they fit me?"
"They should. They're too long on me."
Sam gathered the pieces of clothing in his arms. "Thanks. Where can I change?"
"The boys' floor is the second one up." Though the building was co-ed, each floor was separated by gender, and so, the bathrooms on this floor were meant for women. There were gender-neutral bathrooms on the ground floor, but Briarcliff University still had a long way to go when it came to inclusivity. "You can change there."
Sam stared at her. "You mean I have to go down two floors just to change?"
She touched his nose with a single finger. "Your long legs can handle it," she teased.
With no further complaints, Sam left the room to change. By the time he returned, Angela had left to settle in one of the study rooms on the ground floor, and he wore a new set of clothes. She sat on her bed once again, her laptop propped in her lap, though she spared him a glance while he arranged his wet clothing on her desk chair to dry.
"They're a lot more comfortable than I thought they'd be," Sam said, pushing his sleeves up to his elbows. He kicked off his sneakers before hopping onto the bed beside her, the sudden movement causing the springs to groan. "What are you up to?"
"I have a paper due in two weeks," Nevada said, her eyes glued to her screen. He moved so that his chin rested against her shoulder, his breath mixing with her own even sighs, and her thoughts became murky. She should've known he'd be a distraction—even without intending to be.
"Really? It's not due for two weeks, and you're starting it now?" He snorted. He had become accustomed to her study habits, but they had yet to rub off on him. He was pleased with his average marks, and he was able to glide by with all-nighters and cramming a few days before exams. On the other hand, Nevada had to work for the commendable grades she received. But he had a point: she didn't have to keep working on it today. "Can we watch Netflix or something?"
"You're a bad influence," Nevada murmured, but she didn't oblige to his requests immediately. "I'm not Netflix-and-chilling with you when Angela could walk in at any moment."
"I never insinuated such a thing." Sam splayed a hand across his chest in mock offense. "How dare you accuse me like that? I just wanted to catch up on Fuller House."
With a long sigh, Nevada saved the progress on her paper, closed the document, and pulled up Netflix. Sam perked up at her side, his eyes glossing over as she found the last episode of Fuller House that they'd watched. "Do you really want to watch Fuller House or is there something else you'd rather watch?"
He shrugged. "We can re-watch Friends or something. I don't have the brainpower right now to be able to focus on something new."
Upon his request, Nevada picked an episode at random, and as it began, she sat up straight, an effort to make herself comfortable despite the fact that Sam was leaning on her. They made it halfway through the episode before Sam started kissing her shoulder.
"You're a terrible person," she mumbled, though she felt her defenses weakening, her stomach pooling with desire. "You said you only wanted to watch Netflix."
"You brought up Netflix and chill," he said. His mouth had moved up to her neck, and when she didn't protest against it, he nipped the spot below her ear. It hadn't taken him long to realize that that particular spot made her weak at the knees, and even now, she didn't want him to stop.
"You have class in an hour."
"Mmhmm. I can skip it."
Nevada shot him an incredulous look. She hardly ever skipped class; she knew if she did, she'd continue with the habit, and her grades would suffer as a result. "No, you can't."
"Fine." He pouted, looking up at her with doe eyes. "I'll still go to class." The ding of a text message brought his attention away from her, and he picked up his phone only to laugh at the alert. He looked sideways at her. "Carter is over at the dining hall eating lunch alone. Do you want to go and keep him company?"
While she never minded eating alone, Carter was another story. He hated being left to his lonesome, and being without Sam by his side often left him confused and lost. It wasn't the first time Carter had texted their group chat to ask if someone wanted to hang out with him, and she doubted it would be the last.
"Sure." Nevada shut her laptop, setting it aside to reach for her rain boots. They were a necessity in the northeast and one of the most important purchases she'd made before heading off to college. She scanned Sam over as he slipped on his sneakers. "Are you going to wear that?"
Sam faltered. "Yeah," he said at last. "Who cares?"
With a wink directed at her, an involuntary smile spread across her face. "Sam?"
"Yeah?"
With her hands on his cheeks, she brought his face closer to hers, her mouth devouring his in a passionate kiss. It lasted for a mere few seconds, but it left her feeling winded when she pulled back. "Just to hold you over until the next time we're alone."
"You know, Carter probably won't mind eating alone," he said with a slight whine.
Nevada cocked her head. "Nice try," she teased, pecking his lips once more before grabbing her umbrella. "Are you ready?"
Once they were both out in the hall, the keys clutched in her grasp, Sam waited for her to lock the door before starting down the stairs. For a split second, it felt like she existed outside of her own body. She saw a glimpse of Nevada from the fall semester, who would've remained in the safety of her room at all times.
She felt disconnected from that past version of herself in the best way possible. While her anxiety hadn't disappeared—and never would—she had grown accustomed to handling it. Her fight against her mental illness was no longer a losing battle; it was one that she would win.
Blowing out an uneasy breath, she imagined how different her life would be if she hadn't started believing in herself, if she hadn't reached out for help.
But you did, she told herself. Trust yourself. You are where you need to be.
She smiled.
"You okay?" Sam nudged her, his dimple poking through.
"Yeah," she said, and she meant it. "I'm happy. I'm so happy with myself. I'm happy with you, and I'm happy with where I am at the moment."
He grinned up at her, slowing down to brush his lips against hers once more, his hand grazing her hip. "I'm happy you're happy too. You make me happy. Should we stop saying happy?"
Believe in yourself. She did.
this is it – the final chapter of cold sweetness! after working on this story since november, i am so happy that it is finally done! i'm not going to lie, i'm very sad that this book is now over. out of all the stories i've told so far, nevada's has always held a special place in my heart, and i think a lot of it is because it echoes a lot of my own experiences. so many of the emotions she has felt throughout this novel have reminded me of my own, and her journey is important. like i stated in the foreword, we need more characters like her—characters who struggle to seize the moment and find it difficult to come to terms with their own selves because she is real.
as i sit in my room, typing this out, i recognize that i'm not quite at the place nevada is. while i'm learning to handle my own mental health more and more each day, i have yet to find a solid group of friends in my own new environment, and that is okay. i think if there is one thing everyone should take from this story, it is that you should believe in yourself. love every flaw that is embedded deep within you, embrace the nuances that make who you are, and remember that you are far more powerful and capable than you realize. like nevada, i'm learning to believe in myself a lot more too.
if you are interested in sticking with whatever i write next, i will be posting my new project soon! it's called uncontrollable, and it centers around a fictional city littered with crime surrounding two rival gangs who are forced to work together when the hacker from one group is taken into custody. i'm very excited to start it, and i hope that you will all stick with me as i write it!
enjoy your weekend! & again, thank you for sticking with nevada and me throughout this journey. it means so much to me that you have accepted every facet to her, and i'm so happy that you have all enjoyed the ride. i love you all lots!!!
x carolina