"We've talked about this Darien, you can't keep breaking into professor's offices whenever you don't agree with-..." he trailed off, his eyes glued to the chair across the room. The chair with my jeans on it. Holy mother fucking shit balls, goddamn.
"Please dear god, tell me you're wearing your fucking pants, Darien," Caleb choked out and I could hear the unnerved anger in his voice.
"Uh..."
Darien Grace
"Jesus Christ, give me strength," Caleb groaned, pushing his glasses up into his hair to rub his eyes. I could see the new tension coiling in his now rigid form and the pulsing vein in his neck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had no fucking idea what to say. What could I say? I'd just been caught half naked in my fuck buddy of a professor's office, snooping through his computer by my adopted father figure.
We were both at a loss for words and that fact alone signified how deep the shit was that I was currently drowning in. A silent Caleb was a terrifying Caleb. He suddenly took a deep breath, his usually warm brown eyes snapping up to meet my terrified cobalt gaze.
"Darien Amelia Grace, in an attempt to try and retain at least a bit of my sanity, I'm going to do my best to not jump to conclusions. However, if anyone other than myself had walked through that door and seen you— like this— they wouldn't think twice about questioning your intentions. What exactly were you thinking?" I swallowed at his words. Where the fuck was he going with this?
"The door was locked and every office on this floor was empty," I hedged, picking at my chipping slate-grey nail polish; I needed to get them redone before my next shift at Daniel's. "Where was everybody?" My voice was quiet and meek— only Caleb truly had the power to intimidate me. He, John, and Jas were the only family I had left. The thought of losing them took my breath away.
"There was a board meeting to discuss Professor Walsh's pregnancy," he muttered, waving awake my question, "Darien, I am not the only faculty member with a set of keys. Any one of the other administrators could have walked into this office." The answer was so obvious that I wanted to careen headfirst into a brick wall. Hadn't I just been complaining about Harry's ignorance and here I was living it.
Fucking hell. Shit fuck. Fuck it. Fuck me. Fuck everything. F. U. C. K.
I shifted uncomfortably in Harry's desk chair, my nakedness thankfully obscured by the large desk. I felt the most free when I was wearing the least amount of clothing possible, but being underdressed around Caleb set my teeth on edge. It was wrong— morally and spiritually wrong.
"I'm struggling to not assume that you were here with every intention of seducing your teacher and effectively ruining his career as well as my own; not to mention ensuring your immediate dismissal."
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Still, I couldn't say anything. My conscious had made a miraculous reappearance after a seven year absence.
Caleb sighed again, "Please dear god tell me you haven't... fornicated with the boy?" He asked quietly, pushing the door closed before collapsing in the empty chair across the desk from me.
"Fornicated?" I couldn't help the bubble of hysterical laughter that slipped out. Trust the English professor to pick the most elegant and clinical way to describe sex.
"This is not something to laugh about. Have you or have you not?"
I swallowed audibly. He was actually panicking. I'd only ever seen him this stressed and scared once before, and that was when I woke up in the hospital with an IV drip nurturing my severely malnourished body.
I knew before I even spoke that my voice would give me away; the guilt that I hadn't given in to in years was drowning me. He would know without my even saying it, and yet, I felt the need to speak, "Caleb, I—."
"Goddammit Darien," he choked out, dropping his head into his hands, sucking in deep breaths. He hardly ever swore and even less often used his God's name in vain. He was wholeheartedly against the entire concept and was constantly reprimanding me for favoring the phrase. I could literally feel the desperation radiating off of him and it was feeding my own. My adrenaline was fire in my blood and it had me shaking. I couldn't just sit here; I needed to do something to fix the shit storm I'd created the very first day I'd walked into that classroom. As far as Caleb knew, we'd only fucked once. He had no idea just how deep this shit was— how badly we'd actually fucked up.
Sucking in a steadying breath, I tapped the track pad and brought the computer back to life. Those pictures needed to disappear— now. I signed into his account and opened the finder window, locating the files within a matter of seconds. My fingers were literally hovering over the delete button and I couldn't do it. These pictures opened a window to a private little sanctuary I'd never even dreamed of having access to. It was a secret hideaway for me— a place I could retreat to without having to keep up my full time residency in Hell. I couldn't just delete them. They gave me hope.
Before I could think about it further, I opened his email and loaded the files into a new message— typing in my own address.
"Darien, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Caleb groaned, still refusing to tear his eyes away from the ground.
"Damage control," I muttered, pressing send before deleting any and all evidence of our Otherwise. I left all of the pictures of him and his family, but any evidence of our time together was gone— permanently wiped. I went back through the waste basket, as well. Every computer and program had a safeguard against permanent file destruction and I knew that there would still be phantoms of the files left on the drive, but I wasn't tech-savvy enough to go through and completely destroy everything. This was the best I could do and it was pretty damn competent. I had the only physical copies now. That was safer— still risky— but safer.
"You cannot be on that computer Darien, you are breaking a dozen security policies." He sounded exhausted and I knew that my antics were beginning to weigh on him. Cautiously, I examined him from across the desk. There were new creases in the corners of his eyes and around his mouth. His eyes were dull and completely devoid of their usual energetic warmth. For the first time since I'd met him, he truly looked his age and it was terrifying.
"I'd be breaking two dozen if I didn't," I whispered, willing him to understand the positive intentions behind my actions.
"I don't even want to know, do I?" He sighed, running his hand back and forth over the expanse of his balding head. I knew that expression, I'd seen it countless times, but only when he was under uncanny amounts of stress and he was without any idea of how to deal with it.
"Do you realize he could be saddled with criminal charges? He could be deported. Do you not care?"
"Caleb, I promise that I came here with good intentions," I pleaded, pulling my borrowed t-shirt down around my bare thighs.
"How is seducing a faculty member well-intended? Situations like this are breaking news every time a new one is exposed. The University cannot take a hit like that and, ultimately, they will shift all blame to me. I put him up for the job, I campaigned the boy's abilities."
"I'm sorry, Caleb; I was just trying to do something good... or at least my fucked up version of it."
"You are not fucked up, Darien."
"Jesus, you of all people know just how big of a lie that is. I take the goddamn cake on fucked up." He stiffened at my profanity, but he ignored it— choosing to fight one battle at a time.
"Just because you had a hard beginning, doesn't mean that you are completely tainted. Everyone goes through their share of hardships, but those make us the people we are. God won't give us anything that we cannot handle. If we aren't strong enough to handle something, He will give us the strength. I know that you won't believe a word that I say in respect to religion, but it's true, Darien. I promise."
"I envy your blind faith in this omnipotent deity. I truly do, but your God did not deliver me from that hell hole, I left. I left on my own."
"He led you to us, sweetheart. He led you home." I just sighed at his conviction. There would be no convincing him. His unwavering loyalty was admirable to say the least, I just couldn't share it. I had no proof and I needed proof. I couldn't see my finding the McKenney's as an act of 'God'; if anything, it had been a gift from my mother— her last attempt to rescue me from my demons.
I couldn't look at Caleb. "Please, give me my pants," I whispered, shifting again.
"Right, I'm sorry," he muttered, reaching toward the other chair. He handed the frayed black material back to me and I dropped my eyes down to my lap, suddenly feeling like the broken thirteen-year-old girl that I'd locked away deep inside of me.
"Please," I whispered, my voice choked with unshed and unwanted tears, "Please, don't look."
His eyes snapped back up to meet mine, his previous anger gone instantaneously and replaced by concerned understanding. "Of course. Always." His words were a promise, a promise that he'd made to me the day I showed up on the McKenney's front stoop with nothing but a backpack. I hadn't contacted them beforehand— I hadn't known how to. All I had was a name and I'd been wandering around the city for days, sleeping on the subway, and following the address to every Caleb McKenney in the phonebook. I was doing everything I could to try to find him.
My mother had always spoken very fondly of her childhood friend. She was so sure of their relationship and loyalty to each other; she swore he would be there for her for even the most infinitesimal thing. He was my only hope— my last resort. He helped me through the emancipation process and built a home for me— a family. He understood the general details of what drove me away from Louisiana and into their lives and he tried his damnedest to avoid reminding me of it. But, when I did stupid fucking shit like this, I wondered if he ever regretted it. He didn't have to take me in— the ragged and grotesque shell of a girl that he had no relation to aside from a long ago friendship with a woman who wasn't even alive. What obligation did he actually have to me?
Tears welled up in my eyes as I slid the dark fabric up over my legs, buttoning my jeans, "Do you— do you ever regret it?" I whispered, images from the first two weeks of my 'independence' coming back to haunt me.
"What?" He asked, his full attention immediately focused in on me. The second he saw my face he leapt out of his chair and secured me tightly in his arms. I couldn't let go, not yet. I needed to know his answer.
"Me. Do you ever regret helping me?"
"Darien, Sweetheart, oh no. No. No, I could never. You are one of the two best things in my life. I could never regret anything." He held me closer to him, burying his hand in my hair, holding me against him in the way only a father could. This man was my father— blood relation or not— he gave me life. Over the years with the McKenney's, I'd come to realize that true 'family' had no correlation to genetics at all. The entire concept of 'family' was centered around mutual love and respect. I loved this man and he loved me. He was my family; genetics be damned.
"But I cause so much fucking shit," I choked back the sob, I was losing control. Any second now and the floodgates would be obliterated.
"Yes, and there is good with bad. You and Jasmine— you're the best things that could have ever happened to John and I. We prayed for one daughter, but instead, He gave us two. We couldn't ask for anything more. You're mother would be so proud, Sweetheart." That was it. Those last seven words were my undoing. I couldn't take it anymore. I broke. The last time I'd completely surrendered myself to the abandonment and insecurity lurking inside of me was that first night with the McKenney's. Caleb had just held me in his arms for hours. I could hardly stand being touched by anyone then, but the feeling of his arms around me was the best therapy in all of creation. He helped breathe a little life back into my empty soul. After that night, I was like a child that had never seen the light. I needed physical contact to the same degree that I needed oxygen. I was skin starved and no amount of contact was ever enough.
"Darien— Darien, Sweetheart. You're safe now. It's okay. You have a home," Caleb soothed. I jolted away as he reached forward to touch me. My arms constricted around my battered upper body, holding tightly as my sobs intensified. My body was still aching from the consequences of my escape. God, I'd almost made it in the clear. I'd been so close, but fate was my enemy. The door had opened and I was forced into the fight of my life. I'd managed to scrape together enough money for bus fare out of my own personal perdition. I hadn't even stopped to think about the fact that I was running to strangers for help— a mythical man of safety and security. I hadn't stopped to think about the fact that he could not even exist. He could have simply been a fairytale that my mother had told me to keep the nightmares at bay.
I hadn't had any proof that this man even existed outside of my mother's near religious devotion to him. In the stories she'd told, she'd described him to the extent that he became Elysium to me— legendary and completely impossible. There was no such thing as heaven in my world; there were simply cheap substitutes designed for temporary escape.
"I don't have anywhere to go," I choked out, my words broken and disconnected. I didn't even feel like I was anchored to my body anymore; I was floating somewhere above, surveying the entire scene from another plane of existence. "There's no one."
"Never believe that. You have a family, Darien." Caleb reached out suddenly and drew me into him. I froze the nightmares still too fresh; he just held me, though. There was not pain nor cruelty— just completely unexpected and undeserved deliverance. If there truly was a greater power— a deity— Caleb became that for me. He had given me my life back. There was no greater power than liberation.
I held tighter to Caleb, coking out the sobs from a life long abandoned. They'd rescued me. There was nothing outside of my world in that moment; there was only my need for the most elemental and essential bond between family.
He held me and let me sob.
I didn't even hear the knob trying to be turned in the door; it wasn't important. That man was my everything. If I ever lost him. I was sure that my world would completely cease to exist.
Harry's POV:
Oh my fuck.
My books and papers tumbled down onto the floor the second I pushed the door to my office open. Caleb's tear filled eyes snapped up to meet mine and my stomach plummeted to the ground. Fuck. This was it. This was the end. We hadn't even made it a week into our illicit tryst and we were already discovered. What the hell had we been thinking?
Caleb nodded for me to close the door and, automatically, I obliged. It wasn't until I turned back around did the magnitude of the situation I'd just stumbled into hit me. Wrapped up in Caleb's arms was my broken girl. She was completely shattered, body-wracking sobs ripping from her throat. She was wrapped around him like ivy, clinging to him— it was almost as if she was using his entity to hold herself together. The image of her entire form splintering before exploding in a shower of irreparable pieces filled my mind and sent daggers through my soul. What the fuck had happened? I looked between their embrace and the door, completely at a loss on what to do. This was a moment that I was sure she would kill anyone who saw.
I knew that my presence here, in that moment, was completely verboten. This was not for the public's view. This was perhaps the most primordial expression of paternal affection I had ever witnessed and I was intruding. I knew that I should get the fuck out, but I wanted nothing more than to touch her, to comfort her, to do anything and everything I could to make her stop crying, to end her suffering. But I was useless and clueless to the situation. That girl, she had completely disarmed me— forget the fact that she was crying, that just made shit twenty times worse.
Caleb watched me warily, his eyes widening as I stepped forward. I could feel my heart ripping open for her— my poor, broken girl. This was the worst I'd ever seen her and by the panicked gleam in Caleb's eyes, I knew I was not alone.
"What happened?" I whispered, reaching out, my hand hovering inches away from her wild, amethyst curls. My words went completely unnoticed by the shattered girl in his arms. Caleb just shook his head. As I looked down at my broken girl— my Darien— I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, emotions rising up hot within me. I'd already seen her cry too many times. What the fuck was tearing her apart? What could torment her that way? She was always so strong and sure of herself. She was Darien fucking Grace, for Christ's sake. She was the girl everyone hated to envy. She was something more than them; she was beyond any other creature in existence. So what the fuck had made her feel so much less?
Slowly, apprehension dawned on Caleb's face. He'd come to some sort of conclusion. He jerked his head to the side, motioning me forward. I widened my eyes at him. Was he crazy? He should be telling me to get the fuck out. We were already compromised, so I wasn't too keen on chancing the temper of Darien Grace along with the continued risk of discovery from other University faculty.
He just gave me that look. It was a look a father gives to a potential boyfriend— the distinct image of Caleb standing guard with a shot gun came to mind; it was terrifying. Immediately, I knew not to ask anymore questions and to do whatever the fuck he told me.
Slowly, I closed the distance between us, crossing so many lines and breaching her ultimate privacy. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't have even been there; I shouldn't have even fucking thought about interacting, but I couldn't just leave her. She'd been through enough and I wanted nothing more than to save her from whatever nightmares were killing her from within.
The second I touched her, her head whipped up, immediate hysteria kicking in. "Shh, Dari, shh. It's okay," I cooed, cupping her cheeks in my hands, staring down into her tear flooded eyes.
She froze at the contact of my hands and the sound of my voice, and the tears stopped. Her stillness lasted only for a moment, but it felt like an eternity before she let out a strangled wail and threw her arms around me—the force of her body colliding with my own nearly throwing us to the ground. I brought us down as gently as I could and she curled herself up into my lap, winding every inch of her body around mine, her tears never ceasing.
"Please, baby, please. I'm here. I'm here, I promise," I cajoled, running my hand rhythmically over her hair, my other crushing her quaking form against my own.
Oh, my sweet, broken girl. What the bloody hell happened to you? Watching Darien cry, her whimpers... it broke me.
She had always been a right pain in the ass in class— every god damn lesson. Today, her usual confidence had kicked in, making me its ultimate and never-changing target. When I came back to my office, I'd been expecting her to be waiting for me, some insidious plan ready to put into motion. Instead of the all-so-charming Ren Grace, my broken girl had been waiting. My poor, broken girl.
What can I do, baby, please, just tell me what I can do? I just sat there, rocking us back and forth, each and every one of her heart wrenching sobs were daggers to the heart.
I looked up at the sound of the door opening, adrenaline racing through my veins. How the hell was I going to explain this to anyone else? I already had to deal with the wrath of Caleb.
Caleb just stood there, though, and watched us; his expression was one of complete parental adoration and behind that? It was pain; the pain of a father at the sight of his daughter's tears. I watched him with wide eyes, completely at a loss as what to say. He smiled softly at me— a small, heartsick smile that didn't even come close to reaching his eyes. He nodded once to us before sighing deeply.
"Take care of my girl." I swore, I imagined his voice. He couldn't have actually said that. He couldn't have possibly given us his blessing. He was truly mad. Nevertheless, he nodded once more before scooping up his case and shutting my office door after his retreating form. Absently, I registered the sound of a key turning the lock, but I was so far from comprehending ridiculous details. So much had just happened— so much was still happening.
I didn't think. I couldn't. Instead, I buried my face in her hair, kissing her, willing away her heartache.
"Come back to me, Darien."