It was cold and lonely. The sudden swarm of crippling loneliness swallowed me as I stood in the darkness alone. Then I woke up and realized it was just a dream. I dreamt that Hoon was gone and I was all alone. It was the saddest feeling I ever felt even though it was just a dream. I turned to my side and found his idle eyes on me, watching me.
"You were moaning in your dream." He murmured quietly.
I shifted closer to him. "I was having a bad dream."
"Tell me about it." Hoon reached his hand, tucking away the thread of hair that fell and blocked my eye.
"I can't remember it anymore."
"You don't want to tell me?" He asked softly. He knew part of me is lying.
My eyes closed as I felt that tightness in my chest squeezed. "No."
"Then, I won't make you."
That same feeling of sadness and loneliness ate and paralyzed me from the inside. I stared at Hoon deeply in the eyes as if I was seeing him for the first time, seeing things about him I never noticed before, never truly paid attention before.
I saw him clearly, the love, the affection he has for me.
"Don't ever leave me, Hoon. I don't know how am I going to survive without you."
His hand reached to touch my cheek, wiping the pearl of tear that formed from the corner of my eye. He smiled. "What're you talking about, Jas? Why are you so sentimental suddenly?"
"I don't know, maybe I'm just a little out of myself," I whispered.
Hoon coughed, distracting both of us from the conversation. He had been suffering from a lung infection for weeks. What started as a cold persisted stubbornly until it spread into something worse, wreaking havoc in his immune system.
The imperial physicians busied themselves as they worked to keep Hoon's sickness from spreading.
The emperor breathed on the physicians' necks as he made sure his second son is getting the best care he needs. It became evident to me a long time ago that Hoon had been the emperor's favorite, despite his constant denial of the obvious to his other kids. Now, I understood part of prince Julong's resentment over it, over their sibling rivalry.
Prince Julong was right. Everything came easily to Hoon compared to his brothers. The emperor was never strict, nor hard on his second son, the way he held his oldest to standards or the way he's never satisfied or never applaud anything his youngest accomplished.
The emperor always made an exception for Hoon, making his frail health as the reason.
Hoon's coughing instantly got me worried. I reached out my hand to his back and rubbed him gently. "You've had this cold for a while, can't they do more about it?"
Hoon cleared the phlegm that clung on his throat, the hoarseness in his voice evident as he spoke. "It's just a cold, Jas. It's nothing to be concerned about. I've been ravaged with all kinds of colds and fevers since I was a child, they never last long. They always go away after a week or so."
I inhaled a hollow breath and said no more.
"I'm sorry, had I kept you up all night, coughing in bed?"
"No, I didn't mind it at all. I knew you can't help it."
"Perhaps, I should have the servants bring another bed. I don't want you getting sick on my expense."
"No, you don't need to do any of that. I don't want you to leave me alone in bed, I can't fall asleep without you beside me."
Hoon pulled me to his chest and cocooned me in his embrace, just as he would when I felt insecure or uncertain about things.
I liked it, I liked it when my husband held me like this, the way his arm wrapped around me so tight, so protectively. He made my insecurities disappeared, he made me feel safe and loved that I could stay here like this for eternity and be content with it. Hoon had been my home for three years, he'd given me all the love and affection I needed.
"I think I should be the one worried about you, you're not acting right."
"I'm fine." I responded, I just needed you here by my side for a while."
"If that's what my princess wanted, then I will stay here and hold you until you don't want me to hold you anymore."
" I wouldn't mind that." I tucked myself closer and rested my head on the hollow crook of his neck.
The daylight soon arrived and Hoon decided to remain in bed with me, letting the hours pass as we stay clutched on each other like this.
When he said he was going to hold me, he didn't lie. He held me until I grew tired and fell back asleep.
Hoon decided to take the next couple weeks off. He reasoned he was worried for his wife.
Jasmine hadn't been acting right, he told the crown prince. I need to stay with my wife, I'm afraid she's growing too depressed constantly tucked inside the chamber all by herself.
I wish I could tell him the reason of my fear, why I'd been acting strange lately. It wasn't because of depression or anything like that. I'm as happy as any spoiled wife could be. I couldn't ask for anything more being married to a perfect husband.
But it was just as his father murmured constantly, why he loved Hoon more than his other children, why he chose to give him a bride he could fall in love with. Hoon is sickly, he suffered from numerous illnesses. No one really knew how long he's going to live.