There’s a small circle gathered around in Harry’s family room. Everyone talks amongst themselves while Harry’s in the kitchen, organizing some food to feed everyone. I sit alone in the corner, just watching the gang. It’s hard not to observe them. It’s a nervous habit of mine—just watching people and waiting to see what they do.
Every so often, the circle of men look over at me all at the same time. They don’t say anything—eyes just flickering at me before they all turn back around in their chairs to continue their conversation.
I always find myself sitting up straighter whenever they look at me. It makes me feel so isolated—just sitting outside of their giant circle, all by myself, casually watching them to see what they do.
I don’t like this feeling of alienation. It’s almost as if the gang thinks there’s a one way mirror and only they can see me, but I can’t see them as they continue to glance back and forth. Do they think I don’t realize what they’re talking about? It’s quite obvious that they’re talking about me.
I keep telling myself that it’s nothing bad because these are the people that have been somewhat nice to me. I recognize all of them—Zayn, Louis, Liam, and Niall—but there’s one person in particular whom I can’t seem to put a name to the face.
I know I’ve seen him before. He has tan skin and hazel eyes and he’s super tall. I’ve been racking my brain since he walked in the house, but not one name comes to mind.
The kitchen door flies open as Harry walks back into the room with cups and plates balancing on his arms. He places them down on the table before clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention.
The men all turn around in their seats and look at Harry as he stands beside me.
“We’re missing someone,” Harry says as he looks around the room. Everyone turns to look at each other, raising their eyebrows slightly as they do so. “Alice,” Harry adds with a nod of his head. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. Let’s just start the meeting.”
“What’s this all about?” Louis asks.
“I invited you guys over for a secret meeting. Consider yourselves lucky, I guess,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders. “I trust you guys the most in this fraudulent gang.”
He sets the food in front of the guys and they all snatch something in their hands before looking back at Harry to continue. The front door opens quietly, not disturbing the meeting at all, and in steps Alice. Her eyes wander around the room before they land on me. They look happy as her smile radiates off her skin. I give her a subtle wave as she takes a seat right next to hazel eyes.
She places her hands over his arm and whispers something into his ear. As soon as his brain registers what she said, he looks over at her with this look of pure admiration and fondness that overtakes his facial features. It makes Alice smile giddily and as she tries to cover up the small smile and rosy cheeks, he softly kisses the top of her head.
And that’s when it hits me—who hazel eyes is. He’s Skyscraper from the night I was drunk. His name is still empty in my head, but at least I know where I first met him.
“So, A.J. is becoming a bit obsessed with selling Jackie and it’s starting to become a bit extreme,” Harry says. “If she doesn’t get sold to Drew within the next orientation, she’s going to be killed.”
The word itself causes shivers to run up and down my spine. Harry places his hand on my back, as if reading my mind, trying to settle my nerves.
“What’s the problem then? Just make sure that she gets sold,” Louis says.
“The problem is that Drew is arrogant and stupid. He doesn’t—”
“What’s the difference between any other buyer?”
“He’s whipped guys, remember?” Niall yells. “Anything for Jackie.”
The room erupts with laughter as Harry’s ears begin to grow red. I look down at my feet, unsure of how to react to that statement. It makes me feel warm and frivolous inside.
“Will you all just shut up and listen to me?” Harry yells over them.
A hush sweeps across the room as everyone looks from Harry to me and back again.
“Thank you,” he says. He pauses and runs his hand through his messy curls. “Before I tell you my plan, I want to know who’d be willing to be part of it. If you are worried about being caught, then there’s a door right there. We don’t need you here if you’re too scared.” Harry motions to the front door, lazily.
Nobody moves.
“Alright good. Now, I already have a plan figured out. I was thinking that if Jackie, A.J. and I go to the meeting then one or two of you guys could follow us close behind in a separate car. That way—”
“Wait, are you talking about a plan of escape?” Liam interrupts.
“Yes.”
Nobody says anything for awhile as they all stare at Harry with quick glances in my direction.
“I don’t know, Harry,” Liam says finally. He’s hesitant with his words.
“Well you’re free to leave if you want, Liam, but I’m done with Eastside. I’m leaving with Jackie and I’m never coming back. Once I’m gone, I’m gone.”
I press my lips together and stare at the ground. I can feel everyone looking at me. They don’t say anything but I can guess what they’re thinking.
I’ve never felt so unwanted before in my life as the gang continues to keep their gaze fixed on me. I’d rather the guys yell at me for “manipulating” Harry’s mind. I want them to tell me I’m stupid and worthless. I want there to be noise. At least then, I’d know exactly how they think of me. I don’t want this deafening silence that screams in the air. With silence comes imagination. And sometimes my imagination gets the best of me and the worst and near impossible ideas pop into my head and scourge my thoughts.
Sometimes the unspoken words are the ones that sting the most.
Harry rubs my back as he continues explaining his plan to everyone in the room. I listen to his explanation and even though he’s so enthralled by the idea and he sounds so eager to begin, I only find myself crawling further into my skin. Every time he looks over at me, I have to fake a smile just so he doesn’t suspect the contradicting emotions I’m currently feeling.
I want more than anything to escape from Drew and Eastside Academy with Harry. I want to bust A.J. with the cops and go home to Uncle Jim whom, I suppose from the amount of money he’s rewarding, is missing me in his life.
But the flaws in Harry’s plan are one too many for a perfect escape. And I think that’s what hurts me the most—the fact that there is no such thing as a perfect escape from Eastside.
You have to take risks in order for everything to be perfect. And some risks are better left untouched.
I wouldn’t be able to bear with myself, if Heaven forbid, Harry got hurt or even killed while trying to save me. I wouldn’t be able to live a normal and free life, knowing that I caused someone to die. Living my life that way would be worse than living with A.J. My guilty conscious would never sleep at night.
I can’t let him go along with this plan. Call me selfish, if you’d like, but I can’t stand the thought of living like that—living without Harry in my life in some sort of way.
“Thank you all for helping,” Harry says as he finishes explaining his plan. He smiles at me once before gently patting my back and walking away to talk with hazel eyes.
I quickly pull Niall and Liam aside. “Please don’t go along with the plan,” I beg them. My words choke on one another as the hole in my throat widens. It makes it hard to talk. It makes it hard to breathe.
They look at me quizzically. “Why? What do you mean?”
“I can’t afford Harry to get hurt. Please. Just do this for me.”
They look at each other, raising their eyebrows. “Okay,” they say quietly. Their eyes travel to Harry who’s talking loudly and a big smile is stretched on his face.
“But I hope you realize that you’re going to have a hard time convincing him,” Liam says with a nod towards Harry. He brushes past as he and Niall walk out the front door.
“Thank you,” I breathe, though I know they didn’t hear me.
I continue walking around the room and begging everyone to disregard Harry’s plan. Harry doesn’t suspect a thing.
“You are a very strong girl, Jackie,” Alice says as she presses her lips to my forehead. She wraps her arms around my frail body and I cower into her chest. My tears stain her clothes and my sobs aren’t quiet, and I’m probably squeezing her a little too hard, but she only holds me that much closer. It wasn’t until I look up to meet her eyes that I notice that she’s started crying as well.
We rock back and forth for awhile before I finally pull away and offer her a small smile.
“Thank you,” I say.
Two simple words that are tossed around so mindlessly have never felt more meaningful in my entire life. I can only hope she perceived those two small words the way I intended.
A hand is placed on my lower back and then his voice breaks me through my remorseful episode. “What’s wrong?” he whispers.
He spins me around in his arms, eyes searching mine for an answer behind the prominent tears that continue to roll down my cheeks. He looks to Alice for help when I don’t respond. She shakes her head silently before walking away and out the front door, leaving Harry and I alone in his house again.
“You can tell me,” he whispers in my ear, slowly rubbing my arm in gentle and reassuring ways.
His simple gesture is what puts me over the edge. I force my lips together to prevent the sobs from wailing out. I throw my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shirt, hiding the new set of tears that slowly slide down my face. He’s shocked for a second at my sudden affection before he wraps his arms around my back and resting his head on mine. I take in a deep breath, inhaling his scent as to remember what he always smells like.
“I’m just so happy for us,” I lie, sending him my best full smile I can muster, though it still feels broken.