| Past
Y/n' POV
"Why are you mad at me" I ask
"Why do you think I'm mad at you?" Lauren asks
"Lauren I don't know that's why I'm asking you" I say
"We'll figure it out because I'm done with this shit" she says turning over
It was the end of a long day and we were laying in bed. She was mad at me and I couldn't figure out why.
"You're done with this shit?" I ask
"Yeah y/n I am" She says. "Goodnight"
I wish she didn't say that. That night I went to sleep in the most anxious state. Remnants of my past relationships were showing and judging on how I handled those relationships this wasn't going to end well.
"...Goodnight" I say
I'm an over thinker and words like "done with this shit" and "figure it out" make me nervous. Nervous to the point where I sabotage my happiness in an attempt to to stop my heart from getting broken. I don't do well with rejection so, whenever I feel unwanted I tend reject first. It's a defense mechanism that has ruined my life.
*Three days later...
We had just gotten back from a dinner with friends and Lauren didn't talk to me the entire time, except for once when she asked me to switch seats with her friend...
I had distanced myself from her. She was angry at me for some unknown reason and it felt like she wanted something else. Something other than me.
"Hey so, I'm gonna sleep in the guest bedroom tonight. I just think we need some space" she says
"Space" quite possibly my least favorite word Because in my mind it translates to, "I don't want you anymore", "I'm leaving you", "never speak to me again"
"Lauren" I say. "Why are you mad at me?" I ask for maybe the thousandth time
"Why don't you know?" she says
"I don't know" I say
"Clearly you don't care then" she says
"I do care" I say
"Doesn't feel like it" She says changing her clothes
"Lauren I love you" I say
"Whatever" She says. "I'll see you tomorrow"
"Lauren I don't think-" I start to say making her turn around
"Hell no" she says
"What?" I say
"Hell. No." She repeats. "You're not about to do what I think you're about to do"
"Lauren"
"Stop this shit y/n. You fucked up and we're fighting but I love you" She says
"I just-"
"Fuck it ok, we can talk about why I'm mad later" she says
"Please just let me-"
"Ugh I hate you" she says putting her hands to her hand
"you what?!"I say
"Damnit no. I don't hate you I love you, I hate that you do this" She says
"Oh... ok but-"
"No I know what you're trying to do and the answer is no" she says
"You won't even let me speak" I say
"You've done this with every other relationship you've had and I'm not letting you do it to me" She says
"What are you even talking about" I say
I knew exactly what she was talking about.
"I was there, remember? I was there through all the breakups. I watched as you did what you did and you promised me we'd be different" she says
She knows me better than anyone else she was my best friend- still is. And when we started dating she made me make one promise: to never do what I did in my past relationships to her.
"Things change" I say
"This is what you do, you get scared and you run. Y/n you're not going to do this to me I love you" She pleads
But I can't help it. She was right, I tended to run when I got scared in a relationship. Every relationship I had before ended the same way, love scared me away then and now, I was doing the exact thing to her.
"Lauren I-" I start to say
"No!" She yells
"I can't do this anymore" I say
"You're an idiot" she cry's
"I can't feel like this anymore" I say
"Like what!" She yells
"Like you don't want me" I say
"Y/n, we were having a FIGHT, a fucking fight, that doesn't change how much I love you" She says
"Lo, I'm sorry but-"
"Save it." she says walking out of the room
Truth is, love fades and I couldn't let myself take the risk of another heartbreak.
But that was then, and now it's been 3 Years. After Lauren left that night I didn't see her again. She had blocked my number and once I realized that, I deleted every form of contact I had with her. I was petty like that what can I say.
We were 18 & 19 at the time, a year out of high school and living together. It was doomed from the start, everyone knows you probably won't end up with your high school significant other right? However to be fair, we both went to different schools and met the summer after I graduated. She had graduated a year before me but everyone knew of her. She was Lauren Jauregui, rising star and the second I met her I fell fast.
Now it's been nearly 3 years since that disastrous night and from what I hear, things were looking pretty good for her.
A couple years back her singing career was launched when she got in contact with one of the biggest music managers in the business.
I went to school to major in English literature and poetry while minoring in film studies and production. I wanted to be a writer as well as a director, I was a pretty indecisive kid and making choices made me uncomfortable.... anyways
In pursuit of this dream, I did what every kid freshly out of college and in their early 20s would do, I moved to the city of lights; Los Angeles, California.
I dragged my only friend along with me and we attempted to make a name for our selves.
-
"Sam! Get off your ass and pack your shit" I yell
"Why?! What now y/n" he says
"I just bought us a one way flight to LA, we leave in the morning" I say
"Oh... ok" he complies
Me and Sam, Sam and me- I mean Sam and I, (because I'm a writer now) took on the streets of Hollywood and for a good few months we thought we were getting somewhere.
***Flashback***
"We should get jobs as baristas to really soak in this LA dreamer lifestyle!" I say
"Fine but in one years time I'm gonna own said coffee shop and my life's gonna be great!" Sam says
"Exactly! Hollywood Here. We. Come." I say
***End of flashback***
"Hey y/n" Sam says
"Yeah?"
"I hate you" He says
"Yeah" I say
You see, an hour ago our landlord kicked us out of our apartment because we hadn't paid this months rent. And we weren't paying rent because we got fired from our jobs.
And we got fired from our jobs because our car broke down and we couldn't get to work.
And our car broke down because I crashed it drag racing some dude that looked at me funny on my way home from work.
And to top it all off, we couldn't even afford the bus because we had spent all our money on the car I broke so... we were now homeless.
-
"This is fun really if you think about it" I say. "What a great story to tell the kids one day"
"Yeah you're right, if we don't get eaten out here by a dog first" Sam says
"Sam be realistic, street dogs are usually small, weak, and malnourished. If you let one eat you it's entirely you're own fault" I say gaining a hatful glare
"Once again. I hate you" He says
"We'll be fine, now stop complaining and take this news paper I taped up to use as a blanket while I search for our dinner" I laugh
"...That's it, I'm calling someone" he says
"Who are you gonna call Sam? The only person you know in LA is me and homeless Al and I know for a fact that he has nothing close to a phone- Wait" I trail off. "Maybe we can trade him some newspaper for some food" I say
"Yeah well I'm not taking food from homeless Al and, I'm most definitely not turning into him" he says. "And I do know one other person that happens to live here, let's just hope she's in town"
"She? Is she a ex girlfriend or something?" I ask
"Yeah... you can say that" he says and he dials the number
"Hey, is there any way your in LA right now? I could really use some help" Sam says while on the phone