Chapter 13
Be Brave
"You're... you're drunk..."
His eyes were filled with amusement because of my stupid response. I don't know how this guy manages to make my heart skip a beat or how he manages to fry my brain with those remarks.
He smirked in amusement as he looks down on the paper cup that he's holding.
"I'm pretty sure am." Aniya at napailing sa sarili niya. Hindi ako nakasagot. Natatakot ako sakanya. I don't know what's running through his mind; I don't know what was that head shook was for. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip niya saakin.
I wanted to know, I wanted to ask him, I wanted to talk to him. But I'm such a fucking coward. I couldn't even admit to myself that I still love this man sitting in front of me—okay, or maybe I have already admitted that to myself the moment I saw him on his front door but I still don't have the courage to entertain my feelings for him.
Honestly, I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want to feel that kind of pain anymore... the pain of being lied to; the pain of being deceived by the person whom you love the most, the one whom you trusted the most.
But this stupid muscular organ that pumps blood to my body won't stop panicking whenever he's around. And these unwelcome creatures on my stomach won't just stop chasing each other every time that he looks at me.
"How do you do that, Beatrix?" nag-angat siya ng tingin saakin.
"D-do what?"
"That. Making me say things that I've never say before."
"You're really..." I paused.
"Drunk, I know. But now I'm sober... that's all you can say?" Aniya at huminga ng malalim. Hindi pa rin ako nakapagsalita and he looks disappointed. What does he wants me to say? Gusto niya bang sabihin ko na nagwawala ang buong kalamnan ko ngayon at nabuhol ang dila ko sa mga sinabi niya kanina kaya hindi ako makasagot ngayon? Damn this guy! He's corrupting my brain!
"Sumabay ka na lang muna kina Eli bukas..." Bigla niyang pang-iiba ng topic.
"Bakit?" I asked, getting anxious. Nainsulto ba talaga siya dahil sa wala akong masagot sa kanya kaya aabandonahin niya ako bukas?
"Maaga akong aalis bukas, ayaw kitang gisingin." Sagot niya at medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwang doon. I see, maaga siya sa airport bukas.
"Kailan ka uuwi?" tanong ko. Fuck! How I missed asking him like this. Yung tipong hindi pa man siya umaalis ay tinatanong ko na kung kailan siya babalik just because I can't stand to be away from him.
Napangisi siya. That smirk, I know what that means. He gets me."I'll be gone for the whole week." Sagot niya.
"O-okay... Fly safe."
He smiled at me. "I will..." He whispered. "Now let's go back there."
That night was fun and exhausting. Lumabas kami ni Yael ng kwarto para puntahan ang mga pinsan ko. Gabi na pero nasa beach pa rin kami at nagkukwentuhan. Nang mga bandang alas diyes na ay nagpaalam na si Yael na babalik na siya sa kwarto para makapagpahinga na dahil maaga pa siya bukas. We didn't sleep in the same room. Kaming apat na babae ang natulog sa kwarto kung nasaan kami ni Yael kanina.
Sina Yael naman ay sa kabilang kwarto natulog. That room has 3 double decks. Kasyang-kasya na sila doon at may sobra pang isa.
--
I proceeded to room 401 while holding Mr. Melchiades Sanchez's chart. I see, he's admitted again. He's been like this for the past two years. Kailangan kasi siyang salinan ng dugo parati. Almost every month ay nandito siya. Some doctors even did a number on him but the old man is just too strong. He keeps on fighting for his wife and for his grandkids.
"Good morning! I'm nurse Beatrix and I'm going to be your nurse for today..." I greeted him with the sweetest smile after entering his room.
"Well, hello there. You see... I'm back. And quit saying that will you? You've been always my nurse since day one."
Natawa naman ako. He's always like this, cracking jokes and always being positive.
"Well, aren't you lucky, lolo Mel? But where is the lovely wife, huh?" I asked him while checking his vitals. Napansin ko kasi na mag-isa lang siya dito sa kwarto niya. Nasanay kasi ako na sa tuwing papasok ako dito ay ang asawa niya kaagad ang makikita kong nakaupo sa gilid at nagbabalat ng mansanas.
"She ran out of apples. She went out to buy some." He laughed. Natawa rin ako habang sinusulatan ko ang chart niya and the same time checking his vitals.
"She should buy you some broccolis too, lolo. Tumataas pa rin ang prisyon niyo.
Broccoli sprouts may help reduce blood pressure..." I suggested, grinning at him.
"Hindi ako mapili sa pagkain pero kung ang gulay na iyon ang pag-uusapan ay nagiging pihikan ako." He countered na naging dahilan upang mapangiti ako.
"You know what, lolo Mel? I know someone who doesn't eat broccoli too." Pagkukwento ko sa kanya. Nang-aasar niya akong tiningnan.
"I think I'm gonna like that boy."
"How'd you know that he's a boy?" Kunot noo kong tanong pero nandoon pa rin yung ngiti. Lolo Mel is just so amusing.
"I can tell the way how your eyes lit up while mentioning this someone who doesn't eat broccoli."
Napangiti naman ako ng mapait habang nakatingin sa chart na hawak ko. He's been gone for like a week now. Simula nung umaga pagkatapos ng birthday ni Eli ay hindi ko na siya nakita.
"Is there something wrong? The lights on your eyes just died. You should press code blue." He joked. Bahagya akong natawa. See, he's just so full of enthusiasm. These kind of patients is what I live for.
"What am I supposed to do, lo?" tanong ko sa kanya. I'm just so tired of fighting back my feelings for Yael. Holding a grudge is pretty damn exhausting.
"Oh, so this boy, he messed up."
"He lied to me..." pag-amin ko.
He looked at me sympathetically.
"I'm sorry... Is there a third party going on?"
Kaagad akong umiling. "No, lo. He'll never do that..." Sigurado kong sagot. He's so damn loyal! Kahit hindi pa kami ay hindi na siya tumitingin sa iba. "He just... lied. He made a fool out of me."
A moment of silence.
"You're lucky," he said after a few seconds of silence. Kumunot ang noo ko. I'm lucky that someone made a fool out of me?
"I cheated on my wife, once. And I'm not proud of it." pag-amin niya na naging dahilan upang mapaawang ang bibig ko. He's been my patient for so long. Pero ni minsan ay hindi ko naisip na kaya niyang mangaliwa. I mean, look at him and his wife. They're just so happy.
"I saw how she got hurt... how she got broken and damaged. And every single night that I'm seeing her crying and breaking, it breaks me too. It is not only her who's hurting but also me. I know, I'm such a fool to do such thing that will just backfire at me."
"But you know, we're just humans who make mistakes. We aren't perfect. A perfect relationship doesn't exist. You will always hurt each other unintentionally. Even that boy, he's not perfect. He makes mistake. I don't know about him but I'm sure as hell that he has a reason why he did such thing." He's pertaining to Yael. That boy.
I bit my bottom lip to prevent myself from tearing up. Pero shit, kanina pa nagtutubig ang mga mata ko.
"So, what did your lovely wife did?" I asked instead.
He looked at me and smiled. "Well, you see, she's still here with me— peeling apples for this sick man." He chuckled. Napangiti ako sakanya. I want to protest about the 'sick man' but I chose to shut my mouth and listen to his next sentence.
Matapos ang sandali niyang pagtawa ay muli siyang nagseryoso at tiningnan ako.
"She forgave me. I know it wasn't easy for her side. Hindi talaga madaling magpatawad sa lalaking tinarantado ka. But you know, Asya, my lovely wife... she's brave. She chose to forgive the man who ruined her and I think that is bravery. I can say that she's more braver than me because she forgave me when I can't even forgive myself. She continued holding me when I was so, so, disgusted with myself. She still looks at me like I'm still the loyal man who courted her for 3 years. She continued loving me like she always does."
My lips were shaking while looking at him and listening to their story.
"Beatrix..." Tawag niya saakin.
"Po?" My voice cracked habang pinupunasan ko ang numumuong luha sa mga mata ko.
"Be brave, hija. Go talk to that boy before it's too late. I can see that you still love him so don't just stand there. Do not be afraid, Beatrix. Love is risky, it is not always happy; Love is bittersweet and fragile... but it's amazing and worth it. So just go and reconcile with him. After all, nurses still need someone to make their wounds heal. You can't stitch your own heart, can ya?" And again, he chuckled as he raised a brow at me.
Parang kinurot ang puso ko sa bawat salitang binitawan ni lolo. Damn, I miss Yael! I miss him! I miss him so, so, so, so, so, so, so, much!
"I'm going to tell you about him..." I smiled and a tear from my right eye finally escaped.
--
"Sama ka, Trix?" Tanong ni Kaye saakin, palabas na ako dahil tapos na ang duty ko pero siya ay papasok pa lang.
"Huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "Duh, diba nga nag-aaya si Nick na lumabas mamayang gabi after ng duty niya?" paalala niya saakin.
Napaawang naman ang bibig ko. "Oh... Oo nga pala! Pero susubukan ko, call you later!" I said frantically saka na ako naglakad ng mabilis paalis. I heard her yelled my name pero hindi ko siya hinarap, I just raised my hand as a sign of bye. I have to go to the supermarket.
Sa pagkakaalam ko ay ngayong araw ang uwi ni Yael. Gusto kong magluto para hatiran siya ng pagkain. Pero syempre, para na rin makausap ko siya. Hating him is so, so, so exhausting. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating him. I quit.
Paglabas ko ng ospital ay natigilan ako sa paglalakad ko at tila ba napako ang aking mga paa sa semento. My muscular organ started doing its thing again and the butterflies on my tummy started chasing each other again, as if they can sense that Yael is here... because he's really here.
Nakasandal siya gilid ng kanyang vios suot-suot pa ang kanyang unipormeng pang piloto. Ilang buwan ko na ba siyang hindi nakikitang nakasuot ng ganito? He's looking at me intently as he unconsciously licks his lower lip. Hindi niya alam kung ngingitian niya ba ako kaya sa bandang huli ay umigting na lamang ang bagang niya at umayos siya ng tayo saka ipinasok ang kanyang mga kamay sakanyang magkabilang bulsa.
Mula sa gulantang kong reaksyon ay nginitian ko siya ng matamis saka tumakbo papalapit sa kanya. Sa sandaling nakalapit na ako sa kanya ay kaagad ko siyang niyakap ng mahigpit. I'm tiptoeing while my hands are wrapped around his name because he's just so damn tall and sexy. My heart is beating like crazy and I closed my eyes while savouring the moment. He's still stiff as fuck. Na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala sa ginawa ko.
I nearly cried the moment he found his senses to wrap his arms around my waist and back. He pulled me closer to him, so close his chest touched mine and I swear I can feel his heart beat on mine. Para silang nakikipagkarera sa isa't-isa. And I don't even know how my heart managed to still beat like crazy when the moment he held me, it melted.
"What are you doing, huh?" bulong niya sa tenga ko at mas lalo pa akong niyakap ng mahigpit na para bang ayaw na niya akong pakawalan.
"I'm being brave..." I whispered back while smiling through my tears.
"Goddamn! Yes, that's my brave girl." parang nahihirapan niyang sabi at isiniksik ang mukha niya sa gilid ng ulo ko. "Namiss kita... miss na miss na kita, Beatrix." He whispered, emotionally in my ear. I closed my eyes to savour the moment.
"I missed you too, Yael Theodore Salcedo."