Chapter 29
Dream
I wasn't able to think properly while I was driving on my way home. Image of Jace while drawing on his table kept on replaying inside my mind. I can't accept that my passionate Jace was giving up his passion for me. I didn't want him giving up his dream just to make my dream easier for me to achieve.
I should be happy right now because we didn't have any problem with my mom anymore. He was completely accepted by my mother because he was going to inherit his family's outstanding company. I wanted him to be accepted by my mother, but not in that way. He didn't have to give up anything for me. That's not what I wanted.
Siguro'y iisipin ng iba na napaka-swerte ko dahil mahal ako ng isang katulad ni Jace na handang magsakripisyo para sa akin, pero bilang maging dahilan ng pagsasakripisyo na 'yon ay parang kay bigat. Para bang pasan mo ang lahat ng paghihirap niya.
I don't think I can live and be happy with the person who makes me complete if I'm the reason why he's incomplete.
"Zarina, you're home already!" Mom happily exclaimed when she saw me entered our house.
Nilingon ko naman sila ni daddy na magkasamang nakaupo sa aming sofa. She was exceptionally in a good mood because she already got what she wanted to happen.
I just can't stand how selfish she was. I can't believe that someone like her is my mother.
Instead of feeling guilty because someone sacrificed something for her to feel the satisfaction she wanted to feel, she even had the audacity to be enthusiastic.
"Have you eaten dinner already?" she asked me in a very motherly tone. "Nakakain na kami ng daddy mo. I can heat the leftover food for you―"
"Kumain na po ako sa labas," pagputol ko sa kanya.
"Oh..." She smiled. "Kasama mo ba si Jace magdinner?"
I almost laughed with no humor, but I stopped myself through gritting my teeth. Naiinis na ako kapag binabanggit niya ang pangalan ni Jace.
"Hindi po si Jace ang kasama ko," sabi ko.
Nawala naman ang kanyang ngiti. "Akala ko siya ang kasama mo..." sabi niya. "You should invite him again to eat dinner in our house. O kaya ay ako na mismo ang mag-iimbita sa kanya. I'll cook. Can you tell me his favorite dishes?"
"I'm tired, 'mmy..." sabi ko na lang dahil ayoko nang sagutin pa ang kanyang tanong.
I was trying my best to still respect her because she's my mother. I was already in my best behavior. Kapag nagtagal pa akong kausap siya ay baka mapigtas pa ang pasensyang pinapahaba ko.
"Aakyat na po ako sa kwarto ko. Good night po," pamamaalam ko sa kanilang dalawa ni daddy.
Wala na akong inaksayang panahon at dire-diretso ang pag-akyat sa aking kwarto upang mapag-isa.
Sa tingin ko'y mahihirapan akong patawarin si mommy dahil sa ginawa niya sa aming dalawa ni Jace. Nagtagumpay na siya sa kanyang gustong mangyari at nanalo, ngunit kapalit nito ay baka kami naman ang matalo.
"Zarina..."
I heard my dad's voice outside my room along with soft knocks on the door.
"Please open the door..." pakiusap ni daddy. "Gusto kitang makausap."
Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi bago huminga ng malalim at tinungo ang pintuan para mapagbuksan si daddy ng pintuan. His face immediately greeted me with a concerned expression.
"Can I come in, darling?" he sweetly asked me.
Tipid naman akong ngumiti bago bumalik sa aking kama. Tuluyan namang pumasok si daddy sa loob ng kwarto at sinarado ang pintuan bago luampit sa akin.
"You forgot to give me and your mom a good night kiss," nagtatampo niyang sabi at saka umupo sa aking kama. "May problema ka ba, anak? Nag-away ba kayong dalawa ni Jace?"
If only that's the only problem, then there's nothing to fear. Kung sana ay magkagalit na lang talaga kami ni Jace dahil mas mabilis iyong maaayos, ngunit hindi.
"Hindi po..." sagot ko naman.
"Kung ganoon ay ano ang problema?" nag-aalalang tanong ni daddy. "You're my daughter, Za. I know when you're not feeling okay. I know when something's bothering you. Hindi ko man alam kung ano ang dahilan pero alam kong hindi ka maayos. Kahit pati ang mommy mo ay naramdaman 'yon."
Inabot naman ni daddy ang aking kamay at muli akong napatingin sa kanya ng maayos.
"Aren't you happy?" he asked me and smiled like I shouldn't be feeling this sadness in me. "Your mother finally accepted Jace. Isn't that what you wanted to happen?"
Parang baril na kinalabit ni daddy ay agad akong pumutok.
Hindi sa ganoong rason ko gusto tanggapin ni mommy si Jace. Jace didn't need to sacrifice anything just for him to be accepted by my mother. I wanted my mother to see Jace's potential. Gusto kong makita niya na kahit hindi siya ang tagapagmana ng kompanya nila ay mayroon na siyang nagawang pangalan sa industriya. Gusto kong makita niya kung ano ang nakita ko kay Jace.
"Dad, do you know the reason why mom suddenly wants Jace for me like a miracle?" I asked him and I can't help but to sound sarcastic. "Jace is giving up everything he worked hard for just to swtich up and handle his family's company! He will do that because that's what mommy wants, but I don't want that!"
Napatahimik naman si daddy. His hand slowly withdrew from holding my hand. Muling kumalabog ang aking puso.
"Dad..." I almost cried. "Dad, alam mo?"
He heaved and exhaled before he nodded.
New set of tears made their way out and rolled down on my cheeks. They all knew about it... I was the only one who didn't.
Did they think that I will be enthusiastically surprised tomorrow night if they will announce about it during the party? Did they think that I would just gladly accept the changes? Did they think that it was okay with me? Did they think that that's what I wanted to happen? Did they even think of how I would feel?
I never thought that surprises can break your heart this bad. I thought it was made to make someone feel loved or special. I guess it wasn't made just for that reason.
"I was the one who told Jace everything, anak..." Dad admitted what he had done. "He asked me about it and told me that he was very willing to help. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang lahat. I also knew about his plan of taking over their company. I was against it at first because I know his passion, but when he told me that it was all for you... I let him do it."
So, he really did it for me...
"Zarina, he doesn't want to lose you just because your mother didn't want you both together. Kaya niya 'yon ginawa," sabi ni daddy. "Nakikita kong napagdesisyunan mo na ang binabalak mong gawin kung ano man 'yon. I just hope that you can talk to him first before anything. He genuinely loves you, Za... Hindi siya magsa-sakripisyo kung hindi."
Before, his love that he had for me was still vague, but because of the constant assurance he gave me and sacrifice he did for me, it made me realize that he really does love me more than I could ever asked for.
Akala ko noon ay hinding-hindi niya masusuklian ang pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko sa kanya pero nagawa niya itong suklian at sobra-sobra pa. I was contented with just tiny snowflakes of him raining on me before, but he gave me an his entire winter kingdom to let me rule his arctic heart. He made me his queen.
Agad naman akong napatayo mula sa aking kama. Bago pa mangyari ang dapat na mangyari bukas ay kailangan ko nang gumawa ng paraan.
"Anak, saan ka pupunta?" tanong sa akin ni daddy na nagulat sa aking biglang pagkilos.
"I'll do what I have to do," I said to my father before going outside of my room.
Nakasalubong ko naman si mommy na patungo pa lang sa aming hagdanan habang ako'y pababa na. She smiled when she saw me. Hindi ko ginantihan ang kanyang ngiti at nilagpasan na lamang siya.
"Zarina..." she called me right before I can even go outside of our house.
I stopped from walking, but I didn't bother turning around to look at her. Sabihin niya na ang gusto niyang sabihin dahil ayaw ko nang mag-aksaya pa ng oras.
"Pwede ba tayong mag-usap?"
I gritted my teeth and closed my fists, trying to stop myself from shouting at her because she's my mom. I did my best to calm myself before I answered.
"Wala po tayong dapat na pag-usapan," mariin kong sabi. "I'm sorry but I need to go out tonight."
Hahakbang pa lang ako ulit ay muli na siyang nagsalita.
"I want to talk to you about Jace..." she said. "Please, anak..."
Parang nilalamutak ang aking puso nang tawagin niya akong anak. Pakiramdam ko'y wala siyang karapatang tawagin akong anak gayong hindi naman siya naging isang ina sa akin sa napakahabang panahon. She was only a mother to me whenever I'm doing something in her favor but if not, she doesn't see me as a daughter. She only sees me as someone who's like her apprentice.
"Masaya ka na po ba, mommy?" Hindi nakatakas ang pait sa aking tinig. "You already got what you want even if it means breaking another person's life... Even though your happiness is breaking your own daughter's heart, you wouldn't care. Hindi ang pakanan ko ang iniisip mo, mommy... Sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo. Dahil kung para sa akin ang lahat ay iisipin mo rin ang mararamdaman ko!"
Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses ko habang patuloy lamang sa paglandas ang aking luha.
"You shouldn't let the one that you love suffer, mom. That's how you're supposed to love..." I told her. "And if you can't do it, I'll be the one to do it. I wouldn't let Jace suffer."
Mabilis ang aking pagmartsa palabas ng aming bahay. Habang nagmamaneho ay tinawagan ko ang numero ni Jace. Hindi niya naman ako binigo at agad ding sumagot sa aking tawag.
"Hello―"
"Jace..."
Napatigil siya agad sa pagsasalita nang ako ay magsalita.
"Zarina? Is anything okay? Bakit ganyan ang boses mo?" Agad niyang napuna ang lungkot sa aking boses. "Where are you? Nasa bahay ka ba ninyo? Pupuntahan kita."
Umiling ako kahit na alam kong hindi niya naman iyon nakikita. "Let's meet outside, Jace..." sabi ko sa kanya, nanginginig ang aking boses.
"Where?" he frustratedly asked. "Damn it, are you driving?! Please, calm down, Za... Stop wherever you are right now. I'll come straight to you."
"Ma-Magkita tayo sa park ng subdivision ninyo..." nauutal kong sabi. "Medyo malapit na ako."
"Okay... Okay..." Hindi na niya malaman ang kanyang sasabihin. "Drive safely, please..."
Bumuntong hininga na lang ako at saka pinatay ang tawag upang gawin ang kanyang gusto na mag-ingat ako sa pagmamaneho.
I was able to spot Jace's car right away when I was already near the park. His car's headlights were lit that made me notice him in an instant.
Hindi ko pa nahihinto nang maayos ang aking sasakyan ay agad na siyang sumugod papalapit sa akin. Kahit na madilim ang kayang pagtitig ay kita ko pa rin ang takot at pag-aalala rito. As soon as I got out of the car, he immediately pulled me into a hug.
"You made me so worried!" he scolded me and tightened his embrace. "Don't ever drive again when your emotions are not stable. Just send me a message, and I'll be the one to pick you up, okay?"
Hindi ko na napigilan ang aking sarili at niyakap ko siya pabalik. Ang aking sinukling yakap sa kanya ay mas mahigpit pa sa ginawad niyang yakap sa akin. I buried my face on his chest and my tears betrayed me. Nagsimula na ulit silang umagos at nakapuslit na rin ang mumunting hikbi habang nanginginig ang aking balikat.
"Za, you're scaring me... What's happening?" Jace's voice started to become unstable as well.
"I'm sorry..." paghingi ko ng tawad bago ang lahat.
"Why are you apologizing?" naguguluhan niyang tanong sa akin.
He held my shoulders and took a step back in order to look at me properly. Pilit kong niyuko ang aking ulo ngunit hinarap niya ako sa kanya upang makita ako ng maayos. Punong-puno ng pag-aalala ang kanyang mukha. The moment my eyes met his, I finally lost it. Wala na akong pakialam sa iba.
"Please tell me what's wrong, baby?" His voice was laced with deep concern.
My heart felt like it was being clenched by a fist.
"What's wrong?" he asked me again. "I'll fix it for you."
Kita kong determinado siyang ayusin ang kung ano man ang mali. He was willing to do anything just to make everything fine for me.
Hindi niya alam na iyon ang mali para sa akin...
"Alam ko na, Jace..." pag-amin ko sa kanya at bahagyang kumunot ang kanyang noo kaya agad kong dinuktungan. "Ikaw na ang mamamahala ng kompanya ninyo. Gagawin mo 'yon dahil iyon ang gusto ni mommy..."
He was stunned when he learned that I finally know the truth.
"Who told you?" Iyon ang tanong na lumabas sa kanyang mga labi.
Umiling ako. "It doesn't matter who told me..." sabi ko at hinawakan ang kanyang kamay. "Jace, you don't have to do it. I already have a plan in my mind. And if wouldn't work, it doesn't matter whether my mom doesn't want you for me. It won't matter to me. Kahit na pangarap kong suportahan niya tayong dalawa ay wala na akong pakialam. I don't care about it anymore. It'll be fine with me as long as you're with me. As long as you're happy with your life while you spend it with me, I'm already contented with it."
Pinisil ko ang kanyang kamay habang diretsong nakatingin sa kanyang mga mata.
"I don't want you to sacrifice anything for me. I don't want you to give up your dream for me..." I shook my head while tears kept on running down my cheeks.
Umiling din siya at saka dinala ang kanyang kamay sa aking pisngi. He caressed it gently like I was some kind of fragile porcelain that will break once he became rough.
"I will not give my dream up because I won't give you up no matter what happens, Zarina..." he said, trying to make me understand.
Ang kamay niyang aking hawak-hawak ay lumandas sa aking braso pataas hanggang sa umabot din ito sa aking pisngi. Both his hands were gently cupping my face with care.
"Do you understand me?" he asked me. "I'm not giving it up but instead, I'm making my dreams come true because my dream is you."
Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi upang pigilan ang aking sarili sa paghikbi.
"Baby, you are my dream..." he whispered.
Parang gripong nakabukas ang aking mga mata at walang tigil sa pagtulo ang aking luha dahil wala ring nagsasara nito. I was crying because of too much happiness that it was hurting me. Hindi ko alam na masakit pala ang masyadong maging masaya.
"Kung kailangan kong harapin ang matagal ko nang tinakbuhan na responsibilidad para matupad ang pangarap ko ay gagawin ko..." sabi niya. "If you're feeling guilty, I just want you to know that this is also for my family. And that family includes you as well. You are already a part of my family."
Unti-unti niyang inilapit ang kanyang mukha sa akin at pinagpahinga ang kanyang noo sa akin.
"How about your firm?" tanong ko sa kanya. "I want you to be happy while doing the things that you love to do."
"I'm already in my happiest state when I'm with you... Just stay beside me then that's enough for me," he said. "And as for the firm, I will still run it with the help of Isha. Hindi ako masyadong magiging hands-on pero sa akin pa rin 'yon. If you think that I'm giving up architecture, I won't. Being an architect is already engraved on my name."
Napangiti naman ako. "Architect Jace Lael Sarmiento Sy..." bulong ko.
"Uhuh..." He smiled. "And you're gonna be Zarina Cashe Rivadelo-Sy anytime soon. Kung sana ay hindi ka umalis ay baka mas maaga ko pang naintindihan ang dadamin ko kaya wala na akong aaksayahin pang panahon, Zarina. Do you want that?"
Muling bumuhos ang aking luha at saka tumango. I already told myself before. You can be my husband, and I wouldn't mind.
"Now, stop crying..." he said and wiped my tears away using his thumb. "I'll make everything work for the both of us and you don't need to worry about anything."