Sebastian was laying with his head in his boss's lap as Jim stroked his hair gently. It was a boring day, with no clients or anything. Seb was shaking, the need to kill being the only thing on his mind. Jim was trying to distract him from it, but was only partially working. Click. Click. Click. Seb was cracking his knuckles over and over again, slightly aggravating Jim, not that he'd say anything.
Jim pushed Seb away and stood up. He sighed and pulled his phone out, dialling someone's number.
"Can you please, please find me some scumbag that needs to pay for what he's done? My tiger needs to do something or he's gonna go mad."
He waited for the other man to reply.
"Thank you." Jim said, hanging up, then checking his emails. He'd been given a name, and an address. He smiled at Seb, showing him the email. Seb's face lit up with excitement.
"So what are you thinking, boss?"
"You like it when I take control, don't you?" Jim smirked.
Sebastian didn't know how to react, but the flirty tone in Jim's voice had his heart beating faster than he thought it could. Seb really didn't understand that way Jim made him feel. He felt like he belonged here, like he was wanted, for once in his life.
"Torture!" Jim's voice sung, pulling Sebastian out of his thoughts.
"What did he do?" Seb asked, knowing torture was saved for the lowest of the low.
"Raped his girlfriend. And her kid."
"That's fucked up."
"I know. Which is why we're gonna make him pay."
"Good. People like that, they don't deserve to live."
A little while later, the man was tied up in the basement. Jim and Sebastian were debating what to do with him, wanting to find the most painful punishment for him. Jim was laughing the whole time, just listening to the cries for help. Eventually, Jim decided. Well, he didn't decide, he couldn't decide so what he chose to do was anything that came to mind.
Jim started with cutting the man's face. He laughed as he cried out in pain. Sebastian stood back with his arms crossed, wanting in on the fun. It was meant to be his kill, but now he had to watch Jim as he took over completely.
"Tiger, come here!" Jim's voice sung. Seb smiled and stepped forward, taking the knife out of Jim's hands. Jim kicked the chair over so the man was on the floor, unable to get up. Jim threw a cloth over the man's face, grabbing a petrol can full of water, which he also gave to Sebastian. Jim laughed as he watched Sebastian waterboard the guy. They both loved torture so much.
Once Sebastian got bored of torturing the bastard, he jammed the knife right into his heart and watched as he gasped, then became limp. He felt satisfied. He felt right, like he'd finally fixed everything. Jim went off to call the client who wanted this man killed, and Sebastian went upstairs to get changed.
He took a shower, letting the steaming hot water wash the blood from his body. He felt like it washed away all the bad things he'd done, as stupid as he knew it sounded. He watched until the water ran clear, then decided that was enough and stepped out. He wrapped a towel around his body and walked back into his room, grabbing a clean vest shirt and some blue jeans. Once changed, he went to find Jim in the living room.
"Hey." He mumbled, sitting in the empty seat next to Jim. Jim simply smiled at him, letting Seb know that it was okay to say whatever he was about to say. "Thank you for finding that guy. I don't know why, I just needed to kill someone."
"It's okay. I can't have you fucking up, can I?"
"What do you mean?" Seb asked, confused.
"Well if you don't kill anyone, then you might end up no good at it anymore. And it would be a shame to get rid of such a pretty face, my tiger."
"That's cute." Seb mumbled.
"Don't ever call me cute again." Jim snapped, his voice cold and emotionless. "I'm going to have a shower." And with that he walked off into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
"What the fuck did I do now?" Sebastian whispered to himself, running his hands through his hair. He was nervous. Jim was so unpredictable and crazy, Seb didn't know what to do. It was almost like Jim liked him, and they were becoming friends. But then this happened. Now he seemed like he didn't give a damn if Seb was here or not. In this moment, Sebastian realised- he was easily replaceable. He realised that Jim didn't want him here, he just wanted the sniper's skills.
If Sebastian wasn't wanted, then why would he stay? He stood up, silently walking to the front door. He left and slammed it behind him. Fuck Jim, fuck working, fuck everything except getting drunk. He walked to the nearest pub, and just ordered whatever was the strongest. He needed to drink, to forget. He wanted to forget that Jim didn't need him, or like him. He didn't even know why he cared so much about his boss.
Jim had said they could be friends. That's why Sebastian was so hurt. We can be, if you like? Those words echoed in Seb's mind, making him want to cry. He didn't want to cry though, because he saw crying as a weakness. So fuck that and fuck James Moriarty. Fuck everything.
Drunk, he walked up to some guy, smiling. The man looked up, his green eyes meeting Sebastian's blue ones, and he smiled back.
"My name's Danny." The guy introduced himself.
"Sebastian." Seb smiled.
"Well this bar is shit, and my house is a lot better. So what do you say, we ditch this shit and go to mine?"
"I like the sound of that."
Both men walked to an apartment about ten minutes away. As soon as they stepped inside, they were kissing, pulling each others clothes. Then they were in the bedroom, on the bed. Kissing again, biting at each other's skin, hands in places they shouldn't be. Seb was on top of the man, dirty and animalistic. It felt so good, but all he could think of was Jim. All he could think of was fucking Jim until he couldn't talk anymore, until all he could say, or scream rather, was Sebastian.
Seb finished and rolled off of Danny. He didn't bother to leave the apartment either. He had manners. He'd stay until the morning. He'd do whatever, but he wasn't going to go crawling back to a man that didn't even want him.
In the morning though, he was woken up to his phone ringing. He looked at it and declined Jim's call. He wasn't going to answer, why would he. And then he saw the texts.
Jim: Where are you?
Jim: Sebastian, where are you?
Jim: Come home, now.
Jim: Come home, I'm sorry.
Jim: Tiger, I'm sorry about last night. Come back?
Jim: Please, Sebby? Come home.
Jim: Seb?
Jim: I need you.
Jim: Tiger?
The messages made Sebastian's heart ache, but he still refused to go back. So what, he'd get fired. Why would he care? He could just go back to the old job of keeping tabs on targets and taking them out when the time was right. Jim didn't need him. Jim doesn't want you, he kept telling himself.
"You didn't tell me you were in a relationship!" Danny's voice shouted from behind Seb, making him jump.
"I'm not! Jim's my boss!" Sebastian defended.
"So why is he saying come home, and calling you Tiger?"
Sebastian stopped. How could he explain that he was basically a bodyguard or private hitman for the most dangerous man in London? How was he supposed to explain his nickname, or why he lived with his boss. So Sebastian decided to just start to get dressed. He didn't know where he was going to go, but at this point he didn't care. He got dressed and grabbed his phone, and left.
He declined another call from Jim. Then another. And another, before answering and just shouting "what?" down the phone at his boss.
"I'm sorry, Tiger. Just come back, please?" Jim begged. It sounded like he was crying, but Seb knew better than to fall for the trick.
"Why the fuck should I come back?"
"Because I need you." Moriarty choked out.
"Yeah, sure you do." Seb's voice dripped with sarcasm.
"I need you, Sebastian."
"No you don't. You don't need anyone."
"Please?"
"Okay, right, listen." Sebastian growled. "If you need people, then don't fuck with their minds. Cause I'm so done with you acting like you actually give a fuck, then the next second acting like you don't! I'm replaceable, remember? I'm not your friend, remember? I'm just a 'pretty face' to keep around. So why, just why, would I fucking come back to you, of all people. You're fucking pathetic!"
Sebastian didn't realise he was shouting, until he saw the scared faces of the people around him. Jim didn't say anything in response, but Seb could hear him breathing heavily, and then a loud sob came from Jim's end of the phone.
"Fake tears to get me to come back? You mean nothing to me, James."
"Why are you being so mean?" Jim sobbed. Sebastian felt bad, but he wasn't going to take those words back. "I might mean nothing to you, but you mean a lot to me. Please don't go away."
"It's too late." Seb said, hanging up. But he felt awful. Maybe the crying was real. Jim wouldn't have reason to fake cry. He knew Jim wouldn't want to make himself seem weak, so why would he fake it just for Seb? Sebastian didn't know why, but he started running. He ran all the way to where he and Jim lived, letting himself in and going to the living room. No sign of Jim in there. Then he tried Jim's bedroom. Nope. The last place he'd expected to find Jim was in his room, in his bed. But here he was, laying in Sebastian's bed with tears running down his face.
Sebastian sat down next to the smaller man, putting a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to say sorry, but he couldn't. He hated apologising, even if he knew he should.
"What's wrong?" Sebastian asked, little emotion in his voice.
"Did you mean it?"
"Did I mean what?"
"That I mean nothing to you?"
"No. Of course I didn't. I was just angry, okay? What's wrong though? You said you needed me?"
"I-I had a nightmare... and I went to find you but you were gone and I didn't know what to do and I couldn't control myself so I just- I just-"
"What did you do, Jim?" Sebastian asked, fearing the worst.
"I hurt myself." Jim said quietly.
"Let me see what you've done." He mumbled, gently taking Jim's arms and pulling them out from the blanket. As Sebastian expected, and dreaded, there were cuts on both arms. Not just one or two, but more than Seb could count.
"What did you do it with?" Seb asked. Jim pointed to a smashed glass ornament. Seb picked up the pieces and tossed them into a trash can. "Wait here, okay?"
Sebastian went and got a washcloth, running it under the cold tap. He looked through the cupboard for bandages. Once he'd found them, he went back into his room. He sat back next to Jim and began to clean up the wounds. Once they were clean, he bandaged Jim's arms up and gave him a reassuring smile.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't here."
"It's okay."
"No it's not. If I was here you wouldn't have done this to yourself."
"I didn't want to do it. I couldn't control myself. I just couldn't get my brother pushing me around, telling me I'm useless and worthless and saying I wouldn't be anything out of my mind. I was scared. I kept thinking about hurting my family, like you did. I didn't want to think about it. But I didn't know what to do, and I was so scared. I needed you and you weren't here. You were off getting drunk and having sex with strangers."
"How do you know?"
"The marks on your neck. And the fact you smell of alcohol."
"Well I'm sorry. I'm here now. I'll stay, I promise. I'll stay here with you forever, okay? As long as you don't hurt yourself, I'll be here forever, Jimmy..."
A/N- if anyone got the Halsey reference I'll love them forever. Sorry this took so long, I've been like so busy with revision for my maths exam. Because I failed maths in year 11 so I have to retake it as a GCSE. Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed this update. Tbf, I don't know where this is going.
~Azäzel