Phiona
I woke up feeling my left side ache. I clenched what felt like bed sheets, wincing in pain. I looked around, recognizing that I was in a hospital room. I had never been in a hospital before, really. I looked to see multiple people surrounding my bed. First person was Mama Claudia.
"Mama? What happened?" I asked. She took a hold of my hand, patting it before answering me.
"You got beat almost to death Phiona, then you were raped and lastly you got shot." Mama Claudia explained.
"Well.. I remember the first two parts. Wait. Am I still alive?" I asked.
"Yeah, you're breathing aren't you dear?" Mama Claudia asked.
"Yeah. Am I okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, your gunshot wound just has to heal and they already took a pregnancy test on you, you're not pregnant." Mama Claudia said.
"Thank the Lord." I said as a tear slipped my eye. I didn't want to be pregnant by that man. He was pure evil.
"I'll let the kids talk to you.. Jacob is waiting out in the hall, want me to send him in?" Mama Claudia asked.
"Sure." I responded. I was still stuck on the fact that Jacob didn't come to save me sooner. I had wondered what he had been doing. If he was selling or doing anything else while I was being hurt then I don't know what's going to happen next.
Last night was slowly becoming a blur but it was still stuck in my head, I just couldn't vividly recognize it. I knew how scared I was, I still had shivers from the brutal beating. His cold hands wandering me. I felt beyond dirty. I couldn't even think straight. I questioned myself the whole time asking why did this happen to me.
I started to wonder if I was going to have any hope for myself. I was lost and I only wanted to sleep. I don't know if I was going back to school after this or not. All I did was wonder until my thoughts finally drowned within me. The kids and Mama Claudia had went on back to the apartment as I stayed here. I guess I needed to be kept for a few nights.
As I examined my room, I caught my curtains starting to move. Being as shy as I am, I somewhat sunk down into my covers. The person walked in, dry blood on his hoodie. Jacob. I was mentally preparing myself for what he was going to say.
"Phiona?" Jacob asked walking towards my bed.
"Hey.." I said, now sitting up.
He came over and sat on the bed, giving me a hug. I somewhat hugged back. He kissed me softly, as I wasn't cooperating with him I had noticed he had grown sadder. I felt like I had no reason to return his affection, I was useless...only good enough to be tampered with. I frowned, laying back in my bed.
"I want to apologize for not being there.." Jacob said.
"What took you so long to realize I wasn't home and I wasn't safe?" I asked.
"I had gotten caught up and once I made it back to the apartment it was really late and I noticed you were gone, so I began looking for you. I found the evidence and knew they took you." Jacob explained.
"Then what were you doing in the midst of looking for me? You came right at the ending..." I said.
"I was preparing." Jacob said.
"Preparing for what Jacob!? You know every time someone hurts me doesn't mean you have to kill them. Whatever happened, happened. You can't take that back!" I exclaimed.
"Phiona I'm sorry for wanting to keep them away from you by turning to violence but it's my only option." Jacob said.
"Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel like a man?" I questioned.
"No it doesn't." Jacob said.
"Then why do you do it? Violence isn't your only option.. you could have left it alone." I said sternly.
"No I couldn't have Phiona!" Jacob yelled.
"Why!?" I yelled.
"Because I fucking love you! I've never loved anybody in my life, you're the only one and to see you like this hurts terribly!" Jacob exclaimed. Tears streamed down his face.
"I love you too...but.." I ran out of words to say.
"But what Phiona? I'm too much for you?!" Jacob asked.
"Yes. I'll admit it, you truly are!" I exclaimed.
"So what's next?" Jacob asked, calmly.
I took a breath, now back into my thoughts. Jacob was good to me but I'm afraid if I continue on with him, my well-being will fall all the way down. He makes me feel special and I truly love him, but the situations I get involved in with him are starting to take a toll on me to where I can't even sleep good at night. He's good for me, but he's bad for me. So I'm afraid to say that this is it.
I feel like if I put this in the harshest way ever, he'll leave quicker without looking back because he'll think I hate him. Which isn't true because I'll always love him. I just wanted to get this over with, so I went over a small script in my head amongst myself.
"Phiona answer me, what's next?" Jacob asked as I finished off my final thought.
"Leave." I answered sternly.
"Leave? You can't be serious, where are we going to go?" Jacob asked.
"We? Who said this was we? I meant you Jacob, now leave. It's the end of you and me." I explained with no emotion.
"What?" Jacob furrowed his eyebrows.
"You know damn well I didn't stutter." I said.
"But baby-" I cut him off.
"Baby nothing. That's not my name, you know it so use it." I spat.
"I don't want to leave." Jacob shook his head.
"Not my problem anymore." I shrugged. He scoffed and stood up from the bed.
"Whatever." Jacob said. I looked to him, to see him glaring me down. He looked astonished in disbelief by my words. He walked towards my bed once more, hovering over me. One of his tears fell on to my chest as he tried looking me in my eyes. This was harder than I expected it to be, I wanted to kiss him and hold him, but I knew I couldn't so I kept my composure whilst still holding my expression of no emotion.
"I will always love you and I'll never forget you." Jacob whispered against my neck as his hands rested gently at my sides. A tear of mine flowed freely down my face. He kissed my neck and lead up to my lips. I couldn't resist so I kissed him back as it was going to be final kiss with him.
I began to push against his chest, wanting the kiss to stop because I knew it was bad enough already that something so special we had developed was ending. He pecked my lips once more and stepped back, gaining his breath back as I did mine as well. He looked into my eyes while backing away from my bed.
"Goodbye love." Jacob said and with those final words, he turned around and left.
I was alone in a daze of my own inconsiderate actions amongst him. It was only for the better, but something tells me it could've been for more worst to happen. I had to get well and prepare myself for all things coming my way. I was not emotionally nor physically ready at most and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be the same after this.
I'm lost.
•°•
Jacob
My walk back to the apartment was silent and full of my dreadful sorrows. I kicked rocks, not thinking straight at all. I just lost the best person in my life all because of my mistakes. I wanted to yell, cry, basically do whatever to stop the pain that I was with holding in me. I loved her so much and now she's practically gone from me. I didn't save her like I was supposed to.
When I looked into her eyes, I could see the fear but most importantly the yearn to be found. I could tell she was all out of hope. Who would've known I would become so attached and fallen in love with a girl like her. Despite our past, I truly knew her worth now but that is all going away now because I'm leaving.
When I got back into the apartment I examined our room. I decided to clean up the damage that was done so she could come home to a tranquil setting whenever she came out of the hospital. That's the least I can do for her. I stumbled upon our pictures from the amusement park on her birthday. I took them in my hands and sat down on her bed, looking at them.
I had sweet memories of us. The picture booth was the most memorable though. That kiss we shared that night for the final photo was perfect. It was sad to say that, my final kiss with her was only a matter of moments ago. I wandered what was going to happen after I left. What was going to happen to her, actually. I was more worried about Phiona more so than myself. When I say she is the only person I love, I mean that.
I have never cared for someone so much in my life. Now that I've lost her too, I know for sure that I am a fuck up. A loser. I don't deserve anybody so why am I even here? Still living? Oh. Because I gotta purpose, everyone does. But what's mine? I don't see myself going nowhere. I see myself where I am now. Homeless and worthless to anyone I come across.
I guess, actually caring shows you a different side of life rather than not giving a fuck about anything. I just can't seem to have any solid thoughts right now, let alone a solid mind state. I'm just as lost as Phiona is. While in my thoughts about everything, I had finished cleaning Phiona's room... it wasn't exactly ours to share anymore.
I left out of her room, taking my set of our pictures with me for memory. I walked into the small kitchen where Mama Claudia was sitting.
"Hey hun." Mama Claudia said.
"Hey..uhm so I'll no longer be staying here." I said.
"Why not sweetie?" Mama Claudia asked.
"Phiona wants me to leave, I lost her Mama C.." I explained.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Jacob. Where are you planning on going?" Mama Claudia asked.
"I have no idea." I shrugged, putting my hands into my pockets.
"Sweetie.. you can't live on those streets." Mama Claudia said.
"Well Phiona doesn't want me here." I said.
"Did she mean that?" Mama Claudia asked.
"Yes ma'am." I said. She sighed and shook her head.
"I wish I could help you honey.. but there's nothing I can do because this is your guys' problem. I advise you to fix it." Mama Claudia said.
"It's over and done, too late for that." I shrugged.
"Well maybe you can stay here somehow, sleep on the couch or something.." Mama Claudia said.
"No ma'am.. I don't believe that will work out." I answered. "I'm sorry." I said.
"You're such a strong kid." Mama Claudia said. "And Phiona is as strong as you are, but when I'm gone I need you to be there for her. Can you promise me that please?" Mama Claudia asked.
"I-I don't know.." I said.
"Please?" Mama Claudia asked with sincere in her eyes.
"Okay, I'm promise." I said.
"Thank you." Mama Claudia said and hugged me.
"Well I'm going to get going now." I said.
"Be safe honey, I'll miss you." Mama Claudia said.
"Thanks for everything and I'll miss you too." I said.
"Bye hun." Mama Claudia said.
I waved back and opened the door, letting myself out. I walked down the apartment steps and out of the apartment complex. Where was I going to go next. I had no idea, but I knew I wasn't okay and I was far from it.
I never thought it would come down to this at all, but I had to face it in my own type of way. As the day went on of course it got darker and as it got darker, it got colder. As it got colder, I grew tired. I eventually found myself where I had began in the first place. The park bench. I laid down on it, like I had used to. I tried keeping myself as warm as possible.
Thoughts of Phiona and I started going through my mind like a movie. Sending me sweet feelings and a small smile, the best I could form. Everything we had, just down the drain. I never wanted this to go the way it did. I just wanted to love her for her and expect the same return. But that's probably never going to happen.
Why must we go through this poor break up? Both of us acting as if we could care less about each other, when in reality all we yearned for was love. Love really does do something to you. It's a sickness, sometimes like a drug as well. I love her and the love that she gave me had me addicted to her.
I regret everything I did. From the arguments over dumb shit, to involving her within my mix, to her ending up hurt or even us both ending up hurt. It was absolutely all of my fault. Now this, I'm gone and out of her life because of another one of my mistakes. If I could take it all back and if I would've treated her better, I would have never gotten told to leave.
Because in all honesty, I never wanted to leave in the first place.
••••••••
Hey loves, I apologize for this long wait. I hope you enjoyed this chapter though. Do you see where their thoughts are leading to? Especially Jacob's? It's not safe. Anyways, give me your thoughts and I would love for y'all to go and check out my new Jacob Latimore story called, Obsession. Yes, another Jacob Latimore story. :) I hope you guys like it though.
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I love you guys so much and guess what I found out? My stories have been being shared on Instagram a lot and I just found that out yesterday morning. I was like... WHAT!? :O Anyways, I thank you lovely people who take your time to do that for me. It means so much. Well Peace & Love! :* MWAH!♥
•Paulette xoxo•
{excuse any errors. sorry.}