Chilly mornings filled with more excitement than he could fathom and floor tiles way too cold for his bare feet. Shuffling quickly over to the fireplace with a blanket wrapped tightly around him and his little teddy bear that he couldn't sleep without for years. Liam would follow an hour later, and then his parents after another. He and Liam would exhaust their best efforts in searching for the hidden gifts, only to be caught red-handed by Alice and Brennan.
Those were the memories he missed. The memories he so wished to relive.
Those were the precious moments in his life that Killian truly appreciated. Moments like when his father would sneak downstairs and surprise him from behind, lifting him into his arms with a loving, mischievous grin. Like when he could look around him, admire the smiling faces of his family, and see happiness.
But then Liam was gone. And so was Johanna. Everything went downhill from there. Killian was all alone.
He stopped enjoying Christmas for quite some time. He didn't see the point in celebrating if the people he loved most in the world were forever gone. The only gift he wanted was to have his family back, but he knew that would never happen.
But today was different. This Christmas Day was the first one in years which brought him true happiness and excitement. He knew that was because of Emma. Killian cared about her so bloody much, he couldn't even explain it to himself. She was everything, and that was the only way he could put it.
He glanced over at her lovely features sitting beside him and shook his head with a smile. He just couldn't understand what on Earth he'd done to deserve her entry into his life, but whatever it was, he was bloody well proud of himself for doing it.
It must have been quite the deed to have received such an angel in reward.
Angel, really? Killian chided himself. He was being too cheesy for his own taste. A broad smile spread across his face as he imagined Emma telling him to shut up and hitting him on the upside of the head if she ever knew his thoughts.
"What are you smiling it?" Emma asked, eying him suspiciously as she tried to hold back a smile of her own. Killian met her eyes and shook his head with no response.
They were sitting on the bed in the basement together, gifts wrapped and hidden behind them.
They hadn't talked about the kiss yet, and it was driving Emma crazy. Had she opened up for nothing? Had her risk backfired? Did he even want to be something more with her anymore? The questions were practically burning holes in her mind, each hole making room for another question. Maybe she was just an awful kisser.
She wouldn't be surprised if she was. The only experience she had was from kindergarten when she married Johnny from the sandbox, and he divorced her the next day for Sally from the booger corner.
"Should I go first?" Emma asked nervously, suddenly feeling much less strong than she'd felt ten minutes ago when his lips were brushing against hers... his hands on her hips... holding her...
Focus, Emma.
"Sure, love," Killian nodded, scooting closer to her. He sensed her hesitation, the nerves that had gathered within her, and gave her a comforting smile. It wasn't like they'd instantly become a lovey-dovey couple now. They might have kissed, but Killian knew that for now, he'd have to be happy with that. Baby steps.
"Okay... well, I'm just warning you that I didn't have a lot of time... it's not really my best, but it's all I could do with what I had.." Emma rambled nervously, even slightly embarrassed. She felt stupid now that she was actually giving him the gift. He probably wouldn't like it. Emma swallowed thickly as she handed him the thin gift, her heart beating quickly.
Killian's fingers brushed hers as he accepted it from her and he took her hand in his. He gave her a reassuring squeeze.
"I'm sure I'll love it, Emma," he smiled. "I didn't even know you'd done anything for me at all, love, so truly, I already love it."
Killian carefully tore the wrapping around the gift nostalgically. The wrapping she'd used was the one that used to hold all the gifts from his childhood until the roll had been stashed into the basement, never to be used again.
Killian scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion as he set aside the wrapping. It was a piece of lined paper.
"Uh... it's on the other side," Emma said timidly, tugging at the sleeves of her sweater.
"Ah," Killian hummed in understanding, and flipped the paper around.
His jaw dropped to the ground.
"You made this?" Killian asked in awe.
Emma nodded shyly, not seeming to understand how amazed he was.
"I know it's not that good and it's not a real gift, I just... I'm sorry, I just wanted to do something," Emma said softly, hiding her face in embarrassment.
Killian watched her in surprise.
"Wha- no, Emma this is incredible!"
She'd drawn him. She'd bloody drawn him from memory, down to the very last detail. Every freckle, the scar on his cheek. Killian smirked to himself as he wondered how she'd managed to draw him from memory alone. Did she spend that much time admiring his face?
The answer was simple: hell yes, she absolutely did. But she would never admit it, or he would never let her live it down.
"Thank you, thank you so much, Emma," Killian said, grinning from ear to ear. Emma's embarrassment morphed into a smile.
"R-Really? You really like it?" Emma asked happily.
"I bloody love it, I've no clue how you're capable of doing this," Killian responded in awe.
"Yeah, well, you better like it, British Boy," Emma laughed lightly in relief. "I spent forever on it."
Killian shook his head again in disbelief. And she'd done it in a matter of a day on a bloody lined paper. He was in awe.
Shaking out of his shock, Killian pulled out the file he'd found for her from behind him. He hadn't bothered wrapping it. He figured what was inside would to be enough surprises already.
Emma accepted it with a confused expression and flipped the file open. For a moment she simply stared at the page, seeming to be confused. But then her mouth fell open in understanding and her hand flew up to cover it. She glanced up and met Killian's eyes tearily.
"Is this what I think it is?" Emma breathed.
Killian offered her a small smile and a nod.
"Aye."
Emma's lip trembled slightly. For year after year after year, all she wanted was to hold this file in her hand, and now that she had it, she had no idea how to act.
"H-how?" Emma stuttered in shock.
"I have my means and ways," Killian replied gently.
A tear slipped down Emma's cheek as she gingerly skimmer through the pages. Every article with any mention of her, her first medical exam, personal information, it was all there. She'd go through it more thoroughly later because right now, she had something more important to do
Emma met Killian's eyes and reached over to hug him tightly. While he was surprised at first, Killian quickly folded his arms around her and hugged her back, pulling her in closer.
"Thank you," Emma choked. "Thank you so, so much. I can't believe you actually did this."
Killian smiled at her joy and squeezed her in his arms.
"Any time, love... I'd do anything for you," he admitted, caressing her skin.
Emma believed him.
"I actually... have one more thing for you, Emma," Killian admitted, smiling slightly. Emma glanced up at him in awe. There was more?! "Here," Killian smiled, handing her the baby blanket.
Emma gasped, tearing up again as she took it into her arms and hugged it to her chest. Then she looked at Killian, unable to contain her emotion anymore, and shook her head.
Then she was kissing him. Pulling him closer to her as she struggled to get closer, though there was no space left between them. She was in his lap now, playing with his hair as his hands skimmed her back while they kissed.
The two of them breathed heavily once they finally separated, foreheads resting together.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" Emma started.
"No, don't apologize," Killian cut her off, smiling. He caressed her cheek with more happiness than he could ever explain. "Don't ever apologize."
"Okay," Emma breathed.
Emma hesitantly rested her head against his chest, curling her hand up and placing it over his heart. It was beating so fast, and she could feel her own heart matching his pace.
"May I ask you something, Emma?" Killian asked, pulling away just enough so he could meet her eyes, but still holding her close.
Emma nodded.
"When I was getting all this for you... I read over the first page in the file, the one with the information they had on you when they found you, and it said you had no surname... so where did Swan come from?"
Emma opened her mouth to answer, looking into his eyes, but hesitated. The name 'Swan' was probably the most personal thing there was about her, and something she'd never shared with anybody before. But looking into Killian's eyes now, about to shut him out again, Emma stopped herself. Up to this moment, Killian had given her absolutely no reason not to trust him. In fact, he'd done the exact opposite- slowly and patiently proving to her that he was trustworthy.
Sensing her hesitation, Killian spoke up.
"Don't feel as though you have to tell me if you'd rather not, Emma. I completely understand if you-"
"No, no, I want to tell you," Emma stopped him, giving a shy smile.
Killian smiled back, feeling not only joy that she was willing to open up to him, but pride that she'd chosen to do so. She'd come so far from the hidden, closed up girl she was when he met her.
"In my first foster home, there was this book of fairytales. I never liked any of them, cause who likes a book full of fantasies when the reality is that none of it could ever happen? I mean, my life was crap right from the start, but those fairytales just really seemed to rub it in. And yet, for some reason, I read them anyway. I didn't know it at the time, but I guess it was because they gave me... I don't know, hope or something dumb like that," Emma mumbled, embarrassed.
"That's not dumb, Emma," Killian assured her. Emma smiled faintly.
"Anyways, there was this one story in the book... The Ugly Duckling. As a kid, that was the only one I feel like I really enjoyed. Probably because I related to it, or at least I wanted to. I always dreamt that maybe... maybe one day I could be like the duckling in the story. That... maybe I'd stop being that lost little girl... and I could be like the Swan. So I made it my name... sort of like a promise, I guess," Emma said quietly, truly having opened up to her raw self.
This was her. This was Emma.
Killian smiled.
"Well, Swan... that is quite the story," he said softly. He laced their fingers together.
She felt vulnerable. Broken. Fragile. But for the first time ever, it felt damn good. Emma met Killian's eyes with a nervous laugh and quickly wiped away a stray tear.
"Come here," Killian beckoned her knowingly, bringing her into his arms.
Emma let out a heavy breath of relief and rested her head against his chest. She felt Killian pressing a caring kiss to her forehead and smiled softly.
She could get used to this.