Both men smiled at each other sadistically and pulled the knives out. The man in the closet begged not to be killed, but Seb dragged him out by his legs and they got to work,slicing and cutting at the flesh, holding the man down so they could brutally kill him. By the time they were done, they were both covered in blood, breathing heavily and smiling at each other.
"Fun?" Jim asked.
"Definitely." Seb responded, smirking. They made their way to the front door of the house, pouring a trail of gasoline as they went. Jim then struck a match, letting the whole house go up in flames. Once they were back in the car, Jim's mood instantly changed. He stopped smiling, and became quiet.
"Jim? You okay?" Seb asked.
Within seconds, Jim had his hands wrapped around Sebastian's throat, choking him until he could barely breathe. Sebastian didn't push him off, even though he probably could have. It wasn't like Seb wanted to make it worse for himself.
Sebastian found it hard to understand that they weren't friends. He had thought they were. They were just two people who worked together. The boss and his sniper. Jim eventually removed his hand from Seb's throat and sat back in his seat, arms crossed across his chest. Quiet. Angry.
The car parked in the drive and Sebastian got out, following Jim, who opened the door. Seb just stalked to his room, silently.
Getting piss fucking drunk seemed like a good idea to Sebastian. He opened up a bottle of beer from the mini fridge in his room, downing it. Then another. Then four more. Then a whole bottle of whiskey. He'd allowed himself to get too close, too protective, too emotional towards his boss. Why did his stupid feelings have to get in the way of things, again?
Sebastian couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. He hated this, having feelings, thinking about the past. He couldn't stop thinking about the things his father had done, and Jim just reminded him of it. Why did he have to have fun with Jim? He should have just done his job, not had fun with Jim. God, he felt so stupid to think that Jim was his friend. He couldn't be friends with his boss. It just wouldn't work.
Sebastian punched the wall, screaming in frustration as he felt his knuckles break. He didn't know how to deal with anger. He just hit things and killed people. But those were a lot better than his old ways of shooting up heroin and taking cocaine. It was a lot better then cutting himself. He had tried so hard to stay off drugs, and he wasn't going to throw all of that away. He didn't care too much for living, but he didn't want to die either. And now his hand was swelling up and bleeding, and he felt like he'd fucked it all up again.
"Tiger, what have you done to yourself?" Jim's voice came from the doorway. Sebastian shrugged, wiping the blood from his knuckles on his shirt.
"I dunno. M'fucked up again." Seb slurred. Jim sighed, standing up to leave, but then Seb grabbed his wrist and that changed everything. Jim stopped, still, silent, shocked. He watched as Sebastian held him, not letting go. It was like both men were in a trance.
"Good god, Tiger! Your hands are freezing!" Jim exclaimed, pulling his arms away from Sebastian. It was true, his hands were cold, but Jim didn't want to deal with any sort of feeling he had for Sebastian. If you could even call it a feeling. He wanted to know him properly, get him to talk. He wanted someone he could talk to about the trauma of his childhood, and why he was like this now. But Jim couldn't. He didn't know how to bring it up. So he did what he did best- acting like he didn't give a damn.
"You need to sort yourself out. Do you think this is acceptable when you work for me?" Jim snapped.
"Don't care."
"You should care." Jim said, his voice harsh.
"Why? Not like we're friends or nothin'."
"We can be, if you'd like?" Jim responded, his voice a lot softer and his expression kinder. He didn't know what he was doing, or why, but there was something about Seb that intrigued him, pulled him in and made him want to know why Seb was so different from everyone else he'd known.
Jim knew that when people were drunk, they told the truth, and were very easy to get answers out of. So he decided to ask a few questions, knowing that Sebastian would give him the answers he wanted to know.
"Seb, you never answered my question. I asked how you see yourself, and you said you'd tell me. Friends tell each other stuff, right? What was your childhood like?" Jim asked, knowing fully well he was using Seb being drunk to his advantage.
Seb shook his head, and then answered. "M'father used to beat me when I was a kid. Didn't want me. Mum was the same. Didn't want me either. They had 'nough of me when I was fifteen. Kicked me outta their home cause I was their stupid faggot son. So I hurt 'em."
Ah, so Sebastian was gay. Jim was right. He knew it. Why would that matter to him though? But he felt relieved to know he liked guys.
"Oh, that's..." For once, Jim was at a loss for words. He didn't know how to reply. He didn't know what to do, so he put his arms around Seb. It just felt right. It felt like that's what he was meant to do. Sebastian relaxed in Jim's arms, letting the shorter man hug him.
"How did you get this?" Jim asked, stroking the scar across Sebastian's left eye. It felt soft on Jim's fingertips. Seb smiled a little.
"Fight. Bastard had a knife. Cut my face."
"It suits you."
They both sat in silence, before Jim told Seb he was going to go back to his own room to get some sleep.
"Can y'stay. Please? Don't wanna be alone t'night." Sebastian asked, his voice quiet, scared almost. Jim felt a pang of guilt stab him in the chest. He couldn't just leave Seb like this. So he got into the bed with Sebastian and hugged him once again. Jim ignored anything he was feeling, because that's what Jim did. He'd made it this far in life without acknowledging his feelings, he wasn't going to start now.
Long after Sebastian fell asleep, Jim was laying awake, thinking about what Seb had said about his childhood. Jim's hadn't been much better. He had parents that didn't want him, a brother that did really well in school, and he was an outcast wherever he went. He was laughed at, bullied, until he put an end to it. In Jim's eyes, murder solved everything. If he didn't like someone, he'd kill them. It was all he knew how to do.
He never wanted to be this way, but the more he tried to fight it the more it happened. And now he enjoyed it and couldn't imagine being any different. There was nothing wrong with him, he was just a man who enjoyed murder. That's why he didn't take the pills, or talk to the doctors. He was fine.
Jim was tired, yet he didn't want to sleep. He wanted to go out, maybe hurt someone. That's how he dealt with his feelings. He hurt people. He constantly felt like he was the worst, so he made other people feel bad about themselves. He didn't know why he did it, it just came naturally to him.
"My tiger, you're so pretty when you sleep..." Jim whispered thoughtlessly, stroking Sebastian's hair. Jim admired how peaceful he looked, and how his mouth was slightly open as he slept. He got to look at Seb in much more detail like this. He watched as Sebastian's chest slowly rose and fell with every breath he took, as he smiled a little in his sleep, as he turned towards Jim a little bit, as his expression turned dark and he began to cry out. He grabbed at Jim's hand, digging his nails in as hard as he could. Jim didn't know what to do.
Sebastian woke up crying, and without saying a word, Jim pulled him into a hug. He hid his face in Jim's chest, holding onto his boss as if his life depended on it. Jim still didn't know why he actually cared about Sebastian. Everyone else who worked for him was stupid, irrelevant, and didn't matter. But Seb was different, and Jim couldn't figure out why.
"Why do I care about you so much?" Jim mumbled, more to himself then Sebastian, but Sebastian answered.
"Because we're the same," He sniffed. "So fucked up and desperate for someone to actually give a fuck."
Neither one of them spoke again after that. Sebastian went back to crying, and then fell asleep, and Jim stayed awake, thinking about what was just said, and how he could make Seb feel better. Truth was, Jim didn't know if he could make this better.
Jim began to watch Sebastian again, this time not to take in how perfect he was, but to make sure he was going to be okay. In all honesty, Sebastian was Jim's perfect man, not that he'd admit it.
In the morning, Jim made sure he was downstairs when Seb woke up. Neither of them spoke about the night before, Jim dismissing it as Seb being drunk.
Most of the day was relatively boring. No new jobs had come up and they weren't really talking. Sebastian noticed that Jim had a bit of a weird obsession with Sherlock Holmes, yet he didn't say anything. It wasn't really any of his business.
The only proper conversation began when Sebastian sat down on the sofa after getting back from a run. He did that to clear his head sometimes. He sat down next to Jim, who looked over, studying his body. Seb smiled awkwardly, not really knowing what to say or do.
"How did you get all these scars?" Jim asked quietly, motioning to Seb's arms.
Seb shrugged. "I thought too much. I believed that I deserved it."
"So you did it to yourself?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I told you. I thought I deserved it. I was angry. I thought I deserved pain for the things I did to people. And it helped me to stop being so angry, sometimes. It was to remind me that I was worthless, and useless."
"But you're not worthless, or useless. And Tiger, you didn't deserve it."
"You don't even know the things I did. How can you tell me I didn't deserve it?"
"Well tell me then."
"My parents..." Sebastian hung his head, putting his hands over his face. He let out a deep sigh, refusing to let Jim see the tears that were threatening to spill over at any moment.
"You said you hurt them?" Jim questioned, remembering what Sebastian had said when he was drunk. "How about I ask and you answer?"
Sebastian nodded.
"Okay. So you told me last night that they weren't very kind to you. And they kicked you out for being gay?"
A nod.
"Did they hit you?"
Another nod.
"Can you tell me what they did?"
"Yeah... Ugh, fuck..." Sebastian wiped his eyes and sat up straight. He mentally cursed himself for still thinking about it, it was years ago, before the army, before the drinking, before Jim. "They physically abused me, my father used to hit me, and kick me, and push me all the time." It was like Seb had opened a flood gate. Once he'd started talking about it, he couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth. "Because I liked guys. They found gay porn mags in my room, and that's when it got a lot worse. They tried everything to 'fix' me. They had a lot of money, and made me fuck prostitutes to turn me straight. It didn't work. I just felt like I'd used those poor girls. I couldn't stop crying afterwards. I felt so bad. He kicked me out when he realised he couldn't change me. I had nowhere to go. So I... I fucking..."
"What did you do?" Jim asked, still trying to comprehend what the fuck he'd just been told.
"I snuck into the house while they were asleep, cut my mother's throat, then my father's and brother's. Then I poured gasoline and burned the whole place down. Three days later I joined the army to get away from that shit hole. When I got discharged, I came to London. I don't know why, it just seemed like a nice idea. I could start up my business, no one would know who I was. It seemed so great."
"Do you regret what you did?"
"A little bit."
"Is it why you looked so scared when we burned that house down?"
"Yeah. I don't like fire. I got burned once, it hurt like a bitch. But the reason I don't like it is because of what I did."
"Oh, tiger." Jim whispered, putting his arms around the shaking man next to him. "It'll be alright."
A/N- Sorry this took so long, my lovelies. Thank you for your support, it means so much to me. I love this fic so much because it's just like ahh, it's gonna get really fluffy and probably gory as well. Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter.
~Azäzel