Classes were a blur, each and every day all Ellie could think about was Matty. Breaking up with Andrew was too difficult...so she hadn't. His stupid excuse for not showing up to the guy's gig was that he had to help take care of his grandmother. Her grades had dropped, and with all the money her parents paid the university for her to attend, they'd lecture her day in and day out about how much of a let down she had been. Holly, didn't answer her phone at all, and she'd sent her parents to answer the door each and every time she'd rung their doorbell.
She packed her books into her backpack and waited in the slowed line out the classroom door. The conversations around her grew muffled, as she couldn't keep her own mind quiet. It was as if her thoughts screamed at her inside, rather than simply spoke. She finally made her way out of the door, down the hall's everlasting staircase, and through the exit. Seeing Matty's van parked right in front.
Her jaw dropped slightly, he smirked, his head sticking out of the window as he puffed on a cigarette, in his usual leather jacket. She looked around, confused, hurrying over to him.
"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly.
"Picking you up, get in." He said.
"What? Matty, we still can't risk being seen by anyone." She said quietly.
"Then hurry up and get in before we do." He shrugged.
Ellie sighed, refraining a smile and running to the other side, getting into the passenger's seat and shutting the door.
Matty started the car up, easing out of parking and heading onto the road.
"Do you know how awkward I feel in front of Alex now?" He looked over at her, stopping and waiting for the car crossing, one hand on the wheel.
"What for? It's not like he's my father, Matty." Ellie laughed.
"I know, I know. But still." He shrugged, "so, there's a party tonight. At Alyssa's."
"And you and my brother and everyone else will be going, right? Cool." Ellie looked out of the window, just imagining the scene. Older girls for him to drool over, sex, and drugs.
"Yeah...but I was gonna ask if you want to come?"
"Alex wouldn't possibly let me come." She shook her head.
"So? Tell him you're with me." Matty said, making a swift turn.
"You tell him? He'll think I'm bothering you and say no."
Matty sighed, "then he'll suspect things."
Ellie laughed, leaning her head back against the head rest. Matty looked at her, then back at the road, "what's so funny?" He smiled.
"What are we doing?" She asked.
"I dunno." He said, "I just want to spend time with you, don't you mind?"
There was a sudden flutter in her stomach, butterflies. She looked at him and shook her head, "I don't..."
"Good. Oh yeah your brother forgot his wallet at my place the other day. Can we just pick it up and you can give it to him for me?"
Ellie nodded, with no hurry to get back home anyway. All she had to look forward to was her parents nagging her about school work and deadlines. The pain of reality was unbearable. She didn't want to face it.
They passed up her house and made another turn, the wind brushing against her face through the open window. Each whiff of it filling her with a sense of peace.
They pulled up to the house and Matty made his way into the driveway, parking and stopping the car.
"Alright, I'll just run in and go get it." He said, opening his door and stepping out.
"I want to come in." She said, only having been in his garage before, watching the guys practice.
He looked around hesitantly, "alright...the place is a mess...but alright."
"I don't care." She smiled, getting out of the car and shutting the door behind her, following him.
He took out his keys, letting Ellie in before him and following behind. She looked around, it actually was a mess...though she didn't mind. There were clothes and papers strewn around the couches and floor, as well as wrappers from snacks all along the table.
He made his way to the back rooms, a bit embarrassed even though she'd been warned. She followed him and slowly walked in, his bedroom wasn't as messy as the rest of the place. She could only wonder why...did he throw parties or something? Or just never find the time to clean?
His back turned as he looked for the wallet in the drawer. She took a seat on the mattress which laid on the floor, making herself comfortable and laying her head against his pillow. His scent lingered against it, she closed her eyes and took it in. He turned back around, seeing her laying there.
"Don't fall asleep on me." He laughed.
She opened her eyes and smiled, "can I just lay here for a minute?"
He sat down beside her where she laid, more than a thousand thoughts in his head. He didn't understand why he couldn't be around her without feeling so confused. She scooted over a bit, making room for him.
He laid down beside her, looking over at her and setting the wallet down. Their lips met immediately. Ellie's heart raced rapidly as she pulled him closer. He couldn't help but to take it all in, continuously repeating to himself in his mind,she's got a boyfriend anyway... It wasn't serious, she was on the bed in his room, and he was about to fill his shoes. That was it and that was all.
He pushed his tongue between their lips, she allowed his entrance and and played her's with his. She ran her hands up his chest as he lifted her blouse up slightly, which soon was just hanging off her back as his hands wandered her body.
A sudden feeling of guilt took over, Ellie pulled away, sighing. "Sorry...we should go." They looked at each other, clearly on the same page yet hesitant as they longed to have one another.
He sighed, looking her in the eye, "is it because of him?"
Ellie looked at him in disbelief of his audacity to even ask, "well...of course."
"Well what about the other night then?" He asked, it was stupid, it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard actually.
"What about it?" She asked, looking away, she couldn't bare to look him in the eyes any longer. It made her nervous.
The last thing Matty expected was to feel even the slightest bit of disappointment from this. Though there was no denying that he did. In fact he was upset. Maybe even beyond.
"Ellie, we made out and you went down on me in my damn car okay. Don't try to act like it was nothing. If we're gonna do anything we might as well just fuck."
Ellie rolled her eyes and pushed him off of her, "well it wasn't, Matty. I have a boyfriend, okay? Gosh."
"Right." He said, rolling over and laying flat on his back.
He knew Andrew didn't satisfy or take care of her. Why she was so stuck to him was beyond his knowledge. He couldn't have her anyway, he shouldn't...it wasn't the right thing to do, and from exploring the elements of personality, they had completely nothing in common, it was merely just a sexual attraction.
He got onto his feet, he'd known he'd done it now. He had dismantled her relationship, and if the cat got out of the bag her guilt would cause her to point the fingers at him.
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The amount of people in the room made Ellie feel claustrophobic. She had never been to such a huge party in her life, and there were plenty in the city. She turned around, seeing Matty still close behind, following her. She searched around for a place to loiter of their own. She finally found a wall to lean against, Matty stood in front of her, looking right at her and testing her strength to look back.
She didn't, and she wouldn't. It was as though the two were at a silent war with one another. She could feel his eyes on her, interesting enough, he had the ability convey a lot before even opening his mouth at all.
"Why did you come if you hate me so much now?" He asked, he took his jacket off, handing it to her as he could see her hugging herself under the air conditioner which filled the over packed room and concealed them from the torture of body heat.
"I don't." She took it, putting it on and zipping it up, "thank you."
"You're acting like it."
"I never said I hated you." She took a deep breath, finally looking at him at last.
Even now, nothing came between the way he realized he felt about her. He couldn't change it, not his feelings. He looked around the room, seeing everyone around, dancing.
"I hate this crowd, familiar faces." He dropped the subject.
"What's wrong with them?"
"I know they see us as try hards...me and my mates I mean. Even thoughthey're the ones trying too hard...with their kitchen full of pop stars drinking all their alcohol." He said, shaking his head.
Ellie grinned, "well let's get out of here."
"Where are we gonna go?"
Alex walked past them, tipsy, and turning back around as he realized it was them.
"Ellie, what the hell are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you," she lied, "but now I'm just enjoying the party." She shrugged.
"Hey man," Matty nodded.
"Hey! When did you get here?" He asked.
Ellie dug her hands into the pockets of his jacket, waiting for the small talk to pass.
"About fifteen minutes ago." Matty answered.
Alex turned back to Ellie, "I'm getting ready to go, you ready?" He asked.
She looked at Matty, longing to stay, knowing she shouldn't.
"I'll come home later." She shrugged.
"I don't really want you here, there's too much going on."
"Alex, I'm fine okay? Don't do this to me. I can do what I want, and I want to stay." She said.
Alex sighed, "I'll see you when you get back then. Matty, can you keep an eye on her?"
Matty looked at Ellie, knowing she was livid inside. He couldn't say no, and he couldn't say yes.
"Alex, she's seventeen, and smart. She'll be fine. I'll make sure she gets home safe." He said. Alex looked at him, he didn't know what had gotten into him.
"Alright..." Alex nodded, turning his back on them and taking on the crowd as he disappeared in it.
Matty raised an eyebrow, looking at Ellie. She smirked and grabbed his hands, dancing along to the music. He danced along with her, not exactly enjoying the music being played but absolutely enjoying every moment with her. He figured he'd ought to tell her how he felt...yet unsure if it was the right time as beside them came a pack of drunken teenagers, their voices pierced through their ears as they talked so loud.
Matty looked over at them and their busy mouths, a few girls, and a few guys passing grammatical errors. Why you talk so loud? He glared at them, clearly he needed to be drunk too in order to let it pass. But he had to take her home...he was so interested in her, but their voices were just too damn loud for him to tell her.
He hated the fact that she was so tied up with Andrew, yet spent all of her time with him.
He watched her laugh at her own terrible dancing, her smile was bright, and her hair swayed with her body. He sighed and pulled her close, speaking in her ear.
"Let's find someplace quiet."
She looked up at him, nodding and following him upstairs. They searched around for a room, soon finding an open one and going inside. He shut the door and sighed.
"I think I like you."
"Well I like you too." Ellie said.
"No, I mean, really like." He said.
"Matty...I told you, I have a boyfriend..." She hated to say it, she was passing up this moment with Matty for a guy who she barely even took any further interest in.
"Break up with him."
"I can't-"
"Why not?" He asked.
"Because..."
He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it up.
Ellie's phone rang in her pocket, Mum.
She sighed, "stay quiet, it's my mum."
He nodded, watching her answer with a hello and walking around the room, enjoying the feeling of filling his blackened lungs with tar. It destroyed him just as girls had. He turned around as he could hear a strike of sudden panic in Ellie's voice.
Seeing her with her hand covering her mouth, and tears streaming down her face, endlessly.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming." She hung up the phone, slipping it into her pocket and kicking the door.
"Ellie...what's wrong?" He asked.
"Matty I need to go, right now." She said, her back facing him.
"What is it?"
"I need to go, now. Alex's car crashed into a bus on his way home, okay."
Matty went over to her, "Ellie is he alright?"
"I don't know." She opened the door and ran down the stairs. He followed her down, his heart racing in his chest as he pushed through the crowd, careful not to lose her. She walked out the door, he grabbed her arm and turned her around, "where are we going?! What hospital is he in?"
"I need you to take me home, I'm going with my parents." She wiped her face, trying to catch her breath. He took out his keys and unlocked the doors.
"It's my fault. If I had went with him..."
"What? It's not your fault, Ellie."
"Yes it is!"
Matty tossed his cigarette and pulled her in close,hoping she would breathe as it sent him through a state of panic himself. Her voice muffled against his chest as she spoke, "I should have went, and drove...he was drunk, I was being selfish. I just...I don't know..."
"It's not your fault alright? Just please try to calm down, let's go so you can hurry. I'll come with you guys...if your parents don't mind."
She nodded, getting in the car, "alright, alright."