Swish swish swish.
I shake up my chocolate milk before opening the carton and taking a gulp.
That hits the spot.
The caf is loud this morning. I look over and see a group of rowdy popular kids. They are, or course, the reason for the volume.
Bryce, Marissa, Leo... I strain my eyes. Anson walks in and my gaze follows him over to Marissa.
He starts speaking to her and I quickly glance away in hopes of not witnessing whatever private moment they're having.
In a few moments, Anson is sliding into my booth. Waves of excitement wash over me.
I take a sip of milk and look at him expectantly.
"Hi." He flashes a Colgate smile.
"Hey." I say quietly.
I blush at the awkward silence that passes between us. Inside, I desperately want to ask about Marissa and him, but I do not want to come off as nosy.
Pressing him could lead to disappointment.
"What is it?" He raises a brow at me.
"What is what?"
"You looked concerned."
I sigh. "Nope. Just lost in thought."
Did I really look concerned to him? I thought I was being subtle...
"So," I say cheerfully, "another day you've neglected your friends for me."
"You're my friend, too."
I blink. "Right, But I couldn't help but notice Marissa-"
"Don't worry about Marissa." Anson rolls his eyes and leans away in his seat. His long, muscular arms stretch out across the back.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I told her how I felt."
How he felt? Like.. he told her he didn't like her?
"I told her what I told you in the closet Friday night... that I didn't care for her as more than a friend." He sighs and his fingers tap the hard seat absentmindedly.
Feelings of excitement once again take over. I try to internally calm myself. This doesn't mean anything!
"What did she say about that?"
"She basically went ballistic. Started blaming you for everything, which I denied because my feelings for Marissa haven't been present for much longer than you have."
Wow.
Inside, I feel proud of Anson for finally being honest to Marissa.
She needs someone to love her just as much as anyone does. Anson however... he didn't truly love her.
"So.. your writing..."
I groan at the mention. My writing has almost completely stopped. The last entry in my composition book is Anson's poem.
"I can't write." I sigh. "I have no muse. No inspiration. When I do," I shudder, "it's always in the form of a roofied drink, or Kyle, or something horrific."
Anson slowly blinks at me.
"You probably think I'm an idiot." I sigh, and start to pack my things.
Why would Anson understand? He's still just a boy, just a jock. He's still not a writer, not shy, not me.
He'll never know a world where it is common for girls to roofie and overpower him. He's too strong to be overpowered. And hardly any girl would be brave enough to roofie him anyways.
He will never understand these certain things about me. The fact that I even try to make him is ridiculous.
"I could never think of you an idiot, Blue."
I feel a smile tug at the corners of my lips, but I fight it.
Anson leans forward, pressing against the table and whispers to me. "I'm sure there are an abundance of thoughts overwhelming that pretty little head of yours, but please never do me the disservice of failing to believe that I have the capacity to understand and sympathize with your thoughts... heck, even empathize in some scenarios."
My cheeks flush at his request. He managed to read my thoughts accurately.
His eyes scour over mine, looking for a sign of emotion to take in. I want him to take me in.
I look away.
"It's so easy to assume no one understands, or wants to understand." I murmur.
"I crave understanding, Indie."
"But I also crave your understanding, of me." His voice is deep, and I look at him in confusion.
"You know my story, Blue. That alone is something most people can't hope to grasp. But there are other things. You think I don't know how it feels to be roofied or overpowered, and that's true. But I do know how it feels to lose a loved one to drugs. To have to beat someone for touching someone else. That night you were roofied, that was the second worst night of my life. Second only to the day my mother died."
My heart sinks at his words.
"You don't remember what happened that night. And while that is incredibly scary, it is also incredibly lucky. I remember everything. I remember peeling Travis away from you. I remember desperately trying to wake you up- and carrying you down the stairs. I remember you being completely helpless and it scared the shit out of me, Indie. You scared the shit out of me. And I promised myself that you would be safe and if I ever had the opportunity to save you again that I would. I wouldn't let you come to harm again. And then a week later you're with Kyle."
He sighs and looks around.
"And Kyle is a sleazy dirt bag. And I knew he was when you told me about him and when he hit on you in the hallway, but I didn't stop you because you seemed happy. And he seemed behaved for a day or two. And I didn't want you thinking I was just jealous or trying to keep you to myself because I'm not, so I didn't step in. And then you disappear with him and I hear a commotion upstairs and I take Bryce with me and you screamed and-"
"Anson." I say gently. "It's okay. You don't have to relive this."
My heart sinks when I realize that I'm the black cloud that brought all of this up. Why can't I ignore the past? Kyle only kissed me- I feel like a baby for freaking out so much.
But I know what he did went farther than an innocent kiss.
Anson does understand. I remind myself.
He is a rarity that comes once in a while. He has the capacity to listen, understand, and listen some more. Never once does he forget who he is, and who he is talking to.
"Sorry." He shudders. "And I'm sorry you have no muse. Maybe I could help you with that sometime later?"
First bell sounds in the distance and I smile. "I would love that."
******
"Indigo!"
I put down my hairbrush on the bathroom counter and yell down stairs at my mom.
"What?"
"There's a boy here for you!"
I frown and look at the time. 6:30 am.
It's early Wednesday morning and the thought of someone being downstairs for me catches me by surprise.
"Coming!" I yell before bounding downstairs and to the door.
When I see Anson, I am shocked.
He flashes a bright smile. "Goodmorning, Blue."
What's Anson doing here before school at 6:30 in the morning?
I frown suspiciously. "Spit it out Fischart. What are you doing here?"
I notice his hands are behind his back. He brings them to the front and reveals a drink and a bag of McDonald's biscuits.
I can't help but smile. "You got breakfast. Why?"
We always get free breakfast...
"Because we're not going to school early today to get it. I have a field trip planned if you're willing."
A field trip?
I look at Mom who stands behind me. She smiles. "As long as you two get to school by the time first period starts, I'm fine with it."
"Who's here?" Bryn bounds down the stairs and her mouth drops.
"Hey Bryn." Anson waves.
"Bryn, can you bring my book bag to me from my room?"
She nods and in a moment descends back down with my things. I sling it over my shoulder and she giggles.
"I guess I get shotgun today."
"Don't get too used to it." I say, before waving bye to her and Mom, and following Anson outside to his camaro.
"So may I inquire where we are headed?" I ask before taking a seat.
He chuckles. "I promised I would help you find your muse. Hopefully this will be a start."
We begin driving towards Anson's secret, and I eat the biscuits delightedly.
He got my favorite, southern style chicken biscuit. He knows me too well. Or am I just that predictable?
Where could Anson possibly be headed?
At five til seven, we pull up to a trail in the woods.
"Nuh uh." I shake my head. "Hiking Anson? Really? And before school-"
He laughs loudly at me. The sound of his laughter is masculine, it makes my heart twitch.
"Indie it's not a hiking trail. You just have to walk down a short path to get to it."
I frown. "Fine."
I stand and shut the car door, before following Anson down the gravel trail. I realize that it slopes upwards, and finally, we stand at a rocky drop off.
It's beautiful.
Bluffs. We stand looking over a valley of rolling hills together.
It is early morning, and the sun peeks over the ridges. The tree leaves, alive with autumn colors, are shining golden and bright orange on their branches.
"This is beautiful." I sigh to myself.
As the sun continues to rise, it creates a change of color as the shadows slowly disappear due to its exposure.
"How did you find this place?"
I look at Anson in awe.
"I call this my healing spot." He sighs and sits on a large rock.
"I sit here to think. And be alone. And think." He chuckles and looks at me. "Though now I'm here and I'm not alone, nor can I think when you distract me like you do, so I guess today this place is of different use to me."
My heartbeat increases and I look away. "I distract you?"
"Yes. The way you light up when you see something like this," He sighs, "I couldn't ask for someone better to share this spot with. You appreciate it. It's a beautiful thing to observe a girl so enthralled by the world around her."
"Anson Fischart." I smile, "when did you become such a poet?"
He smiles and rolls his eyes. "Take one last look, Blue. We've got to go soon."
I frown and observe the overlook one final time. I'm sure that the image will stay with me for a long time.
How could someone forget something so beautiful?
And of course I'll be back.
Anson turns and starts walking to the camaro, but I decide to stand on the large rock and get a better view of the overlook.
Just one last peek.
Yep. Climbing up onto this boulder was totally worth it. I can see just how deep the valley must be.
I'm utterly entranced.
I take a step back to get a better view when I remember that I'm standing on a rock, not on the level ground.
I teeter on the edge for a split second, before falling backwards.
Oh shit.
I brace myself for the impact of the stony ground, but I never hit it. Instead, I land in the warm, strong embrace of Anson.
His turquoise eyes blink down at me and he smiles. I swear my heart is ready to explode as he holds me up from the ground.
"Do I need to ask what you were doing on top of that rock?" He smirks and I feel his voice reverberate deeply in his chest.
My skin burns up with his touch.
"I was getting a better look."
"If you wanted to look at me, all you had to do was ask." He grins.
I open my mouth, before realizing I've been in his arms a little too long. I slowly move away from him, accidentally brushing his bicep with my fingertips.
"And now you're feeling me up, too!" He jokes loudly.
I blush furiously. "Shut up."
He laughs and pulls me away from the bluff, so we can finally begin our regular routine.
In a bit, we are pulling up to the school parking lot. Students are milling around outside and I smile when I spot Fern walking across it.
I wave at her and she grins, running over to me.
"Indie and Anson," she smirks, looking at Anson over my shoulder, "do I even want to know why you two are together right now?"
I blush at her insinuation.
"Trust me, you don't." Anson says loudly, I turn and punch him in the stomach- playfully annoyed.
"See- she can't keep her hands off of me." I hit him again and roll my eyes as he laughs behind me.
Embarrassing much?
"Fern." I look into her green eyes, "you know that Anson's being an idiot. He just brought me breakfast this morning and we hung out before school started. He's trying to help me find something to write about again." I explain.
Seriously Anson makes things hard for me sometimes. Not everyone needs to think we hook up before school. Especially not my best friend!
Fern giggles. "Well, good luck on that conquest. I have to meet Leo really quick. I'll see you at lunch?"
"Lunch." I agree. "See You then."
She waves goodbye and I watch her go.
Anson chuckles behind me and I remember he is still here.
"Do you ever just act normal?" I ask annoyedly. "Jeez."
"Just trying to liven up the rumors around here." He jokes.
"The rumors that I'm the quarterback's slut?" I recall. "Wonderful."
He looks taken aback for a moment. I roll my eyes and speed off, having just unintentionally reminded myself of my past few weeks of Kyle and his taunts.
"That's not what I meant." Anson jogs up to me and catches my pace.
That's what people say- Not just Kyle. People say I'm the slut that broke up Anson and Marissa.
"It's okay Anson." I shrug. "People say what they wanna say."
"People are stupid." He sighs and opens the front door for me.
I walk through it and wait for him to join me again.
"Let's go to first period." I say, changing the subject with fake enthusiasm.
"Woohoo! Hamlet here we come." We both snicker and walk down the hall to Ms. Graves room. When we get inside, the class is all hustle and bustle.
Anson and I take our seats towards the back. He begins talking to Bryce; I take out my composition book.
I start to write, a familiar action, and my fingers in no time are scribbling words across the empty page. In the corner of my eye, Anson is watching with a proud smile on his face.
Anson is my muse. I realize. At least, he is one of them.
I smile to myself and finish the entry I am writing.
How good it feels to have a muse again.
The last two chapters were long, so let me keep my blabbing short. If you enjoyed make sure to vote like always. Also your comment kill me, so thanks for all of those !
I'm interested in what you guys thought about this chapter. Do y'all sense a kiss in the near future? You'll just have to wait and see.
Thanks for everything!
~ Malibu