The next two weeks were absolute hell. I had to dodge my uncle, hide my xans, and deal with Trace. All of this was exhausting because it felt like I was never going to get a break, and I was thoroughly convinced until I caught one. My mom had to leave for work early one morning and I didn't even bother getting ready for school. Instead I just texted Gus, and asked him to chill. Of course he said yes because he doesn't have much else to do. I lazed on my bed when I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door, and it revealed my favorite pink haired boy. He smiled lazily at me and I sat up on the bed.
"Wassup, wassup," he greeted.
"Nothin' I just said fuck it to school today," I shrugged.
Gus snorted, "Like you do everyday now?"
I shoved him, "Whatever, man. Fuck off."
He threw himself on my bed and pulled out a joint. Gus had come over a lot the past two weeks and it had become a normal routine for us to smoke in my room. The smell always cleared out before mom came home and she adored him, anyway. The covers were strewn around us as I played on my phone, Gus' licking heard in the background. It was such a peaceful day, and I was reveling in it.
I heard the snick of the lighter, an inhale, then smoke was in my face, "Those rot your brain."
"Whatever, so do xans," I snorted.
"I'd rather die doing xans than being on my phone too much," he declared.
Brushing it off, I snatched the joint from his fingers, "To each his own, I guess."
We laid in bed most of the day, just teasing each other while watching anime. Gus and I had become pretty close friends over the past few weeks, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. He would come over almost everyday, smoke me out, and just laze around with me. It was nice having someone who didn't know absolutely everything about my past, like Chelsea and Kimetrius. Of course I love them and wouldn't trade them for the world, but Gus was a breath of fresh air. He was just living life how he wanted and so far that meant music. His songs were full of raw emotion and talent, which is why I loved being in the studio with him. I never got behind the mic even after the countless times he'd offered. It always ended the same; I would laugh him off and shake my head. Gus never pushed me to do anything I didn't want to and I could never show my appreciation for that enough. He was like a ray of sunshine in my life, and I loved him.
His brown eyes focused on me, his voice thick, "Di? You good?"
I snapped back into reality, "Uh, yeah."
"What were you thinkin' 'bout? Seemed pretty real," he asked.
"Our friendship," I explained.
Gus raised an eyebrow at me, "Really?"
"Really," I confirmed.
"That's nice," he smiled.
"Hell yeah, man," I smiled.
The rest of the day was peaceful and I felt even better after popping a couple xans with Gus. We finally decided to leave my house and walk around a bit in the woods just to give us something to do. Laying around was nice, but I couldn't do that shit all day. While we were on our way to the woods I looked at the streaks of sunlight burning itself onto the pavement. The air was light and it felt like it was almost asking us to go into the woods and sit by the stream.
My thoughts were interrupted by Gus' voice, "So, when are you dropping out?"
I felt as if my world had gone still and my heart stopped for just a moment. No one had ever asked me this question, and I never even considered it an option. Now, I knew it was, but no one ever made it sound like it was okay. Thoughts started circling around in my brain, and it seemed like a good route to take. My face must have shown the pure shock because Gus spoke up again, "Dude, you don't have to. I was just asking because you haven't been to school in a hot ass minute."
"No, it'd probably be for the best. I just ain't
never had someone ask me that," I responded.
He nodded, about to say something when we both saw the last person we wanted to. Trace was turning onto the street and I gulped down a breath. I kept my face calm, even while I looked down at my phone. The tired were crunching over the loose pebbles on the road and I heard them come to an almost complete stop. My heart seemed to stop and Gus' feet almost faltered, but we kept walking and Trace kept driving. The air seemed to come back to us.
"Fuck," I mumbled.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Gus yelped, frustration lacing his voice.
I turned to see his eyes were pricked with tears and I reached out to touch his arm. He flinched away from me, as if I had burned him, and his brown eyes were smoldering. I had never seen him like this in my entire life.
"Gus," I started.
"I gotta fuckin' go," he muttered.
Panic pushed through me, "Gus, wait."
"No!" he protested. "I'm not waitin'! Fuck him and fuck this goddamn town, bruh! I'm over this. Save that shit for the birds! I fuckin' love him and he treats me like shit because I know myself and he doesn't! What kind of bullshit, huh? He didn't seem to mind it whenever I fucking held him at night when he got scared of some dumb shit," he was panting and his eyes were glossy, "He didn't seem to mind it when I kissed him from head to toe! Telling him how beautiful he was," he clenched his fist, "And he didn't seem to fucking mind it when made love for the first and last time. He cried on my chest for an hour, saying that he'd never had this with a girl in his life!"
When Gus stopped yelling and looked at me with wild eyes I realized just how much Trace meant to him. This was his love that he knew full and well loved him back, but chose to not be with him. I did the only thing I could think of, and that was wrap Gus in my arms. He held me tightly and pushed his face into my shoulder, which was hard since I was so much smaller, but we made it.
"Thank you," he choked out.
"You're welcome," I shushed him. Thankfully, I remembered the Xanax in my pocket, and I tugged him away from me. I gave him a sly grin, "I got xans."
"Let's fucking do it," he grinned, maliciously.
That's how I ended up snorting three xanax off of a back porch before four in the afternoon. When I raised my head up everything seemed slower and prettier. The anxiety from seeing Trace and Gus' meltdown had faded into utter nothingness. I tilted my head back, closed one nostril off, and sucked in a deep breath through the other. The drip hit me and I gagged a bit.
Gus had just finished his lines and looked at me with his signature lopsided grin. His pink hair was flattened down and he seemed like himself again, thank god. We sat on the back porch and smoked cigarette after cigarette. Nothing was said and we just had music playing between us on his phone, and everything felt okay.
At one point my vision blurred and I fell off the steps. I barely felt it so I just let out a stream of laughter, and didn't try to get up from the grass. We kept saying dumb shit to each other, seeing who would laugh first, and it was me. Gus was staring at me with glassy eyes and just kept saying 'peep' in a high pitched tone.
I started cackling, grabbing my sides, and rolling on the ground when I heard someone clear their throat. Picking myself up from the grass, I saw the last person I expected, "What the fuck?"
There stood my uncle, at a menacing six feet in height, "Excuse me?"
Gus stood up beside me, "Who the fuck are you?"
"Richard. Richard Leanos," his smile was sickeningly sweet as he held his hand out for Gus.
The pink haired boy left his hand hanging, "Whatever, bro."
Richard raised his eyebrow, "Excuse me?"
"You're fuckin' excused. Leave," my voice was steady, and I knew it was purely because of the xans.
He was about to open his mouth again, when I turned around, and walked to the other side of the house. Gus' footsteps were behind me and I felt comfort from them. When we got to the front of the house I kept walking across the street to Chelsea's house.
"Hol' up, Di. Who was that?" curiousness was running through his voice.
"My uncle, and that's all you need to know," I said, vaguely.
I barged into Chelsea's house because knocking was more of a nuisance than a formality for us now. Her mom was in the kitchen and she smiled warmly, "Hey, Diego."
"Hey, mama," I grinned. I passed the kitchen with Gus in tow behind me and opened Chelsea's door. She was currently tying her freshly dyed hair in a plastic bag and pouted at me through the mirror.
"Bitch," she whined.
"Whatever. Guess who's here? Goddamn Richard," I sniped.
Her jaw dropped, "No fuckin' way! You've been doing so good."
I shrugged, "Yeah, Gus," I threw my chin towards him, "was smoking out back with me and we was clownin' then Richard just walks right in. Like he owned the place or something."
"He say anything?" she questioned.
"No, thank god. I'm too fucked up to deal with that right now," I spoke.
Silence flooded into the room after that, and it ebbed into the consciousness of my mind. Xans did a good job at keeping the anxiety at bay and the doubtful voice muffled behind the drugs. I stared at Chelsea while she starting doing her make up and she caught my eye. Something must have gave it away that I was off a bar because her shoulders sagged. Defeat was painted on her features, but I didn't feel the guilt I had put on my face for her. I was too numb for that.
Gus stood up and gave me a nod, "I'll see you around. Bye, Chelsea." He drifted from the room and the air was tense with Chelsea and I.
"K's worried," her voice was tight.
"Why?" I asked.
"You know why," she jabbed.
I laid myself back on her bed, "Whatever."
"Diego," her voice sounded like she was testing the mood.
"Chelsea," I replied, with a grin ghosting over my lips.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," I whispered.
+ + + + +
That night I told my mom that Richard had come by and she looked as if she had seen a ghost. We both knew the reality of the situation because he had thrown it in our faces, but we didn't discuss it. I went to bed without dinner that night and a plan to drop out of school the next morning, which took some time to convince my mom to allow, but she eventually did. She had acted as if I had betrayed her, or worse, she betrayed me. I took my time and told her that that wasn't the case, and never would be. School just wasn't for me and I wasn't for school, which was fine. Surely I would be able to find something to do.
It was a dreamless night and a dreamy morning.
Dropping out of school was anti-climatic, namely because their speeches were boring, my mom rushed them, and I was going off of two xans. The whole meeting went by in a blur and I barely mumbled out a sentence. When the piece of paper for dismissing me from the school system was shoved toward me I had never felt more at peace. I scribbled my name hurriedly and gave them a nod of appreciation.
My mom and I walked out in silence. The door clicked shut and all she said to me on our way to the car was, "I hope you don't regret this."
My only reply was, "I won't."
The only thing in my mind was, fuck my teachers.
+ + + + +
you already know it's LJ 💔
this chapter was lowkey hard to write because i have minor writer's block, but i wanna keep these updates consistent for yall.
i hope you enjoyed it 💔
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