Monse stares at herself in the mirror, her fear rising. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. Coming back from camp to find out that the crew split, finding out that Cesar spilled their secret to protect them, planning a way to get Cesar out of the gang. This was definitely not the way she expected her freshman year of high school to start. But she could handle all of it. She's always believed that you deal with the cards you've been dealt, and you make the best of it. She wasn't going to let any of this take away from the happiness she has when her friends are together. This would all blow over eventually.
None of this is the reason that she is currently standing petrified in her bathroom. No, there is something much, much worse happening. Something that she can't stop. Something that won't just blow over.
"Monse?"
The voice startles her, making her jump. She forgot that Ruby was out there waiting for her. She had called him earlier when the panic started to set in, not knowing who else to call. Normally she would call Cesar when it was something this big, but she couldn't do that now. Not when this involved him. So she called Ruby. Next to Cesar, Ruby was probably the best person for the job. It was either him or Jamal and Jamal was definitely out of the question. His panic would only fuel hers if he knew.
Ruby knocks at the door then when she doesn't respond to him. Monse has to will her hand to move to the doorknob to open it. She slowly opens the door to be met with the very worried eyes of Ruby. He doesn't move from his spot in front of the door when he speaks again, "Monse, are you okay? What did it say?"
She opens her mouth to answer him, but no words come out. She can feel her body shaking and her eyes can't focus on anything. She tries again to speak but all that get's out is a weak, "I-". Ruby reaches out a hand and softly lays it on her shoulder. The contact suddenly breaks through to her and her body crumbles to the floor. Tears start to fall from her eyes and she gasps, trying to catch her breath.
Ruby crouches down next to her and wraps his arms around her, "Shh Monse. Shhh, it's going to be okay." This was all the confirmation he needed to his question. He knows what it said, and he wants to freak out. But he can't. Not now. Not now when the strongest link of their crew is falling apart in the doorway of her bathroom. He has to be strong for her.
He holds her while she cries, knowing that that's the best he could do for her right now. He's not sure how long they sit there for, but eventually her cries get softer until they finally stop all together. Her sniffles are the only sound in the room. He waits for her to talk, not wanting to push her.
"I'm pregnant Ruby. What am I going to do?" she whispers, breaking the silence. What should she do? This is only completely life altering to her. Whatever she chooses will affect her for the rest of her life. Saying it out loud only makes it more real.
Now that she was calmer, Ruby could feel his panic start to rise. He gets up from the floor and starts pacing around the room.
"Okay, so let's think about this. It's not that bad really. I mean, now that I know about you and Cesar I totally see you two being ride or die. Which means this was going to happen at some point anyways, so it doesn't really matter if it was a little earlier. And the baby will be well protected considering it's Santos blood. And you'll be a great mom and Cesar will be a great dad too, once he gets past the initial shock. Statistically speaking the kid probably has a better chance of making it through considering that you and Cesar are the parents. And I'll be the best uncle to it. I'll teach it to dance and how to negotiate it's way out of trouble, which you and Cesar will probably hate. And Jamal will be great too, if he doesn't die from a heart attack after you tell him. He'll probably find a way to get the kid to help him find his rollerworld money. And then we could all-"
"Ruby!" Monse shouts, cutting Ruby off from his rant. He stops pacing and looks over at her on the floor, his eyes wide, "Sorry, I could feel the panic setting in so I was trying to persuade myself to be calm about this."
Monse sighs and her shoulders hunch, making her look even more defeated than she already did, "I know. I just can't be thinking about the future right now when I feel like I can't even handle the present."
Ruby sits down on her bed and folds his hands in his lap, "That's understandable. I just want you to know that you aren't alone in this. We're here for you."
She manages a weak smile at him, "Thanks Ruby. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm glad I get to call you family."
Ruby shrugs his shoulders, "It's like Mario said, we've got to stick together."
She stands up then, wiping at her face. She's not sure what to do about the future and what it's going to hold, but she knows what she must do next.
"I have to tell Cesar."
----
After some very good convincing on Monse's part, Ruby left to go home. She had texted Cesar to come over and she wanted some alone time before he showed up. She needed time to process and come to terms with things.
She was pregnant. She wasn't sure how far along she was but she could guess a few weeks. She started to feel sick a couple weeks after her and Cesar were together that night he assumed she was jealous over Olivia. Monse just thought she was coming down with the flu. It wasn't until the constant feeling of nausea didn't go away that she began to question things. Still, she refused to believe that it was anything but a virus and she pushed any thoughts of pregnancy away. Until this morning. She had a dream last night where she was holding a baby in her arms. A girl. She had Cesar's eyes, and in her dream she knew it was their baby. She woke up with a start and needed to know if the dream was actually becoming a reality. So she called Ruby and he brought a test over. Now here she is, sitting crossed leg on her bed, waiting to break the news to Cesar.
She didn't know how he was going to react, and that scared her. She really hoped his first words weren't 'Are you keeping it?'. Abortion was out of the question. She was going to keep this baby with or without him. Monse places her hand on her belly, instinct coming in at the thought of losing the baby. She had just found out about it, and yet the thought of purposely getting rid of it terrified her.
A knock on the door broke her from her thoughts as Cesar walks in, "Hey you." He plops himself down next to her and leans in to give her a kiss. Monse weakly responds, which he notices. He pulls back to look at her, his eyes questioning. "You okay?"
She takes a deep breath and swallows before speaking, "I need to tell you something." Cesar sits up straighter at her words, preparing himself. What does she have to tell him that has her acting like this?
"Look Cesar, I just want you to know that I didn't plan this," she starts, "and I don't want to feel obligated to help me or whatever. I can do this by myself, but you also deserve to know. And I know this is going to change everything and make life harder but I can't change it. So we've just got to use the hand we've been dealt and figure it out. But that doesn't mean you have to stick around either. Like I said before I can manage. I don't want to make things worse for you with Oscar an-"
He grabs her hands that were shaking as she spoke to stop her rambling, "Monse! What are you talking about? What's going on?"
She looks up to meet his gaze. His eyes are worried and confused. She can feel the fear from earlier coming back as she speaks, "I'm pregnant."
Cesar feels his stomach drop at her words. I'm pregnant. What does she mean she's pregnant? Is this a joke? No, she wouldn't joke like that. How could this happen? Weren't they careful? He can't be a dad now. He just got into the santos gang. He doesn't want to raise his kid around that!
Monse breaks the silence, "Cesar? Are you okay? Please say something." Her voice is sore and it's then that he realizes she's crying. He reaches out and wipes away some tears from her cheek. She looks so fragile like this. Nothing like the Monse he knows and loves. She's usually the one keeping all of them together. Cesar's heart breaks at the sight of her like this. He doesn't know how he feels about the news, but he does know that he wants to be there for her.
"Hey come here," he pulls her into his lap, "I know this is scary, but I'm here. We'll figure this out together." Monse curls against him, feeling more relaxed being in his arms. She sniffles a little trying to get the crying to stop, "Cesar I want you to know that I'm keeping it. You don't have to raise it with me, but I'm keeping it."
A flash of Monse and their baby by themselves flashes through his eyes and the thought is gut wrenching. He wasn't sure how he felt at the moment, but he wasn't going to leave them. He loves Monse and he's not going anywhere.
He raises her face so that he can look in her eyes, "I may be freaking out right now, but we will be raising this baby together. I love you, Monse. And sure, this isn't at all planned, but it's here and it's real. We'll figure it out together. I mean, I may be a crap dad but I know that our baby has you as a mother and you are going to be great."
Monse feels a sudden relief flush through her at his words. She wraps her arms around him and pulls him into a tight hug, "Oh Cesar, I love you too. You have no idea how happy you just made me. I was so scared you were going to leave me. I didn't want to lose you. And you won't be a crap dad. You'll be amazing."
He smiles at her words, knowing that she means it. Cesar wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, "I'm not going anywhere."
And though Monse doesn't know how they're going to do this, she knows they will do it together, and that's all that matters.