Elenore and I had returned home from our visit to London in a dreamy silence, both with satisfied smirks stretched across our faces. I hadn't explained to Harry what I'd been so thankful for, but he hadn't been one to pry, so I'd been able to enjoy the rest of the day without delving into the more pitiful truths about my life. Nola had behaved surprisingly well considering she'd been passed amongst the band as if she were the prize in a game of pass the parcel. She'd ended up asleep on Harry's chest while we were looking at clips of their last London concert. Zayn had wanted to us to get a better understanding of the atmosphere at an O2 arena concert.
"Of course you'll only really know if you experience it first hand. Harry could get you tickets if you like?" He'd said.
I hadn't really been paying attention to the footage, or Zayn's offer of concert tickets, unlike Elenore who had been cooing over every move or noise Niall had made on the stage. Instead I'd been looking sideways at Harry and our daughter, wanting desperately to get my phone out and capture the perfect image forever. That sight was enough to make me forget all the reasons why I'd been hesitant to tell Harry about his daughter in the first place. They looked so content and fit together as if they had been one another's missing piece of jigsaw. I was aware of the fact that I wasn't part of this picture nor was I the only person that Nola needed anymore, but quite frankly - and for a change - I was too happy to care.
Elenore had been unsuccessful in bagging a date with Niall, but they had exchanged numbers and he'd kissed her on the cheek when we said goodbye. Mind you, so had all the boys, but Elenore was adamant that he was into her and it was because of the make up.
"In our speeches I'll make sure to thank you for not driving too fast and ruining my chances with him." She'd gushed. It had taken me a while to realise that she was referring to their wedding which was apparently in the foreseeable future. I didn't have the heart to break it to her that the only wedding she'd be attending with Niall any time soon would be Zayn's.
She was online now, the laptop positioned on her knees, scrolling through the 'Niall Horan' results on Goodle images. Every so often she would let out a small sigh and smile as though she had become completely infatuated. I felt as though I'd created a monster.
"I think he'd be creeped out if he knew you were doing that." I told her, gesturing to the screen.
"He looks better in person." She practically drooled. "Oh, Marnie, how I love you for hooking up with Harry Styles."
"I'd rather be loved for other things, but I'll take that. Thanks." I laughed.
I reached for the remote to switch on the television but was interrupted by the persistent buzzing of my phone in my pocket. Harry's name flashed up on the screen.
"Hey - aren't you supposed to be on stage?" I asked nervously.
"Nice to speak to you too!" He snorted. "No - still got an hour or so. Thought I'd check in." I smiled into the phone.
"We're all good here," I told him. "Nola's obviously in bed though. She's still exhausted from yesterday."
"Louis was pretty exhausted before we'd even got on stage last night. I think being an aeroplane tired him out!"
"She'll miss you all so much while you're gone." I sighed. Elenore, sensing that the subject of the call had dropped to a more serious and emotional one, closed the laptop and left the room, mouthing at me to pass on a hello from her to Niall.
"We'll miss her too, Marnie. And you." Harry told me sincerely. "You two have become a big part of our life now, that's not something we're going to forget easily I can assure you." My heart swelled and I found myself grinning in a now empty room.
"I know." I breathed. "I just worry too much, that's all."
"Your parents really did a number on you didn't they?" Harry said sadly. My heart sank as my mind filled with reminders of my parents cutting all ties with me after I'd fallen pregnant with Nola.
"It was pretty shit." I admitted. "Parents are the last people you'd expect to abandon you when you need them most."
"I'm so sorry, I should have been there." The dismal tone of Harry's voice made him sound like a completely different person. It broke my heart to think he was honestly blaming himself for something he hadn't even known about.
"It's hardly your fault, you fool." I tried to lighten the mood, but Harry didn't laugh.
"Tell me, Marnie," Harry spoke quietly. "Tell me what happened." I gulped as I felt my eyes prickle with oncoming tears. I really didn't want Harry to know about the struggle I'd had in the early days of Nola's life. I didn't want him to feel unnecessarily guiltier than he already did and I didn't want to pile this information on him before he was about to go on stage.
"I don't think now is really the time, Harry." I frowned and pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Please, Marnie. I want us to be able to tell each other things. We have a bond now that many people aren't going to understand and I want us to utilize that. I don't want you to think that I'm just Harry Styles, a member of One Direction and the guy who fathered your child but was absent for the first 15 months of her life. It can be more than that. We can be friends you know?"
His words were overwhelming and I wasn't really sure how I felt about what he was suggesting. Of course being friends would make this whole situation a hell of a lot easier, but did I really want him to know all these intimate details about my life?
"Only if I get to ask you something." I said eventually, biting my lip and blushing profusely. I heard him chuckle once.
"Sure. What do you want to know?" He waited patiently as I plucked up the courage to ask the question that had bothered me for a long time now. It was something I'd often wondered when I watched him perform, something I'd never quite managed to figure out myself.
"Why do you always look so serious when you're on stage?" I'd expected him to chuckle again, but he didn't. "Harry?"
"Wow, I wasn't expecting that." He said, surprise clear in his tone. "The truth is, I get really bad nerves before I go on stage. Kind of like stage fright I guess."
"Harry Styles gets stage fright?" I exclaimed, raising my eyebrows. "For real?"
"Yes, for real!" He laughed. "I go on stage and examine the crowd to see what I'm dealing with. I get into it pretty quickly and forget that I was ever nervous in the first place. It all stems from a performance a few years ago where I royally cocked up live on television. It was humilating."
"How did you cock up?" I asked, wondering if I was pushing it, but he was wanting to know some pretty heavy stuff about me, so I figured I'd earnt it.
"We were performing What Makes You Beautiful and I didn't take a big enough breath before I sang my solo and basically it sounded fucking awful. Of all the times to screw up, it had to be in front of all these people and live on television. People posted shitty comments about me online and it was just really upsetting. I don't like being judged by people who don't even really know me. People think they know Harry Styles of One Direction because of the articles they read online and in magazines, or because they watched me wandering around naked on the X-Factor, but they don't know Harry Styles." He paused to take a breath and I was amazed at just how much emotion was behind this answer to my question. "They don't know me when I'm stripped of what I'm famous for. Those people who posted cruel comments about me didn't know me personally. I'd never been cruel to them or insulted who they were and what they did. The experience really made me change how I thought people thought of me. I go on stage and I wonder what they are thinking."
Once he'd finished I was completely speechless. Never had I thought the reason behind that serious on-stage expression had been the result of cruel online bullies. Harry had always come across as this confident human being. I didn't think any of his fans were aware of just how sensitive he really was.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know." I said apologetically. "I wouldn't have asked if I'd known it ran that deep."
"Just as you said to me, it's hardly your fault." I smiled as he fired my own words back at me.
"Your real fans would never judge you," I told him. "Nola would never judge you. Those are the people who count."
"I know." Harry said more cheerfully. "It's just a thing I do and probably always will."
"Everyone has a 'thing'." I assured him. "Mine would be the worrying."
"Speaking of which, may I now have an answer to my question or have we been depressing enough for one evening?" He pressed.
"How much longer until you're on stage?" I wanted to tell him, I owed it to him now, but I would also have taken any excuse to get out of it.
"Fifteen minutes I'd say, the support act are coming to the end of their set. Fire away." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"There isn't really that much to tell if I'm honest." I began. "After I found out I was pregnant I broke the news to my parents, although I didn't tell them who was the father. They've always been the kind of parents who were more career focused than they were on their family or on me - their only daughter. They are both lawyers, you see. When they were paying attention to me it was usually to lecture me about working harder at school to ensure I got to university so I could get myself a good career. When they found out I was pregnant they basically wanted nothing to do with me because they were so ashamed and disappointed." I could feel the tone of my voice also slowly becoming more and more disappointed too.
"Sheesh." Harry sounded shocked.
"Yup! So I had to move in with Ele and get a full time job until Nola came along and now I'm basically living off my benefits until she's old enough that I can go back to work." It sounded so pitiful compared to the life that Harry was living.
"And you're parents?" He asked.
"I told them when she was born, but they didn't want anything to do with her so they've never met her. I haven't seen them since I moved out." I was always angry with my parents for turning out to be disappointments, but it didn't change the fact that I genuinely missed them.
"They didn't want anything to do with their own granddaughter...or their only child for that matter?" I was almost embarrassed to confirm his question.
"Sadly not."
"I can't believe it really. If it's any consolation, my parents and step-dad can't wait to be grandparents to Nola. Mum has been on the phone to me about her since I broke the news. She's been counting down the days until the party! So I promise that Nola is going to have the grandparent attention that she deserves, I'm just sorry that it's not from your side of the family too."
"Thank you." I blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.
"You've done an amazing job without them anyway, Marnie. You just need to know that now you don't have to do this on your own anymore, ok?" His voice was gentle and kind and sent a warm feeling seeping through my insides. I heard voices shouting in the background of his end of the call and he sighed. "Be there in a minute!"
"Time to go?" I asked, part of me somewhat relieved that we could end this topic of conversation.
"Yeah, I'm really sorry." Harry sounded apologetic again.
"No, no. Off you go superstar." I laughed and he joined in.
"Give Nola a kiss for me please. I'll speak to you guys tomorrow, ok?" He sounded as though he was on the move, probably frantically running backstage in case he missed his cue.
"Have a good night, see ya." I told him and waited for the call to end.
"Marnie," he said suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"You're brilliant, ok? Don't forget it."
And with that he ended the call.
A/N: I have no idea if anyone is reading this, but if you are - thank you. Please do tell me what you think of you have a chance. I love feedback. :)