Chapter 29: R u mine?
“A photograph is the expression of an impression. If the beautiful were not in us, how would we ever recognize it?” –Ernst Haas
River Quinn
I toss and turn in bed and glance at the clock sitting on my night table. 2:30 am and I still can’t seem to get some shut eye. Damn. The image of Will shirtless and Nirvana standing behind him flashes before my eyes. Again. It’s imprinted in my mind. No wonder I can’t sleep. I’m restless because I can’t stop thinking about her, or him. Or should I say them. The more rational part of my brain tells me I’m being stupid. Nirvana would never hurt me like that. But then why the hell was he there shirtless? How much more evidence do I need? The facts are pretty obvious. I would have to be a moron not to realize now. It seems that either way things turn out I’m an idiot.
I should’ve known from the beginning. He liked her way before I came to town and who knows maybe she probably liked him too. That could be one of the reasons why she wanted to keep us a secret, especially from him. The puzzle pieces were starting to fit together but there were still missing pieces. There were still unanswered questions. Like for example why would she agree to be mine if she had feelings for someone else? It makes no sense. If I keep pondering possibilities I’m sure I’ll start going crazy.
I need a distraction and fast. Something to help me forget.
Alcohol? Nah I can’t stand the taste or the hangovers the day after. I know the healthiest thing to do would be to talk to someone about this. But who would listen to me? I’ve got zero friends here and I’m pissed at my mom. The only person I trusted enough to open up to is the reason why I’m upset now so I guess I’m pretty much stuck.
Maybe I should go out and take some pictures to distract my mind. But where would I go at 2:30 in the morning?
Screw it, I think as I push the covers away and get out of bed. I’m wearing Batman pajama pants and some random band T-shirt and I don’t plan on changing. I simply slip on a pair of the first shoes I spot, grab my Polaroid and I’m out the door. No cellphone and no money. Who would call at 2am? I’m not planning on going shopping either. Keys. I do need that though. Where are they?
When I get downstairs I see some random keys on the kitchen counter and decide to grab them. I don’t know who they belong to but Henry did say that what was his was ours and vice versa. I’m pretty sure he was speaking specifically to my mom when he said that but I’m part of the family now too. I notice there are car keys attached to the keychain. Sweet.
I open the door and step out into the chilly night air. Henry’s car is parked outside which is very convenient for me since these are his pair of keys. I walk over to the car and squint at the two figures that are laying on top of the car bonnet. Robbers? As I get closer I catch the familiar scent of something strong and sweet…weed?
My question is answered when I spot who exactly are chilling on top of the car. It’s Tara and Nate, Nirvana’s cousin, who are indeed smoking joints. What the hell? This is like the second time I’ve caught them smoking together. Is Tara a druggie? I start to wonder. They both turn to face me in surprise.
“River, hey dude,” Tara greets with a dazed look on her face. I think it’s the first time I haven’t seen her with an either calculating or evil look in her eyes. She seems completely relaxed and happy as if she has zero problems. I start to envy her blissfully oblivious state.
“Hey you’re Annie’s friend,” Nate says as if it’s the greatest discovery since Columbus discovered America. I ignore him.
“Tara what are you doing out here so late?”
“I could ask you,” she pauses to suck on her joint, “the same thing.”
“I’m going out, you?” I ask.
“What does it look like genius?” she snaps back making Nate laugh and choke.
“Drugs aren’t a good idea Tara. I’m surprised a smart girl like you would be doing something so stupid,” I tell her. Memories of what happened to my friend back home come rushing through my mind.
“What are you my mother? Oh wait she couldn’t care less about me,” Tara says somewhat bitterly.
“Well suit yourself. Anyway I need you guys to get off the car,” I tell them as I move to unlock the door.
“Why don’t you just drive with us on top?” Nate asks like a retard. I blame the drugs.
“Because you could both get killed, now move.”
“And where exactly are you planning on going?” Tara questions sounding like an authority figure.
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” I reply back.
“It is when you’re using my dad’s car,” good point.
“Look I can’t sleep. I need a distraction so I’m going out for a bit. Now if you could just cooperate and get your butts off the car that’d be great,” I say with fake politeness. They’re starting to get on my nerves.
“Here take a hit. I think you need it more than we do right now,” Nate offers me his joint. I cringe away from it in disgust.
“No thanks,” I mutter. Does Nirvana know her cousin does drugs? I wonder what Henry would think if he found out his perfect little angel got high at night on his car?
“Driving isn’t going to fix any of your problems or make you forget them. This however will def do the trick. Just try it,” Tara tries to convince me. I shake my head in denial and sigh. “Fine then come over here and sit with us,” she offers sounding strangely friendly.
“You know I don’t like you right?” I ask her with a raised brow.
“Ditto. But I’m high and happy and you need to relax. Come on let’s look at the stars,” she says and for some reason I start to consider the idea. Where would I go at this hour anyway? Beats being alone at least, I think as I close the door and climb on the car. Tara scoots over closer to Nate to make room for me and I lean back against the cool glass of the window. I look up at the sky and the numerous amount of stars that are out. You’d think they would be harder to spot in the city. But they shine brighter than any man made light. They’re beautiful.
I don’t know how much time I spend gazing up at the stars but a sense of peace settles inside me. Nate makes a bunch of stupid jokes that only high people find funny and I find myself chuckling along with Tara. I guess the intoxicating smell from their joints is affecting my brain as well.
Tara takes her phone out and a tiny speaker she has and starts playing music. I’m surprised to discover she has pretty decent taste. She starts it off with Viva La Vida by Coldplay, then Counting Stars by One republic comes on and I chuckle out how appropriate that choice is cause that’s exactly what I’m doing. When that’s over Kid Cudi sings Day n Night and Nate starts raping along. He stands up on the car and places his hand over his heart. When he catches our confused stares he explains how that song’s practically his anthem. I blame his nonsense talk on the weed. Then Carly Rae’s annoying shrilly voice comes on singing that stupid Call Me Maybe song and all my respect for Tara’s playlist disappears. However when Nate starts dancing and singing along with a freakishly girly voice I start to like the song much better.
“Get off the car, you retard!” Tara yells as she tries to push him off while trying not to laugh but it’s inevitable. Suddenly we’re all laughing together as I join Nate in his Carly Rae imitation. After our little show we climb back on the car and it seems like I’ve forgotten all about my problems. I don’t know if it’s the smoke from their joints, the music or the company but whatever it is, is doing the trick.
Tara decides to grab and examine my interesting camera. She claims she’s never seen an old Polaroid in real life, only in movies. Then Nate suggests we take a ‘selfie’ with the old fashioned thing. Tara decides to go for it and so we all squish together and she takes the shot. Then she angles the camera towards me and unexpectedly snaps a picture of me. I always say the unpoised shots are the best because they show a person’s true feelings but I’ve never actually been on the other side of the lens. It feels weird to be taken by surprise like that. I’m always behind the camera taking the shot, never the focus of attention. It’s an odd feeling.
Everything is going perfect until a certain song starts playing from the speakers. It’s a song that hits way too close to home titled R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys. It makes me start thinking about Ana and I begin to question things. Is she still mine? Or are things over between us? Are we even friends anymore? Where do we stand? Does she still love me? Did she ever love me? Does her heart belong to Will instead? God this song is messing with my head.
Oh Ana I wish I knew. R U Mine?
I’m a puppet on a string
Tracy Island, time-traveling diamond
Could’ve shaped heartaches
Come to find ya fall in some velvet morning
Years too late
She’s a silver lining lone ranger riding
Through an open space
In my mind when she’s not right there beside me….
I think back to how I reacted and regret my actions. Why was I so rash? I didn’t even let her talk. I’m usually so level headed and calm. I’m not impulsive like my mother. So then why did I react so impulsively? But the images of a shirtless Will and a blushing Ana cloud my mind. Screw them. I did the right thing.
The song thankfully comes to an end and a nice instrumental song I don’t recognize follows.
“What if this is all an illusion huh? What if we’re not actually looking at real stars and a moon? What if this is just like computerized or somethin’ like in the Matrix?” Nate asks out of the blue.
“Yeah and maybe in reality you’re actually smart. That would be even weirder,” Tara teases.
“Yeah,” Nate says then after a small pause “Hey!” it’s entertaining to watch them interact with each other. Anyone who didn’t know would think they were siblings.
“How come you guys are so close?” I ask out loud before I can stop myself. They say drunk people tell the truth. Does that apply to high people as well?
“Our moms used to be friends years back when Nate lived around here,” Tara explains.
“We were like best buds. Like Batman and Robin, Pinky and the Brain, Scooby Doo and Shaggy, Mickey and Pluto, Winnie and Tiger, SpongeBob and Patrick-” Nate gets cut off by her.
“Okay! I think he gets the idea, Patrick,” she says rolling her eyes. They’re amusing.
“Anyway we practically grew up together but then Nate moved away when he was seven and I was six. We still kept in touch and stuff but it wasn’t the same,” Tara said honestly.
“You know I was under the impression that you guys were dating when I met you at the diner at Ana’s house,” I say remembering how upset Ana was to see Tara there with her cousin. What doesn’t make sense is how Ana reacted confused as to how her cousin knew her worst enemy. Didn’t she know they had once been best friends? Something wasn’t making sense here.
“Nah we’re just friends,” Tara replied at the same time as Nate said “She totally wants me but long distance relationships are not my thing.” Tara smacked the back of his head and huffed.
“It didn’t seem like Ana knew you guys knew each other,” I point out.
“She was only four or five at the time so I doubt she even remembers,” Tara says bitterly. Then I decide to ask a big question. I don’t know if she’ll answer or kick me off the car but I decide to take the chance.
“So how come you hate Ana so much? I mean publishing her diary? That was pretty cruel.”
“She deserved it. Actually she got off easy,” the venom in her voice scared me.
“Why? What in the world could she have done?” I ask the million dollar question.
“Yeah SpongeBob why are you always hatin’ on my cuz?” Nate chimes in. I was surprised to find out that one of Tara’s best friends didn’t even know the reason behind her passionate hatred towards Ana.
“Its karma coming to bite her in the ass,” she growled.
“Karma for what exactly?”
“For ruining my life. Her mother is responsible for destroying my family! That Charlotte bitch is the reason why I’m motherless and under the care of a f*cked up father. Since I can’t exactly punish her for it I figured I would do the next best thing and make her daughter’s life a living nightmare. Ana is paying for her mom’s past mistakes. Mistakes that cost me my happiness,” she confessed with so much hurt and anger in her voice that I almost flinched back from the intensity. It took me a moment to process what Tara was explaining but when I did I think my mouth fell open. Charlotte? What did Ana’s mom have to do with any of this teenage drama? Now I was utterly confused.
“What did Auntie Charlotte do?” Nate asked before I got the words out. I don’t know if he or she would remember any of this tomorrow but I knew I certainly would.
“She cheated…with my dad! Charlotte and my mom used to be best friends in college. They used to visit each other all the time. One day mom came home a bit early from work to find that cheating bitch in bed with our sorry excuse for a dad. All those years of friendship meant nothing to her! She betrayed my mom without a second thought. She had her own family and yet she had to come and ruin mine. My mom was so heartbroken that she packed all her bags and left that same day. She didn’t even say goodbye to me. That was ten years ago and I haven’t seen her since. I don’t even know if she’s alive still. What I do know is that it was all Charlotte’s fault and guess what? She came out unaffected by all this. She’s still happily married with a stupid daughter while I’m motherless. Dad was so devastated when she left and so consumed with guilt and sorrow that he took up drinking and hasn’t stopped since. It just gets worse and worse each day. He’s a complete alcoholic. Ana and her mom take away everything good in my life. My only real friend after Nate left was Will and she took him away too. Greedy bitches,” by the time she was done I could see a hint of fresh tears glistening down her cheek. Everything made sense now and I was in utter shock.
Could all this really be true? But then why would Tara make up such an elaborate story? Besides I could see it in her eyes that she was being completely open and honest with us right now. I don’t know if it was the weed talking or if she had somehow convinced herself to trust me but she explained everything. I didn’t even know what to say as I was stunned into silence at the moment. It seemed that Nate was suffering the same problem.
She sniffled and rub her cheeks roughly. I guess she wanted to pretend like we hadn’t just witnessed her silent tears. She wanted to keep up her tough appearance. On the outside she kept up a cold shell. She wanted people to think she was a hard bitch but I could see she had a vulnerable side once you peeled away her outer layer. Tara was like an onion. Once you cut away the bitter exterior she was actually a decent person inside. She was just a girl who lacked a motherly figure and a responsible dad. She just wanted someone to care for her. Her tough attitude was just a surviving mechanism. It was a sad picture really.
But just because I understood where she was coming from didn’t mean I was on her side. I sympathized with her situation but she wasn’t handling the matter the right way. Executing revenge on Ana for the mistakes her mother made was unfair.
“But if everything you said was true then I can’t understand why you’d take it all out on Ana. It’s not her fault her mom did what she did,” I tell her hesitantly.
“It’s the only way I know how to get back at her mom. Besides she just annoys the hell out of me with her victim complex. ‘Ooh look at me I’m poor little Ana and I’m afraid of the big scary germ monsters. Will come rescue me!’ ugh I can’t stand her,” she said in a whiney voice.
“Well at least I understand now,” I said. I wasn’t happy with the explanations but I was satisfied to have more information.
“Yeah and now that you know you have to choose sides River. There are no neutral grounds. You’re either with me or with Ana and if you’re with Ana you’re against me. This is war,” she said in a serious tone. I arched an inquisitive eyebrow at her and narrowed my gaze. Out of nowhere she burst out into a fit of giggles. Giggles? Who knew the tough girl had it in her to giggle.
“I’m joking River. Jeez where’s your sense of humor? No but really don’t um tell Ana anything of what I just told you. It’s personal and stuff,” she pleads.
“Don’t worry I imagine she already knows. I mean it does involve her and all. But if you don’t want her to know I know then I won’t say anything to her,” it’s the least I can do after everything she shared with me.
“Actually I meant don’t tell Ana because…she doesn’t know anything,” she said managing to shock me for the third time tonight.
A/N: Boom! So now you the reasons behind Tara’s hatred. Were you expecting that?? I feel like I added a bit too much dialogue to this chapter. I’m not too confident with the quality of how it came out but I promised I would upload this week and I wanted to keep my word so hopefully you enjoyed it anyway! There’s a lot more drama to come so stay tuned and thanks for reading. Remember to VOTE AND COMMENT or else…haha kidding but seriously your comments really do make my day brighter and the story worth writing. :)
P.s incase you didnt notice this chapter was named after the arctic monkeys song 'R u mine'
P.s.s The lovely cover on the side was made by the wonderful Mararenas! Thanks love ;)