Shannon was seething as I steered him toward the car, but he wasn't the only one. I was stinging from his newly discovered betrayal. "I can't fucking believe you did that to me. What the hell, Shannon? When did you get so underhanded?"
"Oh yeah, I was the sneaky one. You stabbed me in the back first," he shot back at me.
"You started it? Really? That's your defense? We're not seven anymore and no one stabbed you in the back. If anyone sabotaged you it was you."
"Yeah, everyone wants to point out my mistakes but no one is actually willing to hear my side of things or talk it out with me. Jane made mistakes and everyone was all "Oh, it's okay Janey, stop crying, we forgive you." I fuck up and before we can talk about it at all you're balls deep in my girlfriend!"
"You're what?" Chloe demanded as she stalked across the lawn. Perfect. Just what this night needed. Another scene.
"Not tonight," I grumbled.
"Yeah, I think we are going to talk about this tonight," Chloe said, completely misunderstanding me. "Is this why that redhead came up to me and asked who I was and then told me I needed to go collect my boyfriend?"
"I meant this happened four years ago..."
"I told her I didn't have a boyfriend, by the way. Just some asshole who promises me bullshit so I'll suck his dick."
I groaned. "Chloe, goddammit tell me you did not fucking say that to her!" Chloe rolled her eyes and handed me my phone. "You know what, fine. This isn't worth it. Get in the goddamn car and I'll take you back to my place so you can gather your shit and go find someone who'll treat you in the manner you so clearly think you're entitled to."
She spluttered but got in the car, glaring at me the entire time. I turned to Shannon, who still stood on the opposite side of the vehicle, refusing to get inside. "As for you, were you holding that "Jane fucked up card" the entire time thinking it was going to get you out of whatever trouble you got into? Did you seriously think you were going to get away with sleeping around on her? Does she seem like the type to you that would go for that? What you and she did weren't even remotely on the same level. You made a conscious decision over and over again. She made an impulsive bad choice when she was drunk, and she owned it immediately. You need to take responsibility for your fucking mistakes for once, Shannon."
"Why am I the only one being held to that fucking standard!" Shannon shouted at the top of his lungs. I glanced around nervously and noted some people looking our way. I turned back to try again to get Shannon into the car but he was stalking off.
"Shannon!" I called after him but he just flipped me off and kept walking. I got in the car and drove after him.
"I'll call a cab. Fuck off," he growled before flipping me off again and then walking away in the opposite direction. I looked over at Chloe who was sitting in the passenger seat, arms folded, looking at me like I was asshole of the year. I was done with both of them. I headed for home.
I called Roger the next day but after two rings it went straight to voicemail. I received a text a few minutes later – Now is not a good time – and I tossed the phone down in frustration. I wondered if either of them had any intentions of talking to me. Maybe they were just trying once again to let this all go, but I thought we had proven pretty conclusively last night that simply wasn't going to happen. I didn't know what chatting about it was going to improve but ignoring things hadn't made them go away, they had only festered. I didn't like having this hanging over me, and I hated that Shannon's manipulations had made me look like such a jackass. I wondered what they had thought about me all these years. No wonder Roger had stopped speaking to me.
Shannon didn't come back home the next day or the day after that either. This was nothing new, he had been disappearing for days and even weeks since he was a teenager, but I had never stopped worrying about him when he did. Even when I was furious with him I still worried. He finally turned up three days later, still in the clothes he'd been wearing at the party, smelling like a nightclub bathroom. There had been a lot of shouting, all by me, and I had demanded to know what the hell happened to him but he had shut me out entirely, refusing to say a word or even look me in the eye. He simply retreated to his room and I heard his shower going a few minutes later. When I checked in again he was asleep.
Of course, as predicted, Chloe had cleared out the minute we had returned from the party, hurling expletives at me as she waited for her cab. I should have felt worse about that than I did, but I had never made her any promises, regardless of what she might have wishfully imagined. I had been relieved when she left, I wasn't in the mood to deal with her anymore, or anyone else either, and I had sent everyone away. Now that Shannon was home and I was no longer worrying about him I was becoming acutely aware of my solitude. I puttered around the house for a little bit before ultimately grabbing my keys, thinking maybe I would go for a drive.
I was stuck in traffic, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel when my phone lit up with a text message. Seeing as how I wasn't moving anywhere I didn't see the harm and so I picked up the phone only to find the text was from Jane. It was simple – Could you maybe come by? I'd like to talk.-- but it was the opening I had been hoping for.
I'm not doing anything right now, just out for a drive. How's now? I texted back. There was no immediate response and the traffic started to move again so I tossed the phone back onto the seat beside me and looked for somewhere good to pull over. I eventually found myself sitting in the parking lot of a gym, tapping the phone screen and waiting. I guess Jane hadn't expected so quick a response. I wondered again what the hell I was even doing here. Why did it matter to me what Jane or Roger thought at this point? Years had gone by. It shouldn't still matter this much. I wasn't sure why it did.
Okay, now would be okay. Sending the address.
Jane and Roger's place (well I assumed they were still living together, even with the spat they'd had I couldn't picture either one of them without the other) wasn't that from my place. I'd have been closer if I'd just stayed at home. It took me about forty minutes from where I was, but since I was kind of taking Jane by surprise it was probably for the best. I ran through so many things in my head that I wanted to say to her. I wondered if I'd have the nerve to tell her any of it though. For as much as I seemed to like the sound of my own voice, I had a bad habit of not really saying much. At least not anything important.
Jane answered the door in blue jeans and a tank top, and I wondered if she had been tanning recently because her freckles stood out in staunch relief on her fair skin. My brain supplied an image of them, a spray of pigmentation down her right side just under her breast, and felt an all too familiar tug in my stomach. "Hi, Jane," I greeted her.
"Hey Jared, come on in," she beckoned as she stepped aside.
The house was completely different than their apartment in New York had been, and I wondered if I was seeing the contrast in decorating styles between Jane and Roger. It was light and airy, full of plants and whitewashed wood. "Nice place," I complimented her as she led me back to a small sunroom in the rear of the house.
"Thanks. We only moved in a few months ago but I really like it."
"Yeah, the light is amazing. So you and Roger are living together still?
"Yeah, of course we are," Jane said with a sly grin. "Did you really think we wouldn't be?"
"Well you know the last time I spoke to either one of you, you weren't speaking to each other so who knows."
Jane nodded gravely, acknowledging the last time we had been together "Yeah, things were pretty bad then for all of us." She gestured toward the seating, oversized rattan pieces with thick cushions and tastefully patterned throw pillows. "Can I get you a drink or anything?"
I shook my head before sitting down. I hadn't known what to expect when I got here but Jane certainly seemed to be calm. Hopefully, she'd had time to think things over since the bombshell that Shannon had dropped. "So, how are you really? Are you glad to be back in Los Angeles?"
Jane shrugged. "I don't know. I'd gotten pretty attached to New York and they are so different. There are definitely things that I miss. It does feel a little like coming home though, being out here."
I noticed she hadn't answered my first question. I was the king of verbal Olympics event of talking without committing to anything. She wasn't going to get one over on me that easily."But you're okay though? You're doing well?"
Jane gave me that sly smile again. "I'm fine. Things are going pretty well. My latest book came out two weeks ago and it's getting great reviews. Completely broke the initial sales projections and they're already talking second printing."
"Wow," I said, truly impressed. "How many does that make for you now?"
"This is four. It's the start of a new series." She picked up a pillow from beside her and sat it on her lap, picking at the fringe. "You guys have done pretty well for yourselves too."
"It's been an amazing journey," I replied. The small talk was agonizing but I knew we had to start somewhere. "Did you like the last album?"
Jane shrugged uncomfortably. "I haven't listened to it. I've heard songs on the radio but..."
I don't know why I expected that she had, why I thought she'd keep up with us at all. It wasn't like I had read her books. "Sorry. I guess that makes sense."
We sat there in silence until the air grew thick with it. So many memories swirled through my head, the innocent way everything had started over french fries at a diner, to the sorry state of affairs we had let our lives come to the last time we had all bumped into each other. I hoped things were better for Jane and Roger now. They were certainly better for me. "How's Roger?" I finally ventured. "Is he excited about this series?"
Jane brightened a bit. "He is so thrilled. You have no idea. I read all the books when he was getting ready for the audition and they are so good. His part is so interesting. Are you familiar with it?"
"No. It's not really my thing. But I'm happy he's happy with it. He is, right? You're both happy, aren't you? I mean the last time we talked..."
"Yes, Jared. We were a mess, I know. Things are much better now. How about you? You were going through some stuff yourself."
"Things are pretty good with me right now," I assured her. She nodded and then went back to examining the pillow. I wondered if she wanted to ask about Shannon. "Look, about the other night..."
"It was just a fluke. We probably won't be running into each other again. I don't go to those things with Roger very often but he was nervous because there were a few people he was trying to impress and so I made an exception," she said without looking up.
"I wouldn't mind running into you again," I offered. "I really liked hanging out with you back then. Roger too. It would be nice if we could be friends somehow."
Jane shrugged and her face shifted. She had never had a poker face of any sort, you could read her expressions like an open book. This one was sad, and something like regret and her voice was small when she spoke. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," I conceded. "I shouldn't have brought it up. There's just too much history I guess..."
"No. That's not what I meant," Jane sighed. "I'm sorry. You may have been rude and an ass but I didn't give you a chance to explain or bother to find out what was going on at all. I just reacted, and badly."
I guess we were going revisit the past after all. "Look, I get it. I was the last in a long string of disappointments. You didn't have anything left to give me. Shannon timed his little trick well."
"Fucking Shannon..." Jane mumbled under her breath and I could swear I saw her eyes start to tear.
"I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn't have shown up here to rub salt into old wounds. And I should have asked you about that email instead of reacting like a childish brat."
Jane nodded and let out a shaky breath. "Don't get me wrong. I mostly never think about that summer anymore. I've gone on with my life. Seeing you guys like that though, out of the blue..."
"It just stirred up the ghosts," I agreed. I knew what she was saying. I felt it too, something almost forgotten pulled from the back of the closet, like suddenly no time had passed at all. "So, this going on with your life, what does that look like for you?"
"Writing. A lot of writing. I have another publicity tour that I leave for next week."
"Are you seeing anyone?" I blurted out far less casually than I would have liked.
Jane chuckled. "No. I don't really have room for that in my life these days. I write, I travel. I did some volunteer work for a few years, teaching English in Tanzania and Nepal, among other things. Took up some new hobbies. I stay busy enough. I'm happy," she reassured me with a smile.
"I'm glad. You look amazing, by the way. That hair color suits you."
"Yeah, it's the freckles I think. Lets me pull the redhead thing off convincingly."
"What else has Roger been up to?"
"His career is pretty much taking everything right now. He really busted his ass working for it, and he took every reasonable part he could get, just to learn and get better. I think he was planning on staying in theater but this Seven Kings series was too incredible of an opportunity to pass up. I don't know where he'll go from there but wherever it is, I'll follow him. He did enough of that for me. It's my turn now." She set the pillow aside and smoothed her hands against her jeans. "So are you seeing that Chloe girl?"
I shook my head. "No. That was ... " I couldn't figure out how to explain Chloe without making myself look like a complete jackass so I just opted not to explain at all. "She's gone anyway. How about Roger? Anyone in his life?"
Jane giggled. "I think he has a girlfriend."
"You think? You don't know? How is that possible?"
"It's not like that. There's this bakery down the road that makes really great coffee. We've been stopping there since we moved in. The lady that owns it, Gretchen... well Roger keeps finding more and more excuses to stop by there lately. They flirt a lot and he's been going down there, ordering coffee and staying for hours. She's incredibly nice. Like, really warm and funny, and I like her a lot. So I'm hoping."
"That's good," I said. I sincerely meant it. "He deserves to find someone who gets him and makes him happy."
"We all do," Jane agreed.
We began to relax a little more after that, and Jane told me about some of the humanitarian volunteer work she had been doing, most recently in Nepal. She had apparently also taken up mountaineering, and although she had done some summiting overseas she was currently concentrating on the continental US, having just come back from scaling Mr. Whitney. I was impressed, she had never seemed the type to go in for a physical adventure like that and she must have stepped far outside her usual comfort zone for all of these things. There were a lot of dimensions to Jane and I realized I had only ever scratched the surface. I wasn't sure what I wanted from this relationship now, to be honest, I was a little conflicted, but I hoped that it least would include getting to know all these aspects of her a little better.
We made plans to meet up again later in the week, and I suggested trying to get Roger and Gretchen to join us. I wanted to connect with Roger again as much as Jane, and it seemed like a good excuse to meet the woman that seemed to have captured his attention and perhaps encourage that along. We lingered over our parting hug perhaps a little longer than normal and then I was in my car, heading home.
Other than the reference to his email, we hadn't mentioned Shannon at all.