The sound of the trees rustling in the wind and the wind a cool and calm breeze, calmed the two beings walking on the grass.
Only an unbroken silence hung in a heavy and comforting aura between both individuals.
But as they got closer to the place, both began to feel the emotions that they thought had been long gone.
Hoseok, held the roses closer to himself, heart beating hard as his "marker" came to view. He knew he already lost the battle with his emotions already, but he wanted the war he had with his sadness gone.
But Yoongi stopping them made Hoseok raise a brow in uncertainty. Yoongi looked conflicted. And he didn't like seeing his hyung like that. But before he could say anything, Yoongi spoke up.
"I just.. want to know.. If you really still want to do this.."
Hoseok himself now went conflicted. Could he honestly be able to handle it?
He didn't know if he would be able to, that he knew more than anything. As he could still remember and feel the heart-shattering pain as the reality and truth hit him when he saw Taehyung's coffin being placed into the ground. He lost it then. And he hadn't been the same again.
If it hadn't been for Yoongi, he probably would have ended up dead in some alley or either gone completely mad by the sickness that came over his mental, emotional and physical state.
As he had almost lost his own life because of his grief in result. He had woken up sad and irritated he hadn't been put out of his misery. But it was upon gazing to who leaning on his hospital bed sleeping, did his entire world and mindset change.
Waking up, seeing the streaks of dry tears that stained once glowing and pale tan cheeks; seeing the dark circles that had formed under once pretty and graceful almond-shaped eyes; once silky and shiny jet black hair, now layed a lifeless unkept and bushy dirty-black, completely layed sticking up in different directions. Made him gasp seeing Yoongi in such a state, because of him.
He might have went through so much, but he would never forgive himself for putting Yoongi through so much worse because of himself.
That had been his turning point, as Yoongi woke and launched himself at him. Hugging him tight and crying in joy at his waking. It was feeling the restricting comfort and endearing warmth of Yoongi's arms, that brought tears to his eyes and regret deep to his heart that he promised over and over that he would change. That was his vow, to Yoongi, and to himself.
He made sure every single day after his waking, he would do everything and anything to make sure the people around him were happy and that he didn't burden them.
Two months had passed until he began to get better, under Yoongi's constant, watchful care and attention to him every single day.
It had taken him over a year to finally be able to live, eat and think normally once again. He didn't want to put himself, Yoongi above all, through that again. He wouldn't let Yoongi's hard work go to waste.. No.
But he didn't know if his mind, emotions or heart would be able to handle that experience again. But Yoongi was right, he needed to do this.
As much as it hurts him to let go, it hurts holding on even more.
"I need to do this.."
Yoongi saw the uncertainty in Hoseok's eyes. But he saw determination above that most of all. And that was all he needed to bring him to go with it.
"Let's go.."
The walk was silent. The softness of the grass under his feet and Yoongi's hand in his, provided the only comfort. And too soon, they were in front of the grave.
He stared at the Headstone, disbelief set in his eyes and heart as he saw his boyfriend's name engraved into the stone. His late boyfriend, to be cruelly correct.
He felt the ugly clench at the back of his throat and the watery-outline of his vision, as he held back his tears. He placed a hand on his mouth, in response to the hard and painful truth displayed in his vision.
"Hi Tae.." he said softly. Putting a smile on his face despite the painful tugging at his heart. "How have you been?"
"It's been quite a year hasn't it?"
Yoongi said nothing. But he knew that even if he said nothing, Yoongi was actually supporting him.
But he felt those old emotions. Those old and horrible emotions he had long gone moved on from, slowly bubble up to the surface once again.
"I didn't think I'd ever find the will, the motivation, to ever come back here. Not by myself anyway.."
He took a shakey deep breath. His grip tightening on Yoongi's hand.
"But I did.. And I don't even know what to say.."
He felt the tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Trying to keep his voice calm and normal.
"But honestly.. I miss you.." And he broke down once those three last words left his mouth.
"Why Tae??!" He yelled now. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO?!!"
Yoongi held him as he struggled in the other's arms. The situation reminiscent to one mirrored over a year ago. But this time, his mind was at least sane and clear.
"It- It..! IT WASN'T FAIR!" He didn't care if he looked like a mess. But he needed to get this off his chest.. "We were suppose to get married!! Adopt a daughter, be together, watch her grow up, travel the world and grow old together.."
He let the tears stream down his face. Letting the memories they never got to live, only within his imagination, as they flashed in his head.
"Why.." he said sobbing now. "Why.. Why..."
His legs slumped him. Yoongi catching him easily. He let himself cry his frustration and sadness once again out.
He didn't know how long he cried. 5 minutes, an hour, he didn't know. But he did know, Yoongi never once let him go. Allowed him to cry on his shoulder while his tears wracked his body.
"I know how much it hurts.." Yoongi's voice finally spoke again. Into Hoseok's shoulder. Letting Hoseok let it all out. "I Understand that loss is unfair.."
"But.."
He knew it would be cruel. But he also knew that he needed to say it, or Hoseok would just fall back into slump once again.
"You need to move on.."
He heard Yoongi say. The other placing an assuring hand on his shoulder for comfort while he cried. Stairing at the the flowers he placed below the stone.
"I know..", Hoseok said while wiping his tears.
"I just can't believe it's been a year.."
Forgive me Taehyung.. he said before pulling the sobbing male into his arms and hugging the brunette deeply. But I can't see him suffer any more..
"The ones we love don't go away.. they walk beside us everyday.. Unheard.. Unseen.. but always near, still loved, still missed very grately.."
He let himself say just that. Let Hoseok cry. Let he himself to hold the other even closer and tighter.
"It's okay.." He comforted Hoseok. "Let it out.." His own tears beginning to slowly fall down his face.
He didn't know when it happened, but as he clung onto Yoongi for dear life, he felt different. He felt a difference of something in him, just by being in Yoongi's arms.
The sweet yet fresh scent of Yoongi's cologne and his natural scent, filled his senses. It always comforted him, but now, it gave him butterflies and he was panicking as to why.
As Yoongi's presense around him never to use affect him like this, until now. He couldn't find the will nor desire to push himself away from it or from Yoongi's arms. But Taehyung's beautiful smile and face flashed back to him, just for a second, and he stopped.
That made him move back, but not violently.
"Hobi..?" Yoongi questioned. He wiped his eyes, shakily taking a deep breath in before looking back up.
He sighed contently.
"I'm fine.." He assured smiling. "Help me up?"
And Yoongi did so without hesitation. The both of them now on their feet.
He wiped his eyes with his sleeves again.
"Thank you.."
Yoongi just chuckled. "Don't thank me.. Thank yourself for being the one who came and faced the past.."
"But I wouldn't have done it without you.." Hoseok said gazing at the blackette. "So Thank You for being there.. now.. and then.."
He knew Yoongi was not one to show his emotions. But he himself, was the only one ever to see Yoongi cry or see him fall apart...
Even now...
"Is there anything else you want to say to him before we leave?" Yoongi questioned softly.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He smiled as he knew what to say and he opened his eyes and faced the headstone of Taehyung's grave.
"Even if we sometimes got into fights.." Hoseok said smiling at the memory, opening his eyes again to allow the last drop of tears to go. "Thank You for bringing alot of happiness into my life Taehyung.."
He would always remember.. and cherish.. all the memories.
"..and.."
All the conversations..
The laughs. The smiles.
The tears. The jokes.
The hugs. The kisses. The touches.
And above all..
The experiences.
He would always hold them precious, from the bottom of his heart.
"Thank you for loving me.. Taehyung.."
He said placing the flowers atop the grass, smiling happily. His heart finally blooming forth with warm euphoria and cold happiness.
The feeling was beautiful.
-
"You protected me.." Hoseok said. Sitting cross-legged on the bed as Yoongi changed in front of his bed. "Saw how a complete mess I was during then.."
"Then?"
Yoongi said stopping putting his shirt on and turning to look questionably to the other.
"During the funeral.." Hoseok enlightened. The other understood Hoseok's meaning now. But he had unsure feeling as he knew where this was heading to.
Hoseok just watched Yoongi continue. Seeing that as Yoongi's way of saying continue.
"You were the one who held me when they were lowering him in.. The one who pushed everyone out of the way so we'd be the first to say farwell.."
He held the pillow in his arms tighter. Looking down to the sheets in recollection.
"And as much as you tried to talk to me.. even if I can't recall.. You defended me and waited with me til I had no tears left to cry.."
"Til you passed out.." Yoongi corrected him, looking at him sharply.
"If you're going to apologize or thank me, don't.. You don't need to do it.."
It was Hoseok to stop what he was doing now.
"Why..?", he questionedly softly. Open-ended.
"..because I did it because you are my friend.. And I couldn't bear to see you like that.." Yoongi said keeping gaze with him the entire time the other picked up his bag.
"..Why couldn't you bear to see me like that?" Hoseok questioned on even more.
Yoongi just sighed.
Now is not the time.. he mentally scolded the innocent being in front lf him.
"..Sleep.." the elder said assuringly. "..it's been a long day. You must tired.. Call me the moment you wake you in the morning. Okay?"
Yoongi smiled and he nodded. His senses not liking the fact Yoongi was leaving. He bit the inside of his lip at that.
"See ya.."
But before his mind can process anything, his body moves.
"Hyung-!"
Hoseok calls out, grabbing Yoongi's wrist before he could leave further beyong his reach. Making the other stop and gaze down to their touching point and finally look up to Hoseok's eyes.
He knew it was a long shot. But he could try.
Biting his lip unsure. He made his voice as fragile as his entire being felt.
"Can you..stay?"
The brunette questioned softly. Taking the other aback. The way it was like his prayers were suddenly being answered.
"Stay..?" Yoongi questioned disbelievingly. But it didn't allow it to show on his face.
Hoseok began blushing, a bit from having to explain why. Yet he also managed to keep his face as happily stoic as possible.
"The bed and room get cold in the middle of the night and I can't go back to sleep.."
"Plus.." Hoseok said breaking gaze. Turning his head down to his lap while taking a deep breath. "I don't.. like the silence.. It makes me feel even more lonely, more sad.."
"And you don't need to say yes, so you can just not listen to me.."
"H-", he began to protest. But the next words made his own stop in his throat in shock.
"But can you stay here with me..?"
He couldn't find his voice or his soul to show a response. To how grateful and happy he actually felt his heart was. But before he could respond, Hoseok seemed to take his silence for rejection.
"Just for tonight, you know.. But only if you want to or you can just say n-"
"Yes"
Yoongi said straight-forward. Voice filled with no hesitation or lie.
It took a moment for Hoseok to realize his offer was accepted.
"O-Okay.. Then..
"Where do you want me to sleep?"
"I have Futon in the closent.." Hoseok spoke out. "Just wait, lemme get it out.."
He didn't know whether to turn Hoseok down or to just go with it. His thoughts being conflicted was the reason he was still in place.
But as Hoseok came back, a pure and happy smike on his face as he handed him the futon and a blanket. Telling him to sleep well and thank him for staying, he couldn't find the will to leave.
He could only feel the warmth of his cheeks and heart, as he watched the beautiful person in front of him, be happy purely from his agreement. And that enough, allowed him to stay and follow Hoseok's words.
-
"Mmm?", a deep voice voiced out grogily. He stirred. Raised a brow in complete darkness as he slowly came to his senses. Sitting up slightly, squinting, he looked so try and see a bit more at the person on the bed.
"Hoseok it that you?" He questioned. But he got no reply.
He heard the rustling of a blanket being thrown and shuffling on the carpent with the rustle of the blanket on the floor coming closer to him. He quickly pieced it together.
"Hobi, what're you doing?"
He tried to question out. His voice more raspty and deeper than usual because he just woke up and was barely coming to his senses in the pitch black darkness.
How Hoseok was managing to not trip over anything, baffled him. But his thought were cut short as he felt his blanket be lifted up and a warm body was flung onto his.
He nearly yelpt from the sudden contact of a body on top of his. The scent of the unique Fresh Water shampoo that he knew only Hoseok uses filled his nose and the fact the only other persom in the apartment was Hoseok, made him calm down.
But like adding more salt to a wound, Hoseok began to snug closer to him and began to latch his arms around his neck and legs around his lower body.
"Hos-!", he tried to say out. Completely questioned, confused and panicked to what and why this was all suddenly happening.
He was about to say stop but he stopped shocked as he was cut off by Hoseok's lips pecking his own before Hoseok comfortably wiggled to cuddle and partially lay on top of his chest. Face in the groove of his neck and nose pressed against his pulse point.
He was speechless.
Hoseok just kissed him.
Unconsciously, yeah.. But a kiss was a kiss!
"W-What are you-??", he tried to stutter out.
"Noooo...!", Hoseok protested poutingly. Eyes closed. "Don't moooovvvee!"
He turned in response.
Oh...
"You made the bed cold.. Pabo, why did you leave the bed. Are you cheating on me?"
His mind and body was in so many places. Confused, Panicked, Worried and Fearful. The first to for his sake.. But the next two.. For the Unconscious Walker's sake.. As his heart beat a million miles per second.
"But it doesn't matter..", Hoseok said happily sliding his thigh over Yoongi's. Making the black haired of the two intake air through his nose and bite his bottom lip in panicked frustration.
"I'm warm now, so I forgive you.."
He didn't know whether to be happy and smile, because they were friends..
"You promised me you'll never leave.. So I won't allow you.."
Or cry because that was probably all they ever would be..
But despite how unsure and unreadable the future was.. Especially the one between he and the person on his chest, embracing him now.. He would wait.
If that waiting meant he could still be with Hoseok, he'd wait for as long as forever, to be with him.
-The Next Day ~ Afternoon-
[Min Yoongi's POV]
He didn't register the feel of the grass beneith his feet as he walked.
He felt soul-less in fact. He could only register an arm-length of things around him. The bouquet of flowers in his hand and the clothes on his back was the only thing he could feel as he walked past headstones.
Yesterday, many things had happened.. Many things he wondered if actually happened or was just a lucid dream and he was dreaming.
But as he gazed at the Headstone and read the name of the person who brought them many endearing and happy moments, all those memories slammed back into him, and he knew it all was real. And that this was reality.
Closing his eyes, he collected his words, with a shakey intake of breath he leaned down and placed the bouquet of flowers right beside the one that had been placed yesterday.
"Hi Tae-ssi..", he spoke out barely. "How have you been?"
But even if those memories were just what they were, long gone moments.. they also were the line to his thoughts.
"Free? Happy? Enlightening?"
It was just him. Only the sound of the leaves swaying in the wind and the far distant sound of cars registered mutely to him.
Only the now dull blue of the almost dry petals of the blue roses, gave him something to focus on.
"I know we came by yesterday.. But this time I wanted.. needed.. to come here by myself..
He felt his words flicker unheard in his head.
"I don't know what quite to say, but since it happened.. Over the last twelve months.."
"Life.." Yoongi began. Averting his head to the ground. Biting his lip. "...definitely changed after you.. you know.. left.."
His heart pained just remembering. Especially when he thought of him.
"It had been.. really difficult.. at first.. but you know, life has to go on.."
"You were our dongsaeng.. or well mine.." Yoongi said with a shakey chuckle. "..Our best friend.. our weired yet adored alien of the group.. and above all, you were our brother.. And even more, you were a lover, his love.."
He looked to the sky, seeing the golden rays of the afternoon sun mix with the turquoise of the sky. He looked back down, finding his words with that moment to collect his thoughts.
"And I above everyone, know.. How much he still loves you.."
"Even if we all were happy as friends.. You brought meaning into his life. Something we all never and I myself, never, could.."
He shifted one foot to the other.
"And it hurts, to remember, that the love that grew and bloomed so beautifully between the two of you, had to be cut so short.."
"You gave us, him.. Happiness.. And that is something we all are so grateful for.."
"But ever since you.. left..", "Life was hard, but we know we can't hold if we don't want to move forward.."
"You may be gone from our lives.. But you will never be gone from our hearts Taehyung.."
"Thank you for the beautiful and endearing memories.. And above all, thank you for loving him.."
"I just wanted to say that, and let you know.."
"But that isn't why I came here today.."
"You asked me once, if I loved someone.. And I told you No.. and you said Why.."
"..and told you, Because I couldn't.... Did you ever wonder why? Did you ever figure it out?"
"Tae.. I'm sorry.. But I can't do this anymore.. One entire year.. I can't.."
"All I want is for him to be happy and smile from the bottom of his heart again.." He finished and the flood gates broke and tears began to fall down his face.
He never cried. Never allowed himself to do so even once for the past year even if he so much wanted to. No, because he needed to be there for Hoseok. But now they were coming down and he couldn't stop. Falling to his knees, he allowed the sobs to wrack throughout his entire body.
Let it out Yoongi.. he assured himself.
He thought of Hoseok. Thought of the first time he ever saw Hoseok. No matter how much time had passed from then, Hoseok was still beautiful. Thought of the other's soft and fluffy jet black hair, of his bright and perfect smile, of those adorable little dimples that appeared when his sunshine would grin.
It's always been that way the moment Hoseok came into his life. No matter how much he tried to convince himself he shouldn't.. He'd end up falling in love with Hoseok more each and every day.
And in the end, he knew Hoseok would be his lifeline to life. The one thing he had a purpose to living for. If he was to say what was one thing did he did right in life, he'd say without doubt, it would be falling in love with a beautiful boy named Jung Hoseok.
"Forgive me Taehyung, but I can't see him suffer anymore.."
Call him selfish or cruel, but he wanted Hoseok to be happy once more again more than anything. He'd give his own heart to Hoseok just so he'd see Hoseok smile happily from the bottom of his heart once again. To know that he cared despite the emotionless face he puts up.
Even if it meant telling Hoseok his 5 year love for him. Even if Hoseok ends up pushing him away or denying him, he'd be okay with it. All he wants is for Hoseok to know where his heart stands. Know that even if he pushed him away, he would still care about him. And that he would always be there when Hoseok called for him.
That he loved him unquestionably and unconditionally.
"All I want.. is to see him happy. He's been hurting for too long, and I feel horrible just allowing him to do so because I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love.."
"You know I'm the only one around that can bring him that happiness.. because you know I would never, ever, do anything to hurt him.. I just want him to stop looking at your grave like he wants to join you.."
"All I want is for him to live, and keep living, and live a happy life. All I'm asking you, is will you allow me to be the one he has a reason to keep living and be happy once again for?" he whispered, slow, happy aftermath tears dripping from his eyes.
Bowing, he turned and but stopped as he took only one step.
Seeing a dark figure on the edge of his vision, he turned to see what it was.
But looking around, he saw nobody. Just other headstones, grass and trees.
Weird.. he said gazing around his surroundings.
He swore he felt somebody watching him. Probably someone else taking their respects too, he settled as he composed himself together once again and turned finally and made way back to his car. While inside, he wiped his eyes so Hoseok wouldn't see the dry tears and suspect the puffiness and end up worrying.
With a final respect of good-bye, he turned the ignition and allowed the car to slowly drive out of sight into the city.
-
[Kim Taehyung's POV]
"No.." he silently cried. Hidden behind the tree as he gazed straight ahead. Slumping himself to the ground, face in his hands.
"All this time you-"
He never finished as he stared down at his body in shock and horror.
His body.. was slightly transparent.. as he lighly saw the grass of the ground through his legs.
A new wave of sobs and tears overcame him. His body shaking with each tearful heaving.
"Hoseok..?", he croaked out in a low and broken voice.
"Don't leave me.."
............................................
(A/N: You don't know how much that pained me to write..😣💔 But Vote and Comment Guys. ❤ it gives me motivation.. ❤❤)