May 17, 2020 edited
Not perfect but better....No plot changes
I found myself standing in front of the punching bag. I don't remember walking here. I don't remember wrapping up my hands and I don't have a clue how long I have been standing here staring at the stupid punching bag. I don't remember anything after I walked away from Jenson.
"Mac are you ok?" A deep voice asked. I knew I seen him before. I was pretty sure he was one of the guys I used to see working out with Nick. Looking into his eyes I could see his concern.
I tore my eyes off his and looked around. There were a few people standing close by and all looking our way. I don't even remember seeing anyone. I just don't remember. "I...I...don't think so." I replied. I heard him talking but I couldn't make out what he was saying.
My vision was once again filled with the motionless red punching bag. As I stared straight ahead my vision started to blur than fade. I was once again back in my old bedroom where I grew up in. I was upset that my dad couldn't make it for my birthday. Johnny came over to cheer me up and told me a beautiful girl should never spend her birthday alone. I remember thinking how sweet he was and how I was starting to fall in love with him. I remember the way he kissed me and carried me to my room. I thought it was the most romantic thing ever. I remembered when things started to go too far. I wasn't ready for that. All we have ever done was kiss and hold hands. He was pushing too hard and too fast. I couldn't stop his hands from going under my shirt, he just seemed to be everywhere. When I finally was able to stop him he was so angry. He accused me of not loving him and that I was just a tease. Then the next minute he told me he loved me and would never leave me. He promised me he would always be here for me. He promised he would be gentle and go slow. I didn't want to but was so scared he would leave and I would be alone again. He broke those promises that night as well as broke my heart.
When I cried and screamed telling him it hurt he just pushed harder. When I screamed for him to stop he just held me down and became rougher. He ignored everything I said and did. While I laid under him in tears he finally finished with one last grunt before he got off me and pulled his pants up. I remembered the smirk on his face and his cold eyes. I don't remember what he said but I knew I cried harder after he left. I remember I couldn't move for hours after because of the pain. The rest of the weekend I stayed in bed and cried.
My dad didn't come home till the following week. It was the worst week I had ever had. Johnny had his arm around another girl that Monday. He was already with someone else. That was when he started the rumors. I meant nothing to him. I was just another girl that he stole her virginity. That was when the other kids started to bully me. That was when I got into my first fight and lost badly. I didn't know who to fight, never mind defending myself. That day when I walked in the door with a black eye, a cut on my forehead and a bloody nose was the day my dad came home. I had never seen him so mad before. I thought he was mad at the kids who beat me till I laid on the ground not able to move but no he was mad at me. He was so upset that I let someone beat me. He was mad because I was weak. The next day was when we started our training. I was so upset with the way he was acting and blaming me for what happened. It broke my already unstable heart even more.
It was a few weeks after my birthday that I was dragged into the boys washroom. They gagged me so my screams were muffled. They pinned me down to the ground while they roughly grabbed my body. All this happened while Johnny stood at the door of a stall and laughed while giving them directions. By the time the janitor walked in, my shirt was torn up the middle, my bra was ripped with my breast fully exposed and my jeans were just being pulled down past my hips. I fought and fought but I was no match for 5 guys. That was the last day I saw Johnny or the other boys.
The janitor fought for me and got them all expelled. My dad was gone again so he never found out what really happened. It was after that day when I took my training seriously and pushed myself farther and farther. After those memories replayed themselves back in slow motion everything else seemed like flashes. One slap after another. I relived everything. I felt everything. More of the bad with the odd pleasant memory which in a regular person's life would not be classified as a pleasant memory. The way I felt after a good fight, a good workout, a good hour with the guy I used for my physical needs after my dad died. The last image I saw was those emerald green eyes that looked so broken.
I found myself crumple to the floor while someone held me in their arms while I sobbed and screamed. I held onto whoever was holding me for my life. Everything was cracking inside. I felt raw. I heard whispers in my ear but couldn't comprehend what they were saying. I felt strong arms around me that felt they were the only thing keeping me together. It was those arms that settled my screams to sobs then to finally silent tears. I relived all the emotional and physical pain in the last 3 years in minutes. I was afraid if those arms left me I would shatter. They were the only thing that brought me back to this world.
"You're ok Love. Let's get you back to bed." It was Nick's soothing voice in my ear. It was his arms around me. I didn't know when I went from feeling the cold ground under me to being straddled on Nick's lap but I didn't care. I wasn't letting go.
I don't remember him carrying me back to the house but the next thing I knew he was sitting on the bed with me still wrapped around him. The tears had stopped. I still felt raw inside but more solid. I didn't feel like I was going to shatter at that moment. Climbing off his lap and I walked into the bathroom. I needed to feel clean. To wash off everything that I just relived.
Stepping into the water that was uncomfortably too hot, I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed my body more. Trying to feel clean.. I pushed back the memories that tried to corrupt my mind again. I pushed and pushed while I scrubbed my skin till it was red. I don't know how long I was in the shower for but when I got out I wrapped a towel around my body without even drying off first. When I walked out the bathroom door I spotted Nick immediately, he was pacing in the room. There was no hesitation in my steps. I walked over and threw my arms around his waist. There were no more tears but I needed him. I needed to feel something besides what I did in the past.
He held me tight with his arms wrapped around my back, his face buried into my neck. My body relaxed immediately. I didn't want to move but I also wanted more. I wanted to forget my past even if it was for a short time. I wasn't stupid enough to think I would completely forget but I knew I could feel something besides what threatened to invade my thoughts, again.
Nick rubbed circles on my back with one of his hands as the other moved up to cup the back of my head. I didn't think I just moved. Going on my toes my lips reached his neck where I laid a small kiss than another. I felt his hands still but he didn't push me away. I moved my lips up, kissing, nipping, sucking up my way to his jaw. My hands slid under his shirt where I felt perfectly smooth skin. Rubbing my hands across his back feeling his heat radiate from his body. Nipping his ear I heard a moan come from Nick. I could feel my lips turn up into a small smile. Scrapping my fingernails across his back to his side I moved my hands up the front of his shirt. I heard a hiss come from his lips. I knew I did not break his skin but I wouldn't be surprised if I had left some red marks.
"Mac?" Nick breathed as he moved his head from being buried into my neck to look down at me. His eyes were dark and filled with lust.
"Shut up," I whispered before attacking his lips with my own. There was no love or passion in this kiss. It was pure need and demand. Mine and his.
Another moan escaped his mouth which gave me access to slide my tongue between his lips. Our kiss was not sweet and gentle. It was raw with need. Breaking long enough to catch our breath I had his shirt off and all the floor before my lips were back on his. I had him against the wall with one hand tangled in his hair as he had his in mine. Somewhere in the mix I lost my towel so our naked chests were molded together.
My hands greedily roamed his body. Breaking our kiss once again I moved to his neck again. Nipping and sucking as I moved down to his chest. I felt his hands dig into my naked hips pulling me in closer. My hands started to travel down his sides moving towards his stomach. Finally reaching this button of his jeans.
"Mac! Stop!" Nick growled, flipping us around so I was now slammed against the wall while he held both my hands above my head and the other at my waist, squeezing tight but not enough to hurt. His forehead was leaning against mine as we both sucked in the air our bodies demanded. "I can't. We can't." Nick said. "Fuck you are so damn beautiful."
All I heard was the rejection. I didn't hear the confliction or pain in his voice. All I heard was the cold no. I didn't hear him say he was sorry or that I would regret this after if we went any further. All I understood was that another person was leaving me. I could not think clearly. I refused to answer and turned my head. I would never let another person see the hurt on my face again. I would never let someone hurt me again. I would never let anyone in again. I would never show my weakness again.
"Get out," I said when I turned back to stare him in the eyes. My voice was not flat but cold. My eyes showed nothing. They never would again unless I wanted to show it. I ignored the emotions flashing through his eyes. I didn't care or understand them anymore. It was all lies anyways. When he didn't let go or back up I stood tall and pulled my hands out of his hold. Moving to the side I grabbed the door handle and opened the door. Not saying another word or looking in his direction.
I didn't watch him walk out the door. As soon as he passed me I shut the door quietly and locked it. As I was heading to my bed I heard someone mumble then Nick's reply. "Do not go in there. Leave her alone. She...she is not herself." There was no mistaking the anger in his voice. Tomorrow I would clue into everything that just happened but right now I just curled up in bed and shut my eyes. Blocking everything out.
A/N REMINDER THIS BOOK ENDS IN A CLIFF HANGER! NO I AM NOT SURE WHEN THE SEQUEL WILL BE POSTED BUT I HAVE ALREADY STARTED TO WORK ON IT.
I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR ENDING THE BOOK. I LIKE MY LITTLE CLIFF HANGERS AND IF YOU HAVE READ SOME OF MY OTHER BOOKS YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT.
ONLY A COUPLE MORE CHAPTERS TO GO!!!!