Naimah
I sat my the little incubator the hospital kept Rani in most of the day. Since she was born prematurely she was only 5 lbs and 2 ounces, not nearly enough to take her home, not yet at least. I can't help but to think maybe this is my fault. If I hadn't put myself under so much stress and that almost suicide attempt maybe my baby would not have come so early. I feel like such a bad mother already. I softly sighed and placed my forehead on my folded arms over the incubator while closing my eyes silently saying a prayer.
When I was to the end of my prayer I heard the door open and close and when I looked up I saw Jacquees and Kia. My heart dropped because I just knew for sure after the day Rani was born that he and I would be back together or working on it. I guess this answered my question.
"Hey Naia," He smiled warmly at me.
"Hi," I looked at him with teary eyes before glancing at Kia then directing my attention back to my daughter.
Maybe there is no fairy tale love story. Who knows? I guess Jacquees was confused because he gave me a puzzled look for a few moments before diverting his focus to Rani. He and Kia both quietly talked and looked at her for a while. My thoughts were silently killing me and I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly got up knocking the chair over and rushing out of the room.
"What's her problem?" Kia questioned him looking frazzled.
"I don't even know," He shook his head, sighing. "I'll be right back."
I sat on the floor outside of the hospital room with my back to the wall and my head resting in my arms and knees with tears endlessly flowing. I tried to control the sobs so no one would hear me but it wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I raised my head for my red, teary light brown eyes to meet Que's soft, compassion filled deep brown eyes.
"Naimah, what's up? What's wrong?" He questioned.
"What happened to us?"
"What do you mean? We're fine, I thought."
"Why is Kia here with you? You know how she feels about me and how I feel about her. Bringing your ex is the most disrespectful thing. You just do the stupidest shit I swear!"
"Damn, Naia! Why does shit always have to be about you? Stop thinking about yourself for once! That's why the fuck we aren't on that much of a good term! I'm trying to work with you because I love you but you're impossible and selfish!" He retorted somewhat beginning to raise his voice.
"ME?! I'm the problem? I'm not bringing exes to the hospital to see my daughter around my supposed to be girlfriend at a crucial time like this! Don't try to turn this on me!" I was appalled he raised his voice and tried to put me at fault.
"You know what," Jacquees scoffed and stood up. "Fuck it, FUCK IT NAIMAH! You're so insecure and selfish you can't see when you have a good nigga who actually loves your ass. Not even love, I'm fucking in love with you but your head is full of other bullshit you can't see! Maybe we don't need to be together, just fuck it Naia." He waved his arms aggravation and walked off.
That was it? He's just going to leave like I don't need him. Rani needs him, too, maybe more. How could he? But I'm the selfish one? Maybe I am, what the fuck did I just do? My God, look what I've done ....
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It's short I know! Probably boring but I wanted to update & I've been having writer's block.😕 I promise it's going to get better!