It was only two weeks ago that I was dying and cutting hair at a top based London salon, and now here I was, backstage watching my new friends perform in front of a wild crowd.
The band was so kind, immediately welcoming me to the group and making me feel comfortable. It was hard not to get acquainted with everyone when I was up close and personal with them doing their hair and makeup every night. Not to mention we were all sleeping on tiny bunks every night; it gave me flashbacks to sleep away summer camp. Harry was definitely the kid who wanted to stay up all night but once his head his pillow, he was fast asleep. It usually ended up just being me and Mitch whispering as to not wake everyone else up.
Mitch had intimidated me at first. He was always just kind of there, standing in the background, observing. I couldn't imagine how sweet he would actually be. He was still quiet at times, but if I got him talking about something he enjoyed, it was hard to get him to stop.
It was amazing watching them perform. I had only known the band for a short time, but had grown especially close to Sarah and Clare, and watching them doing something they love every night is indescribable.
I could never grow tired of watching Harry react to the energy of the room and the roar of the fans, it was like he was born to be on stage. Every night was different, he always shook things up and kept everyone on their toes. Not to mention how amazing he looked in his custom Gucci suits that cost more than my apartment back home.
It was more than easy to get into a routine with everyone; I seemed to fit right into their group dynamic which was one of the things I worried about the most before coming on board.
Lou had told me before I left that Harry was very charming, and not to look too much into it, but that didn't stopped my heart from racing when he smiled at me. Or the blush I had to hide when he watched me do his hair; his eyes constantly meeting mine in the mirror. Or even when he made cheeky comments to me, giving me his trademark smirk that would make anyone's knees buckle. I had to keep reminding myself that was just who he was and it didn't mean anything. But that didn't stop me from fantasizing about Harry kissing me when he got off stage. Or helping him remove his suits every night. Or taking an after show shower with him...
"Y/N, truth or dare." Sarah's voice brought me out of my daze.
"Hm...what?"
The group around me giggled as I came out of my daydream. We all sat around the makeshift living room of the tour bus. All of us were still a bit jet lagged and had the day off tomorrow, so tonight, we would drink. I can't remember exactly whose bright idea it was to play truth or dare, but here we are. Everyone had a drink in there hand as our bodies swayed slightly with the movement of the bus.
"Oh, um...truth?" I decided to play it safe since everyone was already on their second or third drink.
"Okay...Um..." Sarah tapped her pointer finger on her chin, trying to come up with a question.
"Oi, c'mon! We haven't got all night!" Harry shouted from the other end of the room. Sarah responded by flipping him off.
"I'm thinking!" Maybe she was a little further gone than I had first suspected. I sat on the couch next to her and Mitch, his arm wrapped securely around her shoulders.
"Got it!" Sarah clapped her hands before turning to face me.
"What's your number?" I waited to see if there was more to that question, but nothing came. I looked around the room, everyone patiently waiting for my response. Harry was leaning over with one elbow on his knee while the other held a cup of whatever he was drinking.
"My number?" I wasn't really sure what she was referencing too.
"Yea like how many people have you slept with? Ya know, your number." Maybe I should've picked dare. I felt my face grow warm as I stared down at the floor of the bus, too nervous to meet anyone's eyes. I thought maybe making light of the situation wouldn't make the revelation so shocking.
I held out my hand and pretended to count on my fingers.
"One...two...three..." I rattled off the numbers before closing my hand into a fist.
"Oh, that's right, zero." I answered with a forced laugh that I hoped nobody could pick up on. I suddenly felt like the room had gotten warmer or maybe it was just the intensity of everybody's stares.
"Come off it, we don't judge here." Harry scoffed as the rest of the group just continued to stare.
"I'm...not lying." I tried to sound confident but failed miserably so instead took another gulp of my drink, finishing it off.
"You're a virgin?" Sarah's accent seemed thicker or maybe it was just the way she mumbled her words together.
"Yep." I responded casually, adding an extra pop to the 'p'.
"Shit." I heard Harry say under his breath. I didn't dare look at him.
"It's not a big deal. Just...never got around to it." I didn't know why I was trying to explain myself. It wasn't even my turn anymore, if the subject could just change casually...
"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Clare asked from the other side of the room.
"Well, yeah. But not in a long time."
"Is it like a 'wait till marriage' type thing?" It's Adam who asked the next question.
"No. The opportunity just never presented itself. It just hasn't happened for me yet." I glanced down into my empty cup, wishing it was full again so I could gulp that down too. I'm not sure why it's so hard for them to comprehend, I had been busy establishing a career for myself and hadn't found anyone that really peaked my interest in a long time.
"Okay, who's next?" Mitch spoke up, breaking the silence in the room and removing his arm off of Sarah. He leaned forward to make some sort of deep eye contact with Harry that I just couldn't decipher. It only lasted a split second before Harry beamed out, "I'll go!"
"Truth or dare?" Mitch asked next but I zoned out before hearing Harry's answer. I wasn't embarrassed about being a virgin, it just didn't happen for me yet and I was okay with that. I was just afraid that maybe my new friends would somehow treat me different. It was no secret that Sarah and Mitch were together and Clare always talked about her boyfriend back home. Not to mention Adam was married with two kids. And of course I also knew about Harry's reputation. I didn't know if any of it was true or false but the evidence was pretty damning.
The rest of the night went by in a blur of laughter and more drinks.
I spent my day off sightseeing with Clare. We usually didn't get the chance when we were constantly traveling to another city every night, but it was nice to not be rushing around for once. I felt like the day went by far too quickly and before I knew it, I was at another venue setting up all the hair and makeup products I would need.
Harry showed up in the green room in a pair of jeans and a ratty t shirt, hair still wet from a shower and plopped down in the chair.
"Hello gorgeous."
He seemed to come up with a different pet name for me every night.
"Thinking a buzz cut tonight, thoughts?" He said this every night, it was a small joke between us that he seemed to like carrying on.
"Perfect. Just what I was thinking." We both laughed while I plugged in the hair dryer and got to work.
It seemed like every time I took a glance in the mirror, Harry was already looking right back at me. He maintained eye contact with me until I gave up first and looked away without fail, every time.
I turned the hair dryer off and began putting the final touches on his hair. I loved this part of my job, having free reign to run my hands through his hair as much as I liked. I placed a little bit of mousse on my finger before rubbing it together in my hands. I casually rubbed the product evenly throughout his hair.
"Mmmm, tha' feels good." I was taken aback but just smiledd and wipe my hands off on a nearby towel.
I grabbed his foundation and began applying it to his face. He stayed quiet for a while. His eyes were closed and I think maybe he had fallen asleep, which was a habit of his. I leaned over in front of him, trying to apply the makeup consistently when all of a sudden, he opened his legs and I fell in between them. I tried to regain my balance by placing my hands on his shoulders. I stood up, my hands still on his shoulders as he just stares up at me. I was so close to him, I could feel his breath on my face.
"Sorry, I just thought it would be easier for you. I didn't think you were going to fall." His tone was humorous but his expression was serious. I saw his eyes drop to my lips. We stood like that for a few seconds before I finally realized the reality of the situation.
"S'okay." I stood myself up fully, walking back over to the counter and grabbing another brush, trying to get as much distance from his as possible. What had just happened? Was he going to kiss me?
I didn't look up at the mirror but somehow knew he was already looking at me.
"Would you mind giving me a little trim before the show? Just a little bit, I feel like it's getting too messy." Adam walked into the room running his hands through his hair.
"Yeah, of course. I'm almost done." I applied the finishing touches to Harry, the tension still thick in the room.
I stayed quiet as Harry and Adam conversed about Adam's kids back home. I was still trying to process what the hell had just happened by the time Harry stood up to leave the room.
I watched from the side of the stage as Harry ran around the stage performing Kiwi for the third time. He had taken off his suit jacket and was now frolicking around in a black button down shirt with another pair of his Gucci bell bottom pants. I wasn't certain, but I suspected that he sometimes went commando under those suits...
I shook the thought out of my head and tried to focus back on the show. He looked so amazing and it was as if the entire concert venue was in a entirely different world. Everyone, including me, was completely enchanted by Harry and I really couldn't blame them. There was just this presence about him, he could walk into a room and all eyes would be on him instantly.
I peeked my head out to look at the crowd filled with mostly young women but sprinkled with a few men here and there. No matter their background or where they were from, they all shared one common interest: they all loved Harry.
The crowd went crazy as Kiwi ended once again. I began to hear the opening notes of Sign of the Times and instantly knew the show is was almost over so I head back to the green room to pack up my supplies.
I was almost finished zipping up my bag of hair supplies when I heard the band chatting and yelling in the hallway, the adrenaline always hitting them all at once.
"Enjoy the show, angel?" Harry asked as he walked into the room behind everybody else.
"Of course, amazing as always!" He engulfed me in a big hug letting me smell the mixture of sweat and cologne on him.
A stagehand peeked his head through the door, "Car is outback and ready to go."
Before I could even grab my suitcase, Harry took the handle and began walking it towards where I stood.
"Shall we?" He held out his arm for me and I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. He shot me a satisfied smirk, knowing how much he affected me. The moment was soon gone when Clare popped up in between us and knotted her arm around mine.
"Do you still want to watch a movie tonight? My adrenaline's still racing so you have about an hour until I crash completely." Clare pulled me out of the room before I could even respond to her.
I looked over my shoulder to see Harry's reaction, but to my disappointment he looks unfazed, giving all his attention to something on Adam's phone.
Don't think too much into it, I reminded myself when I felt a shift in my heart beat and a sudden drop in my stomach.
I hadn't even picked a movie before Clare started falling asleep beside to me.
"Just go to bed! I know you're exhausted."
"I'm not, just resting my eyes for a bit..." Her voice wandered off and I thought may have actually fallen asleep mid sentence when her eyes darted back open. "Okay, maybe I will go to bed now."
She dragged her feet across the floor heading to the area where the bunk beds were and closed the small room divider behind her.
Sarah, Mitch, and Harry were all seated around the small kitchen table on the bus chatting among themselves. I searched for a few more minutes on Netflix before finally settling on a movie.
"Goodnight, Y/N." Sarah and Mitch called out to me as they headed back towards the bunks leaving just me and Harry in the common area of the bus.
Harry got up from the table, exhaling a deep breath before walking over to where I sat.
"What are we watching?" He plopped himself down right next to me, for a second I thought maybe he was too close to be considered friendly, but then I remind myself not to overthink it.
"It's a documentary about Janis Joplin. It only just started."
"Sounds good. Wanna cuddle?" I whipped my head to the side to see if he was joking or not, but his expression remained serious.
"Okay." My answer sounding almost as unsure as I was. He gave me a wide smile before reaching for the blanket that laid on top of the couch. He arranged the blanket so it was equally on top of the both of us before moving his arm around my shoulder. I was stiff at first, not really sure how to 'cuddle platonically' if you will, but soon nestled myself into his side as the movie played in front of us. I fell asleep that night dreaming of Harry.
The next morning, I was awoken by the sound of movement around me. I slowly opened my eyes, trying my best to adjust to the morning light. The first thing I saw was Mitch standing in front of me with a mug in his hand and a smile on his face.
"Good morning, sunshine." I groaned, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes. I try to sit up but there's something heavy on top of me weighing me down. It isn't until then that I realized Harry and I must've fallen asleep during the movie last night. I was suddenly wide awake as I accessed the situation.
Me and Harry were lying down completely on the couch, his arm around my waist securely. His eyes were still closed and his mouth is slightly open, indicating that he is still sound asleep. I glanced back over to Mitch who had a shit eating grin on his face.
"Sleep well?"
My voice croaked as I tried to justify the scene, "We fell asleep while watching a movie."
"I never suggested otherwise." He held his arms up in defense before strolling to the back of the bus.
I tried to slowly pry Harry's arm off of me but every movement I made just seemed to make his grip grow tighter.
"Harry...Harry." I whispered in an attempt to wake him up gently. I really didn't want the rest of the band waking up to this sight. I didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea and I couldn't imagine how mortified I'd be if word got back to Jeff or Lou.
"Harry, wake up." I nudged him gently with my elbow, but again, he didn't not move an inch.
I laid back, sighing out in defeat as I stared up towards the ceiling. I felt him pull me closer to him as he nestles his face into my neck.
"Mmmm..." He groaned in his sleep and I thought maybe he might be waking up. It's then when I felt that one part of him that was definitely awake already. I felt him pressed up against my thigh and my breath hitched in my throat.
My body reacted before my brain had time to process. I jumped up quickly managing to pull away from Harry's arms but falling to the floor of the bus soon after.
The loud thud and "oof" I made managed to finally wake up Harry. He jumped up, obviously alarmed and turned to see me on the floor.
"What are you doing?" He seemed to be out of breath, having been scared awake.
"I..." I decided to save him from his embarrassing moment of sleep ridden clinginess, "Fell."
"Are you okay?" He glanced around the room and I wondered if it was to get his bearings or to see if anyone else had seen us asleep together.
"Yeah, just a bit sore, that's all." I stood up and let out a bone cracking stretch while Harry still remained sitting up on the couch, his hand placed on his lap and I knew exactly why.
"Must've fallen asleep last night." I wasn't not sure if he was asking a question or just commenting on the facts of the situation.
"Must've."
The two of us stared at each other for a short moment before I spoke up again.
"I'm going to go hop in the shower." I pointed over my shoulder, pointing to where the shower was located, as if already didn't know.
"You shouldn't hop in the shower, you might fall." And with that, the awkward tension seemed to fade between us. I rolled my eyes before heading to my bunk for some clean clothes. This was going to be a long tour.