When Monday comes, I try my best to act natural walking in to Ms. Graves' English class.
No one knows the horrors of Friday night except for Anson and me, and maybe Bryce- who knows.
I slip into the classroom and back to my seat without making the slightest sound. I avoid Anson's gaze and focus down at my composition book.
The last time I wrote in it was when he took it from me.
For the first time ever- I have nothing to write about.
I frown and close it.
In a few moments, Ms. Graves stands and begins blabbing about Hamlet.
I perk up and listen.
"Hamlet is one of Shakespeare's well-known plays, as it deals with deep topics such as depression for instance."
"Why was Hamlet depressed?" Bryce blurts out.
Ms Graves is shocked by the sudden outburst for a moment, but she regained control of her face quickly to answer his question.
"Well, it has to do with his grief over the death of his father- and a few other spoilers that I won't mention yet."
Bryce shrugs. "Grief and depression- same thing."
"No they aren't." I hear myself say.
Whoops... I just spoke aloud in a group discussion..
I feel stares directed towards me. Bryce rolls his eyes.
"Alright, alright." Ms Graves clears her throat. "That's the fun of Shakespeare! He does an amazing job of detailing these similarities. Now, settle down. I want you all to read your daily allotment, and we'll have a discussion afterwards."
I open my book at her words, and begin scanning the page with my eyes. I spend most of my time looking at footnotes, something necessary to understand the bard's work.
When I finish, I notice most everyone else has, too.
Ms Graves stands again. "Alright. So do we see now what is going on?"
I nod with others.
"Who can give me an idea of what Hamlet is going through?" Ms Graves scans the room. For a moment, I'm afraid she'll call on me, but her eyes rest on my sandy-blonde neighbor.
"Anson." She smiles a lipstick smile, "your thoughts?"
I watch him as his face grows to a shade of slight pink. He looks at his book for a moment and mumbles an inaudible comment.
I'm embarrassed for him..
"Speak up please!"
Anson blushes and scratches his head unsurely. " well, I think that Hamlet's grief for his father is profound." He hesitates, "and compounded by a sense of having to hide that grief. He's holding it in, and it makes it worse."
Ms Graves immediately cooes her praise for his "thorough" answer, and starts saying something else.
I can't focus on her anymore.
Not after I know what's on Anson's mind.
When I look over at him, all I see is an incredibly weak boy that is trying to stay strong for the sake of everyone else.
He has no one- and I made sure of it myself when I shut him out. He needs me more than I need him.
My realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
The truth is, I used my scare as an excuse to push him out because I am too afraid of my developing feelings towards him.
I barely know him yet I trust him like I trust a lifelong friend . Isn't that moving too fast? Isn't that too much trust?
No. Something about our pace of friendship seems natural. The speed of it does not give me the right to forget him and close myself off from the world.
I realize that I have caught his attention by my daze in his direction and my cheeks heat up.
"You're staring." His voice is deep, and I can't help but smile out of regret.
"I know." I whisper at him. "I think I just woke up."
"What is that supposed to mean?" His frown curves up slowly into a growing smirk.
I bite my lip. "You'll have to wait and see."
•••••••••
When the bell rings for class change, Anson doesn't move.
I rise and sling by book bag over my shoulder. "Walk me to class?"
"Walk me to class?" Bryce mimics with curled lips in front of Anson. I forgot he was still packing his things up to leave.
Anson gives him an awkward smile and Bryce takes the hint to leave us alone.
"Sure I'll walk you to class." Anson stands up. "If I'm allowed, that is."
I shuffle my feet embarrassedly. "Come on."
When we are in the halls, the hustle and bustle makes it hard to hear- which is surprisingly a good thing.
No one can butt-in out here.
"So, about Saturday ," Anson begins, "what happened between us? Did I push you away?
I shrug. "I think I pulled away."
"Why?"
I laugh at his simple question. It's so simple, but so meaningful. It's not too specific to answer, it's not too demanding.
"I'm not sure." I sigh. "I think I just freaked out because of how fast everything had happened."
"You mean, you and I being friends, or the party scare?"
My voice wavers a little. "Both."
"Well, you don't have to pull away."
I lock eyes with Anson and forget where I'm at for a moment. How incredible it is to look into someone's eyes. Like they say, they're the windows to the soul.
In that case, Anson's soul is nothing but honest in the moment.
I notice our breaths seem to be held inside and I exhale, looking away. I see a football player walking down the hallway towards us. He is tall and skinny. He has boyish features compared to Anson.
I have no idea who this guy is.
To my dismay, he starts walking beside of me and Anson.
"Hey bud!" He smiles wide.
Anson shakes his hand and chuckles. "Hey, man. Right now's not a great ti-"
"AW MAN!" The guy suddenly blurts, he looks at me wide-eyed. "Who's this cutie?"
Is he talking about me?
I subtly look around. Nope. His eyes are definitely on me.
"This is Indie." Anson's jaw is suddenly less loose than before. I notice he is tense at his shoulders and frown at his sudden closed off stance.
The boy somehow seems to sense this change in composure and maneuvers over to my side, probably also as an excuse to get closer to me- though I don't know why.
"Hi." He smiles. "My name is Kyle."
I look into Kyle's deep green eyes and smile awkwardly. "Hi."
"Alright Kyle," Anson chuckles, but for some reason it sounds strained, "don't you have a class to get to?"
Kyle frowns. "Nope. I'm in study hall next period. We don't even take attendance in there."
I blush at the unwanted attention from Kyle. How is it that guys only hit on me when Anson is in the vicinity?
Kyle smiles and ignores Anson. "Where are you headed?"
"Government." I say honestly, for some reason.
Kyle crosses his arms, I can see him flexing. "Anson, I can take it from here."
"What?"
I open my mouth to disagree, but Anson huffs and walks away without saying a word. My heart sinks inside as I think about how close we were to making amends .
I look at Kyle. "I have to go to the bathroom. Maybe we should part ways here."
Kyle shrugs. "Okay babycakes. I'll see you around later."
I stick out my tongue in distaste as he struts off in the other direction.
My conscience doesn't even regret lying about the bathroom to get him away from me. That boy is a creeper. I'm not about that life.
Happy thanksgiving! I know it's not been a week, but this is a little update I've decided to publish thanking my readers for... well, reading!
If you liked this update make sure to vote, comment, etc!
Now for a question:
Should Anson and Indie make amendments?
Does Kyle give off any red flags?
I'll be looking to see your comments! Love you all, until the weekend.
~Malibu