(revised)
Those past days together had been magical, perfect, out of time. Spending time with the person you love, it was all life should have been about. You shouldn't have to prepare to say goodbye to the love of your life without knowing when you'll see him again. You shouldn't have to think that you were maybe living your last moments together. All the joy I had felt during this last week had been erased by this creeping fear that was eating me from inside. I couldn't believe that the day before, we were at the museum, having our best time. I had come up with the idea, and Andrew had immediately agreed.
We had walked around the rooms and admired the few remaining masterpieces, those that had not yet been evacuated to a safer place, always holding each other hands. This perfect afternoon was engraved into my memory forever. At some point during the visit, I had lost sight of Andrew and had decided to look at the Greek statues by myself while waiting for him. I could remember how impressed I was by the realism of the work, the softness of the curves, the perfection of the stone. I was mesmerised by these petrified characters and so I had let my fingers trace the reliefs of the white marble, enjoying its coolness against my skin. I had lost myself in the contemplation of a demigod standing just before my eyes when Andrew's voice had startled me.
"I leave you for two minutes and you already replace me," he had teased me, emerging from behind a statue.
I had chuckled and let him wrap his arms around me.
"Not to sound pretentious, but I'm more handsome than this naked guy trying to steal you from me," he had joked, as always.
"Don't worry, you're the only demigod I've eyes for," I had declared and kissed his cheek to back my words.
"You know how to talk to me," he had replied before kissing my neck in an exquisite manner.
The old lady supervising the room had cleared her throat to express her disapproval at our display of affection, causing Andrew and I to chuckle like kids. I had grabbed his hand and dragged him away, to discover another room and admire other treasures. I had been amused at the fact that he was unable to focus on the paintings more than thirty seconds straight, always turning his blue eyes back to me. He had found the very best excuse; I was his favourite masterpiece. But it was the day before, and it felt like ages ago. This afternoon at the museum had given place to something way less exciting for the both of us. The Collins's house was witnessing our last moments together and these precious memories, I had to store them in my heart, in my personal museum.
Andrew's bedroom was just like I had imagined. Quite simple, not much decorated, but just enough to know it was his bedroom. He had stuck pictures of planes on the walls when he was younger, making his mother furious because it would ruin the wallpaper, but he had never intended to remove them so she had forgiven him. A chest of drawers was covered with some books about aviation and plane toys. It was impossible to ignore it was his passion and it was amazing to see he had become the person he wanted to be when he was a boy. Of course, there was football too, as clearly stated by the ball and cleats stored in a corner, but what I loved the most in his room was the photograph placed on the mantelpiece next to the window; a photograph of Andrew with his two sisters posing on a beautiful beach. It had probably been taken fairly recently considering how mature Andrew already looked.
"Where was it?" I asked him as he was rummaging through his drawers to look for appropriate clothes to bring to Merston. He looked up to me to know what I was talking about.
"Scotland!" he said with a beaming smile. "In my hometown, actually."
"Really? You lived close to the sea?" I wondered.
"Yes, in a small fishermen town. We go there every summer normally. But this was taken the last time we went there, just before the beginning of the war," he explained. "We still have a house there, so it's pretty convenient."
"Oh, that's great!" I commented, putting the picture back on the mantelpiece, realising there was so much more to discover about him and so little time do so.
I turned to observe him stuff clothes in his duffel bag, preparing for his departure later that day. I had agreed to come to his house because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he had to leave, but I could not bear to see him actually getting ready to go away. I had forced myself to hide my sadness behind a fake smile but I could not do it anymore. I did not want him to go to war again. Andrew, on his part, did not seem upset at all, joking around and smiling all the time.
"Should I take several books with me?" he asked me. "Or just one?"
I did not reply.
"One must be just fine, I don't even know if I'll have time to read anyway. I might be fighting all the time if it becomes worse," he laughed. "I need to take my revenge for what happened to me over Dunkirk!"
I stopped myself from saying something provocative and focused on the garden outside, that I could see from the window. I traced the tape that had been applied on the surface of the glass with my finger, wondering how that sticky thing would prevent the material from breaking if a bomb happened to be dropped close.
Music rose from downstairs and Andrew started humming the tune as he finished packing his bag. He threw it on his bed and came to me, gently grabbed my arm and tried to convince me to dance with him, but I did not want to, so I violently withdraw from his touch, turning my back to him to hide the tears that were forming in my eyes.
"Love?" he softly asked, surprised by my reaction and sudden change of mood.
I remained silent.
"Love, what's going on?" he repeated, gently rubbing my shoulder to encourage me to talk.
"How can you be so relaxed when you know you're going back to war?" I harshly said, giving him an angry look.
Andrew made a step back and withdrew his hand from my shoulder, as if hurt by my words. His smile had disappeared because of me.
"I'm not relaxed, Freya..." he whispered, his head down.
"Then why are you acting like you don't care?" I went on, now facing him.
"Because being sad won't change anything... So I can at least try to make good memories with my girlfriend, don't you think?" he softly said, reaching for my hand.
He was right. By being sad, I was ruining our time together, the few remaining hours that we had to enjoy but that I was incapable of.
"I'm sorry," I whimpered as I threw myself into his arms and clung to his jumper. He warmly responded to my cry for affection and kissed the top of my head to comfort me.
"You don't have to be sorry," he reassured me.
I inhaled his perfume, trying to engrave it into my memory.
"Trust me, I'm as broken as you are. But I was just trying to be strong for the both of us," he added.
"I'm so lucky to have you," I said as I took his face in my hands and observed every detail of it. He wrapped his fingers around my wrists and he brought my hands to his lips to tenderly kiss them, but he stopped when he felt something under his touch that he had never noticed before.
"You've got a new bracelet?" he asked, turning my wrist to observe the piece of jewellery that was there.
"Oh, I see..." he said when he realised my name was written on it. "Identity bracelet."
"Yes. My father got it for me. In case, you know... my body needs to be..." I tried to explain.
"Yeah, well, hopefully it won't be of use," he stopped me. "'Cause you're gonna hide in a safe place every time there's an air raid."
"Of course," I replied to try to reassure him and erase the worry in his eyes.
"At least, we've got something in common now," he forced a joke, trying to ease the atmosphere by referring to the dog tag he would always wear around his neck. "It's just a silly bracelet," he added, but this time I knew he was just trying to convince himself as he pulled me in his embrace and turned his eyes away. We remained silent for a while, just enjoying each other presence, not willing to leave each other arms, but at some point, a knock on the door pulled us out of our world and the spell was broken. Andrew's mother was standing in the doorframe, looking at us with tenderness.
"It's time to go lovebirds," she exclaimed. Andrew nodded and went to fetch his bag before reaching out for my hand and inviting me to follow him out of his bedroom.
*
He was now wearing his blue uniform. This uniform I had loved so much on him but that I couldn't bear the sight of anymore. It hurt so much to see him that handsome in this military outfit because it meant he had to leave to fulfil his duty, while I just wanted him to stay with me. I kept a certain distance between us while he said goodbye to his sisters and his mother, hugging them tightly one after the other. I did not want to ruin their moment together, I knew mine would come, but I selfishly wanted to spend every remaining second in his arms. I looked away when his mother started crying because I knew I would be incapable of holding my tears any longer, so I tried to focus on something else, but I was surrounded by the same scenes everywhere I looked. Heart-breaking goodbyes between lovers or relatives, men heading back into a nightmare. I thought I could be stronger than this, but my heart was hurting to such an extent I could barely breathe. I could not endure such fear anymore at letting him go away from me, and a single tear rolled down my cheek to prove it, before a presence by my side pulled me out of my negative thoughts. The moment I dreaded the most was finally there and I could not gain any more time with my lover. Those were our last minutes together before an indefinite period apart...
Andrew took my hands in his own and sighed melancholically. Slowly, he pressed one of my hands against his chest, just above his heart and I could feel it beating so fast against my palm, I realised I was not the only one feeling this way.
"See, how scared I am to leave you?"
I raised my eyes to meet his. They were filled with tears too, and to see him so vulnerable for the first time broke my heart. He, who had always been so strong, who had never shown any weaknesses, was now crumbling in front of my eyes, and I had never loved him more than in that moment.
"I'm going to miss you so much," I managed to express as my fingers clung to his shirt. "I'm going to miss you every second of every day."
"I'm going to miss you too, love," he replied with a trembling voice.
I suddenly remembered I had something to give him and reached into my purse to fetch the photograph I had placed there earlier.
"It's for you," I said as I handed him the black-and-white portrait of me. "I'll always be with you, wherever you are."
He took it and observed it for a moment before looking back at me, visibly moved by my gift.
"Thank you love, you're stunning in this. You always are. I'll keep you with me here," he said as he placed the photograph in his inner pocket. "Close to my heart."
The stationmaster suddenly announced that the train was to leave in a few minutes, and my heart sank. I looked at Andrew with fear, ready to let him know how scared I was, but he gently took my face in his hands and pressed his forehead against mine, looking intensely into my eyes.
"Always remember I love you. Never forget that, please. You're my world, Freya. My one true love," he declared before pressing his lips against mine. Tenderness gave place to passion, gentleness to ardency, as if it was our last kiss ever and we would never be able to express our feelings to each other anymore.
"I love you more than anything. More than you can imagine," I faltered through my speech before kissing him again. This time, his lips tasted like the sea, but I did not know if it was because of the tears streaming down my face or his. All I knew was that I did not want to leave his arms, I did not want to let him go. I needed him next to me every day of my life.
The dreaded sound of the whistle was heard and Andrew had to break our kiss.
"Already?" I exclaimed in despair.
"Wait for me, please," he asked me.
"I'll be there when you come back," I promised and we kissed again, with urgency and despair, until he could not delay the separation anymore. We blindly moved closer to the coach, not willing to break the connection between us, but eventually, his lips left mine and before I could realise anything, the thick fabric of his jacket slipped out of my hands and he was away, jumping on the train, the door closing behind him. He stuck his hand out of the window seeking for one last contact with me. I held it and pressed it to my lips as a sob escaped from my throat, crushed by the thought that I could not follow him. I walked next to the train as it started moving, still holding on to Andrew's hand, my eyes locked into his.
"Write to me," he reminded me, squeezing my hand.
"I love you," I said one last time, my voice heavy with sobs. "I love you Andrew!"
I started running next to the train not willing to let go, but I was suddenly snatched away from his touch, blocked by another girl that had stopped just in front of me. The last thing I saw was Andrew's lips moving as he replied to me, but his voice was covered by the screeching sound of the train in movement. His face and waving hand quickly faded away as the convoy exited the station, leaving a hole into my heart. It felt as if someone had stolen a part of me, as if I was not whole anymore without him. As everything became blurry around me, all I could feel was Jane hugging me to try to ease my sorrow while I broke down into tears because of the pain that had invaded my heart.
-
I'm so glad to be back with a new chapter. It's not a happy one at all but I hope you liked it nonetheless. Just writing it made me sad. I think listening to sad soundtracks when doing so doesn't help either but that's how I get inspired!
Let me know what you think about this chapter as you know I always appreciate feedback. You can vote, comment, whatever you want.
Thank you, as always, for reading my story <3