It's okay . I tell myself this lie everyday. Walking into class again today hurts more than other days because I know.
I know at the back of my mind today is Marinette's birthday. The girl that literally everyone has a crush on, however I think she's a bit to extroverted for me.
Nobody can deny she's so pretty, kind, caring, compassionate, funny... So many words can be used to discribe her... She so undoubtedly absolutely perfect .
You know, I wish I was her. She has a beautiful kind caring family, a bakery... Not that I like eating actually... But I've tasted one of their croissants and they were amazing, honestly. The crust around the outside literally melts into your mouth with the soft buttery texture and the sweet nutella flowing out like lava into your mouth making your taste buds dance.
I remember back in grade three... Momma was around that everything was lively and happy. We were at the park near Marinette's bakery, that park where Adrien has his long and boring photoshoots and there I was swinging this random yoyo that I found by myself between the reeds... All by myself.
I longed to have friends, like Nino. He had loads of friends. He is so popular and I just wanted someone to talk to sometimes, y'know.
Then I heard a familiar giggle and I saw Nino run up and kiss Marinette's beautiful lush rosy cheeks. You know the la bisu, the French greeting kinda thing.
However, she had a basket made out of straw and she started giving pastries to everyone. Max, Kim, obviously Nino, Sabrina, Alix, Rose, Juleka, even kids that I didn't know. She's always been a humble sweetheart and that has never changed.
There I stood in my bee themed striped dress staring at the scene. It wasn't like I wanted a croissant! I mean, maybe I did... But she doesn't have to know that.
She then noticed me and came in my direction. "Hello, would you like a pastrie?" She asked me ever so sweetly. Her sapphire eyes staring right up at me through the cresent shape they made.
I stared at her, she is so pretty I couldn't help but think to myself. There I was questioning my sexuality in the same question she asked me, it's not that I didn't like boys or anything. I mean I'm not really asthetically attracted to them in all honesty... I would say I liked them personality wise but I am way to anti social to talk to anything.
It's just that she was the definition of the 'OMG ' girl that walks into the club (not like I've ever been to the club. But Usher has and he has made a song that's been repeated on the radio over ten thousand billion times, that you just want to throw a radio across the room and smash the radio being liek; ' We get it Usher, you find girls hot. That's cool. I do to.')
Although, this wasn't at the club. I was eight years old into a silk bee themed striped dress at the park where this small Sapphire eyed girl comes up to me and is offering me food.
There I'm standing there questioning everything in my life staring at the girls features.
She looks down pouting, "You don't want any?" She asked
That's when I got back into reality, my palms were leaking gallons of water and my stomach was tingling with butterflies. I didn't know how to reply to her, you see, I wanted to make a good impression.
Instead this came out, "U-Uh- y-y-y-yeah I-I-I w-w-would l-love y-you - I mean! I-I w-would l-like-" by then my shuttering mouth and beet red face was shut up by Marinette shoving a croissant into my mouth.
"That's cute I love me to. " She winked at me and skipped along with her red ladybug themed dress flowing behind her in the wind back to her friends.
I gently chewed on the croissant that was in my mouth, still staring at her. When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I looked up seeing momma there with a light smile on her face.
"You like that girl, don't you?" She asked.
I didn't reply. I just sallowed and gently wiped the honey glazed crumbs off the side of my mouth with the side of my hand.
That's when I asked, "Is it okay to love a girl?"
"Of course it is, baby girl " She told me.
In that same second I felt happy, maybe we could have a chance.
Now at sixteen I think that chance is dead. Compared to Marinette I have no dating experience at all, she's dated a range of guys at our school so it's great knowing that your girl is with someone else for a number of months until they don't work out.
Apparently Alya had a thing for her for a while and then she came out about it and Marinette apparently rejected her... Well she was on the next flight out of Paris though, she's in Italy now... I guess.
Maybe they didn't want a long distance relationship....
Maybe this was just another rumor that Sabrina put out. You know, I sometimes wonder why I even care about reading Sabrina's blog, which is just filled with a bunch of lies and shit.
I'm so glad she hasn't written anything about me other than I'm the schools slug.
Which I actually am, I sleep during class. I mean I dunno what I'm going to do in the future so might as well sleep on it.
Today like every year I didn't bring a gift for Marinette's birthday and refused cake.
Like how can I not bring something and get cake? Like there is no win-win in this situation. I had nothing on me, well I had clothes obviously but I couldn't give her those because they are from the boys isle (What? I love comfy clothes.) And she definitely wouldn't accept them.
I also didn't have food with me because there's no point in packing it if I'm not going to eat it. Plus Marinette's birthday wasn't the first thing on my mind this morning.
Actually, it was. Nobody has to know that....
I was so busy trying to forget it and trying to sleep into the small coner of the classroom in the back when I found myself sobbing because I'm so angry with myself.
Then I thought about getting her something tomorrow, but yo, if I couldn't talk to her properly back when I was eight year old imagine now when I'm sixteen and haven't had much human socailization how that conversation is going down?
It's going down by me getting extremely embarrassed and probably staring at Marinette thinking how puberty hit her like a truck, giving her the biggest glow up in the school.
For me, my bed has been my best friend that's why I look somewhat decent since I sleep instead of staying up all night getting those dark circles.
Only if I could sleep a majority of my nights instead of contemplating life.
You know I really wish you could answer back to me, diary. Like maybe if you were a living organism we could be friends... Oh scratch that we're already friends since I adopted you.
I can't help but feel bad for Marinette... Because she didn't get a present from me. Like everyone gave her something...
But never me.
Gosh, I must be giving out such a bad impression... For the past seven years...
I hate myself even more.
| * | * | * |
Hmm... Bit more of an emotional fic here eh. Oh yeah and if you don't get it this is one of Chloe's diary entries to start us off.
Entries may get more personal, but this story has a plot line to :)
Thank you for reading ~
-Nixy ™ ❤
Disclaimer: Majority of this story has been prewritten before Chloe's mom and Adrien's mom actually came into an episode.
This is all work soley based on theories of what we could extract from the show and other ideas that were created by your author in that period of time.
So this does mean that this is a Miraculous AU despite we actually having Ladybug and Chat Noir in this book.
• • •
First written: 6th Oct 2018
First published: 10th of Jan 2021
(Woah that's a long time in between oops)