And as Harper's arms wrap around me, pulling me to him, I turn so that my face is buried in the crook of his neck so that he can't see me cry. My mind is a whirlwind of emotions; relief, fear, anticipation. But, possibly the most terrifying of them all, is a shred of hope, something that I haven't felt for a number of years, something that makes me feel even more afraid.
"Me too," Harper whispers back.
And that's how we stay until the fatigue overcomes me, and I fall asleep, still wrapped in Harper's warm embrace, my face still hidden, and a steady stream of tears falling down my cheeks.
---
"You're insane."
A smile crosses my face at the casual teasing. It's been a few days since I made my decision, and Thunder has been working closely with several people within our little community, Harper and myself surprisingly included in that number, developing a plan of attack for the greenhouses. Knowing their layout and the rotation schedule of the guards is a huge advantage, and it makes me wonder how long those men spent watching them to create that.
I refuse to consider any alternatives as to how they got the information.
Even though the world has been undeniably cruel to so many of us, murder and other crimes like it sit poorly with me. Being reminded of anything to do with the mortality of humans, of the cold-hearted ease with which those government people disposed of my parents, makes me uncomfortable, at best. And maybe that makes me a bad person, but with the way my life has turned out, I can't find it in myself to care.
"Yet you're not denying that my plan is the best one we have," I say, my tone as light-hearted as his, but my meaning literal. Harper frowns, clearly understanding.
"Maybe," he allows. "But is a resistance movement really the best way to go about it?"
"Harper, if we don't do something, we're going to be living like this forever," I explain. "Knowing that those that come after us will have to live in the same world that we do now, I can't handle that."
I've never thought about having children. If I lived in a different world, one where there were so many ways other than old age to die, so many more dangers, maybe things would be different. But I can barely keep myself alive, so attempting to bring up a child in this kind of environment would be a death sentence for both of us.
"It's not our problem." Harper says flatly. Anger suddenly rushes through me, but I take a deep breath, pushing it down again.
"If everyone thought like that, we'd be screwed." I say.
"Because we aren't already," he points out. I scowl at him.
"Maybe we are," I admit darkly. "But if we don't do something, there's a very real possibility that nothing will ever change. Knowing what you've been through, and me knowing what I've gone through - would you be able to live with yourself, go through your final moments before death, knowing that you've allowed that to happen to innocent people?"
"This is because of that pesky thing called a conscience, right?" Harper says, his tone going back to teasing again. "That's why you're insisting on starting a revolution?"
"It's not a revolution, for God's sake!" I say. "It's just a show of defiance to the government, our way of showing them that they don't get to have total control over everything."
Harper looks... appreciative, to say the least. He stays still for a few moments, a contemplative expression on his face, before he nods.
"It could work," he says slowly. "Obviously, it'll need to be developed, but it's a good idea."
"Well, obviously, I'm not perfect, you know." I say, and Harper grins at me.
"No, but I am." He says with a smirk. I scowl at him.
"You are not!" I say indignantly.
"All right, you two, knock it off already!" Charmaine scolds us, strolling casually over to where we're sitting on the mattress that we've practically claimed as ours. She's only half serious, though - the fond look she gives us is a dead giveaway. "What are you doing anyway?"
"Planning world domination and the overthrow of the current government," Harper says innocently, without pause. I give him a look as Charmaine laughs.
"Trust the new power couple to be plotting world domination," she says with a smirk.
"Wait, power couple?" I ask, confused.
"Haven't you heard? Since you got those plans, the rumors have started. Most of them are ridiculous, but the one that keeps popping up is that you and Harper here are gonna take over from Thunder."
"What?" I say with a nervous laugh. "That's nuts! Who started it?"
"I have no idea," Charmaine says, honesty in her expression. I believe her. "But I don't reckon they're wrong."
Her casual tone never ceases to surprise me. Given the amount of people I spent time around before Harper rescued me, anyone would think that I'd be used to it. But I actually heard more of the proper language spoken than the more casual tone that seems so common around here.
And it rubs off on people, too. I notice myself becoming more and more relaxed in the way I express myself. Not any less guarded, because I doubt that will ever happen, but more casual.
"Well I do," I say. "I think whoever created the rumour is nuts, and that they're gonna get me killed. I feel like there's nothing that Thunder doesn't know."
"You'd be right," Harper says, "except that he hasn't heard the rumours yet. You'd know if he had."
"What do you mean?" I ask, somewhat hesitant to hear the answer I feel I already know.
"I mean that a few years back, some power hungry son of a bitch came in and tried to take over. Challenged Thunder and everything. Put up a good fight, too, but not good enough." Charmaine says.
"Thunder killed him?" I ask, genuinely starting to fear for my own life at this point.
"Nah, he's not that kind hearted. Gave him something to remember him by, something that is never gonna be fixed." Charmaine tells me.
"So what happened to him?" Out of the corner of my eye, I see Harper subtly shake his head at me. My eyebrows furrow, but I can't spare any more attention because Charmaine's talking again.
"Thunder cut him up pretty good. It was almost enough to kill him, but Thunder was in the force before he went broke and had to run for it. He's very skilled at torture."
I freeze. Memories flash through my mind; the body of the man who used me in exchange for information on how to get into the greenhouses, the one I sold myself to so that I might help these people, and as a distraction from the pain that felt like a raging inferno in my body.
The scars. Long, jagged, raised lines of flesh that were bright pink despite looking months, even years old.
That man was the same man that Thunder had tortured.
---
The knowledge that the man that had used me me was tortured almost to death by the leader of the people I'm running with haunts me over the next few days. More specifically, the fact that it might be me next. Or Harper. There are so many variables in the situation, and it terrifies me.
For most of my life on the streets, I've been the go-to for strategy or calculated manoeuvres. I've always been able to predict the seemingly unpredictable, but now it feels like I've finally met my match. I don't know what to expect. And that thought is enough to keep me awake at night, and the little time I do spend asleep results in me waking up in a cold sweat. Thankfully, Harper is usually there to calm me down again, but he's been running a patrol of the greenhouse areas more than I have lately, particularly at night, and I can't shake the feeling that Thunder is doing it deliberately, so that he can get me on my own and take me down without too much of a fight.
But it's all for nothing, really. Charmaine assures me that I'm just paranoid, but, under the guise of taking me out for casual strolls so that I can find my way back here in a hurry and without leading anyone else to our little hideout, has been training with me for a few hours a day, every day. I end up stiff and sore afterwards, and more often than not with a few bruises and a broken knuckle one time that stings like the devil, but it's worth it.
So, over the course of a few weeks, I watch. I study Thunder and his movements, who he keeps nearby at all times and those he only spends a small amount of time with. I make a note of how much time he spends where, and doing what, and with who. Learning his schedule is a welcome distraction for me, helping to take my mind off the fears that are never too far away.
It's after a particularly vicious training session with Charmaine that I find myself sitting on an abandoned park bench on the outskirts of the city, massaging my newly bruised jaw and ignoring the ache in my (still) broken knuckle. It's out of nowhere that the conversation starts, and it catches me off guard.
"So what's going on between you and my son? Are you offical yet?" Charmaine asks the question so casually, yet it still manages to sound accusing and somewhat threatening.
I nearly fall off the bench. "What?" I manage to choke out. She turns to look at me.
"You really are blind, aren't you?" She tells me. Now she really sounds accusing. "Do you not see he way he looks at you, or do you just ignore it?"
"What do you mean, how he looks at me?" I say, still recovering from my shock earlier.
"He looks at you like you're the sun, the moon and the stars," she tells me.
"That was, um," I clear my throat. "Very... poetic."
"I'm aware," Charmaine shoots back in a very proper tone. Then she turns serious again, moving so that she's facing me. "I mean it, though. He looks at you like he'd do anything for you. He's never been good at showing how he feels, but trust me, a mother knows."
I turn away from her at that point, not really sure how to feel. Harper can't feel like that, can he? Surely, I'm just a friend, or even a sister, if I'm lucky. But... no. Just, no. I'm not ready for anything like that, and somehow I don't think I ever will be.
"You don't have to answer me now," Charmaine tells me gently. "But just know that you're like the daughter I never had. You can talk to me, okay?"
Not trusting my voice, I just nod.
---
The second I walk back into the warehouse after training, Harper greets me at the door with an overly-enthusiastic grin and a hug.
"He's moving tonight." Harper whispers in my ear. I don't give away any sign that he's saying anything serious, instead laughing like he's just told me a joke. "I don't know if he's headed for the greenhouses or for you, but don't let your guard down for a second."
"And if he does come for me?" I ask him.
"You fight back with everything you have, and I'll be right behind you. Mum will too." I just nod, letting another laugh free. It sounds odd, given the sudden air of seriousness that's fallen over everyone here.
"Chloe! There you are, I've been looking for you." A familiar voice says. Fear suddenly runs through me but I refuse to let it control me, instead turning around coolly to face him, staring him down.
"Thunder." I acknowledge him casually.
"A group of us are heading to the greenhouses tonight. Would you be interested in accompanying us? It is your plan too, after all."
Everything in me screams trap. I can't go with him if I don't want to wind up dead at the bottom of a ditch somewhere. I know that, and I rationally understand that. But I can't let him know that I know he's targeted me, and is planning on making a move. It's survival of the fittest out here, even in a large group of people like this, and because of how long Thunder's been around for, I have no doubt who the people around me will stand behind.
Except for a few. Harper I know will be right behind me. And Charmaine will never leave his side. And there would be others, too. Those that Harper has allied with in the crowd, and their allies. And suddenly, I feel more confident in myself, and in them.
So I hold my head high and answer him with pride.
"You're right. I should be there." I tell him. "After all, without me, we wouldn't have the information to go ahead with the plan in the first place." Without me, we'd all be dead, and you'd do well to remember that.
"Very well then. We leave at sundown." Thunder replies evenly. I'm aware of that. And that is what makes you a threat.
"I'll meet you at the door." I'm not afraid of you, but I know you are afraid of me.
Thunder doesn't verbally reply to that, just inclines his head and walks away. I turn to Harper when he starts talking.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. You're insane."
I laugh, and some of the tension in the room melts away.
"No seriously, Chloe! You're going to get yourself slaughtered by the guy!"
"But I won't. I've got you, remember?" I say, elbowing him. He grunts, shoving me back.
It's only then that I realise what I said. Maybe Charmaine's more right than I've given her credit for.
"Come on, lay down before you go. You need sleep if you're gonna stay alive for that long." Harper tells me, steering me towards the back of the warehouse, away from the door.
"Nothing's going to happen, Harper. I'm going to be fine, I promise." I say.
"Famous last words." He mutters under his breath, sitting down beside me, then pulling me backwards so that my head is resting on his shoulder. He's quickly discovered that I find him very comfortable, and tend to use him as my personal pillow these days. In my defence, all I've had in the past is my bag, and that's gone now, too. I think I left it at that old building where I got the plans for our attack later, too eager to get the hell out of dodge to be overly concerned about it. I'm pretty sure the guys there would have nicked it for themselves.
"Harper," I say, moving my head so that I can look him in the eye. "I'm going to be okay. Everything's gonna sort itself out, and then this whole mess will be over and we can put it behind us, okay?"
"Just promise me this, okay?" He replies, his grip on my shoulders tightening almost to the point of pain. "Promise me that you won't take any unnecessary risks or you won't do anything that puts you at risk. If he gets a single hit in, you're as good as gone. He aims to kill, Chloe. Don't let him get you. I..." Harper hesitates.
"It's okay. You can tell me." I say gently, moving closer to him despite myself.
"I can't lose you too." He whispers, so quietly I almost miss it.
I lay my head on his shoulder, unable to think of anything to say to him in response to that.
I just hope he doesn't notice how I avoided making that promise to him.