Nine
The drive over to the facility was quite nerve-wracking for me. I tried my best to stare out the window, rolling it down so I could feel a breeze on my face to calm down, but that didn't help much because my eyes just wanted to land on the building already. I wanted to be there. I wanted to see the people who could possibly choose us to help them out, which they could also help us out in return.
They could help the both of decide if children were what we really wanted. We each would learn separately if adoption was the best fit and we could also have a chance to see if being a family of three was as positively life-changing as we already felt that it could be.
I looked over to Niall a few times in the car to see if I could figure out how he was really feeling in that moment of driving to potentially be accepted to raise a child with a condition. As always, I couldn't tell you one thing I knew about what was going on in Niall's head. He just looked so calm, like we were taking a car out to go have a meal together or something routine. This wasn't routine at all and, if things went well for us, we would be engaging in an entirely new routine.
Once we finally arrived I was more anxious. I almost wanted to stall getting out of the car as Niall paid our driver and gave him an estimated time of when we would be done with our appointment time. After he paid he ducked his head into the window and looked in the back to me, telling me that he didn't pay the driver to have me sat in the back all day. He chuckled before he pulled his head out and opened the door for me.
I climbed out and let out a deep breath that was aching my chest from holding back for the long drive.
"You're going to be just fine, Harry. There's nothing to worry about. We'll probably talk for maybe an hour and then we'll be out. They have a schedule to keep and we're apart of it so we need to get going." Niall explained as he pressed his hand to my lower back, reassuring me that it was okay to walk up to the doors of the building.
I looked over to my right to see the large sign that told us that we were officially on 'A Heart to Hold' grounds. I couldn't help but to smile as I read it. I was almost ready to beam with pride but we still had a long way to go because I could really feel what it meant to have that sort of pride.
We walked in and the wall had "Hand in Hand, Heart to Heart" painted in large red letters and underneath the writing was a painting of a child holding the hands of a mother and father. When I looked at it my own heart started pounding to the point where I bet Niall was able to hear it. The art on the wall also made me feel like one of us were supposed to be a mother figure. Grace never had one and if we were picked, she may never have one. I had no clue on what the situation with Louis was so I shouldn't assume that it could ever happen for Grace. Hell, Louis' mother or whatever could already be involved in the child's life. I was just being selfish.
"At least it looks like a friendly place, right?" Niall asked me as he walked over and stopped right next to me.
I turned and looked over my shoulder at him and nodded, wondering if I should tell him that it looked like the place only wanted male-female parents for a child. I stopped myself because I understood that it would cause a lot of controversy if it were painted with the child holding onto the hands of a same-sex couple.
"Let's just find where we need to be." Niall suggested. Again, he placed his hand on my back to get me to walk with him.
Going through the hallway, we managed to easily find the waiting area. There were already a few other couples in attendance, none of them appearing to be like us, same-sex. None of them looked to be single parents either. Maybe Louis didn't want that for Grace because she already had the experience of one parent.
This time the waiting would be entirely different since I could practically get up and walk into a room with a man who resembled Grace.
"Come on," Niall spoke into my ear from over my shoulder, lightly touching his fingertips to my arm to let me know that it was time for me to sit down and wait.
All I could do was nod and try not to look around to see if people were looking at us. We seemed to be the only same-sex couple based on assumption of my observations alone. After I was sat in the chair, I drummed my hand onto my thighs and sent a smile over to the person who was sat nearest to us. The woman smiled next to me while the man flipped through a magazine about trains.
I don't really know how long we waited because Niall wouldn't let me check the time in any way. I knew there was a clock on the wall but if I tried to get up Niall would stop me with his hand and hold me back. I should have lied and told him that I had a nervous bladder. He'd let me get up if he thought my health was doing poorly.
The door had opened and a chatty couple walked out with a woman with a clipboard. They thanked her and then left down the hall to go out the door.
"Mr.," the woman peered down at her clipboard, her eyes reading over whatever it said on it. Then she looked up again, with the same smile she always wore whenever she came out to call in the next couple. "Mr. Styles and Mr. Horan?" She called out to the room.
Niall was the first to acknowledge our existence to the room, which the woman nodded to. Then Niall put his hand on my arm and told me that it was time for us to do this. I took in a few deep breaths and let them out just before I stood up. Again, Niall had stood up first and waited until I came around before we moved forward.
When the three of us approached the office door of Mr. Zayn Mailk, the woman asked us if we were ready to go inside. I couldn't help but to look to Niall for support as I took in a struggled breath. I began to nod once Niall did towards me.
"We're ready." Niall stated before chuckling and placing his hand on my shoulder. "This one's been ready for a while now." His face broke into a smile once I turned my head to look at him again to give him a look.
"All right then, let's get you two inside." She replied, sounded happier as she reached over for the door handle to open it.
I couldn't help but take in a another breath. Soon enough Louis Tomlinson would finally have a face to his words. I could honestly say I've tried to figure out what Louis and Grace could have possibly looked liked but my mind would make these people out to be For all I knew Grace could look more like her mother, who we would never meet.
"It's just down this hallway here." She explained, pointing in front of her with her pen. Once she stopped to the door she knocked on it before she heard that we were allowed inside. She leaned on the door and motioned for us to walk in. "This is Mr. Horan and Mr. Styles." She nodded before she left.
I looked straight ahead once I was finally met with both Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik, both sat in fold-out chairs and I recognised Zayn from the picture he had recently posted on the website. That could only mean that the man with brunet hair and a cheery smile was Louis Tomlinson. From where I was standing I couldn't tell what color his eyes were. I wondered what physical appearances Grace shared with Louis.
"Welcome to the London facility of A Heart to Hold." Zayn Malik greeted the two of us as he stood up from his chair, walking towards us with his arm extended out to us. He walked over to Niall first. "It's nice to meet you, Mr.?"
"I'm Niall Horan." Niall responded as he reached his own hand forward to firmly shake Zayn's. His other arm crossed over to point to me. "This is Harry Styles, my partner." He finished with a smile.
"How was your drive?" Zayn asked once he was done shaking Niall's hand. Then he walked over to greet me as well.
I sent him a smile as I shook his hand, telling him how much of an honour it was to be here. "Luckily there wasn't too much town traffic. I can't say the same for going back near home though." I told him, trying to be calm and maybe a bit funny. I don't know. I felt like I should be a pretty positive person right now.
Then Louis stood from his chair and walked over to the both of us to shake our hands as well. "Thank you so much for coming around to meet with us. We couldn't wait to meet with the two of you." He explained shortly before him and Zayn went back to sit down.
When Louis shook my hand I tried my best to look at him without having him know that I was studying him. I just wanted to see the color of his eyes and other features on his face to wonder if Grace had his blue eyes or the bump of his nose. There was no harm in that. It wasn't like I was looking at him like I was interested in him. I had Niall and I wanted Niall for the rest of my life.
"Have a seat and we'll get this started up, yeah?" Louis said as he pointed to the two chairs that were across from theirs.
I folded my hands in front of my before I turned my body to look behind me where my chair was. I took a few steps back so I could sit myself in it. Niall had already sat himself down and had his arm rested across the back of my chair. He looked so relaxed as if we were sat on our couch at home and spending an afternoon together. I was the opposite of him. I was ready to sit with proper posture. I wanted both of my feet to hit the ground and I wanted my back to be a perfect straight line. I had to remember to also make it look like I wasn't nervous and trying to hard to impress them. This could all end in a wreck if I wasn't careful. I just couldn't be too careful
"Some of these questions are personal ones so if you feel uncomfortable answering them, we do apologize. We just want to get as much information about each candidate as possible and it will also help Mr. Tomlinson make his final decision." Zayn stated as he picked up the pile of papers he had set down onto his chair to greet us.
"Um, may I ask a question before it all starts?" Niall asked as he put his hand up, acting like he was interrupting them. I already knew we were allowed to ask questions but I was going to wait until the interview was actually over to start firing my mouth off with all kinds of questions about Grace.
"Of course, that's part of why you're here. What's on your mind, Mr. Horan?" Zayn asked Niall and I think he almost wasn't sure if he remember which mister was which.
"Thank you." Niall nodded shortly and then sent them a smile. "So, after these interviews are done the final decision is going to be made?"
Louis looked to Zayn before nodding his head. Then he looked back over to Niall to answer him. "It sounds crazy, I know. It's not because I don't want to wait any longer to Grace the care she needs, even though I really want that for her. I just want her to be in an environment that's comfortable for her to go through all these changes and then the procedure."
I happened to think that Niall and I lived together quite comfortably. We didn't have experience raising children as maybe some of the other couples. One of them looked old enough to have a few children themselves now. Everyone had their own ideal definition of comfortable and I hope ours matched Louis'.
"There's something I would like to add to Louis' point. Once the procedure and hospitalization are over, Grace will still be staying with the chosen family for a few weeks just so she can heal without any more distress of being moved around so much. So, if the extra time isn't available in your schedules for her then we will have to go with another couple."
I didn't want that to happen. I really didn't want to have her handed over to someone else just like that already.
I looked over to Niall and licked at my lips before I looked back to the men in front of us. "I don't think that should be a problem. Yeah, the both of us work away during weekdays but I have many vacation and ill days that I've never used for all the years I've worked. I'm sure my boss would understand the circumstances." I said, hoping I wasn't speaking in a rushed voice to show my desperation.
"Yeah, we've discussed who would be the one to stay home more when Grace is with us. It was a fear that we had forgotten to talk about before it became too late." Niall said as he turned his head to look back over at me. "I know how much Harry has thought about all of this and he's putting a lot of his energy towards Grace. I think it would be the best match if he stayed at home over me."
I felt bad for Niall because I knew that he really didn't want to miss anything that I was having the chance to experience. Maybe if we ever had our own child together that he would also want to stay at home so we could share in this life together. It was hard on both of us but it was the decisions that we had to make and agree on if we wanted to make anything work.
Zayn nodded before writing something down on paper. He was now righting about us. It was his judgment of us. "And what are your current occupations?"
"I work for a marketing and advert company." Niall said. "Um, my field in that is usually on the marketing side with numbers but when help is needed I can help with development. That's usually more for group project workings."
"Interesting. Have you worked on any adverts we may have seen?" Louis asked him next.
"None, that I've personally been involved in." Niall answered as he cleared is throat. I don't know if he was uncomfortable with talking about his work now since he really had nothing to show for it. He'd get his chance to be the leader of a project one day and get his recognition.
"And you, Mr. Styles?" Zayn turned the attention to me.
"I am headed towards to being trained as a sales representative for developed computer office works." I explained. It wasn't the most exciting job in the world but I hoped that one day I could find connections within the field to find something more suitable for me or I could raise a family and be a parent. I wouldn't mind that.
"So you both have stable jobs then?"
We nodded.
"I guess I should mention my job as well now. My involvement in this case is almost secondary to yours." Zayn began to explain as he finished writing on the paper. "I would act as some of the communications between you two and Louis if I needed to be. You will be able to communicate with Louis about anything regarding Grace and if he asks you about her, I would like to think that you would give out that information to him. I am also a social worker so I would come in and check on how things are going. I could also call you two to come here. What it really all comes down to is that Grace is placed in the best situation she can possibly be in for this process."
Louis nodded. "I'll try not to be some obsessive overbearing parent. I'll miss her dearly everyday but I won't call you every ten minutes and ask you how she's doing. I want this to be an open case between the parties involved. I'm not just sending her to you for this surgery and then taking her back. You're allowed to take her to places like the park, just don't let her run around because of her heart."
It was a lot to take in and remember for later. I wished that I had brought pen and paper to write some of this down as well.
"Of course, we'll keep Mr. Tomlinson updated with anything about Grace whenever we can or whenever requested to. We probably will keep quite the eye on her ourselves. We're new to the parenting world so we'll be those two knuckleheads who pay attention to every single detail." Niall told them.
I wished Niall didn't just confess that and call us knuckleheads. It also sounded like he was describing me more than he was describing us. He was right though. I didn't want to screw up anything and I would probably try and weasel myself into Grace's crib if I really wanted to. I wanted to make sure that she was safe with us at all times.
Louis let out a small laugh, which told me that Niall didn't just ruin our chances. Maybe he even liked us enough to consider us over another couple.
"I was the same as you described when I first had Grace all to myself. I tried to read every parenting book I could get my hands on. You could get a few books but I think personal hands-on experience is also a good way to learn."
I wanted to ask how he had come to have Grace all on his own but I didn't want to pry and get too personal with him. I barely knew him, which was the same for Grace but I really wanted to be in her life.
"So, have you been looking into the possibilities of which doctor you will be visiting and performing the surgery when Grace Tomlinson is in your primary care for the duration of her case?"
I went blank at that point after I thought I had everything under control. Throughout this process and waiting I never once thought to look up information on any of the doctors that had been listed on the initial post by Louis. I bet the other couples out there already had appointments for Grace booked.
"We haven't gotten to that part of the process yet. We didn't want to just jump into this without making sure it was actually going to happen. I guess we probably should have called up the heart doctors in our area for consultations just like you're doing with all of us." Niall answered. I could tell he was trying his best to come off with being responsible as he fought the urge to reach his hand to the back of his neck to scratch at it.
"That's okay. I understand you wouldn't involve a doctor unless you were sure that you would have Grace in your care and I am well aware that the doctors Louis has listed at least know about Grace's condition so they won't have all of this dropped onto them either. It will be adjustment for all parties involved. Now, would you two like to discuss the financial plan we have?"
Niehter of us looked to the other before we nodded.
"Okay," Zayn leaned over and handed each of us a piece of paper with a plan written out on it. "So, medical and care expenses can be billed back to our foundation. Some of the doctors also have their own plans which you can learn about when you meet with different ones. Things like travel, and food and diapers can be logged on this sheet and mailed to us. You should probably make plenty of copies of this. We will not pay for toys or films. It's pretty basic what we do and do not allow. If you don't think it has anything to do with her actual care, we probably will not accept it on the log.
"If you are chosen, we will have a few more meetings dates just to get everything in place. By then we hope you'll have a primary doctor chosen for her and a solid plan so we can really begin the process. We'll also have to introduce you to Grace before we just hand her off to you." Zayn told us before he looked over to Louis.
As Zayn talked more and more about everything in more depth, I really wanted to be apart of it all. I could see Niall and I doing this so clearly now. Hell, I wanted to be chosen right now so I could go home and get a doctor on the phone.
"I'm asking and dropping a lot on the both of you but I really appreciate that you've taken such an interest in Grace and her story. Is there anything about Grace that you would like to know about?" Louis asked, and when he mentioned his daughter his tone became lighter and admirable.
I had a lot of questions.
"Does Grace have any favorites, like food, toys, sleep routines, lullabies? Do you allow her to watch television? " I asked as I folded my hands in my lap to keep myself from leaning forward with excitement with each of my questions.
Both Louis and Zayn let out chuckles.
"We have all that listed on on papers as well." Zayn said with a smile as Louis nodded his head with his own on his face. "If you are selected you will get all information on Grace either the meeting before you meet her officially or when you actually do meet her and spend some time with her. We have an indoor and outdoor meeting area to get everyone comfortably acquainted so you wont always be stuck in my office."
"This all sounds really exciting." I said as I rubbed my sweaty hands together.
'You don't care that two men are raising your child, do you?" I heard Niall suddenly ask and it didn't sound so exciting to me anymore.
"Niall!" I hissed at him, my eyes widening. We were doing amazingly in this interview and he just had to bring up the topic that I was trying so hard to just avoid, not that avoiding who we were was a good thing to me. I just couldn't believe he actually asked the question aloud.
"What? I thought I'd ask." Niall leaned over and whispered to me.
"You thought wrong." I spoke to him through my teeth. Now, I was upset and embarrassed.
"Don't worry about it. We don't have prejudice or discrimination towards and groups or genders of people. We keep applicants identities to ourselves and look at them all as just people who were gracious enough to offer to add Mr. and Miss Tomlinson into their lives. It's okay for you to question that, Mr. Horan." Zayn told us in the calmest manner.
Louis was quick to talk to us next. "Yeah, I don't care about that. I just want good people in my daughter's life. She won't care or even understand that there is ever a difference. She's a really amazing little girl and I'm sure she'll fall in love with you both as easily as you may with her."
Louis didn't know that I already did.
"We also hope we made this as educational for you as possible. You will learn more about this along the way. It's all going to be a lot to take in but I think that you both are on a good track. The decision won't be made for a few weeks. If we missed anything I'm sure it will be discussed later on. Everyone will have information to give to you. We thank you both for taking the time to come down and meet with us as we enjoyed meeting and chatting with the two of you." Zayn said before he stood up again, Louis following his actions as we shook their hands.
I didn't want to drop my hand from Zayn's because that meant that I was going to have to leave and wait while I processed all this new information that I was dying to be apart of.
"Alright, Ms. Millie will be waiting just outside to take you back. We will keep you posted on when we announce things on Grace's journal page." Louis said as he shook my hand and extra time.
I think he really wanted us for Grace and I hoped we would get the call that told us my gut feeling wasn't wrong.